Why do men get interested when girls stop caring?

[Blonde401]

As soon as I walk away and put zero effort into someone, they're suddenly interested. Why? Why do men suddenly get interested when they blew their chance?

[Dawsonwc]

Usually it’s not sudden. Usually I’m very interested but perceive that things are going well just slowly. So when all of a sudden she starts pulling away I freak out. What did I do wrong how do I fix this. I hate this panicked feeling of trying so hard to win the affection of another. No matter how much I date it still feels new to me. My mother never needed this kind of constant validation. I just existed and she loved me and I loved her back. But dating is different. It doesn’t just happen and it’s not like someone trained me on how to make a woman feel appreciated. I’m constantly having to figure that out on my own. And everything else seems to work like do the work get the prize and coast on the happiness. But not girls. Nope. Fuck me for not already being the perfect man. Fuck me for not being aware of the level of attention I should be giving her at all times. Fuck me for getting to comfortable I forgot I need to constantly be doing something more than just enjoying someone’s company in order to not feel alone.

(This isn’t really me and how I think and speak. It’s just an illistration of what it feels like to be a guy in this situation.)

[Dawsonwc]

People have actually done studies on this. Check out Attachment theory it’s a pretty well studied and accepted thing amongst psychologists

[Blonde401]

But you're making excuses for men behaving like this. They play games and that's all I see really.

[Dawsonwc]

I haven’t made any excuses for anyone. Not once did I say this was an okay mind frame to stay in. It’s not. It’s childlike and rest on the ideal that romantic relationships should resemble parental relationships. It follows the mindset that romantic love is something you need in order to be happy rather than realizing that love is most likely fairly abundant in your life already if you take the time to recognize in it’s many forms and appreciate it. This mindset doesn’t allow for a person to make the transition from acting out of desire for love rather than a desire to love. I’m not defending or making excuses for these men I’m simply answering your question. You asked why they behave this way and I replied with my best idea. However men aren’t necessarily playing games just because that’s all you see. All it really says is how you perceive them which is more of a reflection of your own personality, beliefs, and thoughts than it is the truth of the situation.

[Dawsonwc]

In your life you’ve had experience that confirm your suspicions but like everyone else in the world if you don’t actively challenge your suspicions you’re bound to only find things that confirm them and all situations that contradict them will be seen as an anomaly.

[Blonde401]

Ok then you're not making excuses. But your saying it's my fault I get treated like this :/

[Dawsonwc]

Noooooooooooo. Not in any way am I blaming you. Life is tough and often times shit just doesn’t go our way. That’s why perseverance and grit are so important. The whole universe is trending towards entropy like our very existence is a positive anomaly. All I’m saying is by continuing to believe that most guys are only playing around you may be creating a self fulfilling prophecy. If you believe that most if not all men only play games you’ll behave in a way to protect yourself from getting played which will push most serious guys away. It’s not your fault but you can always alter your outcomes a bit by questioning your current state of mind a little.

[Blonde401]

I understand what you're saying. I'm actually done with dating and was a while ago, due to a bunch of reasons. I was just curious if anyone could answer the reasons why people behave this way. I am actually fine being single for the rest of my life.

[Dawsonwc]

I say this a lot too. I’ve come to accept that for me at least I’m comfortable with being single the rest of my life but I’d really rather not. And making the transition to admitting I’d rather be in a relationship and that that takes effort on my part was the first hurdle to being honest with myself and confronting my own personal hang ups but everyone’s different.

[Blonde401]

I know exactly what you mean. I think I have told myself to accept it. I want a relationship, a lot. And in the past I've been willing to do so much and put so much effort in for people I liked. To have it all thrown in my face. So why bother anymore. Nobody appreciates it. And my mental health can't take it anymore.

[Dawsonwc]

I mean most things in life that are highly sought after are difficult to obtain. Curing disease, ending world hunger, world peace. Most things take lifetimes to accomplish. You could always take the approach of because I failed so many times in the past the task is impossible. Or you can reframe it all as a learning experience, gaining skills that will hopefully land you where you’d like to be one day. I personally like to see life as a fairly null experience where nothing you do matters In the long run. At first it sounds depressing but I like to see existence as a giant novel. Characters come and go. Tragedies occur as well as heart touching moments. And I get to experience it all as one of the characters. Personally I just don’t want to read the sentence that says “and he said ‘It’s too hard I quit’ and he sat there and did nothing for the next few years” cause I mean a stumbling failing tragic character is at the very least someone to root for.

[ciaojujuu]

Wow. The feels though. Touching some
Important points there.

[sammy2189]

The saying you want what you can't get/have. You know the expensive stuff that's out of your reach. When a woman becomes "unavailable" we chase her. Its like having some old item at home and then someone takes it and put it in a museum. You realize the true vale.

[Blonde401]

But they already had her and blew their chance?

[Prima_Dana]

This is a question I'm kinda asking to myself right now too. Guys always say they appreciate it when a girl expresses interest but I think they still like a chase. Guys always fuck around with the girls that express interest in them right away but they are more attracted to the girls that keep them guessing. That was a mistake I made before--so lesson learned.

[Blonde401]

Yes! Thank you! Guys whine that they want girls to make a move. No they don't because they do this.

[Prima_Dana]

It’s not always the case that it’s like this but sometimes it is. I guess guys with good intentions can sometimes be hard to find lol. I’d just rather not deal with the trouble that a guy may cause if I express interest in him at the right time. To me, that’s just immature.

[melanieeeB]

Cause they knew you are there and care for him and he doesn't have to work for you anymore, cause you won't go away anyways and now you stopped and they want this affection/attention back and either when they get it back they go back to being assholes or the minority really realizes what they have lost

[Blonde401]

I guess so.

[pinkzoesbb]

They want what they can’t have. Even if you give them another chance they’ll do it again. If he’s not interested in the first place don’t set yourself up to get hurt. It’s his loss.

[Blonde401]

It really seems like all men are like this.

[dissolute_dog]

Haha I don't know! xD Maybe some guys take a girl for granted until they realize that she's drifting away, and then they realize they need to try to "reel her back in." Personally, I'm the opposite: I give a girl more attention and affection if I think she might be interested. If she gets all cold and distant on me, I feel like she never cared about me much to begin with, so I become distant with her too. xD

[Blonde401]

I'm the same as you! Glad there's some normal blokes out there 😔

[dissolute_dog]

Hahaha this is the first time I've ever been called a bloke, I think. xD This is cool! -- it's just never used where I am. ^_^

[Blonde401]

Sorry. It's an English thing :)

[Hans222]

I guess most men love it when the girl plays "hard to get" :D
Could also be he didn't want to screw up but was a little clumsy in how to approach you :-(
My feeling says: give it a chance by telling him he "almost" screwed up. But of course it's your choice :D

[Blonde401]

He totally screwed up. I don't play games and I don't go for people who do. He completely lost his chance. I just wondered why some men behave this way :/ thanks for your opinion :)

[Hans222]

You're welcome :D
You know, we man... we're so weird hahaha :-( 8)

[WalterBlack]

Maybe the guy was trying to downplay his interest so that he doesn't seem desperate. When he realizes that the approach isn't working, he may make his feelings more obvious. Although, it may be too late at that point, as you stated.

[Blonde401]

Hmm that seems the case with most guys yeah

[AndrewMG]

@Blonde401 No idea! I can make quirky mentions to bands, TV's, movies, poets etc but essentially when it comes to relationships I still have no idea. if you want an introverted opinion regarding extroverted actions though, then I'd uncertainly suggest that certain people prefer the chase to the reward... me personally, I false start at the beginners line lol

[Blonde401]

I think you're right :/

[msg812]

I'm turkish and there is a turkish saying about this. Its English translation is like that "the one who runs away is chased"

[Blonde401]

Why do people want to chase what they lost?

[msg812]

maybe you see you as a weak, pathetic person, when you care about them and they start seeing you as a strong girl who doesn't need anyone, when you stop caring. i just guessed.

[Blonde401]

Maybe. Their loss.

[WalterBlack]

I think regret is a very powerful feeling. It encourages people to make a last ditch effort to try to save what is slipping away.

[Blonde401]

@WalterBlack that's true I suppose

[msg812]

@Blonde401 maybe you can give a second chance to this man?

[Blonde401]

Definitely not. He doesn't deserve it.

[msg812]

People sometimes deserve second chances but i won't be persistent about this. because you are the one who knows him. not me. If you are saying, he doesn't deserve, it means he doesn't deserve;)

[Blonde401]

He really doesn't. He's had enough second chances.

[msg812]

May i give you a song as a present? i think that song will be suitable for your current situation:))

[msg812]

You didn't reply. I think it means i can't:(

[Razal]

First they take you for granted coz they assume you are in their pocket, like "this one is under control, she's not getting anywhere".

But once you leave, they realise that they have missed an opportunity so they start running after it !!

[Blonde401]

True I guess

[Nadia1994]

@Razal So does the guy actually like the girl or not? Especially if he keeps doing this again and again?

[Blonde401]

@Nadia1994 I'd like to know this too.

[Razal]

The guy likes you otherwise he would not come after you once you walk off.

[Nadia1994]

Well then why would he pull away again and again?

[Razal]

@Nadia1994 Probably he doesn't want to get too serious right now or has some insecurity.

[Nadia1994]

How can we tell which one it is? And insecurity regarding what?

[Razal]

@Nadia1994 That i can not say unless i know the guy !! Most probably he doesn't want to take things too seriously right now !!

[OlderGuy965]

We often take things for granted and we don't realize what we got till its gone. Does that make sense?

[Blonde401]

I guess so. I just don't understand the mentality behind it.

[OlderGuy965]

I'm a bit older and wiser now, but I had a bad habit of taking so much for granted. I expected things would just magically go my way. Then when things didn't, and it was too late, it was hard to let go. I would try, in futility, to get back what I once had. This can be the same thing as you've asked. The mentality is thinking you're entitled to it, therefore, taking it for granted. Hope this helps.

[Blonde401]

It does actually. Great answer, thank you for the insight!

[OlderGuy965]

My pleasure

[DiegoO]

Because we like to feel the sensation of been the man, the one who attracts lady's, so depending on the amount of ego a guy have he might try to do the impossible to get back that attention he once obtain from the girl he's attracted to, or maybe just move on.

[Raymond_Reddington]

I never even show interest. That's how insecure I am. Sometimes when I look at women and I make eye contact with them, they quickly look away. Im used to that lol

[xxanna94xx]

"I never even show interest. That's how insecure I am." Wow this is exactly how my crush is. He's really scared to show his interest in me. Why is that? He's insecure about what?

[Raymond_Reddington]

I never show interest because I'm insecure. I know the girl won't like me so I try to ignore her instead. Thats why I never show interest. I want to so badly but it just don't dare to because i already know how its going to end

[xxanna94xx]

I think my crush does the exact same thing. So does he like me or not?

[Raymond_Reddington]

Yeah. Also means he thinks he doesn't stand a chance with you. My advice. Don't try to make small talk with him. Just be straight to the point and ask him out.

[Nadia1994]

He thinks he doesn't stand a chance with me? So that's why he doesn't even try? Isn't that a pathetic way to think about yourself?

I'm afraid to ask him out because I think he's not interested in me. He hardly shows any interest and I don't wanna make a fool of myself and get hurt.

[Raymond_Reddington]

Everyone thinks about me like that. Why shouldn't I?

[Mr_Jolly]

We realise what we've previously taken for granted cannot be relied on to still be around when we are inattentive and uncaring.

[Robsinsf53]

I don't know why "SOME" men and I don't know why "SOME" women do that, maybe because they found out that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

[Blonde401]

Obviously I don't mean all men. I really don't need to put that disclaimer everywhere.

[Robsinsf53]

I was just disclaiming myself, lol. It must have to go back to childhood like when your dad tells you you can't wear those clothes out. Now all of a sudden you've got to wear them. If my mom said don't be spinning your tires when you have your brothers in the car. You and everyone else knows I couldn't wait to get in the car and spin 'em... It's human nature that we have to get that thing that's perceived as unattainable. I GUESS🤔.😂😂😂

[running_wild]

That sounds like men in denial about losing your interest. A lot of men have issues with rejection and may enter a state of denial rather than think it is a possibility.

[Blonde401]

I had to reject this person for my own sake, unfortunately.

[running_wild]

It sounds like you did the right thing.

[wingattebaby16]

they like it easy.. when you walk away.. they have to work for it.

[freakyzeaky]

Because they are fools.

[Blonde401]

You think so? I do too. Lol

[freakyzeaky]

If they liked you and were interested, then they would show it. Sounds like immaturity to me. Unless it is a coincidence that they got back to you after you walked away. Would need more details...

[rico99]

Agreed @freakyzeaky fools indeed

[Blonde401]

Well it was someone I was in a relationship with. This person treated me poorly, I've literally dropped them from my life and make no time for them. Yet theyre constantly texting and trying to get me to meet up with them.

Person two is similar to this. I dropped all contact and they've come out of the woodwork to get my attention again. Every bloke I stop showing any affection for is on me like a rash. Why don't guys just like people who like them?

[freakyzeaky]

I don't know, that blows my mind. If I had a cute (and compatible) woman give me lots of attention and affection, I wouldn't run away. Doesn't make sense to me. Which is why I say they are fools.

There might be some truth to them realizing too late what they had. Are they the kind of guys who act all cocky and nonchalant around you? Are they sweet guys but just appear confused? You said the guy treated you poorly. How? Did he just ignore you a lot? Maybe he is playing games. If you are like me, you don't have time for that mess, so I don't blame you at all for walking away.

[Blonde401]

He reeled me in, was interested in me. We had a relationship. I fell in love with him. He was very hot and cold. Would either be all over me like a rash or he'd be really really cold. He stood me up on valentines day and my birthday. If I ever said anything about him hurting my feelings he would blowup. Anyway, we broke up a few years ago. We sort of decided to be friends after he dumped me (telling me that he hadn't wanted to be with me the last 6 months we were together and humiliated me)

We hung out very occasionally with other people and did stuff. Then he just got back to his whole dropping me and ignoring me when it suited him. So I just did the exact same to him. Now he's saying he wants to apologise to me in person and wants to see me. I'm not going to do it, I'm sure he just wants to fuck with me again.

Most guys do this to me. They fuck me about. I am a very straightforward, non game playing person. It's frustrating.

[Blonde401]

That's just one guy though. Every other guy I've dated or whatever, they act disinterested and then as soon as I act the same, they pop back up all interested.

[freakyzeaky]

Wow. If you want to PM me about it rather than go into it here, that is cool.

Yeah, dudes sound like they are immature and controlling. Don't let them gaslight you or manipulate your emotions like that. Sorry, but that is fucked. No mature and secure man would do that to a woman. He would either walk away if he wasn't interested and try to find another woman or he would stay hot for you. None of this hot/cold bullshit unless you had a turbulent relationship with lots of arguing or one or both of you have crazy mood swings.

Communication is always key, but I think you know that. Those guys apparently didn't though.

Don't let those guys taint your thoughts on real men. Yeah, some of us have some quirks and insecurities too, but we know how to grow and learn from our mistakes.

[rico99]

You say that cause im lurking

[rico99]

😭😭

[rico99]

Trying to learn a thing or two here😢😢

[Blonde401]

I'm just really done with dating as a result of men in my life. I include my dad in that. And yeah people can say I choose the wrong men or I have daddy issues but honestly, how can you know someone's gonna treat you like trash until they start? And that usually takes a few months before they show their true colours...

I'm just trying to understand the mentality behind people and why they behave the way they do. That's why I ask these questions. I've been single for pretty much three years. Gonna keep on with it I guess... and not saying this to make you feel sorry for me or anything. I just think there really isn't someone for everyone.

[rico99]

Ok now its my turn

[rico99]

Give me a min to finish my breakfast this is a long story

[rico99]

I dont think you are the problem. I dont think you have a problem. That being said. I was single all my life till 5 months ago. No women showed interest until my money started to leave my pockets. Even at that i could get a date i couldn't get affection from women. It was like i had plague tattooed on my forehead. Its a waiting game unfortunately. You just gotta do you and if the right guy comes alone you will know him for months before you date him and he won't change he will tell you what he is into before you even say much about your self wanna know if a guy is...

[Blonde401]

@rico99 I am the problem. People treat you how you deserve to be treated. I guess I'm just a victim of abuse who's never going to get past that. I might as well have it tattooed on my forehead. That and I'm not particularly nice to look at. But I see girls who are similar looking to me get boyfriends... so maybe it's a combination.

[rico99]

Interested for real ask him about him before you say anything about yourself let him tell you his life story keep a friendship basis till you really know him that is how you find a real partner just watch his moves and actions before you go past friends status

[rico99]

You aren't the problem 70% of guys lie about what they want

[rico99]

They just wanna hit it and quit it does not matter who the woman in their sights are its a game to most of them

[Blonde401]

@rico99 and that's why I'm done with dating.

[Blonde401]

@rico99 I've had a few first dates that didn't go anywhere. I'm 27, I'm old now, nobody wants someone my age. Everyone my age is already in a relationship.

[freakyzeaky]

@Blonde401, you are not particularly nice to look at? Going by your avatar picture, I'd say you are wrong. Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't gorgeous.

Maybe it is a bit of insecurity and self-esteem issues on your part. Maybe it is your attitude. I don't know and I won't want to judge someone who I don't know in that way. These things usually get corrected by just working on yourself and try to be the best possible person you can be for yourself and no one else. Then someone will be attracted to you as a person, both your personality and your sex appeal.

Do you really think you deserve to be treated this way? I know you don't believe that or otherwise, you wouldn't have asked this question. Don't let these dickheads make you think you deserve to be toyed with.

It could be a whole number of reasons. Without knowing how you act in person, no one will really ever know what may be turning guys off and on.

[freakyzeaky]

BUT, these guys do seem like users. Ditch these immature boys and find a mature man who respects you. Rather, instead of finding anyone, just be the best person you can be and someone will notice. When you are ready, then make yourself very approachable, maybe go on online dating sites. Otherwise, just be happy doing you and the more positive you get, the more people will pick up on it, including good men.

[Blonde401]

I've basically been told I'm ugly and fat and that nobody is going to love me :/ oh and I'm not girlfriend material! Yeah. Kinda hard to bounce back from hearing those things... pathetic, I know but I don't feel great.

Eh. My attitude in what way? I say what I think. Yeah. But in real life I'm not so bad... I'm a kind person, I work hard and I'm very loyal. I'm not an ogre... but then maybe I am. Maybe that's why I'm constantly being overlooked or used.

I don't know. Sometimes I think I do and sometimes I don't. Maybe it's easier to believe I do. It makes more sense then?

[Blonde401]

I hate online dating... it's the worst 😔

[rico99]

Sweetie your not the problem at all and i am 28 and i felt the same way i met my girlfriend online you just need to relax and ease your mind

[freakyzeaky]

Yeah, online dating takes a lot of shiny packaging to get you in the door. Professional pictures, great profiles, exciting seeming lives (who has time to travel that goddamn much?)... yeah, it can be tough.

I think negativity shows even when people try to suppress it. Body language, eye contact, posture, communication, a lot of different things suffer when there is an aura of negativity or depression. When you feel off, other people will notice by extension of how you act and project yourself. Not saying you aren't worthy or that you are acting strange, just saying that men and women prefer warm people to make them feel comfortable around so they can open up and make a connection.

As for you being ugly and fat, I'm telling you, they are wrong. I think you look cute. The thing is though, a person's mannerisms are what makes a person truly alluring, not just their photogenic face or body.

[freakyzeaky]

Like that cute thing you do when you laugh, or how you blush when a guy teases you, or that flustered look you get when you are peeved, or the bedroom eyes when a guy is holding you close. Those little things, the mannerisms, are really what make guys see the beauty in a person. And those things don't come from your looks, they come from your soul. They are in there, you just have to let them shine. Get rid of all that clutter, that noise in your mind, watch your thoughts. Your mind will start to shut down which is a good thing. You aren't your mind! You aren't your past! You are as you are right now and you are perfectly imperfect and as soon as you realize it, the right man will realize it too. Trust me. You deserve love, so love and be loved.

[windknowsmyname]

Auuuuuuum. Thats not it.

Men get interested when she is not chasing him. And she had attitude.

Example
Nice girl: " i disagree with what yiu said."
Girl with 0 fucks given: " you're fuckin moron, bye.

Shit like 0 fucks given lady triggers mental foreplay to weak or vulnerable men. Desprate. It like a scene where as the girl needs a spanking after an argument. Fk gets guys horny if thdy are not careful.

All depends on his mindset.

[Blonde401]

Yeah this doesn't answer my question. You just made up a fake and confusing scenario that doesn't help me whatsoever to understand what you're on about.

[windknowsmyname]

Omg, you see wha you wan and hear wha you wan. Answer is clear as day.

They are immature guys who thinks with there penis not with there heads. Good enough?

[Blonde401]

Not really. Neither answer my question.

[windknowsmyname]

Sooo him being immature dont answer, no? Okay. Fine. Dunno wa you wanna you see spelked out but. Sorrii i was no help.

[Blonde401]

Spelked?

[windknowsmyname]

Spelled*

[ENGUE]

I think because most of them like challenges. By the way, not only men do that, a lot of women do the same thing.

[Sisi96]

OMG YASS. Why? this is the meanest thing!

[Blonde401]

glad to hear I'm not alone in this! It's the worst 😒

[Djaaay]

Depends on who you think is blowing their chances... women most of the time are Not open to being direct

[Blonde401]

I was very direct. He knows this.

[Djaaay]

Very direct what? Walking away?

[Blonde401]

Well yes.

[Djaaay]

I believe it's beyond the chase mechanism. I think that its the shock of rejection is what prompts someone to feel they must adhere the situation attentively with interest towards the other person all of a sudden , to justify themselfs.

[cmehard]

We sometimes don't want something until or unless we can't have it or lost it. Others is so no one else can have it

[eagle1951]

because as soon as you stop paying attention to them than they notice you

[Blonde401]

But why do grown men act like this. When they constantly go on about how they want to settle down?

[eagle1951]

been going on as long as i can remember. and for the record women do the same thing

[Blonde401]

I don't know any women that do this. I've dated men and women. This only happens to me with men.

[eagle1951]

it's happened to me with women lol

[Blonde401]

Then will you share your experience rather than just blaming a gender? I only stated men because I've not experienced it with women myself. And the situation involves men.

[Longshanks68]

I have also seen women be this way but it’s mostly a guy thing.
And I don’t like the hard to get game, I just want to find a best friend and sex partner that loves me as much as I love her!
Fuck all the games and psycho babble from both genders, I’d like to think two people could just be ultimately happy together and not have to complicate things.
For the guys , I think it mostly is taking their women for granted, we believe that they love us and would never leave us and we stop putting as much effort into it. I learned this the hard way and I think (I hope) that I don’t do this anymore. But on the flip side if a guy is constantly trying , he may appear to not be confident in the relationship and that will be problematic as well.