Girls LOSE interest when a guy SHOWS interest; how to deal?

How can an inexperienced guy (i.e., inexperienced with flirting, dating, everything) strike the right balance between not showing enough interest v.s. showing too much?


Most Helpful Girl

  • When a girl knows that you like her back then it's sort of a signal that she can kick back and relax because she got what she wanted. We love the hunt and once we realize that you're into us too then we feel more comfortable, start wearing the sweatshirts versus the revealing outfits and soon afterwards if you don't pursue us or make a move we'll get bored. We accomplished what we wanted to get done and now it's your turn; we got you hooked, you get to figure out what you want to do with the mutual attraction.

    Hope that helped!

    • Well how can a guy ever get into a relationship with a girl? At some point, don't both people have to know of the mutual interest? Does the girl have to be "tricked" into thinking the guy really doesn't like her, until she ends up in a relationship without realizing it? This doesn't make sense at ALL.

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    • OK, thanks : ) It just doesn't make sense to me how those girls can EVER have a relationship if they get bored the moment the guy shows interest. It sounds more like a mental illness than "young and having fun." It's terribly retarded.

    • Haha I'll agree with you on that one, but don't worry the right girl will come around

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 7

  • Sometimes too much interest comes off as kind of creepy. Sometimes too little sometimes makes a girl insecure (depends on the type girl). The right balance is kind of hard to find. If you're inexperienced I think the easiest way is to just be cool and be yourself.

  • this a dance. I know that we all call it a game,but it's dance. Feel out your partner, and see when you need to take one step closer and one step back. Every dance is different, every dancer is unique. Eventually you find someone you dance well with, and you stop counting and it flows.

  • hm, I think it makes so different how much interest you show..

    if someone pulls out, they are not interested..if they don't then they are

    just be yourself.. and don't suck up to her lol

    just be your cool self.

    Theres something very hot about a guy who is just himself, I makes me very curious about him and how his personality got that way because he is unique.

    Hope that helps you out.

    • Thanks that is helpful. But it seems like some girls make it impossible for a relationship to happen, because as soon as the guy shows interest, she pulls away. (and I don't mean the guy is being needy, sucking up, putting her on a pedestal...I mean just showing interest!)

    • happened to me, she pulled out all the good signs were there, i showed interest she broke it off, yes its a mental disease i believe, still miss her!!

  • Be yourself. Play it cool. Don't seem desperate. Take a sincere interest in her as a person - ask questions but not too deep or intrusive. Compliment her (sincerely) but not too much!

  • yea rite! gyrls LOVE LOVE LOVE wen you give them loads of interest! but every once and a while back off so they kno to giv you som 2!

    • But be honest--don't you want the attention only if you're really attracted to the guy?

  • just don't be too clingy cause it gets annoying and the girl will lose interest. give her a chance to miss you too:)

  • Lol I'm in a similar situation. Except I show interest when a guy loses interest. So the opposite of what you're going through.

    I guess my only advice is to not come off as too needy or too distant. Don't call her too often, but at the same time call her often enough that she knows you're interested.


What Guys Said 5

  • Short phone conversations, don't see her every day, basically just have some interest other than her. When she goes out with the girls don't give her an inquisition about her night. Trust her. It's not that guys show too much interest. Some guys just jump into a girls space when she barely knows him.

    When your around, her it's fine to show interest. Make the time with her quality and not quantity.

  • Reiterating what Element43 said, you need to have other interests.. Also date other girls, but be honest about it.

    Also remember in relationships.. when it comes to emotional stuff, she takes the lead... you have to learn to read the signs, then proceed.

    Its like you only approach girls that show you some form of interest, not just any girl.

    Same goes for emotional stuff, you only do the lovie dovie stuff when you are SURE she you wants to.

    As for the phone, I don't get chatting for endless hours on the phone when she is not your GF. It makes you look as if you are into her a lot and I find in most cases that's the quickest way into the "friend" zone...

  • In a perfect world girls would hit on guys instead of being just as shy as the guys they don't like. Maybe then a girl could actually meet a nice guy instead of the cocky sh*thead most women unfortunately hook up with.

  • Great question .I have had a lot of this happen to me , girl look like she likes me and turns cold the moment I show her I like her . When I back off she gets mad .And lose all interest in me.

    I even had a girl tell me now that I know I can have you I am not interested any more , I know I can have you any time I want .( she even told me I was like a prize)

  • i think its the thrill of the chase that some girls are into

    but once she knows you are having feelings back, that thrill of

    will he say hi? will he sit next to me? etc..

    is gone...

    i know that happened to me WAY to much in high school.

    but girls like that they tend to fall for the asshole

    cuz the asshole never liked her as a person to begin with...

    so he never show that deeper intrest in her which us nice guys do

    which make her want to strive to so more interest in him

    then she gets USED

    ive see this so meny times

    my advice to you is to talk to the girl your thinking of as natural as possible

    just be yourself. and speak slowly... (fast talking show your nervous)

    then when you are about to leave ask for a number and call her in a day or so.

    and if she holds a conversation( is very well balanced) for a good 30-45 min I think its all good

    then after a few times talking to her on the phone or in face to face (and you feel comfortable with her) ask her on a date saying it like this " you and I should go hangout and catch a movie one day what do you think"

    she says "yeah that'd be awsome! when"

    you say "how about friday?"

    and so on.

    i hope that helps

    to sum it all up, the two of you have to balance it. neither one of you should dominate the showing of interest.

    oh and if she start to lose intrest in you that could mean two thing

    either she's shy

    she's playing hard and is testing you to see how much you like her

    or she's just not that into you... I think that was a movie execpt she's is he's

    it might be a chick flick but I thought it was ok actually you should watch XD