What's the deal with shy guys?

Question

Is it true that if a guy's into you he'll make a massive effort with you? What if he's shy? Or would he want to take his time before massively approaching someone because they work together or something? What can a more confident and sociable girl do to encourage them? Or should she just set her sights elsewhere?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

As a former shy guy, I would say that approaching girls that they are really crushing on seems like a puzzle that they only have one shot for. They feel like there is a specific conversational formula that they must abide by or else they would scare the girl off and never see her again. Like they have to do this when the girl is playing hard to get, we have to do that when there is an awkward silence and so on. It feels as formal as a job interview when we approach girls we like. It took time for me to realize that I was making it harder than it needs to be when I am with a friend of mine who has many female friends. Basically, they are human and there is no real need to be that formal.
We also feel that sometimes we need to have some previous association with each other otherwise, you immediately fail because she does not know who you are and therefore does not want anything to do with you. We feel like we need to have a lot more experience with her than we feel like we currently have. Again, this falls under the human thing. It seems silly I know but the shy guys (at least I was) are really that certain that they would fail and are really hesitant to try to ask girls out. If a girl approached him I think it would immediately erase the doubt. Ask for the number because that is usually how they get used to talking to you.

JustACrag · Accepted Answer

Personally I am shy. And do I think he will put in massive effort you see will be missed. I once really liked a girl (she was a teacher) and I made her an apple cup with popsicle sticks I cut into thin slices and put together in a lattice style cross hatch pattern to form said tray. I even spelt the word apple on the backside of the tray to have a resting spot on the apple. But when Christmas rolled around I never gave my son the tray. I flubbed it (passed it off that i never did it) and it broke my heart. Taking time to know him/her (eachother) can help but also leads down a trickery of is she/he just friend zoning me. If you want to encourage them to be more open just invite them to coffee or a lunch. And as you leave drop the old "this is a not for work lunch. I wanted to know you better personally." If it is not working or does not feel right do not be afraid to say it either because 99% of us don't want a stalker ex. Especially at the work place.
If your going to follow through w/ the above make sure your ok w/ it. If it feels like it's not a "woman's job to do so" (which I believe every one gets to make that decision) then you may want to lean on the I'll set my sights else where. As it could cause a resentment down the road or feelings of he's not manly which is even more crushing to a shy person.

thatchristiangirl · Accepted Answer

it's really complicated to date them... because sometimes you have to be the one putting forth more effort into the relationship and it's just no fun :( mine is pretty charismatic however and veryyy social, but it's the social shyness that is prevalent. usually i have to do the "approaching"

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Quite tough to judge these kinds of guy either they really like you and can't express or they are playing with you.
There is a guy who seems to be shy in front of me I m really confused does he really likes me or playing with me

jackiebuena · Accepted Answer

Maybe if you didn’t think you were entitled to men doing all the work and risking all the rejection, then maybe just maybe you wouldn’t be having this problem

UnaKaizen · Accepted Answer

if you are confident ASK HIM OUT. life is temporary you know.

Obfuscate · Answer

effort is most often tied to several factors, the perceived risk, the perceived value, perceived opportunity, the assumed effort, in addition to more nuanced and subtle things such as mood, setting, etc.

there can be a difference between a shy, quiet, introverted, or reserved person... perhaps they don't believe they have anything to offer? perhaps they assume someone like you is taken... perhaps they are anxious about social interaction in general... maybe they find listening is of more value than speech...

i mean, you can wonder this, and you can wonder that... maybe this guy is wondering the same thing... truth is, until one of you sucks it up and takes a chance, nothing will change... are You to shy to approach? better play it safe like him and wait for someone to come to you... if not, take charge of exploring the opportunities in your own life, and quit worrying so much about how much effort someone is willing to put into that first step.. the only relevant effort, is that taken and if you aren't willing to to put in effort, whatever effort you receive is the effort that you deserve...

i hope that perspective is of some use to you...

Pyrofox · Answer

Just simply take the lead when it comes to the relationship. Just be there for him and you will easily be able to get him to be confident. And when he gets anxious or thinks he's messing up. Just remind him your still right there by his side. And just give him the smile that melts his heart.

Often shy guys are the type though also to already know what they want and looking for. Often its not a matter of giving up trying with them. Its rather smarter just try to meet most of their requirements. Which often times just is simply be able to get them to smile and just be overall joyous.

slatyb · Answer

There are shy guys who would make terrific partners but they don't believe they are attractive or have much to offer. They just need a little encouragement. So if you are crushing on a guy like this, don't keep dropping hints hoping he will pick up on it. Smack him with the clue stick. Ask him to join you for lunch, coffee, a drink, whatever. Or say "Why haven't you asked me out? I would really like that."

Pea78 · Answer

I am a a shy guy when it come to approaching girls for a date etc. I d always want to answer this to a girl. The answer is simple. DO THE FIRST MOVE. Most of the shy guys or at least some of them will pretend to ignore u at first (like me) but soon after a while they will text u back or show u signs of interest. I don't know why we personally do that but even if I tried to overcome this I find some hard time there.
And at the end, according to nature laws women are the ones who have to give the ok sign rather than guys. Hope I helped u 😉

MLGbreezy · Answer

Give him a chance at least im typically a shy guy myself when it comes to women and i tend to make a lot of mistakes or approach the wrong girl or approach at the wrong time why cause sometimes girls dont make clear they wanna be approached or dont make it clear if they're interested. not all girls just some and for a shy guy you letting us know you are interested in a big confidence boost and can really help in the initial stages of approach so try throwing him some signals and see where it goes from t
here

Pixel343 · Answer

Depends, for me the risk of self esteem injury is too great to make any advances romantically. Unless I am informed that the girl is into me. Then I realize I’ve forgotten how flirt naturally because I’ve been so busy being subtle even reclusive, if the girl is emotionally very dear to me. Which is the true pain of shyness, you can develop real feelings for someone who barely knows you exist. And I’m not like an ugly mother fucker either haha. This answer sucks. Anyway, I’d say look elsewhere, some shy guys are actually just fucked up

djmzes · Answer

Just approach him... as u girls said we are both human and guys should not be afraid but some are and will always...
And the society is not making it easy for them, so they will never approach in reality and whike you are waiting too

So A wait B and B wait A... deadlock

So do the fucking approach and it is the end result that counts...

Schaggy · Answer

I'm the guy you are talking about. Im a super confident guy but can't for the life of me make it past innocent flirting. I'm into a girl at work and haven't made a move because it could make things awkward. If you want a guy, ask him out. It's less work for us lol

ovi2boss · Answer

To be alone obvious, it's definitively more easy to speak to a girl if she's alone. (even if she reject me).
If they work together it's hard as you see that person even after rejection and the guy might feel like crap specially if the girl made fun of him.
I think the best way is through interaction as colegues and then friends and probably wait or not to see if he's man enough to make a move 😂😂
I should somehow be cautious with having an relationship at work because of the consequences if that turn into a shit.
With this being said some guys will never act upon it because some various reasons: feeling inadequete to others, bad experiences, other things/plans in his mind.

Alemon · Answer

A shy guy will want to make a lot of effort with you, without knowing how to initiate or not appear awkward. Breaking the ice is generally the hardest part.

A smile works. An exclusive smile gives him the idea that you are, at least, definitely not not interested.

Or... It's 2018 you make the approach.

Kaneki05 · Answer

Well shy guy's will most of the time never ask. The best thing to do is spend time with he. he will start to become more confident with you then he could build up to wanting to ask you out, but you probably have to be one to make it happen even if he wants to be with you really bad but once he notices that you want him he will get closer to you.

Logorithim · Answer

A shy guy might still make a big effort to be with you, especially if you are approachable. Shy guys still want girlfriends, and one who is friendly and approachable is going to appear to be a much better (an desirable) prospect than one who is aloof and is clearly not interested.

TheModernMan · Answer

Unless there’s smiles exchanged between us, I’m not making the first move. It’s too much of a mystery to chance that situation. I’ve only ever had 3 women walk up to me to initiate conversation, and every time it made my day and led to a relationship all 3 times

JSmuve · Answer

"Is it true that if a guy's into you he'll make a massive effort with you?" LOL, no.

"What if he's shy?" Exactly

"Or would he want to take his time before massively approaching someone because they work together or something?" Possibly

"What can a more confident and sociable girl do to encourage them?" Oh I don't know, be a confident and sociable girl and ask him out?

"Or should she just set her sights elsewhere?" If you do that, were you ever really into him?

lightraid51s · Answer

As long as you've given signals to indicate your approachable then realistically you've done your part. If you've given prolonged eye contact, given a smile, said "hey" in passing by, placed yourself in non crowded spaces (not sat with a bunch of girls etc). If you've done these things and he still hasn't approached then he is basically a pussy.

JonhLemon · Answer

Im a shy guy and also dense as lead. And ill tell you this my current girlfriend asked me out, how well she said she needed to talk to me and then she told me straight to my face she wanted to be my girlfriend. Some guys aren't shy but dense as shit and shy.

Filipe97 · Answer

I'm a shy guy, and most of the time I will not appoach a girl even if I'm interested in her. I could perhaps take the chance if she was in my group and we were talking already, but would not approach a stranger. You could do the guy a favor and approach him yourself

Anonymous · Answer

I'm shy and I will say in my individual case I never make the first move directly. I'll treat her like a normal friend hide my feelings so unless she makes a direct move I will never confess my feekings. Needless to say I was friendzoned a lot in my college years lol.

Anonymous · Answer

>>Is it true that if a guy's into you he'll make a massive effort with you?

For the millionth time, no

If a girl is truly confident, she'd ask him out.

If a girl is only confident for a girl, then she'd flirt with words and not give a shit how "obvious" she might look.

Giacomanzo · Answer

If you are into him, just go for it. If not, ignore the case. As a shy man, there is nothing worst than a woman trying to encourage you getting to know some other women.
In our, or at least my head, it sounds like "You are good enough, but not good enough for me."

Chrisdl · Answer

I'm an incredibly shy guy and most people I've dated were people who I've had conversations with over messenger foremost. It's reassuring when the online conversation goes well so that I know I'm able to speak freely in person but after that I try my hardest. Not sure about others but maybe some are like me in that respect

brianjoseph · Answer

Shy guys won't engage unless the gates are wide open. You have to be really open about your liking for him. Shy guys want to be 100% sure that you like them. If there is any doubt, they won't make a move.

Kawabanga1 · Answer

Is it true that if a guy's into you he'll make a massive effort with you?
no that is not true just because i like you it doesn't mean you like me and iam not going to risk gettign embarassed and humilated to get a woman who is not showing signs of interest that works in movies not real life

Hawkfrosty · Answer

It honestly varies from guy to guy. Personally, I'm very awkward with social interaction in general, so even if I'm genuinely interested in someone, I either try and somehow mess it up, or I'm to nervous to because I'm worried about messing it up.

skeetskeetskeet · Answer

Well when I was a kid I was shy as fuck and wouldn't dare approach a girl no matter how much I liked her... Then when I was 14 this 19 yr old girl tried to take advantage of me and I gave her the best 2 pumps ever... And I was like the first of my friends to get laid and I thought I was the shit... No more shyness.. so just take on the guys role and go after what you want... Because he's not gonna make a move on his own

JFilmore · Answer

If you've given them multiple opening (s) to approach and they're still too shy to approach, move on.

Signs that she's open to me approaching
1) She's facing me
2) She's smiling at me
3) She's not in a hurry to be anywhere
4) etc.

rahul_24 · Answer

I'm a shy type. Honestly I feel but scared asking a girl because I puckered a lot of guys to ask a girl or once and she rudely rejected me and said who wants to our with out. There were quite a few people standing and saw it. It was one of most embarrassing moment. I guess she was out of my league. I don't have much talking skills to charm or attract a girl.

If someone is really trying to go for me, I will too.

CoffeeWC · Answer

It's harder for shy guys to make an effort. Also they do a lot of thinking about what they want in a woman and don't just chase after any pretty girl. Don't expect them to make the first move. If you are into a pretty shy guy, spend a lot of time with them.

Canuck37 · Answer

Shy guys are guys that won't make a "massive effort" with you until they trust you. It's up to you to build that trust. You can build that trust through your actions in mutually shared environments, and your actions towards him.

Whaler · Answer

With shy guys, you need to approach them yourself. Most won't build up enough courage to do it themselves.

HikerDude · Answer

No, shy guys won't necessarily do anything because most will talk themselves out of their chance with you. They'll convince themselves that you'll reject them because they have a painful history of rejection.

Theuninformed1 · Answer

Honestly, take they hand and in a non sexual way put it on your breast and say dont act so formal with me, its a turn off. And to just get him comfortable in general with a womans touch would help greatly! Lol

Anonymous · Answer

Most guys don’t make moves most of the time. There’s often a lot of planning and working up to approaching a girl. If you like a guy then approach him it’s that simple and I think the notion of looking somewhere else because a guy didn’t make a move is something of a dick move. Not classy. It doesn’t look good.

mystery134 · Answer

I've learnt shy guys will try to make a effort but it's possible to be not enough for us /me to notice so if it's someone you're interested in make a move yourself so you both know where you stand

logicalAnswers · Answer

If you are confident and social, why wait for the shy guy? Approach him instead. He'll be hugely thankful for it and you will have caught a guy who listens and thinks rather than talk and act.

MarvelFan300 · Answer

Like most of these answers say, shy guys need the girl to start the convo/approach them then they'll start talking. I'm a guy with major social anxiety and the times I can open up to a girl if she's one of my friends or approaches me.

shephardjhon · Answer

As a shy guy with social anxiety, my advice is: you have to approach him.
I would rather live alone than risk rejection or worse.
If you would rather not do that, try spending time with him to make him comfortable around you.

MarkRet · Answer

The shy guy needs to conquer his own fears and issues, but you could help him by being friendly, supportive, and helping him break out of the shell he's trapped in.

Taslima · Answer

Shy guys are kind of hard to tell what they want so maybe try to ask him yourself

TheUsername27 · Answer

I could really like a girl, but unless she shows some kind of interest back, I'm just going to assume she isn't ever going to be interested. I'm not going to chase some girl to the end of the world if she isn't at least reciprocating interest.

cherryphi82 · Answer

Figure out if he's really shy or just manipulative. I've noticed the shy guy thing to be an act for some.

Widowspider · Answer

Yes. If he's into you he WILL make a massive effort.

Lanakinz · Answer

From my personal experience he'd be willing to open up more, and get out of his comfort circle more often, if he see's u as a potential soulmate

Dtegesd123 · Answer

She should give them a chance. Approach the guy first. For highschool approach a couple times, if he doesn't initiate contact with her after that. Its a lost cause, he is just a shy puppy

SeanshterMonster · Answer

They could have had problems in the past and they have been betrayed a lot do they dont want to be stabed in the back again so they are being shy and not sure.

skullwulf · Answer

I think you should start the conversation give him the chance to flirt with you and if he dosent put him in the friend zone!!

Wollu · Answer

If a guy is shy, a girl has to take the lead of course. The question is, is a girl looking for a shy guy? Without judging shy guys character and qualities, but is this what girls want?

Luil27 · Answer

Try asking him out as friends and test the waters. See if you two have fun and see how things develop.

Loganw1 · Answer

You could make the first move, this isn't the 1900's anymore

Jihhan · Answer

If you like a guy... Tell him, there is no secret plan or any of that garbage. It's 2018 and girls have changed, you change too :|

Anonymous · Answer

"Is it true that if a guy's into you he'll make a massive effort with you?" ahhahaha no! most men will probably do nothing, we are attracted to women far more frequently than women are to men, we certainly don't make an effort with every girl we are into.

friedOctopus · Answer

I mean you could just ask him. You can do that. You know that, right? Girls can ask guys out.

TheNotorious · Answer

I've been a shy guy a beta fuck wasted my fucking life 6 girls approuched me and i was afraid to say yes fuck my life, but dont worry i got 3 bitches chasing my ass now

aj35203 · Answer

Shy guys like my self don't engage because usually don't like rejection or don't want to disrespect you. But if you show that you are interested I'm sure he will open up and or is not interested.

vivek198 · Answer

shy guys talk in their heads all the time, so maybe you can make your first move with him by asking to go somewhere with your friends around, get to know him better before making moves.:)

yucel_eden · Answer

If a guy is making a big effort. He means he’s experienced. It’s got nothing to do with him liking you.  Only time shows a guys love.  Not confidence

LadyJade007 · Answer

If u like someone but he's shy, make a first move. It's not always guys who make first move

Skaul · Answer

If you think a shy guy is interested in you I would suggest to just approach them head first and prepare the first step for them or make the first step yourself. That's at least what I often wished as a shy guy myself.

Celtero · Answer

You should approach him otherwise you can forget about anything happening.

LordChaoticX · Answer

I am shy but I have perfected getting girls too approach me first from there I can talk too them and usually get them on a date

What's the deal with shy guys?

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