I'm surrounded by people who still believe to an old mindset that demand a wife must be able to cook. It seems like a wife has an obligation to cook well for her family, do the housework. And they still believe that a husband doesn't have to do the housework, because it's her wife's responsibility. A Husband's obligation is just working hard for his family (i mean, earning as many money as he can). If a wife can't cook well or do the housework, she'll get a bad perception for herself because she can't organize her family.
Meanwhile, i don't believe that old mindset. I believe that if someone loves me, he should love me the way i am. He won't love me because of bla.. bla.. bla... He will love me for who i am. And he'll accept all my imperfections. Because that's what true love is. I believe that cooking and do the housework are the responsibility of both wife and husband. Not only wife's.
That's why i ask you guys here. Do you mind if your wife can't cook or do the housework well? What do you think about A Wife? And girls, what do you think about this?
I am a stay at home mom because some of our kids are special needs. I wouldn’t be able to hold down a job and do therapies, go to appts, and deal with the school. I am super picky about laundry because I try to make the clothes suitable for hand me downs; and thusly do a lot of mending as well. I love to cook and bake (often doing baking as gifts). I learned how to do crafts from my elders. I crochet for the same reason. However, I loathe cleaning. I have the kids help, or my husband helps me clean the house. I spot clean and clean the kitchen. My husband does more heavy duty cleaning because he doesn’t want me breathing the chemicals (I have asthma).
My husband wirks full time and is in college. We also tag team the yard. He does most of the mowing (I rarely can get it going), and I trim the trees/hedges and dig up weeds/cacti. We both work on the burn piles.
Although my family is more traditional in that matter, no one expects ME to do it all. I’m always busy with the house, kids, pets, or a project. I do have issues with those that are “stay at homers” who do nothing but watch tv while home...
Even if I had my old job, I’d still probably do most of the cooking and the laundry. Couples are a team. Those that aren’t won’t last. My ex husband didn’t think I did enough at the house, so I started charging him for services. I ended up with an allowance; still didn’t work in the end.
Let me note, my parents divorced early. My dad cooked 1/2 the time I was over there (the rest we went out or visited my grandmother). He also baked all the time, especially cookies and brownies when I was on my period. Lol
My husband can cook, too. He was a single father for several years. He still cooks on occasion when I’m sick or he wants to treat me to a day of rest. He has a limited recipe book in his head.
Sometimes my husband and I cook together. We make food prep like a romantic dance as we have to pass by eachother in the kitchen or be in close proximity to eachother. (I highly recommend this, but don’t cook with oil or grease nude). There’s nothing sexier than a man who’s a good father, who can cook and clean.
I like to cook and clean. And yes. I think that its better to know how to do all of these things because they will help you. You can't spend money to eat at a restaurant everyday. Its better to know how to cook. Not because of a mindset or oldfashion as you think it is. Nobody likes a woman that can't clean after herself. And sorry honey. A real man loves you the way you are. That doesn't mean he will lower his standars just for you. Dont expect someone to give you all and you to do nothing. My boyfriend cooks and do the housework too and he really likes to keep things clean , i do the same thing. And we share our work. But I won't mind if he wouldn't because Its my job to keep things clean. To cook and to wash dishes. I dont mind it a bit and its not a pain. And to cook its not a big deal. If you can't do something by yourself alone , you can read a book or have a recipe with you and follow it.
1. I believe that ALL adults should be able to cook. It's a basic life-skill that almost no one can justifiably not have.
2. Does he spend more hours at work? Does he earn more? Pay more than half of the bills? If so, then you should expect to do more of the tasks at home. You can't have it both ways.
3. Are you going to maintain the cars, do household maintenance (fix the leaky toilet, unclog the drain, clean the rain gutters, replace the bad power outlet, etc.), mow the lawn, fix the fence, etc? That's all work too, and someone has to do it.
Unless you are wealthy and have servants, you are going to have to do SOME work outside of your job, and do will he. Your job as a couple is to divide that work up fairly, which means you need to sit down and talk about it. How you divide it is completely up to you - each situation is different - but you're almost certainly going to end up with SOME housework of some kind.
"I believe that if someone loves me, he should love me the way i am."
Most women think this ^^ way, but they also expect a man to earn good money or at least have the potential to earn good money in the future. It plays into their initial attraction, before love even enters the picture. That seems pretty hypocritical, doesn't it?
You want men to do more of the house work? You want that gender role to go away? Then stop expecting men to still conform to the traditional gender role of being the primary bread winner. Sorry ladies but you can't have it both ways.
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Opinion Owner
+1 y
And I'm guessing you don't live in the US, since 95% of women here these days have no clue how to cook anything more than mac and cheese.
Since I live on my own, I can take care of my place, and I am not assigning any type of work to a gender, because who would then clean everything from floor to windows, who would iron, cook, bake, etc? And that's apart of being able to do the work of a pipefitter, electrician and carpenter - just to name a few.
From my perspective, a guy who can do basically anything at home, a woman who can't cook or do housework in general, is worthless not only as a woman, but as a person.
That typical mindset ("I'm not worse just because I can't do X") has expanded lately to a level where a woman can't do anything needful and what's worse, she'll boast about it, saying stupid things like "he should love me the way i am" which is basically the worst kind of excuse somebody could make up.
Rhetorical question - how would a man be perceived by women if he said "I can barely pay my bills, I have no ambition, I haven't developed any interests, but she should love me the way I am"? Seriously, the hypocrisy here is strong.
Moreover, the sole fact that a woman can't cook, will tell a lot about her character. Of course she could be one of those "modern, successful women" that earn a lot (and I mean A LOT) of money because she's quite high on the career ladder and because of that her interests didn't and don't revolve around house. But if we talk about, I believe, most of women, inability do to most chores is a huge turn off and basically excludes them from the "wife material" category.
Truly stupid opinion. Everyone is born unable to cook. Saying "love me for my imperfection of not being able to cook" is like telling your boss "hire me even though I don't know how to do the job."
If you REALLY loved a guy, you'd be willing to do something as simple as cook if he asked.
Like damn, a marriage isn't two people doing things they like together; it's them doing things FOR each other, whether they like it or not.
Plus, it's bs coming home from work supporting the person you cate about just to find out you have to make your own food and clean the house.
Making food: 3 hours, tops (that's if you're being like a pro chef) Housework: 2 hours (if you have either OCD or a big house)
The guy can work the 12 hour shift. But it's cruel to say "I know you're exhausted, but I need you to spend all your downtime doing chores, m'kay? It's part of loving my imperfections."
Screw being "equal." If both husband and wife have jobs, they can divide chores up however they want, so the person who hates chores the least gets to do them. But for a housewife to say "You work AND manage the house, and I'll give you sex." is just selfish. Selfish people, man or woman, aren't good to marry.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
it's a life skill, and someone in the relationship should know it. I've seen a few 'progressive' couples. Where Both are feminists and doesn't want cook. they order takeouts all the time. Honestly, I felt sorry for their kids they were so unhealthy and unattractive. I know how to cook to survive. And i don't mind taking over that responsibility if my partner is sick. Like i said before it's a life skill and i don't really enjoy it but i see it as something necessary. So when it came to the decision of choosing a partner for a serious relationship, I really wanted someone who knows how to cook (i don't see why making such a demand is sexist, i've seen plenty of girls say they want someone tall, rich and handsome). She has a full-time job, cooking was a hobby for her. And i do the cleaning (i'm not sure if I've OCD or something but I like to keep things in order. so for me cleaning and organising things come naturally). I'm not saying women's place is in the kitchen. You can do whatever you want with your life.
I think it’s a life skill. Even if you don’t have a man, you will want to know how to cook healthy meals for yourself, and on a budget. I read the most interesting book. It was 1950s woman’s skills etc. But it taught a woman skills on how to be independent. How to cook for herself (as a busy working woman). How to save for a home (without the help of a man). How to clean a house in minimal time. It was very useful. Everyone needs to eat, and live in a clean house. Doing it yourself is being self-efficient.
I expect my wife to to everything I do, so yes, she isn't getting any breaks I don't get, I'm not going to cook for someone who doesn't return the favour. My dad made my sisters and I cut the grass, take care of our garden, put down our floors, paint our rooms etc never made us cook but we did that on our own after moving out, it was that or eat take away. Both my parents worked hard at home and professionally, I can't respect people that don't do shit around the house male or female. It's a full time job in itself so since we are both working we both take care of the house. I have taught my wife how to cut pavers, fit wall sockets, paint well etc, her dad never let any of them do that stuff so I had to teach her, but she loves it and listens well, plus she appreciates how difficult it is now instead of thinking loading a washing machine is hard work. My sister actually did the wooden floors in her house because her partner is useless at that stuff. 😉
Let's face one grim reality. Women are better at cooking than man, while on the other hand man are better at hard labour jobs then woman. I find it rather cynical that the whole new-generations semi-fake feminists are trying to destroy basic things that have been set up since the dawn of humanity.
Now, a Wife should be able to cook. But when in relationship it should really be whoever comes home 1st makes the food, with some rotation once in awhile. I personally can cook bare minimum (fried egg) and make a makeshift chicken noodle soup. However it will be very bank account hurting to buy ready food or to go out vs. making food at home.
I think the whole BS feminist movement should fly to Venus, they will be right at home there.
@Agent Rule 34: "Take everything said on the Internet with a handful of Salt, its usually is not 100% accurate and is opinionated as per the OP views and bias". Have your parent's never taught you of this?
@moopsz Were not talking chefs here, were talking "scrambled egg and sandwich" here for arguments sakes and because my views are semi-sarcastic with a slight incline of a personal bias, I think women should be able to cook at least at bare minimum level.
Cooking is a life skill that everyone should know how to do. That being said I do cook daily for my family, clean the house, keep laundry done and manage the household all while working a full time job. I don't do it because it's expected of me I do it because I want to. I want to make sure my husband and children are eating healthy, the kids are learning to be clean people and I take pride in how I look so of course I want them in decent clean clothes as well. I'm not expected to do any of these things but choose to because as a mother and wife I want to take care of my family. Now hubby can and will do house work, take care of the yard and all those "man" jobs without being asked as well. I come from a long line of hard workers (construction) and can do most "man" things better than him but don't at home because he takes pride in being able to do those things for his family. And it's funny to watch him try to figure out how to use one of my power tools 😂
The thing is about the men should work and women should keep the house is this. The man is working from Sun up to Sun down to provide for his family and has bought almost everything in the house.
The woman was at home raising the kids and cleaning.
It seems almost selfish too me that the man who is breaking his back with physical or mentally tiring work most of the day and when he comes home his wife is upset that he doesn't help with the house when he is barely home at all and has bought her things that she liked.
You need to learn your life skills. These are just things you'll have to know how to do. Remember you have to take care of yourself while in the process of finding a partner, in which time you'll learn this stuff. Also, when you fall in love, you'll find you actually want to do these things for your partner! You're not exactly wrong, you're just being too naive
Personally, i dont know why anyone wouldn't want to be able to cook a handful of amazing meals, guy or girl. I especially love spending time in the kitchen with my partner, some of the best memories have come from it. I would be annoyed if my partner didn't want to learn. Just as if i were a girl, i would be annoyed if my partner couldnt cook a single scrumptious meal. Its about working well with your partner, making a team. No one person should do everything. If one brings home the paycheck the other should keep the house tidy and do most of the cooking. Guy or girl.
If both work, share the load. Have fun while doing it too... like making the bed, why not have a wrestle or wrap the other in the sheet. Relationships should be stable, fun and spontaneous.
If you're not working, then you need to help out somewhere else, which is the house, doing laundry etc; it's not fair for him to come home and the place isn't kept up and his work clothes aren't clean. If you work a long day and have to come home to clean and cook for two, it starts to cause problems. It's about teamwork, taking care of some of the load, the woman can be working and the man isn't, he still should pick up half of the load.
No, I don't believe in the social constructs that society puts on individuals in a relationship. I honestly believe in two basic things: 1) a relationship should be 50/50 no matter what. 2) it should be completely defined by the agreements both parties make. I don't expect my girl to cook, to prepare my food or do house work. I'm a grown ass man, I can clean up after myself, take care of the stuff in my house and cook my food for my family. I can also work hard and provide the money for my family. But I also expect her to be a career driven person that can take care of herself financially, help being even more success to our financial situation, and take care of her responsibilities (e. i. half the bills, her personal loans and debts she brought into the relationship and so on...) It's not too much to ask both parties to take care of half the responsibilities in a relationship. But again it just depends on what your dyanmic and what each party agrees upon.
I never liked the 50/50 thing. Both parties should put effort into it, but a working relationship who’ll never be 50/50. People get sick, making one take up the slack. One may have a career change, causing the other person to take on more. Emotional crisis due to a family member passing, or miscarriage... one person will always be picking up the slack some how. But it’s how the other person shows appreciation when their SO does step up... so the SO won’t be resentful. Should be a give/give or take turn give/take. If it’s one sided give/take or take/take, it’ll fail.
That's what 50/50 is... It's give and take. I understand that life happens and yes things can affect it... But guess what, it still doesn't diminish the SO responsibility. Just because something happens doesn't mean your responsibilities go away. You may be down, but you need to figure out a way to contribute back... It's that simple. And yes, the 50/50 is THE most effective way to make sure that there doesn't end up bring resentment in the relationship. But your also forgetting one key things... The second part of it where I said, it all depends on the agreements between both parties... There has to be mutual agreement, and understanding. Both have to be on the same page for it to work.
I understand that... And I disagree. It does mean equal contribution. The contribution however doesn't need to be in one area. doesn't necessarily mean exactly making the same amount of money or what have you... But you share it, he pays half, she pays half... As best as both can, she does house work, he does housework. The effort and the willingness to contribute. And if those things add up, both parties will contribute equally.. it all starts with a mindset tho.. remember, just because your not contributing "equally" doesn't mean that each partners responsibility is any less equal... One may carry the other for a while, but the idea should be that they both get to as close to equal for there dynamic, and there relationship as possible.
A wife need to know how to cook and husband need to know how to cook the boys and girls everyone needs to know how to cook because everyone eat and some point of life they'll need to cook for themselves because not every time someone will be near you, and also if someone know how to eat then need to know how to cook to because food and eating is important part of the life 😉
Cooking and housework are adult responsibilities, not women’s responsibilities. If a man is single, he must do these things himself. If he can do them himself when he is single, he can also share these responsibilities with his wife while married. The only way I’d be stuck inside cooking and cleaning all day is if I was getting paid very well to do so.
In today's society due to our current cost of living. It's challenging for a lady to even be a housewife. For example the average apartment rent cost $2,101 for a one bedroom. Now take in account all the other household expenses. Your wife has to work as well anyway. So cooking and cleaning becomes a shared chore.
Every person should be able to know how to cook. It’s a basic survival skill as an individual you got to eat to survive. Knowing how to cook shows individual responsibility and that you don’t have to rely on anyone to be fed. Plus sharing is caring. Making good for others shows you can do something bigger outside yourself to help others survive as well. As a parent and a partner it’s beneficial.
i think adults should be able to cook so they are able to be self sufficient and not have to go out and purchase all the meals or have someone else cook for them
i do NOT think the expectation should be that a woman has to cook for her family. i think that is up to the participants in the relationship to define the roles that best suit and serve them and their household
I grew up in a home where I remember my mom always cooked. I loved it when i was a kid I remember looking forward to dinner time coming home from school lol. Someone's gotta do it. I think it brings the family closer together when mommas cook and are gathered around the table. Those were Some of my best memories as a family growing up. My mom was a good cook. Plus it's cheaper than eating out.
If you both have jobs then you should both be able to cook and do house chores. If He's working and your a stay at home wife then you should be cooking and cleaning. My dad always taught me to stay productive no matter what. "Either work, go to school, or clean the house" he would say
It depends, if the wife doesn't have a job and stays home then yes she should be cleaning the house. Not necessarily cooking, but she should try to learn how if she can't. Same is true if the wife works and the husband stays home. If they both have a job then it's an even split for who does what at home
Hmm. Do you want to KEEP your man? Then learn to cook. Think of it as an attribute as exciting as having great abs. It's an asset.
All I am saying is, if I had to pick between two identical persons, with on being the better cook. I would pick the better cook.
Aim to be the best person you can.
Likewise for the men. I knooooow my girlfriend loves it when I cook for her. (actually I just enjoy cooking sometimes... And I am a better cook.. Don't tell her... Lol)
In a couple you are a team, it's nice when one has the qualities the other doesn't. It's not a matter of duty. It's teamwork.
No. Assuming that you are both adults and both have a basic understanding of arthmetic and literacy, you both should be able to follow the steps in a standard cookbook... You don't even really have to know how to cook, make recipes, or figure out techniques these days. All of this information is readily accesible and at your fingertips. In my opinion, there is no such thing as: "I can't cook" anymore... If you live together, someone is going to have to cook at some point.
I don't think it should matter if you know how to cook or not to your boyfriend / lover but, it does come in handy if not for him do it for yourself. I went on vacation to visit family & didn't know how to cook so it was a struggle in the early mornings bc I get up early compared to them so I learned how to make a couple basic breakfast meals.
Well every girl I've dated in the past twn years couldn't cook all that well. I had to cook for us every night. I do love cooking, but is it fair that women can't cook and men have to? I think neither of the extremes is fair. So I think both the man and woman should cook, and take turns.
To me it doesn't really matter if you would cook or not. Let's be honest here, it is fairly old school belief that the woman stays in the kitchen and the man does everything else. There are men like me who does all the things like cooking, washing, cleaning etc. while being single so demanding typical housewife is meaningless. Depends of the type of guy you have, one might be self-supportive and the other raised and praised by mommy so unable to do things by himself.
I think both should cook and both should clean a real relationship is teamwork and real teamwork isn't only about each other's strengths but weakness as well. If one doesn't cook well or clean well then work together on it because when one person carries everything that person grows to resent the other and that's the kiss of death in a relationship.
Yes. But so should a husband. I'm not expecting her to be the best cook in the world (unless she went to the greatest gourmet cooking school in the world and graduated with honors). But she should at least cook a decent meal - safe to eat. If I don't like her cooking, I can always cook myself for the both of us (and the family, if we had one).
Yeah... if you can't cook you can always learn how to cook ! I'm not saying because you're female you should be forced into the roll, though. I just feel like cooking and household chores are things that a person can improve upon, given the effort. Maybe you're inherently bad at those things, but sweeping floors and making empanadas aren't really THAT difficult. Just make sure that he gets his ass in there and holds the dustpan for you, or crimps the empanadas closed ! Lol
I believe the level of responsibility should be equal, but if my wife can't cook well or do housework that isn't equal because then i have to do it all.
What else can you provide to society? You don’t work on an oil rig, as a mechanic, a miner, steel worker, etc. So only soft jobs left. Cooking is hard for women. I know. If you can do it well, your guy will always love you :)
Both genders should be able to know how to cook , it's basic survival skills. What if a woman or a guy was single would they order take out everyday? No , they should learn how to cook and it's not hard tbh just follow the recipes
Well if you asking just for the case of cooking, ask yourself if you like to eat good things. If it is not so important for you, you probably won't need to cook. But however some small things both gender should be able to do in kitchen.
As much as marriage is about love, it's also a partnership and sharing of different responsibilities..
If you find cooking and taking care of house chores a.. Chore.. Then try to compensate elsewhere like pitching in paying bills and other ends that you both need to meet
Cooking is a sort of house keeping and survival skill. Everyone, incl. men of course should be able to handle the basics, and it is not rocket science. To cook well is an individual talent.
I can cook. I'd want my wife to know how to cook too. It's a signal of independence, self-reliance, and maturity. Home cooked meals are much healthier than what you can get at a fast food joint, or a restaurant.
Both parties need to know how to cook, and they need to share the burden together the time when only the man works and women stays at home passed at our days they both work hard and need to split the home duty.
I believe that both spouses should pull their weight. Imagine a pie chart separated in halves down the middle with provider on one side and caretaker on the other. Now put in a line with you and your husband on different sides. You can rotate the line as much as you want, but the pie chart needs to be full.
It would be quite hypocritical to set traditional standards on men as I do and not try and fill some of my own. I’m no Gordon Ramsey but i like to spend time in the kitchen, it would obviously be more pleasing to do it together.
I think my partner and I should be equals and share the work load. I personally think everyone should be able to cook, but I enjoy cooking so I don't mind if my partner hates it and doesn't want to.
I think the load should be shared 50/50. So for example if you can't cook, we'll learn together. Cooking with a partner is always much more enjoyable than alone.
Personally not a big deal for me as I'm a pretty solid cook myself. I think as long as someone in the relationship can it's all good... or if you're rich enough to never cook :P
All adults should have at least some cooking skills, especially if a couple plans to have kids. How are you going to take care of your kids if you can't cook. As to who's responsibility it is that comes down to work schedules. Who spends more time me at home. Who is home at meal times. I wouldn't want to have a wife that can't good again. I did it once before and didn't like it.
you are right the right man will you for you. Also the way I see it and the way my parents taught it... a man's or a woman's work is what needs to be done simple as that.
According to me, I think each people have to be able to cook, "well" I don't know because that's not easy to be a chef, nevertheless to be able to cook at least to ourselves is the minimum. Even to be honest, according to me, more a person has skills as cooking most this person increase his appeal. Because You can't buy love but can buy sweet cake ^^ that a first good step 😂
Not just women, everyone should learn it as it would be a critical skill in your day to day life. Being able to cook very well is perfect, because who doesn't like good food?
I think it depends on who stays home a lot, but ultimately I believe both parties should learn how to cook as well as clean and do laundry. I think those are basic human habits that both genders need to know
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