How do I stop basing everything on looks?

[Anonymous]

It's more of an internal mindset. My standards have gotten higher and higher the more dates I've been on, and the girl I used to have a serious crush on (highschool dream girl) now looks mediocre to me. How do I stop basing everything on looks? I have an internal fear that if I settle for a girl that is average looking, I'm going to be distracted and stare at really pretty girls when I'm in a relationship. I'm always wanting a really attractive girl, someone I can feel proud of having. But I know that mindset is wrong. I want to snap myself out of it and quit having such high standards when it comes to looks. But I'm scared if I'm in a relationship, I'll be staring and looking at really attractive girls imagining if I was with them instead

[bobair]

This is a really mature question and one most guys don't think to even ask, so bravo! You're being honest and realistic!

And I've done a lot of dating in my life and I've asked myself this same question.

What it sounds like you're trying to say is, "How do I stop focusing on the superficial aspects of the women I want to date so that when I'm in a proper relationship I can enjoy who I'm with even when I'm surrounded by possibly more beautiful women?"

My answer isn't probably going to make you feel any better but here it is...

Your feelings of attraction towards other beautiful women aren't a choice. How you FEEL in any given moment, with any given person, isn't something you can control. So take all of that pressure off your back and relax.

ITS OKAY TO FIND OTHER WOMEN ATTRACTIVE WHEN YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP! So don't beat yourself up about it, and don't fear that's a bad thing.

There will ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS be women more attractive than who you're with. Because even if you date the most gorgeous woman on the planet, within a year you'll be used to her beauty. And you'll start meeting her friends who are equally hot, but they'll seem hotter simply because you don't know them that well.

Your mistake is that you think it matters. Finding other women attractive should have zero impact on how much you love the one you're with. Because relationships are about bonding, and connection, and sharing. That stuff takes time to develop and feels WAY better than just "having" a hot girlfriend.

You probably don't realize this yet because you probably haven't had a serious connection with someone yet. Have patience.

Having a hot girlfriend is nice, if your only concern is what other guys think of you... it's our ego's that want others to be jealous of our woman.

Which is fine actually, just be honest with yourself about it. And do as much superficial dating as it takes. Over time our priorities change. When you need more of a connection your youthful need for her to be super hot will fade, and your need for her to be honest and trustworthy will grow.

One last thing: It's okay to feel attracted to others when you're in a relationship. It's not okay to try to hold onto those feelings, while fantasizing about trying to be with them. That's harmful to you and the relationship. Just feel the attraction, then let it go. Holding on is the mistake.

:D

~ Robby

(My Blog http://www.fullofhateandreadytodate.com )

[Anonymous]

You don't. You're human. You're just being human