Guys, why do you take so long to text back?

[synmar]

I'm dating a nice guy, but one thing that really irks me is his response time when it comes to text messaging. I know he's not trying to be a douche, he's just not married to his phone like most of us, lol.

Of course, I'm a girl and I can't help but also think this equates to his level of interest in me. I'm not asking for the moon, just an acknowledgement, or even a quick "Hey can't talk call you later" would be nice.

So guys, what are your reasons for taking so long to reply back to a girl?

Updates

+1 y

Okay, so I realized that I'm really just overthinking the whole situation, and really I didn't mean to come off as someone obsessing over the situation. It's just been something that happens over the my dating career that didn't bother me before but bothers me now. Currently he still hasn't messaged me back, but thankfully I have real things to do to get my mind off of things.

[gapminder]

OK , you're in my age group (35 and over) according to its site. And if the guy is between 25 and our age he probably really despises texting. At our age I'm willing to bet that your guy would rather be doing many other things besides text message anyone period. On this site it seems many women take this as a dis, or as a sign of lost interest but I assure you that is probably not the case. We just really hate texting plain and simple. I would suggest a good old fashioned phone call as a means of normal communication because that's how we roll. I will answer a couple texts from my own wife, but after that just call me because my patience starts to run thin at about the 4th or 5th exchange. NOTHING PERSONAL, it's just annoying at that point. Plus if we are in the middle of something the texts, keep pulling us away from what is going on and that can also be annoying to us. Conversation is best had verbally, I'm sure most guys will agree.

[7partparadigm]

Could not agree with this more, I hate texting because it is so impersonal.

[gapminder]

Yeay see as i hypocritically reply to this by text on my phone. ... lol... but you know what I meant!

[GeoffreyCrayon]

It's funny too because girls used to be the ones who wouldn't shut up on the phone but now they're obsessed with texting and we're saying Unless it's just a quick memo, CALL US. Kinda weird. Used to do everything to get out of sitting on the phone, but now it's preferred.

[Lutenist]

Text messages can be an annoyance. It can take up to 10 minutes to figure out a sensible response to a completely trivial message. "UmhOk" sort of messages just don't cut it unless you want to show deliberate disinterest. You also have no control over when you receive a message, and there's no way to subtly hint that the moment is not completely right for a discussion. If the subject is somewhat trivial, it soon becomes awkward to respond, if more than a few hours have passed. My solution is to give the person a seven-minue call if I can, instead of being caught in a hours worth of peddling with my not-so-smart phone.

[Dandeus]

I text all the time, it's the best way to communicate when you don't have time to dedicate to a conversation without interruption. When I'm at work I hate having to step outside to take a call and I'm always in a rush to get back to work.

[tiredoflies]

I'm in this age group and I text frequently, I have guy friends that use this for communication all the time too. I like that it's quick you can have several conversations at the same time and keep doing whatever you are.. it's great for the multi tasker. But I can see why some men this age group wouldn't be as comfortable with text and maybe for this guy it's a time thing. If he's not a big texter than he solely focuses on the text and can't multi task. You'd know him best, just ask him his view on texting and then you'll have a better idea. Also if your just sensing random text with no questions or things for him to respond he may not know how to reply.

[TripleAce]

I see lol, I do this often I think And sometimes Im not sure why

Just overall, I don't always want to engage in conversation. Because I know if I text back its like opening the door for more texting. Really depends I guess... If its someone Im focused on, then I wouldn't ignore her for long. If its someone thats fun to talk to but I'm not tooo sure about, during the day focus might be directed elsewhere and what seems long to her, seems not so long to me kinda thing.

BUt really it could be a plethora of reasons, at the end of the day. Too long is not the best sign.

How long are we talking about here?

[Anonymous]

I know this is aimed at guys, but i'm one of the worst cases of a person that either never replies or does so in such a bizarre fashion. I've replied to texts at 3am and accidentally woken people up.
Reasons why include: I don't have my phone on me, it's run out of credit/battery, procrastination, i can hear the text beep noise but i cannot find my phone, i don't know what to say cause you've sent something that's either stupid or doesn't require an answer... There's lots more, but the main thing is that i have a life. And when people text me (often with stupid unnecessary crap) they do so with complete disregard of that fact, they feel their text is so important that i must stop whatever i'm doing, stop my life just to answer them. To those people i say GO F*CK YOURSELF!

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry if that sounded harsh, it wasn't aimed at any specific person, just general frustration and text expectations.

[synmar]

I understand. I have a girlfriend like that. I don't expect an answer from her for at least 24 hours lol. I never care if its a friend or family member, but for some reason when a guy I'm interested leaves me hanging it drives me nuts

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah i get that, it's a weird thing how when you really like someone you'll over analyze every little thing they do:)

[DancingWithDragons]

I don't know about guys, though I'd assume it's for the same reason as why I don't: no one really wants to have to babysit the person they're into with constant texting. The only time I respond immediately after is if I'm so bored out of my skull that I don't mind holding a text convo, lately I've been insanely bored cuz I was on bed rest from after surgery, but normally if I see someone texted me my response will be: look at phone. Notice who it is. Consider whether I actually want to talk to them -does NOT matter how "important" they are. Put phone back either with intent to reply after I'm done with whatever I'm doing, or without intent of contacting them at all. So my reply time is usually between twenty minutes and a couple hours

[heavenlyashell]

My bf is always buzy. And I understand that. When he is with friends, he doesn't text or call, because he doesn't like when his friends do that either. When he is at work, he would send me a message in his break but that's it. When he goes home, he sends me some messages. I don't really mind because we have less arguments based on something said in a text. We like to talk face to face and then tell about our days. Yes I miss him, but it's ok to miss him, cause that makes it even better when we are finally togheter.

Trust me, some guys just don't have their phone with them all the time. And that's a good thing! Don't worry too much about it. Just look at how you two are in person, cause that's all that counts!

[synmar]

He's very different in person and flirty and fun, but maybe I'm just overthinking this too much. I feel like a crazy person lol

[heavenlyashell]

You're not a crazy person! I had the same thoughts in the beginning! You'll get used to it. I talked to him about it, and now he does send me a message if he's not able to talk with me. As long as he's fun in person, there is nothing to be worried about :D

[bunnyy]

My boyfriend always texts back really fast, always has. He said he didn't care if he came off needy because he is and wanted me to know he was really into me. Truthfully I've become needy too we are a very clingy couple lol I don't know if it's a bad sign exactly but replying right away and wanting to stay in contact a lot is usually a good sign. I kind of feel like guys especially will try to let you know they are into you by texting lots.
It's also very likely though that he's a bit insecure and trying to come off as "cool and aloof" or something haha.

[R3d_Anonymous]

Nice. Great to know that there are people like this that don't automatically view "clinginess" and "neediness" as bad and aren't so concerned with it to the point of showing disinterest.

[bunnyy]

it freaked me out a bit at first but then I was like he's just being honest about how he feels about me, I'd rather that than him being ambiguous and not knowing where we stand.

[msk3_x]

I am in the same position!!
I have been seeing a guy for nearly 5 months now, we used to text everyday but now it's very rare if we text once a week! He either doesn't reply to me, or does reply and the conversation ends by him not replying a few hours (if that!) later.
I have tried to call it off, but he keeps insisting we keep seeing each other. But like you have been saying in your comments - if a guy is interested and does like you, he should and would make more of an effort, surely?
I did ask this boy I am seeing about it, and he just insisted he hates texting the same 'how are you? What are you doing?' questions everyday. So maybe he finds it more special seeing us/talking to us rarely.

[DivaPrincess]

If he only contacts you when he wants sex that's a huge red flag. Some guys keep girls around for friends with benefits and stuff. Unless he would rather call you instead of text. That at least is better. If a guy starts to text less and less it means he has lost interest. At least that's what guys have told me.

[synmar]

That is exactly what I'm thinking. The question is, if he decides to finally answer back, am I right to not even bother messaging him back? Because I really don't want to.

[msk3_x]

Hmm you say that, and I did start to believe that when they contact less they have lost interest - but I have told him many times that I can't carry on like this, yet he refuses to let me stop seeing him. He always tells me he wants to see me. So maybe this is just how some boys are.

[oldanddecrepid]

Certain things should not be texted. If it is quick... like... I am at the mall, where are you? That's fine, but to have full out conversations that really require speech and emotion, it should be either discussed over the phone, FaceTime, or better yet, in person! Once we get to the mall :)

Women tend to forget this sometimes... it's not a bad thing! They just get caught up in the moment. However, it just presents a lot of pitfalls that could earn us guys a one way ticket to the doghouse. Something as simple as a slightly extended pause in these matters could be construed as us not wanting to talk about it. However, the pause may be legitimate.

[anabur]

It's different with different guys. One issue is that if we really like you, and don't hide it, you lose interest because we made it too easy.
Another thing: if we start replying right away, we get caught in a situation where *constant* texting becomes normal and expected. Then we're stuck in a situation where you get mad if we don't text 40 times a day, which we really don't want.

[anshin]

THIS.

[Gabe_Legend]

Because we're busy... doing stuff... not looking at our phone. Seriously, I hate my damn phone. I would turn it off if I didn't need to make sure a client didn't email me and need something ASAP.

Don't gauge a guy's interest in your by how quickly he texts back if that's his normal habit. If he texted you a lot at first and has now stopped texting as much or as quickly, that might be cause for concern. Hope that helped.

[synmar]

I think you're right. I mean, he will go a couple of weeks without texting me but I didn't care back then. Now that we've gotten closer I think I expect more, but if he's not willing than neither am I.

[Anonymous]

My phone isn't very important to me. I could leave it somewhere for the weekend, the battery could go dead, and then three or four days later I might think... hmmm I should probably charge that.

[synmar]

but if you are seeing someone, wouldn't it be important for you to give some type of acknowledgement, like "hey, a little busy, call you in a bit"? It makes me think he isn't really that interested.

[Opinion Owner]

I try my best when I'm seeing a girl, but don't do social media site or use my phone like most people today do so that sort of communication is never in sync. Face to face is all good though. :)

[Sattymike]

I'm exactly the same way with my phone. It rode around in the glove box of my truck for a month. At least then I knew where it was, usually i don't. Drives my wife crazy, so I'm trying to be better about it. But I could have numerous texts there and not know it. Plus I have man sized hands and hate texting lol

[synmar]

Well if you really like the girl, regardless if you aren't a phone person or not, I'm sure you would make an effort to reach out to her, right?

[Opinion Owner]

I talk to girls I date, but I'm not glued to my phone. I'd rather set something up, and then go do something together and talk in person then text for hours on end or talk on the phone. Talking on the phone is just about the most boring thing I can imagine.

[Opinion Owner]

Somehow I can be very interesting to women when I talk while being "I want to shoot myself" bored simultaneously.

[Klaatu51]

because i'm on GAG, or play video-games most of the time :-P

[PhiOmega]

Lol,

[good_dog]

I don't have a good phone for texting. It will do it, but it is not easy to press those small letters. I also don't look at my phone that often. It is not that you are being ignored, he just probably hasn't seen it yet. Like me, he probably isn't married to his phone. If you want a conversation immediately, try calling him! Maybe he is busy or driving or something. Give him a break!

[Neophyte]

I am 35. I would rather text than sit on the phone, as I feel restricted when I get a call. To me, texting is a great way to communicate, because If I am busy, (this afternoon I was covered in grease under the car) then I can reply as soon as I am done and cleaned up. I cannot tap away on my phone when I cannot even see my skin for all the grease. I paid too much for my iphone to risk that. I wouldn't answer a call that way either. Sometimes I forget to tell my gal that I will be out of pocket, and that results in about 8 texts that escalate to the annoying, final, "Are you mad at me?" To which I finally replied, "Dear, I was working on the car. No, not mad. :)" I think the standard intergalactic wait time for a text response is 30 minutes. But that's in my world: single dad to an active 6 year old boy, full time job, and lots of side work, projects, and housecleaning. It varies from person to person :)

[gray_sailor]

You are singing the song of my people. Exactly my views on texting. I have a Samsung Galaxy Note 4 in an Otterbox. This way, I can text dirty. (Not to be confused with dirty texting, though I have been known to do that too.)

[godfatherfan]

I actually was going to post the same question about women. I know I reply quickly but women seem to take their own sweet time. But it comes down to expectations. The nice thing about texting is you can do it when you have the time. as long as there isn't an Expectation of an immediate reply, you can reply 3 hours later if your doing something. so you need to discuss texting protocol with him and set proper expectations...

[Mish1991]

Hey Sweetie! Dont worry at all.. i m in a relation since 3 years :) and i m facing same problem. in start even i was worried like you. but later on i made myself busy.. try to be like him.. if he doesn't text you then he needs space and you enjoy your space :) and then believe me.. when he ll feel that u r enjoying your space he will give you time automatically.. Boy's just love to run behind those things which are running from them.. they love to acheive.. he is into you.. dont worry.. just give him space and show him that you are busy too

[Anonymous]

Stop obsessing about him! He will get back to you when he feel ready too. I really don't text the girl that I am seeing much. At one point, I did not text her for a month because I was busy with things, even though, I want to keep seeing her. I like phone calls better because it more fluid than text. Text to me is too robotic and not human. Talking goes quicker and you can get back to what you were doing. Let him text you back, you really do not know what is going on with him right now. I would not obess about the not knowing , and I would focus on the fact that he probably dealing with something , and he is not comfortable in texting people right now. Give it some time, if he does not talk to you after a few weeks than I would call. Calling him would re comfirm if he is AT ALL still interested in you. if does not answer the phone than find another guy.

[OHGEE]

I completely agree with the most helpful opinion. I also think it goes both ways. Women do this a lot like it is some sort of game to see how desperate the guy is or for her to not appear desperate. I would say that if he actually doesn't mind texting, then thank your fellow females for ruining him in this area.

[Acleverusername]

I usually always text my wife back instantly but if I don't I'm playing videogames lol

[synmar]

Well you're married, so you get a pass lol

[chrisbigman]

I personally don't like texting too much on my phone, only because my phone doesn't save enough text messages. But you are correct. Guys usually aren't married to their phones. We have other things we are dealing with or thinking about. That doesn't mean we don't like the girl. We just have certain priorities at the time.

[DivaPrincess]

I know I'm not a guy but just my two cents. When I get a guy like that I just stop texting him. He is not that into me if he isn't willing to text or call on a regular.

[JSmuve]

Perhaps he doesn't want to appear clingy and annoying so he doesn't text/call often

[DivaPrincess]

Whatever the case, I give what I get. I am not one of those girls who will stick around waiting for someone to text me back after 3 or 4 days. If I don't hear from you for weeks or months and then you decide to text again I might have forgotten who you are. Bye Felicia!! LOL! I think too many of us ladies allow lack of communication and then we jump as soon as they feel like contacting us (usually for a booty call). Nope. So yep, my 2 cents.

[OHGEE]

I had a girl dump me when I was like 16 because I never called her. Reason being is that she didn't really make me feel comfortable with her. I thought she was the type of person to kind of harshly judge every little fault she could find or something. Her friends too.

[Anonymous]

We take so long because some guys forget, some guys take forever to think of the right thing to type, and finally the guy that is asking for help from another guy friend in understandingg what you just texted him because some guys actually do that because I have helped seven other guys do that. Long story short who freaking knows

[Anonymous]

Well unfortunately there is a level of concern about appearing too needy when texting for some guys. Leaving a girl wondering what a guy is up to and not always texting back right away builds interest. Same goes for a girl doing it to a guy.

The most common reasons though for a delay in texting would be thinking what to say back or just simply being busy doing something. Of course the psychological dating ploy above is also used during dating phases as well by some guys

[Anonymous]

If you've expressed your feelings and no change, I gotta say he's just not that into you. Not gonna lie, I've been in the opposite position and it was because I was bored and didn't want to talk 24/7. It honestly pushed me away from the guy because I found it annoying/obsessive. (but he was texting me 24/7 and was angry and moody if I didn't text back or said I was busy- yeah, so NOT a keeper yikes lol)

[ambertaylor]

Guys are more casual and distracted whereas girls, we over think, we imagine scenarios and get hung up on things. My thoughts on this are, don't make him your priority if you're not his.

[johnflamel]

It could be anything. He might not know what to reply with. He could be busy. People need space in a healthy relationship. He might not care. He could be asleep. His phone is not near by. No service connection.

[synmar]

In the beginning he would text me and leave me hanging for a couple of weeks. Just when I forget about him, there he is again, popping out of nowhere.

[johnflamel]

Do you reply to his text messages? If so can you provide an example?

[synmar]

I just send a simple "Hi there, how are you?" and then nothing for two weeks. I only send him one and that's it. I don't send more than that. Then he'll write back and say "Hey how's it going?" and then we would recount what we've been doing for those weeks we weren't communicating.

[johnflamel]

Hmmm, I'm not sure what to say then. It literally could be contrasting reasons.

[loveskittens]

He may be one of those people who enjoy their space. Some people just don't feel like talking to people once in a while it doesn't mean he dislikes yoy.

[loveskittens]

You* I've got to stop writing these when im tired! Lol

[GuitarLordKarl]

He gets your reaction. One of my friends did this. You are eager, you want him to text back and he knows that. It keeps you interrested. If he texted back in an instant you wouldn't be as happy when i text you as you are now.

[Grace_Rdz]

Well, I'm a girl & I suck at texting because I usually take too long to reply.
I just get lazy/distracted & prefer to do other things or just see the guy in person sometimes.

[Hubris]

Life? Job? Out with friends? God, smart phones are ruining humanity.

[Sattymike]

Guys have bigger fingers? I'm not much of a text guy, but the times I have done that i didn't enjoy it. I have large fingers with blunt tips. They just aren't made for typing on little buttons. Maybe guys are doing the best they can =)

[Ihav2fart]

We're busy? our phone may run out of juice? Our life doesn't revolve around you?

[synmar]

My life doesn't revolve around him, and I respect a guy who has his own life to attend to. I just don't know why he would pursue me so aggressively in the beginning then act like this all the sudden.

[mattduns]

he feel relaxed in the relationship, or maybe he feel that some attraction has fizzled.

[FBorDie]

I'm busy and couldn't be bothered to text half of the time. My phone is always either on vibrate or silent, and I rarely check it too. If you want to talk to me, call me.

[Jack-Shepard]

I always do that to people not because i'm a douchebag, sometimes its because i'm really busy but most of the time its just because i'm not in the mood to chat, or text back... it takes me a while to respond.

[MrAwsome]

Well sometimes i take a few minutes to text back just so i won't seem too desperate... but if im not interested i usually take a while and sometimes i just dont answere... its either no interest or im bussy playing video games and thats when ill have to wait at least the game is over with

[WesTheGuru]

Because he had things to do. Just call him or see him if you want to have an actual conversation. Any guy worth being with won't be looking to his phone every 30 seconds to text you back

[beach_chick]

Same situation and curious too!! I was sure last night when he went silent it was because he was on a date with someone else. Its very possible.

[mikedelsol]

He wants to see you in person. Giving you electronic attention does something for you but nothing for him.

[kaneandre95]

honestly from my point of veiw its coz guys are so easily distracted. one second there on there phone and the next there playing a game

[crystalt70]

That says to me that he doesn't see me as someone long-term. I had a guy do this and, come to find out, he was just looking for a fling.

[MrAtticusLebowski]

He's not that into you. We could go on all day about possible excuses but it's likely the reason he's not responded.

[JSmuve]

It could be that he's busy, not around his phone 24/7, maybe he's trying to find something clever to say in response, maybe he doesn't want to annoy you.

[RationalMale]

Partially because when we take so long to text back, the girl starts obsessing over the guy and even starting threads about him on websites.

But if we make it too easy and you think we flat out like you a lot, women get bored quickly.

[Blueeyes81]

If I'm not out and about my phone is either on the charger or on the table. I don't check it all that often. So it could be a couple of hours before I even look. I hate having to be locked in all the time. For me it's a break, quite time.

[NateInAk]

I like texting but this guy probably hates it it seems like
Slow responses doesn't equate to a lack of interest.

[NoClue12345]

How long doe she take to answer back, on average, if I may ask?

[synmar]

it used to be two weeks. Now it's every couple of days.

[Jamin_Beast]

ok. The reason that us guys do it is because... we are all just lazy bums at heart

[shyguy227]

cause we doing stuff and can put down the phone i guess

[e92brah]

because we like fucking with your heads. even if he is "busy" how long does it take to reply to a text like 5 seconds, literally?

[e92brah]

guys and girls do this in my age bracket but i just noticed you're over 35... so in that case i'd say he's not that into you

[synmar]

I agree. If he can't take a second to acknowledge me I don't think I should keep worrying about this.

[CaraLeb]

when a guy does that to me I feel like he does it on purpose lol i absolutely hate itt

[jacquesvol]

Because half of the time I don't hear my phone because it's in another jeans or another room or because I'm distracted.

[legalboxers]

echoing the same comments.. I hate texting, you get carpal tunnel (not with iphones and droids, maybe with blackberries). I prefer voice.

Maybe Im in the bathroom, or making lunch.

[ChyadChadington]

we are busy and its rude to text every waking moment

[Flynny63]

Sometime we don't feel like texting and sometime don't want to feel needy too.

[rocelot]

Because we're assholes.

Or you know life and that texting is a horrible way to communicate.

[igetbi]

You answered your own question: "he's just not married to his phone". There's nothing wrong with that.

[lon7654]

its just the way guys are some text back straight away and some don't hope this helped you

[girl111m]

e may be doing something else or just tried to have a good answer and forgot to text you back.

[GoldCobra]

For me, the girl usually takes a while to message back.

[Bleu-Jay]

I HATE it when people do that. I text back immediately.

[Anonymous]

Why text at all? Why not just call, better yet, why not just talk in person?

[SatanClaus]

I'm either busy or some work has popped up or i have to reply to other people by which you might get sidelined for some time

[Spunkymonkey]

I haven't checked my mobile for 2 days, when I do it will probably be dead. Not everyone is married to their phones. If I hear it buzz, I pick it up, but I rarely check it otherwise.

[Horuseus]

You are not our only things we are interested in. We have other things to do.

[Noxifer626]

My fingers are way too undexterous how to type fast.