If a guy doesn't want to talk, should I take it that he's not interested?

For some reason, he doesn't want to talk. Even if I want to hear his voice, when I call, I get the feeling he thinks he did something wrong (or maybe he just doesn't want that kind of relationship...I don't know, even though I'm pretty sure I thought he was at one point). He just avoids me for a week and then goes back to talking to me. So I try not to bring things up. But then, all my feelings get bottled up and I cry because I can't even have a 'chat.'

I can't even be open with him. I know that it's not a good relationship, so I should move on. But I don't understand it.

Did he not like me after all? Do guys tend to not want to talk? I know guys don't like talking over the phone. But even when I tried to bring things up in person, this time about the relationship, he avoided it, said he had to go to a meeting, and left. I cried after that. Yet, he still tries to keep in touch.

I've been feeling like the horrible needy girlfriend, or like some kind of stalker, but I'm not needy nor am I a stalker. I just don't know if I'm supposed to expect this kind of behavior from a majority of guys in the future.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm certain that it is much more complex than what words can explain here. Which is to be expected. With that said...

    How long have the two of you been together? How did your relationship bloom? How long ago did this start - where he is disinterested in talking? And... was there a catalyst to this behavior? I both agree and disagree with some of the points made here by others. In any relationship, open communication and honesty is essential for it to thrive into something great.

    Depending on how long you have been together then it is possible that you might be feeling 'needy' as some said. Yet that isn't necessarily something negative or proper to assume. For instance if the relationship has been going on for months and the interest he gives you seems to have died, then it would only be natural that you miss that, which can be confused as being 'needy'. I wouldn't blame you and I think anyone would feel that way.

    If there was an argument, then if he truly cares about you, he should find a way to talk with you in order to resolve it. It really takes two people to make it work and you are trying to. As long as you are doing it in a well composed manner there's nothing wrong with it. You're entitled to your feelings and concerns and should not have to be placed on the back burner. If he is not attentive to your needs and feelings to some degree he most likely doesn't deserve you.

    It is true that communication can be difficult for men. Or women. Although if it's something holding back a relationship then it is up to them to have it resolved. It is not fair to subject the other person to being ignored and uncared for.

    Sometimes men lose interest in women. A lot of guys have the thrill of trying to get with a girl and once they get what they want, the interest is gone. I am not saying you are a boring person. I am certain there are both good characteristics and quirks of yours that are charming. It's just a matter of finding someone who appreciates you to that level.

    I'm merely throwing examples out. If you can respond with more information then maybe all of us here can pin point more possible reasons (without assuming).

    • We've been together for a year. We always communicated by long emails and multiple texts. We had a pretty strong connection: lots of things in common. But he rarely called me on the phone. and so I mimicked that, except when he called, I'd pick up.When I call, he'd reply via email a 1-3-7 days later. The relationship was unclear. There was touching, flirting, short hugs. He'd stare at me from across the room, even 6 months into the 'relationship'. But he never communicated what we were.

    • If I had to pick the point when he became disinterested in talking to me, it was when I said I couldn't meet up with him to see a movie. That week was really stressful but I still kept in touch with him through email. Then, after he met up with his buddies from college, did he start to really distance himself. But he was never one to communicate even from the start of the relationship: That never changed.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • I'm gunna give you a straight up honest answer. I'm not trying to offend you or anything so don't take it personally. If you say you're not needy then stop bringing up something he obviously does not want to talk about. You even said when you brought up the topic he avoided and said he was busy and left. It's so obvious he doesn't want to talk about it. He keeps in touch because he feels guilty for ignoring you or making you cry. That tells you that he at least care about you at a certain level. Stop trying to talk to him. Give him some space. If he wants to talk he'll make it happen. You keep this up you're gunna lose him. When your gut tells you there's something wrong then something IS wrong. Listen to your gut feeling. Don't ever make assumptions about guys not wanting to talk on the phone. If he's interested, he will talk on the phone for hours with you. If he think you're getting annoying or he's not into you anymore, you won't get 30 seconds out of him. Listen to me, let it cool down for a few days. Do something productive. Forget about him for now. If he wants you he'll talk to you. If he doesn't then you won't hear from him again. If the latter happens then move on. Learn your lesson and give men some space. That's what guys need from girls is space. The worse a guy can feel is being tied down by his girl.

  • I've seen a lot of people state that guys don't like to talk on the phone. That's B.S. If a guy really likes a girl he will want to be talking. If he is avoiding talking to you, he's not all that into you. Sounds like he is stringing you along as a back-up type thing. Move on and find someone who wants to be and speak with you.

  • Guys are less social than women and are not chatterboxes. Its harder for us to figure out what to say and sometimes awkward.

    He's not one of your girlfriends who you talk to 5-hours straight about Legend of the Seeker.

    • I get your point. But it does make it confusing, right? I can't even hear his voice or call him up when I had a rough day to say 'hi' and maybe talk for 20 minutes tops -- some kind of sign to show he cares? and for the record, although I understand the hyperbole, I'm the type that talks about math finance to her girlfriends. not legend of the seeker or robert pattinson or whatever.

  • Here's the bottom line, if a guy likes you, wants to be with you he is going to want to talk to you, period!. Put it this way, if you like a guy, aren't you going to want to talk to him?

    I don't like talking on the phone, I don't even answer it most of the time, UNLESS it's a Girlfriend or a girl I like.


What Girls Said 2

  • I think you should tlk to him. this is the only way that will make you feel better.

    I was having the same problem, he used to tlk to me on MSN everyday, later he ignored me, he even used to call. and when I was on my way to meet him, he pretended that he was sick. although he told me many times that he really liked me, and he showed it. Now he is talkin to me often and it sems that he want to keep this contact btwn us.

    but maybe my situation is a lill different from yours. thugh I was living outside the country. and we werent yet in a relationship.

    but I would always recommend you to tlk to him directly. just be brave and take the step. and let him know how you are feeling.

    Good luck

  • I'm having this problem with my long-distance boyfriend of 2.5 years. He doesn't make the effort to talk to me, and it feels like he doesn't care. If he doesn't want to talk to me, what's the point of me waiting around online all night for him? He'd never do the same for me.

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