How do I stop comparing my looks to others?

[Anonymous]

I am not ugly nor am I pretty, I am what you would call "average". I am always comparing myself to other beautiful women and it hurts me. I know people will say, "well, then stop comparing yourself" but it's easier said then done. There's plenty of beautiful women around and I feel worthless. I feel so bad that when the thought pops into my mind I feel teary and I want to cry. Even when I am in public, I can't help myself. I am 26 and I still can't get over this, I felt like this for so long and I just want to stop feeling like this. I also think that if I was in a relationship the guy I am with would only lie to me if he told me that I was beautiful. I have been told this by a guy before but I know he meant my personality and he has a tendency to be too nice. Some help will be appreciated.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

You will not find a guy who can do this for you, you need to fix your issues yourself.

Try doing this, Next time you see a good looking woman, make up a story about her in your head. Not like something catty, but to remind yourself that being beautiful doesn't exempt yourself from heartache.

So you see her in a bar and instead of playing your life story, say about her "she just found out her mom has inoperable cancer"

[Asker]

That's an interesting approach, thank you.

[Mesonfielde]

All you need to do is not do it, lol. Similarly to how in order to stop smoking, all you need to do is not smoke. Objectively speaking.

[Asker]

I know that's the case but it's hard especially when there's beautiful women everywhere.

[Mesonfielde]

Pffft, "beautiful" is only partly objective, while attraction is almost purely subjective. Basically, while there are people who have more people who drool over them, it is more like a normal distribution than just a binary yes/no thing. Meaning, even if less people fond you attractive, there are still people who do. And really, not everyone finds every "beautiful" woman attractive, I for one wouldn't be interested in Megan Fox, even though there are so many people drooling over her.

[Asker]

Its the fact that many people don't find me attractive that kills me. For example, let's say I went to a pizza place and I notice a guy that I am attracted to, we make eye contact but he looks away and never looks back at me. that makes me feel crap and it happens a lot, and it makes me question, seriously? What's wrong with me? I know I am average but I am not that bad.

[Mesonfielde]

Well just because someone looks at you whem you look at them, you can't reasonably expect them to assume that you are interested each and every single time and that you want to converse with them but you don't.

[Asker]

Sometimes u can tell a lot by looking into someone's eyes. I don't necessarily want them to come up and talk to me but I can see the disapproval in their eyes when they look at me.

[Mesonfielde]

Maybe you wear too much makeup. That is when I do that.

[Asker]

Lol I don't actually.

[Mesonfielde]

Hmmmm... Hairstyle, maybe?

[Brook_hawkins]

I use to always compare my looks to other girls and I thought I was fat so I surrounded myself with good people who I felt comfortable with and I didn't feel the need to compare anymore because they told me that I was a good weight and not to worry about other people:)

~We each get 86,400 seconds each day. And using even one to compare yourself to someone elsees looks is one second too many..~
:)

[findingdreamland]

There are always and will be beautiful women somewhere. That is not something harming. That is great. Appreciate the beauty. If you respect, you will be respected too.
And you know what makes you the beautiful? Feeling beautiful. If you feel about yourself that way, you are the one.

[Asker]

I respect other peoples beauty, I am an artist I see and appreciate beauty all the time. I am not mean towards beautiful people, I am just hurting inside.

[findingdreamland]

That is worst of all.
I also think, no offense, but artists tend to hurt themselves. It is like a source of creation for them. Maybe you are doing because of it?

[Asker]

I don't know lol all I know is that I know beauty when I see it but I don't see it when I look in the mirror.

[findingdreamland]

Everyone is unique. I am sure you have your own beauty :)

[Anonymous]

Realise that everyone has different preferences for appearances. Beauty actually is in the eye of the beholder.

Example:
You thinking: I wish my breasts were as big as hers.
Guy thinking: her breasts are too big and saggy.

[Jibaku]

Learn to live with and accept yourself.

I find myself attracted to people who are happy with themselves

[Anonymous]

If I were you. I would take note of it. Wait till no one is around then hit myself in the leg. If you do it again. Repeat. Or if you don't think that will help. Every time you cAtch yourself doing it. Tell yourself its okay and go get some icecream.

[Asker]

That will make me fat and I will end up bruising myself, but I get where you are going with this; negative reinforcement.

[Opinion Owner]

Smart girl,

[Opinion Owner]

I have your same problem. except im a guy,

[Asker]

Thanks 😌 how do u deal with it?

[Opinion Owner]

I got older and stop caring about looks. Cause my perspective changed , I just grew out of it I guess.

[Asker]

Sometimes, and in noway am I taking this away from you, but I find that it's harder for women since we're made to think this it's important that we are beautiful. If we aren't then we shouldn't be happy. I imagine feeling less fulfilled in my relationships because I am not attractive enough. I know there's more to relationships then just attraction, but I feel like I am lacking in this area, making me feel empty.

[Asker]

We shouldn't be happy because men won't find us desirable.

[Opinion Owner]

Hey, look you have to live with yourself. Only you can figure out how to make yourself happy people can't do this for you. So you think you are helping yourself by consantly comparing yourself to others than do it. Or how about this. Look at your good traits, I know you have alot.. focous on inmproving those.