Input needed - he claims to like me, but his behavior is really spotty. Why would he be doing this?

[Anonymous]

I'm beyond annoyed and confused by this situation. This guy seems to like me. He is a little bad with reading women, has issues recognizing flirting, etc. I've done whatever possible to guide him to see I also like him. I've specifically stated things I'll do/say when flirting with a guy, then make sure to do/say those things to him.

He gives me compliments on my looks and personality. He has used words such as beautiful, pretty, caring, amazing, awesome, etc. and has also told me I'm a good person and a great listener with a good personality.

The issue? He is a massive flake and exhibits very shady texting behavior now. We used to have a great texting pattern. We would text daily even if it was just for a short time to check in with one another. Now, he has no problem going several days without saying a word. He will also text me, then after I respond, never reply. That is super frustrating. Like why did you even text me if you weren't going to respond?

He doesn't keep plans either. He will make really lame excuses for why we can't hang out. Then he will turn around and say how much he wants to hang out with me. He still compliments me too.

So, why would the texting habits become so spotty and why would he be so weird with hanging out if he still likes me? I try to be understanding and don't expect us to text 24/7, but this is pretty unacceptable. If I mention something about it and suggest not having anything else to do with him, he gets upset and doesn't want me to leave. So, is he just fighting his feelings for me? Is he scared? It feels like game playing to me and I don't deal with that.

What should I do? I'm really tired of the apparent games. We are both adults and this just shouldn't be a thing. I get being shy or bad with feelings. But there really seems to be more to it than just that. To me, actions speak louder than words and his actions aren't matching his words.

Opinions on how to address this would be appreciated. Thanks!

Updates

10 mo

More context - we've both been hurt/burned BAD before. We have touched on this briefly. He has said feelings are hard for him and I've been respectful of that. That's why I've helped him know without a doubt I'm flirting when I've flirted. His behavior is making me feel unwanted and fear he may no longer be interested or worse, may have been lying/leading me on. I want to be fair and give him a chance, but I also don't want to deal with games.

[ShesRad80]

he could very well be scared of his feelings, maybe he was hurt before. you could come right out an ask him because you really have nothing to lose. tell him hey can we talk?

[ShesRad80]

your update says it all, he's scared.

[Asker]

So scared because of how much he likes me and scared of getting hurt again... so he's starting to retreat and pull away?

[ShesRad80]

both and yes.

[Asker]

As an update, we were talking about an ongoing thing. There has been a rumor circulating that another guy likes me. We've talked about this before and he seemed annoyed. He said he didn't get why whomever it was wouldn't just grow a pair and approach me.

We were discussing it agaib and he right away wanted to know the names of who the potentials were. With the first one, he texted back immediately and said that me and that guy would make a cute couple then asked who the other potential was. I said who and he once again replied immediately and said he could see that. I asked why and he said he seen that guy staring at me all the time.

Why would he say I'd make a cute couple with another guy? Was he trying to test me to see if there was a mutual interest? For the record, I'm not into that other guy. He isn't very attractive and just really isn't my dating type. Did he ask for names to make note of the potential competition?

Was he trying to play it cool to avoid seeming jealous/insecure? Is he really not interested in me? He seems to be. I mean just re-read this question's details! He also hugged me on Friday and it was a really tight/close one and he brushed his hand against my butt at another point on Friday (not during tbe hug). He is still commenting on my perfume as well.

I made note that I was a bit picky with relationship choices which is true. He didn't say anything else after that.

Any input/advice on this newest "thing"?

[Asker]

The first time we talked about the other guy thing and he was saying how whomever it was needed to grow a pair and approach me, right after I had said I did prefer a guy being honest about his feelings and he right away said he liked how we were and I said I liked us too.

Sorry for this. You were helpful before so I was hoping you may be able to help me figure this latest mess out because I'm not even going to lie - I am REALLY freaking confused now. The fact that he said I'd make a cute couple with another guy made me a little nervous he may be trying to push me off onto someone else. But the immediate response and all the other info could indicate he was just trying to be low-key and not be jealous. The fact that he said the second guy stares at me all the time indicates he does notice other guys noticing me. So he apparently is keeping "tabs" to some degree I guess.

To add to it, me and this guy in question have slept together and he's said numerous times he really wants to do it again... but we don't... even though I've made it clear I'm interested in doing so. He has commented before he wants to sleep with me again before someone else comes and asks me out. So I am just super confused by his behavior and have no idea what to think.

Is it true that he likes me and is afraid like you said before? Or is he trying to get rid of me? Is he confused and unsure of what he wants for sure?

[ShesRad80]

i wasn't on, i just got your update, yes scared and likes you. i know because im going through it. they play hot and cold and fast and lose unfort we are paying the price for others that have hurt them and it sucks

[ShesRad80]

your situation is almost a carbon copy of mine, i had to reread it even the keeping tabs part, if you wanna dm me about it, ill answer you back when i get back on here. but we are def in the same place right now

[Asker]

Ok thanks so much! So he does still want me and is playing it cool to try not to be Mr. Jealous... but has certainly taken down names of the potential competitors. I guess it makes sense. But yes, it SUCKS that we are paying the price for others' negligence.

[ShesRad80]

keep in mind, if he didn't like you he wouldn't be jealous.

[HappyWoman34]

It sounds like he’s either not that into you or he’s severely autistic. Neither of which you need to stick around for.