When texting a guy, is it best to remain aloof?

[Kookaburra]

Im not even the type of person to play games so it pisses me off that I even feel the need to do this, but I hate to be left on read and it seems like whenever I carry on a conversation with a guy via text thats what happens. On the other hand, when I take hours to respond (or don't respond at all), or send back short/vague responses, that's when it seems like guys want to talk to me.

For example, one of my guy friends has been showing interest in me here lately and I've been remaining aloof with him. Well I recently got sick and he kept checking up on me (he spent a whole day with me one day and the days after that he kept checking up on me via text). Well the other night I was laid up in bed still sick, he texted me, I decided to keep the conversation going. Things were getting lightly flirty or whatever then all of a sudden he stops replying. Still haven't heard from him.

That makes me feel dumb like I shouldn't have let my guard down and kept ignoring him or keeping things short with him. Am I right? Are guys only kept interested by mystery?

yes, keep things short

no, it's okay to keep a conversation going

Updates

+1 y

Update, he sent me a good morning text. My question still remains however.

[Matti_Jr]

Conversations via texting is pretty common nowadays, but it's easy to get distracted and lose track of time. You'll be texting, possibly messing around with your computer/TV/tablet/etc. or go to hang out with your friends and you forget to tell the girl you're texting that you're going to hang out with friends. It's not the worst trait in people, sometimes guys/girls are scatterbrained.

If you started dating him and noticed that he stops replying frequently, that's something that you need to have a conversation with him on so he knows that you're interested and want him to make more of an effort to communicate more with you.

You mentioned you were feeling sick, so you can't be expected to be on the phone frequently because no one wants to do anything when they feel like shit. When you're feeling better and if you're digging him, throw him a curve ball and call him.

I don't speak for all guys, but I personally never cared for aloof. If you're communicating mainly through texting right now, you should be trading messages instead of one party constantly initiating conversation. I agree with LordBaeron said, if I get no-effort answers, then I won't bother maintaining a conversation.

[Kookaburra]

I agree with your first paragraph because that happens to me all the time. I get distracted and forget to text someone back. I understand that and don't expect a guy to always reply back within the next 2 minutes. It just seems to me like when I carry on a conversation with guys their answers end up becoming short/abrupt as if they stopped caring or got bored with the convo, which makes me feel lame. So then when I turn around and stop texting as frequently/continuing the conversation, all of a sudden they want to keep popping up as if I regained their interest. It's confusing!

[Matti_Jr]

Ha, maybe those guys can't figure out how to show interest if that is what they are doing. If a guy is seriously interested in you, he'll maintain a regular conversation with you. This playing hard to get, games, etc. is silly. You made it pretty clear that you don't care for that, so if a guy repeatedly gives you no-effort answers or frequently stops responding, don't put any effort into that guy.

Is the guy you're flirting with maintaining regular conversation most of the time?

[Kookaburra]

Good advice. Thank you for this. And yeah we hang out on the weekends (face to face).

[Matti_Jr]

Sounds like there's quite a bit of interest there. If you're hanging out already, you should set up a date instead. ;)

[EpicDweeb]

I've always hated getting short replies from my girlfriend. If that sounds strange it's because it usually meant she was upset with me. My girlfriend was too polite not to text back, but she would keep things as short as possible. Ever since then I've always seen short replies as a sign of disinterest. It implies that the person texting doesn't care enough to put any effort into a reply. Of course I realize that's not the only reason for short replies. Obviously a person may simply be busy or not think anything longer is necessary. The point being that guys don't always take short texts to mean "aloof." We may see it as "we did something wrong." Basically I'd recommend being more cautious when it comes to short replies than I would when it comes to lengthy ones.

[bubblybex]

he sounds kind of rude tbh, just ignore him from now on so that he gets the message that your pissed. if he messages back, try to keep your replies half an hour or more apart, and less than 7 letters. i know playing games sucks sometimes, but it can give more mystery, and make him more interested, especially if your a little bit annoyed, he'll want to make u happy again

[feligatr]

But beware of the pattern coz if y'all get into the habit of texting excessively & he never gets a chance to miss you, a texting buddy is all you're gonna get.

[SarahsSummer]

Sometime people get taken away from texting or just fall asleep. Nothing to feel dumb about. Don't give it a second thought.

[CheerGirl38139]

Did you say something? 😴

[SarahsSummer]

@CheerGirl38139 I was just saying that if you (brb)

[JackMason]

Yeah text conversations are mostly terrible because they lack the hello, goodbye parts of a phone or face-to-face conversation so when it stops abruptly its super awkward.

My rule of thumb if you must text is 1:1, ie don't send 2 texts in a row but rather wait for them to text back and if they don't then just leave it.

[LordBaeron]

guys don't give a fuck about your mystery. you think that because you like mystery in a guy, so it should work on us too. nope. relax, it's okay to talk like a normal human being.

personally i dislike girls who give one-word no-effort answers. if that happens, i don't bother replying.

[Kookaburra]

I don't like mystery in guys, actually. I'm extremely drawn to guys (and people in general tbh) that are open books. Being "mysterious" really isn't me, I'm more the type to send you three texts in a row without thinking twice, but I stop myself from doing that because it ends up with me getting left on read and feeling dumb.

[LordBaeron]

i enjoy those kinds of girls who write out their thoughts. open books in which sense?

[Kookaburra]

Open book as in honest, real, and outgoing. Good at expressing their feelings.

[Browneye57]

It's best not to try to build a relationship via text. It just never works.
You cannot get any emotion and zero body language via text. So you miss at least half of what's being communicated. You really should just be making arrangements for your next meet up IRL. Forget all the texting back and forth, it's a waste of time and effort and you'll get all confused and hurt feelings.

[Kookaburra]

We hang out on the weekends regularly. It's just since I've been sick that he's started texting me.

[dannymexico]

Now days it's a game. People are very distracted and bored easily. Your using the phone wrong though. The phone should only be used to schedule and actual meeting in person. Phone ships suck and they make the actual face to face less fun.

[OlderAndWiser]

If someone is important in your life, why rely on texting when you can dial them and actually talk?

[TomBradysJersey]

It's an immediate turn off if you try to play hard to get with me.

[Kookaburra]

Well too bad more guys aren't like you because the hard to get act really isn't my thing. But all of the guys I know seem to respond way better to it.

[TomBradysJersey]

See I hard a girl do that to me. Fucking hated it.

[TomBradysJersey]

I had a girl do this to me is what I meant to say.

[Kookaburra]

So how would you prefer for a girl to show interest in you?

[TomBradysJersey]

100% yes. Even if it ends up not being mutual. At I know that SOMEONE liked me.

[TomBradysJersey]

If I am interested in her I would show interest in her as well.

[CoffeeWC]

you may have different opinions on what flirting is

[Anonymous]

Not so much mystery, more how much of a challenge you'll be.

[Eternallylucky]

You really are trying it on the wrong guy.

[Kookaburra]

What do you mean?