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Im not going to give you the answer you want just my opinion. Not going to sugar coat it.
a lot of the times guys try hard in relationships because they find the girl enjoyable, enduring and lovable. But that fades if he feels like he is not given enough, in the relationship. Of course that is simply a small portion of men, others simply get tired, bored, jealous, clingy and so on leading to some undesirable men. It begins to wear on a man after the honeymoon period because he is unable to communicate or things become mundane even if the girl still expects him to do things or tries to force him to do things.
For me it became a matter of terrible communication and lack of interest in my past relationship. Now I was completely interested and in love with her but it was not reciprocal. It was definitely 70%-30% invested where i was still interested and happy after 3 years. Now you do say "guys" which as you can imagine refers to us as a whole group which is simply not true I am a perfect example of that, i am sure a lot of other guys are great examples as well. Just remember though that we are only human, if we are willing to be taught and listen to you then we still love and care.
I hope this gives you some insight into what guys
Well, to be perfectly honest thats a long time to put some one first. The fact is women do this all the time as well, its normal. You are doing something constantly after awhile you just slow down until you stop because its just more energy then its worth, the fact that he has you, the fact that he has his own life to attend to his own wants etc, make it really hard to be at a constant state of attentiveness. I can all but guarantee he probably has the same complaints about you, like I said every one is this way. What you should do is not expect all of these things all the time but rather once in awhile, and do the same for him. maybe once every couple of weeks surprise him and vice versa with what ever it is you/he wants or did at the begining of the relationship that way you don't burn yourselves out but maintain a higher level of attentiveness then you are now.(a slow burn vs the fast burn that occurs at the begining of the relationship)
@Azara absolutely, that is true for both men and women. It was not a literal phrasing but then I think you know that, no one can have anyone its impossible to impose ones will on another. My point as you realize is that once the individual in question has won over (is that a more prefferable terminology?) they don't need to try as hard to maintain that (at least as far as both men and women are concerned in general). Again I think you understand that so what purpose did your statement serve? Why make a statement about something that I clearly was not talking about/claiming?
Well, that's a bit of a generalization. The best kind of boyfriend doesn't take his girl for granted; reverse the genders and the same thing holds true.
In the beginning of relationships, guys tend to do a bunch of "wooing" in order to get the girl to be interested and like him. Overtime they get really comfortable in the relationship, and two things may happen:
1) They stop caring about making her happy because maybe they're bored with the relationship or something.
2) They simply don't think it's that important to do the little things since they have already "won" her over.
If the latter option holds true, then the girl should definitely talk about it with her boyfriend. Relationships should involve give and take, and if one person feels like they are being taken for granted, then they need to maturely communicate that to their partner, who may or may not be oblivious about the whole thing.
I have tried to tell him that before, talk to him about why I feel unappriciated. He says he will change, try to do more, but he does for abot a week then its back to the same way it has always been.
Both men and women do this. Sometimes it's because they have been with the person for so long, they get too comfortable and stop putting in effort. The best way to combat this is to communicate with your partner. Let them know you are feeling neglected, let them know that you feel you are being taken for granted.
If he cares, he will make an effort to stop making you feel that way.
Unfortunately some relationships fade out. If your partner is unwilling to try and work on things, then it might be time to walk away.
Yeah I'm basically just a decoration to him now, he tells me how pretty I am now and then but won't make time to even have a 20-minute chat. I'm just something to brighten up the living room or like a teddy bear to hold at night. I might just buy him a decorative lamp and a stuffie and say "Well here are my replacements, because this is all you seem to want me for. bye!"
i think people who dont really want the relationship but dont want to be singe fall into the category. i think people who still want each other make ann effort. not the same as honeymoon effort. but relationship effort. respect compassion intuits support.
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"Always" is the key word here and I'm pretty sure you are generalizing on purpose, so I'll let that one pass. Bottom line is, if a guy or a girl can't stick with you through thick and thin and keep the relationship interesting, then they are probably not right for one another in the first place. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship and there will always be flaws on both sides; one usually tolerates one another and can look past their flaws in a heart beat and learn to love those flaws. Having said that, relationship goes uphill and downhill and if you lose that spark and feels like you are being taken for granted, then it's probably best to let this one go and find someone else who won't take you for granted.
I think this is just the way of relationships. That honeymoon period ends and then you start to realize relationships take real work and communication which can be draining. It will never always be like it was in the beginning that's just some Disney romance BS. Both people should always make an effort though.
Anything new grows stale after a while. Think of that new dress, care or holiday destination you want to buy or experience. It ceases to excite once you have experienced it for sometime. Diminishing excitement is something that both guys and girls experience.
I think it's because they actually treat them just like they normally would over time; and she's just needy and demanding and doesn't like it that way. Unless he's actually abusing or harassing you, he's not doing anything technically wrong. And most people cannot read minds, they have no idea that you feel like "he should do more", well guess what it helps if YOU initiate things that YOU want to be doing.
Relationships don't need "work" to succeed, they need substance.
The reason why the first 3-4 months are considered the "Honeymoon" period is because of the constanting dating and courting.
When the relationship becomes solid and "official", complaceny takes hold and the dates become but a few (or boring at least).
If you (men) want your relationship to work, you've got to keep your GF/wife excited and on her toes. Take her out not to a restaurant, but rockclimbing, hiking, bowling, or even recreate your first date with a little twist.
Not all guys are like that. My boyfriend always treated me well but I think he actually got even better after a year or year and a half together. Not really sure why, kind of conflicts with the whole 'end of the honeymoon period' thing you hear from most places.
In the beginning it is new and exciting. But after awhile, you two are more comfortable with each other, love each other, and know that your partner is not going anywhere. So yeah, it might change a little over time, but that does not mean that your boyfriend should just completely stop putting effort into your relationship any more/: Be with someone who makes you fall in love with him more and more every day :)
Not all guys do that, and men and women both become guilty of this sometimes. There's a novelty of a blossoming relationship that inspires couples to put forth their best effort at first since they're still somewhat in the attraction phase. When that novelty dies down, it takes effort to keep it alive and let it grow into a stronger bond.
It's very normal to not appreciate what a person is use to. I personally don't think I take mine for granted. I realize she's a special person. That's why I like her.
Something else I think you may not be pointing out is a lot of people aren't that happy with their relationship or have built resentment so they don't actually like their partner as much as their partner thinks.
Like a few people said, it happens to both men and women. Although, I had a 5 year relationship and after a year of being such a great guy to her I suddenly stopped because I started getting comfortable and in the end I took her for granted and didn't notice until it was too late. When I was trying to fix what I did for a couple years we decided to break up cause it wasn't working out anymore. But it all happens because we both get comfortable.
It really depends on the guys views of dating. If the guy is the type to try to impress you then yes obviously things will change. That's why I try to only do things I will always enjoy doing. The little things matter but only if it's genuine a d not to impress someone.
Because he is just so comfortable with you. You have become such a routine, irreplacable part of his life that he just can't remember a time without you being there and he trusts that you'll always be there. He probably does it without realizing it. He feels that he doesn't have to go above and beyond anymore, and all you need is for him to just be there.
Let me give an analogy. You get a new car whether it be a regular, luxury, or exotic car. The fresh new smell is there and it's great. You love this car and enjoy it every bit. After some time, you don't take it to the car wash as much as you used to, you might have a few sweats, miles, and the new car smell is not there. You don't take care of it as much as you initially did. Then you trade your car in for a better newer one.
(Most) Guys think that once they have the girl, that's it. ( not me cause I wouldn't have said that). I still try to chase" my girlfriend. If you know what I mean and not in a weird way. I mean like still call her beautiful, cute, pretty, gorgeous, cuddle, long hugs. You get the point. Guys just want something that's better than being single and once they have that, they just forget about it.
no one has anyone. they can always leave. i not understand why people think just bc they are exclusively dating that it means they are set. people break, up. im referring to people who think chasing mens getting a date then dating. and then its locked. no such thing. and i dont mean you as you said you dont have that view.
Because they have to work to win you over in the beginning, once they've got you it's job done and they stop putting the effort in. But really it never stays the same as in the beginning and you can't expect fricken champagne, lobster dinners and entertainment the whole damn time. lmao
I meant along the lines of he doesn't text me back for like 7 hours and his conversations are boring. He doesn't care about some of the things I do anymore and never ever plans any kind of date. He just expects me to plan them and then he will just pay. He tells me he loves me and expects to think thats good enough when he no longer even tries to show me that he does.
I don't know I think those are pretty small things, it's pretty difficult to find new shit to do that she's gonna like so it's easier and better if she chooses what she wants to do and you show you still gaf by shelling out your hard earned cash.
I don't want his money I want to feel like I actually have a boyfriend who cares about me.
Money is hard earned and precious, if a guy spends it (and he's not rich) it shows he cares. You simply can't keep coming up with new material, if you get pissed off when this happens you'll end up with lots of short to medium length relationships.
Most of my relationships have been long term actually. I understand and appriciate when he does spend money on me but I would rather knoe that he has put thought into something than how much the price tag is. Just because he has money doesn't mean he can just buy my love.
Na, he's gotta earn it through a flare for Events Management. lol
No he just need to stop being a lazy ass and figure out that when you take people for granted they eventually will leave you.
I duno man, if the dude literally does nothing then I get it. What you've got to watch out for is not being one of those girls who wants more than just the person they're in a relationship with, you either love someone or you don't, the working for it thing doesn't really fly with most dudes because life isn't a Disney movie in which the bruh has to do a load of stuff to show the princess he loves her. I say this because a lot of girls end up turning into high maintenance- if you're not like that then you'll think that's unfair, but lots of girls are.
Well. That shit flows both ways.
My girlfriend doesn't care anymore. I try to put in 100% of effort. She puts in maybe 15%.
Its annoying. And I think I'm going to end it because of that.
It's not just guys... And 1 year is better then 3 months.
Men and women are both capable of it.
Like @RedThread said, as relationships develop they begin to take work. It's not a bad thing; I actually think it's the best part of relationships. But not everybody is willing to put in the work.
@RedThread Indeed. You really nailed it there.
That is a normal relationship for both genders. Most of the time life is just about getting up, going to work, coming home, and going to bed. It is easy to fall into that routine for far too long if you aren't careful.
My ex took me for granted and when I dumped him he started acting like he lost the meaning of his life. Like he wasn't acting like I meant anything when I was with him, he only realized my value when it was too late. Sucks for him.
It takes energy to keep the passion alive, to do all the things you used to do to impress someone when you were courting them. Energy can be tough to sustain.
Comfort causes complacency, in ALL facets of life (not just relationships).
Exactly this.
Women in relationships often complain about the lack of dating. This usually comes round when the relationship has "settled".
Not every guy does this, but the majority do.
A guy once told me it was like playing his favorite video game.
Once you pass all the levels and finish the game it becomes pointless to replay it.
Eventually you get bored and pick up another game
No, not all men do that.
Why is it that after a year of dating girls stop putting out?
That is not true.
So is your asinine statement.
Stop dating shitty men then painting the rest with the same brush dipped in your limited personal experience.
Not all guys do. Me and my partner have been living together two years and he treats me even better then when we first started dating
Beginning of the relationship: Guy works hard for it, girl simply doesn't have to.
A year into the relationship: Girl works hard for it, guy simply doesn't have to.
Solution you either put down the game because he wasn't worh playing it anymore and your bored! Or you love the game and accept it as part of your life!
Stop being sexist. This is the 21st century. Not ALL men take their girlfriends for granted. I never did, and as far as I know, none of my friends have.
In this particular case he probably just got used to you being around but I don't think it's fair to say that's definitely true with all guys.
Never take the person you love for granted, love is one of the greatest things in the world and should never be taken for granted.
That way if they were to die tomorrow, they at least passed on to whatevers next knowing that you love them
I don't know. I've been dating my girlfriend for over a year now and I still try to treat her like a princess because I care about her
I feel like sometimes guys don't realize how lucky they are and make that sort of mistake
Not all guys take their girlfriends for granted. Only the bad boys.
Believe me, they even take their female friends for granted after a year or so. 😒
because dating is over at some point and you have to realize that he won´t allways be like on the first date.
Girls do the same thing. It's human nature. It's more cooling off than taking them fir granted.
Or could just be you taking them for granted? Have you thought of that? They put all their time money and thought into you but you just want to complain and hope for more
Nope. I plan every date, I pay for half the dates, and I spend a lot of my time into thinking of ways to make them hapy.
Ahh, we'll I don't know you just date or form relationships with the wrong guys
Well*
because you expect to be treated like a princess rather than appreciate what a guy already does for you.
well maybe not you but that's my experience
Women do their fair share of taking people for granted, just totally oblivious to their own flaws most of the time.
Only guys who get girls easily do this, guys who have few dates appreciate every one very much.
It's something we learned from females.
Women get comfortable very fast and stop making an effort, yet still get everything they want. Guys saw that and decided to give it a try too. :)
It's actually the other way around. Guys started cheating first, taking women for granted, treating women like dirt, and more bad things. Women are just now learning to do it back
Someone could just as easily ask why do girls always take their boyfriends for granted
its a natural thing for relationships to go that way girls expect us to be all honey moonish forever, thats impossible tho
Because once you don't have something, you realize it's gone
for the same reasons girls do.
Because you let them.
Things get boring lol
Don't generalize like that.
Because there are plenty of fish in the sea.
girls do this one too you know?
no one likes a trier.
Not all off us do that
We ALWAYS treat women what they're worth.
I never had a boyfriend take me for granted
Relationships have to continually be worked on
What these guys said
Girls do it too.
They don't matter
she is just a human.
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