I cheated on my abusive boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

He's being nice now but usually makes me feel like shit I just want to feel beautiful. I know cheating is wrong but is this acceptable? I wanna get out but he'll kill me and it's much more complicated than people think. I haven't cheated YET but already know who I'm going to cheat with. I feel bad but I don't know he has had things in the past where he would get caught talking to girls and touching them but I feel horrible. I resent him for hitting me and pulling out my hair and giving me a black eye and I can't forget it. And I wanna cheat on him and half of me doesn't care and other half does.

[miramiraonthewall]

Please leave him. I wouldn't confront him about it randomly, but rather make a plan to leave him. DO you have some hours of the day when he is not around? At work, socializing with friends, etc? You should talk to some friends who could help you make a plan to leave and reach out to legal/police services to help you. Maybe contact the police during your lunch break at work or any local organization that helps domestic violence victims and ask for help on how to get out safely. There are networks out there that can help you. You have other options. Even relocating may be a good idea, but talk to professionals who handle this and the police first. And definitely seek the restraining order.

[Gravitation]

you don't deserve that kind of relationship. no one does and I'm not telling you what you should do but if you can MOVE TO MEXICO! CHANGE YOUR NAME TO POBLO AND RENT A MULE! that's a joke. But if you can find a good SAFE way to get out of that relationship. be careful!

[Brokenheartedx]

You won't leave him because he will kill you but ull cheat on him

I suggest you leave him otherwise next q we see from u will be one ur writing from hospital with few broken bones and full of scars.. a guy who hits you will always hit u

[Anonymous]

Actually, you can break up with him. Cheating isn't going to solve anything. Just leave him. Even if you cheat on him you won't feel better until you find your strength and walk away.

[Asker]

I know its like I have no strength left and it's like I feel like it turning to that to gain a bit of strength it's not even about the cheating it's about having a bit of control over myself which I feel like I don't have any I feel crazy and out of wack.

[Opinion Owner]

I understand. I've been where you are.

[Asker]

It's like everyone is blaming me saying I'm the bad person the victim is always blamed for everything. That's a good reason why victims don't leaves it's not about cheating it's about just wanting to feel wanted and control over myself.

[Asker]

My thinking is skewed I don't even know right from wrong anymore it's like I don't even care I'm trying to save myself in anyway possible even if it's bad to do. I feel like i don't do this I'll accept my fate and stay with him forever. Nobody helps me. My family doesn't care. My friends neither.

[Opinion Owner]

He doesn't deserve for you to stay. You are worth more than this. You need to decide you're worth more and just walk away. There are groups out there to help you. Do you live with him?

[Asker]

Yes that's the problem we live together or I woulda walked faster a long time ago I'll loose everything

[Crankor]

Get the fuck out of there and go experience a real relationship. Seriously, at the point your at you need to drop him. You stay with a person like that and you will start accepting that behavior as normal and just hurt yourself psychologically. I don't know why you are in such a relationship but it certainly has nothing to do with love.

[Asker]

I think it's already affected me psychologically

[Asker]

I don't know what's right from wrong and accept it already I think I need to cheat to wake myself up like forreal I don't see my worth

[Crankor]

You can cheat if you want but that won't change the fact you still need to stop putting yourself in that environment. You don't see your own worth because clearly the guy your with now doesn't view you as worthy of anything other than probably sex.

[ValhallaTheory]

Well, tell him, and eventually leave him. If he does, After all, love you, he will be destroyed. I think you just want to make him feel Bad. About the fact that he is violent, I can only tell you gently to gtfo from him. Guys doing this are worst than everything on Earth. Fuck him. Cordially

[lovelyhoneybones]

Dude, if he's abusive, leave. I don't get why people try to justify cheating, if you're able to cheat. You're able to leave. Cheating is NEVER acceptable. It's never okay.

[Asker]

He talks to girls on dating sites touches girls behind my back and gives me a black eye and pulls my hair out and busts my lip says he's gonna kill me and if I leave he'll never leave me alone I am stuck

[Asker]

In this case it is justified and I stand by that 100%

[Asker]

galoremag.com/.../

[lovelyhoneybones]

I don't care how justified it seems to you, it isn't. If he's going to kill you for leaving, why wouldn't he do the same thing with you cheating? People are often abusive for control purposes. You cheating signifies that he has no control over you.

There is no love left in that relationship, it's dangerous and the both of you aren't even committed anymore. Instead of cheating, seeks ways to get out. Document every time he harms you. Report it to the cops. Record video and audio if possible.

[Asker]

You don't know what your talking about because your not an in abusive realtionship and DONT UNDERSTAND. Why don't you look up the numerous girls who cheated in an abusive relationship online and it helped them to WAKE up. The cops won't help you. And believe me I tried to get them to. You can't just leave an abusive relationship especially when the person LIVES WITH YOU.

[Asker]

You are STUCK ! Don't u get it.

[Asker]

You can't just Walk away. Cause u know what happens when u say ur gonna walk away he will kill you. And cheating? Never said it was justified but it will wake me the fuck upz

[lovelyhoneybones]

Dude, if you're in a dangerous situation, do things to get out. Don't just wait around for him to kill you. Call a help hotline.

[Asker]

They don't give af I've done it no help from anyone my own family knows doesn't help I need to get out I need to wake up and as bad as cheating is and how I wouldn't do that with someone I love and never thought I'd do it but love is not there anymore when the man I loved and never thought to talk to other guys and never did any of that stuff while he was touching other females and going on dating websites while I was sitting there crying close to sucide and wondering why he wanted to cheat on me, him demanding he wants a threesome and then talking to girls. Then him telling me nobody will ever want me once they figure out I'm sucidal and all this bullshit. I think I deserve to feel loved even for a second. I've had 5 mental breakdowns with him with psychosis. And nobody gives a fuck. I need to cheat it's not like I want to hurt it I need to see my worth nobody is understanding that

[hooper12]

It would be better to leave. If he finds out you cheat he will really kill you then. It's hard to do but the best thing to be focused on rn is your escape.

[Anonymous]

You're the worst type of person, just leave him or shut up if you know cheating is wrong then do yourself one better end the relationship and then get someone else if your not happy leave if you feel threatened then call the police and get him done for assault by showing them the marks problem solved

[19981204]

If he's abusive and you think of cheating on him then THAT'S A MEGGA NO, DON'T DO IT

[rixvan]

this is the bad side of your mind to cheat on him. deal with situation by ur good side of mind and leave him.

[Anonymous]

You need to leave the relationship now! your life is in danger.. abusers always escalate. They also control you making you believe you depend on them.. don't believe it.

leave him now and get a restraining order!

[miramiraonthewall]

Agreed, this is serious. Leave him, get some friends/family to help, and get a restraining order.

[John_Doesnt]

You're not brave. You should just have broken up with him.

[Asker]

Yea when u try to break up with an abuser do u understand what happens?

[John_Doesnt]

yes, you call the cops and they arrest him.

[rixvan]

nice opinion

[Asker]

Yea and when they tell u when they get it there gonna kill you good idea you guys are assholes

[Asker]

Out* and when u called the cops and afterwards they already beat your ass. Nobody understands what abuse victims go through and blame the victim it's actually sad

[Asker]

He already cheated on me anyway so all y'all annoying

[rixvan]

now i know the metal level of you by calling someone assholes. You are abusive too and every action has the same reaction so the situation u are going through is also cause of you.

[Asker]

I am abusive too? Shut up dude

[Asker]

You guys are being assholes

[Asker]

Your a jerk. I get beat up by a daily. I wish u could go through what I'm going through then maybe you'd agree

[rixvan]

shut and up 😐 okay better to be.

[Asker]

Get a chunk of your hair pulled out get forced to have sex and not receive anything back and you have to do all the work if not your called everyname in the book. I want you to feel getting choked up to blacking out to getting your lip busted open to u getting a black eye to your "lover" telling you to kill yotrself and saying he wants to sacrifice you to the devil then lemme know if your abusive and wouldn't wanna cheat

[rixvan]

u dont deserve any suggestions. cz u are the person who can't admit the fact. Now keep calm and Concentrate on urself.

[Asker]

And if you try and leave your partner follows you and won't let you go and is borderline stalker

[Asker]

Your just jerk who goes on a mans side no matter

[rixvan]

simply just leave him. this is it

[rixvan]

i m not on a man side who are u to decide for me or judge me? u were the one asking for suggestions.

[Asker]

Everyone is coming at me as the bad person but don't know what I go through the torture a 21 year old girl has been going through for the past 2 years. This is why abuse victims stay because people like everyone else blames the VICTIM INSTEAD OF HEARING THEM Out saying " leave" YOU can't JUST LEAVE.

[rixvan]

why are u making it so hard and complicated? who forced you to stay with that guy? what is the main reason? why can't u just move on? dude please i really respect girls but you need to deal with the situation like a strong and nice person. is that necessery to cheat on him? i think it makes u bad and just leave him ignore him and dont pay attention to him thats the main thing and if u did like this then u are the winner and u will he happy in the end. mark my words!

[John_Doesnt]

@asker actually the cops will typically believe the woman even if there isn't any physical abuse. Just call the cops when he's not home and they'll arrest his ass. Then when he's in jail you can get a restraining order. It's pretty easy.

[Asker]

Yea then when he gets out that's when he'll kill me

[Asker]

He told me I send him to jail he's gonna kill me and I believe it 200%

[John_Doesnt]

How is he going to kill you if he's in jail?

[Asker]

They don't stay in jail for long!!

[John_Doesnt]

domestic violence is at least 3 years. threatening to kill you is another 2 years. If you get a restraining order and he violates it that's another 5-10 years.
You're just making excuses.

[Asker]

Lol okay I know people who've been in my situation they stayed in for a month then got out.

[John_Doesnt]

sure you do, just keep coming up with excuses and looking for attention.
www.abcmemes.com/media/created/please-continue.jpg

[alice55]

Just break up. Nothing justify cheating.

[Asker]

galoremag.com/.../

[Asker]

It does help u I am brainwashed

[alice55]

I never saw such a stupid things...

[Asker]

You wouldn't understand your not an an abusive relationship

[Asker]

Andnuntil you are in one then you'll understand what I'm going through and why I choose this route

[alice55]

You just have to break up and call the cops

[Anonymous]

Break up with him. If you cheat on him, in my opinion, you are worse than him.

[Asker]

No I'm not.

[Asker]

He has tried to choke me out and kill me.

[Opinion Owner]

Then break up. If you stay in a relationship and cheat on him, then i am sorry to say, you are as bad as him.

[Asker]

You can't just break up with an abuser.

[Asker]

Don't u get it

[Asker]

Obviously not

[Asker]

Your stuck. You cannot leave like that. even if u wanted to. I'm brainwashed. Cheating seems acceptable in my case because I need to WAKE up.

[Opinion Owner]

No i dont. Why not? Does he own you? if he is troubling, go to police and wait there. Go to lawyer and get a restraining order.

All i am saying, is cheating is not a small thing. Just because its scar do not show, does not mean it does not hurt as bad as physical abuse.

[Opinion Owner]

No way it is acceptable. You NEED to break up. No matter how much you try, you can not justify cheating.

[Asker]

Im not justifying anything never said it was right but when u try to get away I get beat

[Asker]

U can not get away have u seen any movie where the women gets beat up tries to leave and he stalks you? No restraining order is gonna help. Nothing. I get monthly beatings I think I can do what I want.

[Asker]

He does what he wants he touches girls? He cheated first? He talks to girls behind my back? He doesn't give af about hurting me so why should I. He wouldn't figure out. Maybe it's a fucking wake up call and will help me see my worth that I don't think I have

[miramiraonthewall]

You're a sick person. She wouldn't be worse than him in this scenario in anyway. He doesn't deserve her loyalty at all.

[Opinion Owner]

Help you see your worth?

He is an asshole. He does not care about anything. You need to try to leave him. Just leave him. Contact police/your parents anyone. Cheating is not an answer.

@miramiraonthewall, i do believe she should get away from him. But cheating is not an answer for that.

[miramiraonthewall]

Cheating is nothing when the person you're cheating on is an abusive asshole. Cheating in general is wrong. Cheating in this situation is not really wrong in my opinion, its just not smart or healthy for her - she needs to just leave. Cheating is definitely not worse than being an abusive asshole, which is what you stated. God, the men here are gross. Not all men are like this, Asker.

[Opinion Owner]

I do believe what she is go through is bad. And i hope she finds someone who can help her get out of it. Her family member or anyone.
But cheating is not an answer here. What will she accomplish? Nothing. Besides, it gives her abusive asshole boyfriend a chance to speak and to blame her for his abuse.

I think she should be thinking about getting out of the relationship first, not about cheating in it.

[Jemini_Crocket]

You have to leave him for your own well being.

[dwiller943]

It's understandable. Sometimes you can't leave.

[Browneye57]

Get out now while you're still alive. Seriously.

[Totally_A_Dude]

Just break up with him.

[Prime_Sol]

None of this is true. Not a single typed word.

[Walrus_au]

Get help to get out would be my advice.

[Arya_Christ]

cheat on him and break up with him

[adamshunglol]

you deserve it

[Asker]

Your a horrible person

[adamshunglol]

thanks!

[miramiraonthewall]

don't listen to this scum bag. someone who would easily dismiss your abuse in this way likely crawled from under the same shit infested rock that your boyfriend did. Men like this are not acceptable and not good people at all, as we have all acknowledged here about this little gremlin who made this comment.

Cheating is wrong, but to be honest this situation is different. He doesn't really deserve your loyalty, but in trying to hurt him back, you may be hurting yourself more than you expect and that's what's important here. It's not a healthy cycle, although I wouldn't fault you for doing it. Abuse is completely abhorrent and you need to break up with him now. Work on yourself, your self-esteem issues that would allow you to tolerate being in this abusive relationship. Work on being comfortable with and loving yourself. Only then will you find the kind of relationship that you deserve. Talk to a therapist or counselor, there's no shame in that at all. Good luck!

[adamshunglol]

@miramiraonthewall i dont condone women beaters, i do however not respect o woman that is willing to stay in an abusive relationship, and then to cheat on him? really he's already beating her for nothing!! just think whats gunna happen... he's gunna kill this chick, so thats why i answered sarcastically, and the fact that y'all are dumb enough to take me serious just proves my point...

[Asker]

Thank you miram for actually understanding what I'm saying instead of others.

[Asker]

You could've said that instead of said I deserve it you obviously didn't mean what u said the second time u wrote but felt bad. If I don't do this I fee as if I'll accept my fait and more than likely one day he will kill me. I'm not a cheater , I don't cheat on ones I love I am against cheating. But it's different it's about me waking up and realizing what the hell is happening. And I don't even know if I'm gonna do it I rather stay than hurt someone. And that sounds crazy all in itself.

[miramiraonthewall]

The fact that you felt this was an appropriate response speaks volumes about your character. I don't believe you answered sarcastically at all, or perhaps you're just very bad at sarcasm via internet. And who actually gives a fuck about whom you respect or not when someones safety is the subject of conversation? You're disgusting. Your explanation hasn't changed my opinion of what you've said at all. You probably contribute nothing positive to society in general, and on top of that you post hurtful "sarcastic" comments in response to a stranger saying her boyfriend beats her? If anyone here is unworthy of respect, it's you. Gtfo here bitch. Deuces.

[miramiraonthewall]

@Asker if you want a glimpse at what a pathetic man looks like, take a look at this little bitch. He's just like your boyfriend - someone who deserves to get his ass kicked and doesn't deserve much more than that. This is a picture of what men like him look like. If you take anything from his comments, it should be that. Pity him for being who he is and pity his parents because they're either as worthless and hateful as he is or did a terrible job at raising him. These are the kinds of men who usually have little of substance in life and need to tear people down because their lives are empty and theyre unhappy with themselves. It's difficult to be kind to others who your miserable. He may even suffer from the same self-esteem issues and lack of love really. See through the cruel words if you can and see the broken little boy screaming out. I usually do. We all have struggles and hateful people like this are unknowingly shouting theirs from there's when they spew their shit. Dust em off.

[miramiraonthewall]

Also, everyone has balls online. It's kind of hilarious. Cyberspace is probably this dudes heaven on earth compared to reality. Smh.

[miramiraonthewall]

And excuse all my typos. My typos > this miserable bitch boy though :D

[Asker]

Thanks he's a stupid person anyways he probably is a wife beater himself

[adamshunglol]

@miramiraonthewall to answer you question, yeah you could say my life is falling apart, and yeah i am a piece of shit, and yeah i am a loner, and yeah i dont have much self worth, and yeah i did have an abusive father, and yeah he did beat my mother, and yeah my childhood was fucked , and yeah i think i turned out okay, so i think i would know first hand what an abusive relationship is like. But my mom wasn't a weak girl, she was a strong women and did something about it, not stick around cause she was too scared. but one thing you're not gunna get across is that im a bitch boy... lmao god its so funny to read that!! you should see what my knuckles look like from everyone else that has ever called me a bitch to my face, but if you reply i won't respond, i feel like your feelings are hurt and that someone actually cares

[Asker]

She obviously stuck around if u saw it

[Asker]

It's not that easy to leave

[Asker]

Your gonna be abusive too sayin that shit to me for not reason. You already have characteristics of an abuser you sound like my soon to be ex boyfriend

[adamshunglol]

why?

[adamshunglol]

i put my hands on people who deserve it, i dont gender discriminate. I dont care who you are if you threaten me to the point where i need to defend myself i will put my hands on you.

[miramiraonthewall]

1. I didn't ask you a question. You have dismissed this girls abuse in your allegedly sarcastic comments. I dont care about your life at all, nor am I interested in hearing the details of your suffering.

2. You can use your fists and still be a bitch by my definition. You're clearly a pathetic hateful person either way. Enjoy your sad little life, we're done here.

[Anonymous]

just break up.