Why is he so shy about his feelings for me?

[Anonymous]

He and I have been just basically talking for a few months, basically as friends, I want to take it slow. We have have hugged some and see each other some etc. when we can, both our schedules are weird right now. I can tell he really cares and I really do, but he will never really right out admit it. he shows me lots of respect and. He will say he misses me when I say it and he always says a big hug to me when we stop talking and things like that. I asked the other day why does he shut down every time I mention his emotions or feelings he said well I always get really shy about things like that. I said can we talk sometimes about your life and he said yes we will talk sometime. What do you think? think he has been badly hurt or scared or what? All opinions very much appreciated.

[Anonymous]

You have known this guy for months, spent time with him and all you are getting are hugs and infrequent time spent with him. See it for what it is - You are his "girl"/friend. Not his girlfriend he wants to spend every moment with, kiss, make her love him.

You are trying to determine what his feelings are for you. You are someone to talk to. Someone who doesn't make him feel like a loser because he has a gril he can talk to - but you are not his girlfriend and you won't be.

If this guy (or any guy for that matter )wants the girl he has access to and who is making herself available to him to be his girlfriend - it is done . Guys who want girls who don't want them - pursue them and try to make them their girlfriend. They will take their only free 5 minutes of the day to do something for this girl - no matter what either person's schedule is. Even for shy guys - a girl emotionally available to them - they know it so they have to work less hard. You aren't getting this. You are only getting hugs and conversations. You are trying to up it to the next level by "being there for him" and he is clearly resisting.

Start looking for a guy who wants to give you everything! And I mean everything - not just a friendly embrace. Put space between you and this "guy" friend and make yourself emotionally available to men who will want all of you.

I guarantee if you stay emotionally involved with this curtain guy that he will try to talk to you about another girl he is interested in as a friend (getting your girl advice) or just drop you and spend time with her. The other girl will get more than the friendly embraces.

Also, get the book - He's Just Not That Into You. If you haven't already read it - you need it. See the signs - it is an eye opener and you will stop selling yourself short and realize that you aren't going to accept less than 100% of your real boyfriend's love and attention.

Good luck!

[wounded]

In my opinion, this book is crap! It makes women select for men who know how to play the game, while shy and insecure guys are labeled as "not that into you". I find this generalizing and a bit unfair towards guys.

[Asker]

To Anonymous user apparently YOU do not get it honey. This guy I am finding out and had kinda figured anyway has been very badly hurt, and NO he did not just like me as a friend, and YES he is VERY into me. THERE are LOTS of guys out there like him that it takes a lot for them to open up. You said I was ONLY getting conversations and hugs, well honey that is MY choice not his because that is ALL I want and he respects that which in itself tells me a LOT.

[datingNconfused]

Now that's a great response!

[Anonymous]

You sure needed to take the defense, didn't you? I understood your question/post exactly - though apperantly You are still living in denial. If this guy wanted you - you would already be his. And if you really wanted to be his - and he really wanted you - you wouldn't be posting on the internet wondering what his feelings are for you.

Obviously, you don't have much experience with men. Otherwise, you wouldn't be making excuses for him like he has been hurt, he's shy etc.

The fact and truth still stands - people do what they want to do. Accept it. Either make something happen with this guy or get a life of your own not wondering why (direct quote from you - when asked questions "he shut down every time"). A guy who wants you to know him - whether or not he is shy - WILL LET you get to know him.

And thanks for the laugh about this being your choice. Thus, you are compelled to try to figure out his feelings/personality with strangers? Best of luck to you and your "shy friend".

[Asker]

Oh, and thank God for that, that I don't have lots and lots of experience with men unlike a LOT of women, and that is EXACTLY why it is my choice that we have only hugged and kissed. You're so pathetic that you cannot believe that some women are not hot mama's No, honey you need to get a life and probably a LOT more too. Don't waste my time by messaging back anymore

[Opinion Owner]

You sadly have no hope. Defensive, rude and afraid to accept the truth. You only want the answers that give you a little bit of false hope. You need to become smarter quickly - for your own sake. Or feel free to waste your time. If you are rude again on this, I will report you. Don't ask for others help and then not be able to accept it by being nasty, acting like a child and saying people are pathetic. You will see pathetic in your mirror.

[datingNconfused]

This was a slightly interesting read. You have much truth to your response, but very little tact. It's interesting to see people be completely rude and call it "being real" or "calling it as I see it".

[Stasm99]

Maybe he doesn't know how you feel about him and is scared you might not feel the same way. I have a friend who's shy around me and it's so cute. BUT This guy will come around and tell you how he feels when he's comfortable to do so. He probably doesn't want to feel like it's a one way street of feelings.

[Asker]

Thank you Stasm, I appreciate your advice

[Stasm99]

Your welcome

[browolf]

emotions to guys are like a foreign language in our heads. We don't really know what's going on in there. The best way to judge us are by actions. We don't like to say stuff we don't really understand. That's why we talk about sports and cars and computers etc. we understand those things.

At the same time guys are logical beings. Things need rational logical explanations but sometimes these are elusive to us. If we've been hurt we don't want to talk about it. It goes against our nature to admit we couldn't understand what happened. Its abhorrent to us when we can't solve our own problems. Females deal with things by talking about them. Guys deal with things by shutting them in boxes and not letting them out. Some guys have a lot of boxes.

It takes a huge amount of trust to open boxes and even then there's some things we never talk about it. The only way to build trust is to talk about your own life and feelings over events. This information is invaluable in understanding things that happened to us. When we understand better that's when we talk about them.