Why does he pretend to be an asshole when he's really a nice guy?

[jollymolly098]

I have this friend who is a really good guy, but he acts like an asshole if he doesn't really know you. I didn't like him for a long time because I thought he was such an ass, but when I got to know him, I realized that he is actually really nice and kind of sweet. He can be nice around other people he doesn't know and generally is great around his friends, but most of the time he just chooses to be an asshole. It doesn't make sense to me.

[RuNFromTown]

Because he learned from experiences (past ones) that nice guys finish last, get hearbroken etc. Very common nowadays. I tend to think I'm also a great guy but damn I open my gates so hard, it's like that my ability to show my true self is deteriorating, society started to program me but they won't win. I just need to snap out of it and stay strong.

[JuicyBrain]

Being sweet and kind makes you an easy target. It makes you someone who can easily be manipulated. He has probably been manipulated before and he learned to defend himself by using this persona. He will only be himself with someone who he knows and trust. It is basically a defense mechanism.

[paulina_g]

Maybe he thinks it's cool to act that way? Or it's his strategy to get girls? A lot of guys are convinced that girls want bad boys, right? Maybe he's acting like that to not be labeled as a "nice guy"? Or maybe he's just not good at talking to strangers and is the kind of person that you have to "warm up to"?

[mberrie]

It's a defense mechanism and a way too keep people who aren't really worth it away.

[madhatters4]

a lot of nice guys think , based on some situations they've seen, that the best way to get a girl is to be an asshole

[juliaaa]

TRUTH! My own BROTHER has told me that he thinks he needs to be more of an asshole to get girls.

[madhatters4]

@juliaaa there was a period where i was being screwed over by girls. and like some was seeing that guys who were douche bags were having far better success with women. so i battled with the idea that i start objectifying women the way that seemed to work for those guys

ultimately i realized that being myself was most important and if it took me being an asshole to get a girl then i probably didn't want that person in my life anyway

[juliaaa]

I do think it's true that assholes get more girls to hook up with them- they're confident and it's attractive at first sight. I myself have fallen victim to that trap! But nice guys definitely get the relationships- I might keep hooking up with a guy if he's an asshole, but I wouldn't consider a relationship with him.

[User999]

Being nice make people want to take advantage of you. So you got to be mean to people you don't know.

[RaggaMon]

Maybe it's a double bluff and he really is an asshole!

[Anonymous]

Very common in guys with low self esteem. It's compensational behaviour. They think they aren't worth much, so they think they have to make up for it by acting tough.

[cth96190]

Because women put nice guys in the Friend Zone.

[Sojex]

I do the same thing haha

[Anonymous]

Why would he be nice to a stranger?

[Anonymous]

Women looooove assholes