Why do your guy friends disappear once you're in a relationship?

[Alitl_carcrazi_girl]

I was good friends with a few guys that I can honestly say never even kissed or dated. I depended on them to be there for me like I was for them when they needed someone to talk to. We'd go out have a few drinks, just talk about stuff, meet up for a meal, go to races or talk about cars, just hangout and be friends. I met the guy I'm married to now. He has never once told me I couldn't be friends with any of them, but did question why the majority of my friends were guys and there were so few female friends, that's it though. Answer- I have found it's easier to be friends with guys. They're not caddy like some girls, they're not as two faced as girls, easier to talk to. My dad owns an automotive business I grew up around, so I always had that to relate to with most of them. I saw these guys like my buddies or brothers. I get with the guy I'm with now and they all bail on me. Don't want to hangout out anymore, even with my husband around. No "hey, how's the married life?" texts or anything. None of them came to my wedding. I just feel kind of abandoned and sad. Don't know what I did. Guess I could have asked them if I did something but I'd feel out of place because it has been so long. So why did disappear like we were never friends?

[GoodManDave]

Marriage / relationships tend to do that.

But perhaps it's not always personal.

I would say I've become closer with my best gal pal since she got married, and I developed another friendship with her husband - but that's rare. Most cases, once a girl is in a relationship, she drops me and a lot of her other friends.

I kind of liked a girl, she promised she wasn't going to drop me as a friend when she found out that I was mildly interested, but then she did... The second she got a boyfriend, she pretty much dropped me (and a bunch of others) as friends, which I'll admit, while I had lost interest, it did hurt a little still. She's been acting really shallow too, so it's just a bit disappointing, and I don't want to be sucked into that too often if I can help it. Not that I'm saying that you're doing this, but it could be something to think about.

Have you reached out to them? Have you just completely changed how you interact with them?

Sometimes, the guys could be shallow. Sometimes, it can be something else. They don't like the boyfriend... some could have crushes on you. Some could just going through huge life changes themselves (new girlfriends, new kids, new jobs, etc); some may be rethinking their tactics with people in general, and it affects their mood; they could be really busy. They might feel awkward if they're single and hang out with you, the new lovey-dovey couple... feeling like a third wheel.

Right now, a lot of my friends are in very new relationships, and it's a bit lonely for me, (who is perpetually single) to see everyone else cuddling, kissing, snuggling, etc.

Perhaps it could be a bunch of things... it just is. Now, you have to try and reach out a bit... perhaps even ask your friends about it... but past a certain point, things have changed with you having a new relationship... and adjustments perhaps should be made. If you're friends aren't being there for you, that doesn't mean you have to burn bridges or hate them... just means things changed. Hang out with couples. Find new things to do that will improve yourself, and the friends will come. If the old friends won't stick around (and you haven't done something to alienate them), then other friendships can be made.

Good luck.

[Alitl_carcrazi_girl]

I have attempted to text one of them. I didn't necessarily bring up the fact that it bothered me that he deleted me off his MySpace or the fact that when I called him he acted very awkward and was short with me on the phone. I'd see him around town driving and wave, that's about the extent to our communication. Aside from completely giving me the cold shoulder, he's a nice guy, what you see is what you get. I love being around true people like that. Time has went by, would it be ok to still ask?

[GoodManDave]

Ask away. Sometimes people are temperamental, and they need a little "cooling off" period - and sometimes they are short with others who didn't cause that anger just because of something unrelated - a bad day, fights with a girlfriend, seeing an ex, job loss, etc.

Doesn't mean you don't try to be their friend... just means you have to be more cautious about how you interact with them.

[Brando]

well in an attempt to not go into a long, drawn out answer...but I'm sure they disappeared because you were taken. you were "mated" so some of the value of being around you was gone. I could tell a girl all day, every day that I'm JUST friends with her. but I can also hide my real reasons to. if I'm attracted to her, then of course I'll try to show interest. if she becomes taken after a while, then she could still be a friend but as far as love interest that hope is gone.

i'm also 20 years old, so this could apply only to me and my age range lol

[LEWnB]

My best guy friend actually became best friends with my ex (we were together when I introduced them) and he was previously a best friend to another one of my exes and it was great. I had two men in my life that I care about, and they got along great! Now I'm hoping my best friend can be friends with my new boyfriend. If they're good friends with you, they'll be happy you found someone who makes you happy. Sounds like they are shying away because they like you and you're unavailable now.

[Anonymous]

Guys like that probably were never really your friends to begin with. They just play the role as a friend so they can have a better chance at getting with you. Like waiting in the wings until you get vulnerable or something. When you got married and it became apparent that you and your man were for keeps and there was no chance at them ever getting with you, they disappeared. That is really messed up to have to go through, but a lot of guys are immature like that.

[takemedrunkimhome]

I was going to reply but you hit the nail on the head.

[Alitl_carcrazi_girl]

Thank you! I'd really hate to think that way about them, but you're probably right... =)

[missducky]

It isn't something they would mean to do I'm sure. Maybe you changed or they think your hubby will mind. I am the same way and my boyfriend has mentioned guys he would rather me not hang out with, but I still hang out with my guys. They say I have changed so maybe you could ask them if they think you have?

[MrZoork]

As a guy having been in the reverse situation yes some of the girls were fun to hang with but I never would have wanted to date some of them for one reason or another. Yes there was one in the group I would have dated but she didn't want to. What's funny is the group fell apart because they all went of to different collages and found them selves new friends in sororities and discovered guys they wanted to date. Unfortunately that's how it goes sometimes but not always one of my best female friends I have known for 20 years got married 2 years ago and I still see them as a couple. But things have changed some but for the good I guess. You can look at it this way you may have helped those guys be better boyfriends to the girls there with now.

[WeaponZero]

The anonymous female's answer below about guys waiting in the wings is true in some cases, but in many others, its simply because they know your boyfriend/husband will probably be possessive of you and won't want your guy friends around. I've lost many a female friend because they entered into a long term relationship with a guy who didn't trust their guy friends and didn't want them having guy friends.

[Alitl_carcrazi_girl]

That's what I would like to think.. but my husband has wanted to meet a couple of them. One of my friends is a cage fighter, my husband even wanted to watch him in action... Oh well right =)

[EarlofPuuding]

Its weird that they didn't come to your wedding, but when a girl enters a serious relationship with a guy, its customary for guys to give them room to be together, or they don't like your husband.There's no way they all liked you if that's what you are thinking because they all stopped talking to you. You have to move on because they are trying to.

[Sexy-Senior-09]

Your friends want you but since you got a man they stop talking to you because your off limits.

[Gregs]

most guys that are friends hang out with girls because they want to hook up with them... Not me, I hang out with girls because I want to hook up with all their friends :P

[Alitl_carcrazi_girl]

Ok... lol, but that doesn't help me! At least you're honest.