What's the deal with shy guys?

Is it true that if a guy's into you he'll make a massive effort with you? What if he's shy? Or would he want to take his time before massively approaching someone because they work together or something? What can a more confident and sociable girl do to encourage them? Or should she just set her sights elsewhere?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • As a former shy guy, I would say that approaching girls that they are really crushing on seems like a puzzle that they only have one shot for. They feel like there is a specific conversational formula that they must abide by or else they would scare the girl off and never see her again. Like they have to do this when the girl is playing hard to get, we have to do that when there is an awkward silence and so on. It feels as formal as a job interview when we approach girls we like. It took time for me to realize that I was making it harder than it needs to be when I am with a friend of mine who has many female friends. Basically, they are human and there is no real need to be that formal.
    We also feel that sometimes we need to have some previous association with each other otherwise, you immediately fail because she does not know who you are and therefore does not want anything to do with you. We feel like we need to have a lot more experience with her than we feel like we currently have. Again, this falls under the human thing. It seems silly I know but the shy guys (at least I was) are really that certain that they would fail and are really hesitant to try to ask girls out. If a girl approached him I think it would immediately erase the doubt. Ask for the number because that is usually how they get used to talking to you.

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    • Fucking agree on this 100000%!!!

    • Thank you very much for taking the time to write such detailed response. I'm trying to work out how it applies to my current situation and hopefully gain some clarity!

    • No problem. Good luck!

Most Helpful Girl

  • Quite tough to judge these kinds of guy either they really like you and can't express or they are playing with you.
    There is a guy who seems to be shy in front of me I m really confused does he really likes me or playing with me

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    • Hey, it really depends if he show enough signs. I don't think s guy would pretend to be shy.

    • Yup he stares , he gets nervous when it comes to talk with me , his friends make fun of him in front of me, he blushes

      Still I have a doubt on him

    • I guess the only thing you could do is say hi to him and see how he reacts. If he looks really happy when you greet him, you could trying making small talks with him. I'm a shy girl girl myself and get extremely shy around guys that I like or find attractive. He probably nay find you attractive.

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What Guys Said 111

  • There are shy guys who would make terrific partners but they don't believe they are attractive or have much to offer. They just need a little encouragement. So if you are crushing on a guy like this, don't keep dropping hints hoping he will pick up on it. Smack him with the clue stick. Ask him to join you for lunch, coffee, a drink, whatever. Or say "Why haven't you asked me out? I would really like that."

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  • effort is most often tied to several factors, the perceived risk, the perceived value, perceived opportunity, the assumed effort, in addition to more nuanced and subtle things such as mood, setting, etc.

    there can be a difference between a shy, quiet, introverted, or reserved person... perhaps they don't believe they have anything to offer? perhaps they assume someone like you is taken... perhaps they are anxious about social interaction in general... maybe they find listening is of more value than speech...

    i mean, you can wonder this, and you can wonder that... maybe this guy is wondering the same thing... truth is, until one of you sucks it up and takes a chance, nothing will change... are You to shy to approach? better play it safe like him and wait for someone to come to you... if not, take charge of exploring the opportunities in your own life, and quit worrying so much about how much effort someone is willing to put into that first step.. the only relevant effort, is that taken and if you aren't willing to to put in effort, whatever effort you receive is the effort that you deserve...

    i hope that perspective is of some use to you...

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    • by the way, i am an introvert (often labeled as shy), and everything i just said to you applies to myself, as well as anyone else on earth...

  • Just approach him... as u girls said we are both human and guys should not be afraid but some are and will always...
    And the society is not making it easy for them, so they will never approach in reality and whike you are waiting too

    So A wait B and B wait A... deadlock

    So do the fucking approach and it is the end result that counts...

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  • Personally I am shy. And do I think he will put in massive effort you see will be missed. I once really liked a girl (she was a teacher) and I made her an apple cup with popsicle sticks I cut into thin slices and put together in a lattice style cross hatch pattern to form said tray. I even spelt the word apple on the backside of the tray to have a resting spot on the apple. But when Christmas rolled around I never gave my son the tray. I flubbed it (passed it off that i never did it) and it broke my heart. Taking time to know him/her (eachother) can help but also leads down a trickery of is she/he just friend zoning me. If you want to encourage them to be more open just invite them to coffee or a lunch. And as you leave drop the old "this is a not for work lunch. I wanted to know you better personally." If it is not working or does not feel right do not be afraid to say it either because 99% of us don't want a stalker ex. Especially at the work place.
    If your going to follow through w/ the above make sure your ok w/ it. If it feels like it's not a "woman's job to do so" (which I believe every one gets to make that decision) then you may want to lean on the I'll set my sights else where. As it could cause a resentment down the road or feelings of he's not manly which is even more crushing to a shy person.

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  • I'm the guy you are talking about. Im a super confident guy but can't for the life of me make it past innocent flirting. I'm into a girl at work and haven't made a move because it could make things awkward. If you want a guy, ask him out. It's less work for us lol

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    • Haha. Fair enough! Do you make an effort with her though? I feel like it's always me talking to him, and he's not replied to one of my messages before. Then he either looks right into my eyes, or nowhere near me. We don't have each other on social media so there's pretty much no interaction outside work...
      I'm fine making the effort if it's because he's shy, but I don't want to end up embarassing myself because ultimately he's not interested

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    • Very true. But you making that effort with her makes me doubt my guy tbh.
      You're situation sounds like it's coming along nicely though! Just got to keep trying, and maybe ask others to see if she's mentioned being interested in you

    • Not as nicely as I'd like tbh lol. But if it happens it happens, if it doesn't than oh well.

  • A shy guy might still make a big effort to be with you, especially if you are approachable. Shy guys still want girlfriends, and one who is friendly and approachable is going to appear to be a much better (an desirable) prospect than one who is aloof and is clearly not interested.

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  • Shy guys are guys that won't make a "massive effort" with you until they trust you. It's up to you to build that trust. You can build that trust through your actions in mutually shared environments, and your actions towards him.

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  • A shy guy will want to make a lot of effort with you, without knowing how to initiate or not appear awkward. Breaking the ice is generally the hardest part.

    A smile works. An exclusive smile gives him the idea that you are, at least, definitely not not interested.

    Or... It's 2018 you make the approach.

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  • "Is it true that if a guy's into you he'll make a massive effort with you?" LOL, no.

    "What if he's shy?" Exactly

    "Or would he want to take his time before massively approaching someone because they work together or something?" Possibly

    "What can a more confident and sociable girl do to encourage them?" Oh I don't know, be a confident and sociable girl and ask him out?

    "Or should she just set her sights elsewhere?" If you do that, were you ever really into him?

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  • Honestly, take they hand and in a non sexual way put it on your breast and say dont act so formal with me, its a turn off. And to just get him comfortable in general with a womans touch would help greatly! Lol

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  • As long as you've given signals to indicate your approachable then realistically you've done your part. If you've given prolonged eye contact, given a smile, said "hey" in passing by, placed yourself in non crowded spaces (not sat with a bunch of girls etc). If you've done these things and he still hasn't approached then he is basically a pussy.

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  • It honestly varies from guy to guy. Personally, I'm very awkward with social interaction in general, so even if I'm genuinely interested in someone, I either try and somehow mess it up, or I'm to nervous to because I'm worried about messing it up.

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  • Like most of these answers say, shy guys need the girl to start the convo/approach them then they'll start talking. I'm a guy with major social anxiety and the times I can open up to a girl if she's one of my friends or approaches me.

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  • Im a shy guy and also dense as lead. And ill tell you this my current girlfriend asked me out, how well she said she needed to talk to me and then she told me straight to my face she wanted to be my girlfriend. Some guys aren't shy but dense as shit and shy.

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  • If you are into him, just go for it. If not, ignore the case. As a shy man, there is nothing worst than a woman trying to encourage you getting to know some other women.
    In our, or at least my head, it sounds like "You are good enough, but not good enough for me."

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  • Shy guys won't engage unless the gates are wide open. You have to be really open about your liking for him. Shy guys want to be 100% sure that you like them. If there is any doubt, they won't make a move.

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  • Well shy guy's will most of the time never ask. The best thing to do is spend time with he. he will start to become more confident with you then he could build up to wanting to ask you out, but you probably have to be one to make it happen even if he wants to be with you really bad but once he notices that you want him he will get closer to you.

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  • If you've given them multiple opening (s) to approach and they're still too shy to approach, move on.

    Signs that she's open to me approaching
    1) She's facing me
    2) She's smiling at me
    3) She's not in a hurry to be anywhere
    4) etc.

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  • I'm an incredibly shy guy and most people I've dated were people who I've had conversations with over messenger foremost. It's reassuring when the online conversation goes well so that I know I'm able to speak freely in person but after that I try my hardest. Not sure about others but maybe some are like me in that respect

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  • No, shy guys won't necessarily do anything because most will talk themselves out of their chance with you. They'll convince themselves that you'll reject them because they have a painful history of rejection.

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What Girls Said 16

  • Maybe if you didn’t think you were entitled to men doing all the work and risking all the rejection, then maybe just maybe you wouldn’t be having this problem

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  • it's really complicated to date them... because sometimes you have to be the one putting forth more effort into the relationship and it's just no fun :( mine is pretty charismatic however and veryyy social, but it's the social shyness that is prevalent. usually i have to do the "approaching"

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  • I've learnt shy guys will try to make a effort but it's possible to be not enough for us /me to notice so if it's someone you're interested in make a move yourself so you both know where you stand

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  • Shy guys are kind of hard to tell what they want so maybe try to ask him yourself

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  • Figure out if he's really shy or just manipulative. I've noticed the shy guy thing to be an act for some.

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  • If u like someone but he's shy, make a first move. It's not always guys who make first move

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  • Yes. If he's into you he WILL make a massive effort.

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  • if you are confident ASK HIM OUT. life is temporary you know.

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  • From my personal experience he'd be willing to open up more, and get out of his comfort circle more often, if he see's u as a potential soulmate

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  • Hard to read and judge but if you like him why not instigate things yourself

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  • You try to engage with him! Talk to him and help him open up to you.

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  • shy people dont get you anywhere

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  • I married a shy guy. 💍

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  • They have small dicks

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  • If a guy is shy, you need to take some initiative.

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  • Low self esteem

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