I screwed up and now he won't talk to me. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

I accused him of being interested in my brother's ex-girlfriend. I only thought this because he's cheated before and he was getting very flirty with her on facebook. Maybe a day before I noticed this, I sent her a message about something unrelated to my boyfriend. After I noticed, I confronted him because I'm still having a hard time trusting him. He called me crazy and said he's tired of me acting like that. He told me to leave him alone. To make matters worse, he found out about me messaging her and texted me to stop bugging both of them. I tried to explain but he ended with the same "stop bugging us". I asked if it was really over? I wouldn't answer.

Is this fixable or is he really done?

[bluntkrayon]

What I don't understand is why would you want this to continue. Whether he's cheating or not, you're having trust issues, and you can't have a healthy relationship if the foundations aren't there, that being trust. It's not an issue of who's to blame.

I can see two scenarios playing out.

1) You lay low, and give yourselves some breathing space to regather your thoughts. Turns out, you're overreacting, and you reconcile. But then you'll always have the feeling that he's hiding something, and that you can never fully trust him. It will be a recurring theme with your relationship, and would most likely cause further tiffs and arguments.

2) You lay low, and give yourselves some breathing space to regather your thoughts. Turns out that he's really cheating on you. Your suspicions have been confirmed; you didn't trust him, and now you have good reason not too. You break it off, and that's the end of that chapter.

Either scenario is pointing to it being a doomed relationship. I don't want to be so negative about it, but trust really is the basis of any relationship, and if it's not there, then what's the point of going on.

[Dark_knight_angel]

well, the best thing to do is leave him alone for the time being. this can either go two ways.

1: he calms down and starts talking again. but I would only give this about a week before trying to move on. if he's anything like me, he just needs some space to cool off.

2: he really is done. which would probably be the better ending. if he's cheated before he needs to learn that trust is not something he just gets by right. he needs to earn it slowly day by day and has no right to get upset if you are paranoid. and if he was flirting with someone else and told you to stop bugging "them" then more than likely he's already decided.

my gut tells me that its probably over. but I don't like to make assumptions cause I only know what you put on the site and there may be a side to the story that I'm not hearing

Recommendation: give it a week, if he doesn't talk. be done with him.

[sunnyday45]

I think its best that you don't talk to him. It's pretty abusive of him to call you crazy.

I'm only telling you this cause this happened to me; where my boyfriend left my house and went right over to my neighbours house to be with her seconds later.

He would do the same thing to me as this guy is doing to you. He tried to make it my fault, telling me that I was bothering him, I was crazy, annoying, and it was none of my business what he did.

Looking back I wish that someone had told me that it wasn't my fault about what happened, that its OK to move on, and that I'd find someone better. Which I did :)

But if you want to try and work things out, try this...

Take some time to cool down. Once you do, you can apologize for accusing him. Explain to him that you don't appreciate him flirting with her on facebook. See how he responds to your honesty.

[Anonymous]

He might come back to you when he is done with her...