Guys, What makes you emotionally attached to a woman?

[Pennypolish]

[MrOracle]

It's a combination of physical attractiveness and personality/behavior/attitude. The right combo will "click" and activate my emotions, and the wrong combo will not. Of course, getting to know someone can "unclick" those emotions if you find out some crazy stuff about them (and most of us have had that kind of experience at least once, or have known someone who has).

Generally, men either fall for a girl VERY quickly (usually upon his first significant interaction with her), or not at all. Unlike women, we don't grow or develop feelings from nothingness over a period of time - we either have the feelings for her or we don't, and if we don't, we never will.

The other thing that most younger women (and sometimes even ones who are old enough that they should know better) seriously don't grasp is that sex and love are two very different, very separate things for men - and that men will desire SEX (and nothing more) with 10-20 women for every 1 woman he has feelings for - and that women who fall in the "just sex" category are almost never promoted to the "feelings" category - even if they have sex every day for years. Again, sex and love are SEPARATE THINGS for men, and while love almost always includes sexual desire, sexual desire absolutely does NOT automatically include love - in fact, it's the exception rather than the rule.

Most women don't want sex without an emotional connection (and often not without a relationship/commitment), and many cannot feel sexual attraction unless they're emotionally connected first - leading many women to assume that men work the same way. We do NOT - and knowing this and accepting this means you'll make better choices and have far fewer chances of having a misunderstanding.

[Pennypolish]

Excellent response, thank you!
Okay. My close guy friend shares with me all his deep thoughts and emotions. Opened up to me about him crying and his fears. I wasn't sure if that was crossing a line or he just cares as a friend.

We've been friend for 2 years now (I was married 1.5 of that) but I basically know everything about him. He's the one who text first, and I thought there was feelings on his part for me.
BUT he told me I'm a good person and we are friends. (He offered the info- and I never said I liked him or anything)
But there were tons of signs. I'm guessing there can be an emotional bond between friends?

[MrOracle]

There CAN, yes - but it's pretty rare.

But there's another possibility too: a man will sometimes fall for a woman, but he knows he's not prepared to be in a relationship, for any of a dozen reasons. In that case, he'll often keep his distance, even though he might have feelings for her. Guys know what it is to want something you can't have, and how horrible that feeling is, so many of us will purposely keep a woman at a distance, despite feelings for her, if we know we can't give her want she wants.

[Pennypolish]

Wow thank you. My gut just screams he cares-but he has a lot of issues and he's also a lot younger than me. (He's 22 I'm 26) And he's told me I'm on another level because I'm "rich" ( I'm only middle class) and he doesn't have any money. Im getting my masters degree and he dropped out of college. It's like We're like soulmates in my heart/mind---but what you said may be true. He knows he can't live up to the man he THINKS he needs to be to be with me.

[Pennypolish]

OR we are the rare people who have a deep emotional friendship:)

[MrOracle]

"He knows he can't live up to the man he THINKS he needs to be to be with me."

I suspect this is exactly the case. Remember that, even today, men are expected to "provide" - to have a good job/career, to have more resources than the woman (yes, the majority of women still expect this), to have their own place to live, a decent/nice car, etc. He's going to feel completely inadequate in your situation.

[OlderAndWiser]

I get attached to a woman who cares about me and is not afraid to show it. I get attached to a woman who wants to lay her head on my shoulder when she goes to sleep at night. I get attached to a woman who looks forward to the next time that we will be together. I get attached to a woman who wants to make a good impression on my mother, because she knows that is important to me. I get attached to a woman who whispers "I love you" before she goes to sleep.

I am very attached to my current girlfriend. She is the bee's knees!

[Pennypolish]

Can there be an emotional bond with strictly a female friend?

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, but not like the emotional bond in a romantic relationship.

[Pennypolish]

Okay. My close guy friend shares with me all his deep thoughts and emotions. Opened up to me about him crying and his fears. I wasn't sure if that was crossing a line or he just cares as a friend

[OlderAndWiser]

There are many guy-girl friend combinations with that level of intimacy. Perhaps he wants more. Has he given any other signs or clues?

[Pennypolish]

We've been friend for 2 years now (I was married 1.5 of that) but I basically know everything about him. He's the one who text first, BUT he told me I'm a good person and we are friends. (He offered the info- and I never said I liked him or anything)
But there were tons of signs. I'm guessing there can be an emotional bond between friends.

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, but are you sure he doesn't want more?

[Pennypolish]

He's told me we are friends. Do I feel like he wants more? Oh yes, at times I question it big time. But isn't it true when a guy says you're just a fiend-that's all you are. I thought guys are upfront with that stuff

[OlderAndWiser]

Not if he is a shy guy!

[Pennypolish]

He is a different type of guy. He's actually in therapy because he has some emotion issues. He insist he will never date because he can't hurt another girl or deal with heartbreak again. (He was stuck on the ex for a long time). He's been single 4 years now.

[Pennypolish]

So yeah I don't know :)

[OlderAndWiser]

What do you want from him?

[Pennypolish]

I'm mixed. Honestly, I love him. But I rather keep him in my life forever as a friend than to have a relationship that could fail and loose him.

[OlderAndWiser]

Afraid to grab for the brass ring?

[Pennypolish]

What are you trying to say? lol That I just lay my heart out on the line-say everything I've been keeping secret for the POSSIBILITY he lied about only seeing me as a friend because he may be hiding his feelings?

[OlderAndWiser]

Aren't you capable of doing something with more finesse than that?

[Pennypolish]

Please elaborate on what you feel I should do, or not do?

[OlderAndWiser]

Can't you talk to him and tell him that you are feeling lonely and considering beginning to date again? Tell him that you've thought about what would make a person a good match for you and you think you would like somebody like him, if he's interested. And then you reach over and hold his hand and look into his eyes.

You don't need to confess any feelings for him. If you have a chance of discovering a good relationship with him and you never explore the possibility, you will look back with regrets for the rest of your life.

[Pennypolish]

I LOVE the advice--------But he said this to me via text "all my female friends are good people. Just like you, emily, rachel, I don't see any of you in a romantic way and I won't force myself to" Thats exactly what he said. Pretty clear he is not interested. I must say- I hate that he lumped me into a group with other female friends. (Even though he never talks to them, only me---Weird, right?)

[OlderAndWiser]

Okay. That disclosure seals the deal for me. He is not a contender. The only possibility is if he thinks you are going to date someone else and it triggers some feelings of jealousy in him. Ask him if he knows anyone who might be a suitable candidate because you are ready to start dating. His response to that request should tell you what you need to know.

[Pennypolish]

Thank you :)

[Pennypolish]

Alright I made a move and posted a status on Facebook. I said "I love it when he surprises me!" I guess i'll see if I get anything from him...

[starwarsfan66]

When she doesn't expect me to take care of her and I can finally be myself. I'll fall head first in love with her for that. I don't want a relationship that involves one of us baby sitting the other. I love my time, my friends, and I'm selfish enough to care about my own happiness. If she respects all of that and realizes that her happiness is her own responsibility, then she would have my heart until I'm a cold corpse in a coffin. Loving someone isn't about giving them things and taking care of them, it's simply saying that that someone makes you happy.

[Anonymous]

When she:

- Cooks my breakfast, lunch, and dinner, without talking shit.
- Keeps the house clean
- Washes the dishes (SPOTLESS!)
- Does my laundry (Whites w/ whites, darks w/ darks, DONT MIX IT UP)
- Gives me shoulder and feet massage when I get home
- Fellates me when I'm stressed
- Gives me sex when I want, lets me smash her ass as well, then stfu when we're done.

The list goes on but there you go, my wife does this and I'm a happy man.

Oh yeah, also when she wipes my ass and kisses it after bathroom time.

[NikolasGLT]

If that woman contains those 3 features:
Authenticity, Acceptance of the way i am, honest.
I would instantly get emotionally attached to her, but these days its extremely hard to meet a girl who values those simple yet complicated principles.

[ThatJarHead]

It's simple. A person gets attached to another by having the hormone Oxytocin release in their brain. Without that, there is no connection or attachment.

[allahu_snackbar]

When she's awesome and we're friends or when she's awesome and she's my girlfriend, the key is in the awesome.

[Pennypolish]

Can there be an emotional bond with strictly female friends?

[allahu_snackbar]

Yeah, I care about my female buddies but I don't wanna bang 'em.

[Pennypolish]

Okay. My close guy friend shares with me all his deep thoughts and emotions. Opened up to me about him crying and his fears. I wasn't sure if that was crossing a line or he just cares as a friend

[allahu_snackbar]

It's a tough one, he might like you or he might just see you as someone understanding who won't judge so he can get shit off his chest. I couldn't tell you how it is, though.

[Pennypolish]

He came out and said we're friends, but it feels like he wants more. I just can't explain it. But I'm just taking his word for it. Some of my friends say a guy won't open up like he does unless he has feelings. What do I say?

[Pennypolish]

You say **

[allahu_snackbar]

I'd say you're taking his word for it, and keep chillin.

[allahu_snackbar]

If I had to guess I'd say he might not know what he wants, people are a mess of ideas, experiences and hormones.

[Anonymous]

If she's nice to me. Every girl in my childhood/teens were pretty harsh to me. Laugh at me, call me ugly and fat when I asked them out. They were just using me to boost their ego's and to get me to do stuff for them. So now if a girl is nice to me, I get dependent on her for my emotional needs.

[Jager66]

For me it's about trust and it could be a friend or a girl friend. I bond easily with people I let into my inner circle, it's just really hard to get inside.

[spencify]

Bonding by doing activities or being able to share my inner feelings and thoughts to her

[Pennypolish]

My guy friend does this! Can there be an emotional bond with strictly female friends?

[spencify]

Yeah! Guys suck at emotional stuff, so a female friend can be great for that kind of support.

[Anonymous]

When they actually care about you, treat you good, cook for you at times, worry about our health, surprise us with notes , just very compatible. The way you would like to be treated

[Pennypolish]

Can there be an emotional bond with a female friend?

[Opinion Owner]

I suppose so if you're really close but it may turn into more than just friends at some point if they are getting that close

[dolemite68]

when she's cool, funny, and really sweet and tries to relate to me

[Pennypolish]

Can there be an emotional bond with strictly female friends?

[dolemite68]

i don't believe guys and girls are really friends its usually more like acquaintances so i'd say no.

[Pennypolish]

Okay. My close guy friend shares with me all his deep thoughts and emotions. Opened up to me about him crying and his fears. I wasn't sure if that was crossing a line or he just cares as a friend

[dolemite68]

that actually sounds like a real friend i'd just be there for him he sounds really comfortable with u, guys are usually "friends" with girls cuz they want to sleep with them but the girl isn't interested so they try and friendship their way into her pants lol

[Pennypolish]

He came out and said we're friends, but it feels like he wants more. I just can't explain it. But I'm just taking his word for it. Some of my friends say a guy won't open up like he does unless he has feelings. What do U say?

[dolemite68]

well he either genuinely thinks of u as a friend he can open up to or he's oblivious to the fact that you shouldn't up emotionally like that to girls ur sexually interested in. Either way If you think he wants more he probably does tho go with ur gut instinct

[Pennypolish]

Okay thanks! We've been friend for 2 years now (I was married 1.5 of that) but I basically know everything about him.

[redxiii74]

nothing does that. you have to allow it otherwise you don't get attached

[kraken602]

in order to get emotionally attached you have to get the right hormones released.

[Anonymous]

Her undying devotion to me and he acceptance that I am the master

[John_Doesnt]

When her cooking and boobs are too good to let go.

[Anonymous]

Great sex. Seriously...

[ASEXY]

Nothing.

[Nik1hil]

Pizza

[ernest1]

her sense of humor

[Anonymous]

Mostly great sex.

[Mhandl]

No...

[Crazyskull10]

Her smile