Why do some women say one thing but mean the total opposite?

[Anonymous]

How come some women will say one thing but mean the complete opposite. Or they'll say something and you agree with them and you get in trouble?

i.e

Her: That actress in that movie is really pretty

You: Yea she is

Her: She's not that pretty! I'm prettier!

Her: I feel fat

You: Yea you are

Her: You're so mean! I can't believe you

(okay that one I know better but still)

Her: I'm tired of walking, my feet hurt

You: Yea, let me give you a piggy back ride

Her: NO!

[Mr_Jack]

Welcome to the world of female testing/shit testing my friend. You have to understand and accept women communicate in differing ways to men. Don't expect them to in the way you want as you are just creating an unrealistic expectation that will never be met and chances are you will go onto to not be successful with women as a whole. Men on average say less than women, they are more direct and simple, they communicate through what they want to say. However, women like to communicate through emotion. It's not exactly what they say it's how they say it and the emotions behind their words. Women test men all the time because they are trying to (realizing they are doing so or not) screen him out, to see it he is a good enough suiter for the long term. Women want to feel secure and safe around a man. They want a man that who is grounded and strong in themselves because want to be with men of equal or higher value (they are naturally hypergamous- when I mention hpyergamy I don't mean just money and I mean value in all sense of the word).
The only way to do this is to test a man's inner strength. A lot of the time women don't know what they want as many emotions conflict with each other so they are looking for a secure man for that certainty. They feel a man can be both the problem and the solution they want at the same time. So with a shit test it is not about trying to fix the solution, as in it doesn't matter what answer you give as all, as both answers are wrong. A shit test is a trap so to speak. For example if your answer to the question, "Do I look fat in this dress?" Is yes (even if you want to be honest- and by way women are very sensitive to their appearance so don't use those words when talking to her even if she herself uses them) she will be offended. However, if you say, "no you don't look fat at all but beautiful" she may also think you are just trying to please her, you are not sincere with your feelings towards her. Which again is the wrong asnwer. Shit tests are not able getting a certain answer from you they are trying to provoke a reactiong from you. So the best way today defuse the situation and pass the test is to not gauge in an answer. Either avoid it by not answering in a direct way. Or to curve ball it into something else by using slight humour.

[MrScTi]

These are called Passive Aggressive Mind Tactics. Not really, but that's what I call them.

I noticed that some women use "small talk" as if they were playing with chess pieces. These small, seemingly insignificant conversations are really pawns she uses to gain position, and keep you in "check" per say. She's not looking for a certain answer, she's more keen on your reaction. Because she has a plan, but won't put her best pieces in jeopardy until she knows what to expect.

Allow me to use one of your examples.

"I'm tired, of walking, my feet hurt" - She probably wants to relax, unwind, and get a foot massage from you, but she doesn't know if you're that type of guy. So rather then be direct, she uses an indirect implication to gauge your reaction. Obviously, you did not give her the reaction she was looking for. By using these tactics, she avoided distancing you with a potential turn-off.

[Asker]

Well the analogy of it being a chess pieces make sense. What's the end game? I wish that women would communicate more directly. I rather them do so and get a negative reaction out of me than to have me guess and get in trouble for AGREEING with her. But I guess it's just not the way they are taught and they don't want to come off as needy so they can't communicate directly.

[Anonymous]

First, if your girlfriend has to resort to tactics like these to get compliments out of you, then you need to improve your social skills.

Second, if she says she feels fat, you don't need to tell her she looks fat. Even you seem to realize that this one is obvious, so let's not waste time talking about it any more. If you do have any doubts about why your reaction in this case is a problem, then you need a lot more help than I can offer here.

None of this stuff is that important. If the biggest problem in your life is that your girlfriend has tired feet but would prefer some other mode of transportation than a piggyback ride, then you are a fortunate guy. Relax and stop whining about women.

[Asker]

Actually I compliment her on a regular basis. I just don't understand why she'll give me grief for agreeing with her opinion. Obviously having tired feet is just a small part of it. The bigger issue here is how to understand the way women communicate and respond appropriately. I'm not whining about women. I am genuinely interested in understanding how to communicate effectively.

[Opinion Owner]

She sounds pretty argumentative. Guys can be that way too, but they don't focus so much on their looks. My best friend's boyfriend drives me nuts because he can't let statement from anyone go by without turning it into an argument. Anyway, my point is that the problem probably is not you. The way to deal with this is not engage in the argument. Next time she says something you know will cause issues, be sympathetic ("I'm sorry you feel that way; I think you're beautiful"). Don't provide answers!

[Opinion Owner]

Another possibility is that she feels you are not paying enough attention to her or she feels insecure for some reason about your relationship. Try not to take this stuff too seriously. Maybe it would be worth having a calm talk with her about why this is happening. Tell her that you like her to be comfortable and that is why you provide solutions for her when she is having a problem, but you feel like gets mad at you when you do that. Ask if there is some deeper problem she has.

[Ohboiyyy]

The first response way up top is great info.
The female responder, don’t listen to her. Most women blame everything on men and they don’t give good advice or correct answers most of the time. So ignore that woman that called you a cry baby.

[bean2k21]

If you want them to say the right words, you have to set clear expectations from day one. I do this with a little training video I put together for this purpose:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/xpxPNuaUUPM

[jshm2]

That's called "gaslighting" and if you come across a woman/guy doing it, then you know you're in for a world of hurt.

[Anonymous]

Because women always need something to bitch about, otherwise their days suck.

[Asker]

It's also a good way to start fights and bring up something that's been bothering her from MONTHS ago lol.

[Opinion Owner]

Amen

[BeMuse]

When women get crazy just cut them off until they learn how to behave better.

[BeMuse]

Call them on their shit. Tell them you need some space and ignore them for a while.

[Pete671]

"It's fine" meaning somethiong is very wrong indeed, women are resentful about things that have not even happened yet,

[Anonymous]

It's just the way women are man. In her mind she really believes she's being consistent. 😆😆😆