Why did he ghost me then come back?

Question

This guy I used to talk to (wasn’t so good at English) we use to talk and get to know each other through text. He was telling me stuff like I look good and for me to call him. So i asked him if he wanted to meet he said “I want to but not yet.” So then he was like if I could meet him in London sometimes, but that didn’t happen. So I just left it and he suddenly started ghosting me but still liked my pics. I forgot about him after as it hurt me that he was obviously ignoring me. (Which meant he obviously didn’t want to meet me) Then a month ago I posted pics of myself on my insta story and he commented on both of them saying “nice and nice one.” I then said thanks. After he messaged me at midnight saying “hi.” And he was asking me to call him so I did. He was then telling me that he wants to meet me and stuff I said to to him “I don’t know I’ll see.” We we’re also flirting a bit on the phone. He then messaged me asking if I can go to his house to meet him and gave me his address. I told him I can’t go to his house cause it’s inappropriate. So he asked me “what do u want?” I got confused by this and said “why u asking me this?” And he was like “hah I don’t know.” So I asked him “what do u want?” And he just put “you.” He was telling me stuff like what I think of him. Why did he suddenly come back to me after ghosting me?

James_R · Accepted Answer

What strikes me immediately in this narrative is the man not wanting to see you, then after some time passed he gave you his address and asked you to come over. My analysis of his behaviour is that he was seeing another woman, possibly cohabiting with her. I think if you add another woman (or women, plural) into the scenario then it makes sense. If that is true then you would be a person he's casual about and are a possibility of having sex with at some point. I wasn't on your calls and didn't see your texts, but my impression of this man is he was / is interested in you and other women for sex only. I sincerely doubt he wanted anything more than sex. When he asked "What do u want" he was hoping you would desire sex with him, which is why his response was "you" to the same question you put back to him.

Men like this run numbers; you ask 100 women for the same thing and it only takes 1 to make the effort worthwhile. The prize for them is sex and when they've had what they want a few times it will be onto the next woman. Who knows why they do it, perhaps it's an opiate so they don't ever have to be emotionally available and commit; the physical intimacy providing a momentary relief to fill the void of real intimacy. Regardless, what I recommend is you learn from the experience. If your goal is to be mentally, physically, and emotionally connected in a monogamous and loving long term relationship then learn to recognise behaviours or patterns like the ones this man exhibited. You know the behaviours / patterns this man exhibited are not conducive to the realisation of your objective. Not all men are going to be as obvious as this man, however so you'll need to carefully examine each person that comes into your life. Why are they there, what do they want, do their needs / wants align with yours, and so on. It is possible to have short term deviation from long term relationship goals, for example you really think a guy is cute so you have a fling, but never confuse a fling (temporary dalliance) as a man who'd be the best for you long term and if you're dead set on a particular characteristic, never settle. Settling leads to regret of the path not taken and that's dangerous for the survivability of the long term relationship.

I offered a lot more than you asked so please pardon me, but hope I've thoroughly answered your question.

4pple · Accepted Answer

I have a weird feeling about that, I would advice you not to meet him, something about that whole ordeal just seems... off..
He clearly is only interested in sex, no emotional connection or any longer plans, he just wants to have sex, that's pretty obvious.
He probably just kept you close enough so you'd be a backup but distant enough to not risk any further connection evolving. As for him inviting you over... don't go, I have a bad feeling about that and wouldn't go, not sure why exactly but I can rely on my gut feelings when they tell me something's not right

SoulfullWanderer · Accepted Answer

First of all, don't go to his house.
Secondly, I've chatted with several guys who acted almost exactly like you're describing. Each and every one of those guys claimed to like me and want to have a relationship with me, but they constantly tried to force me to have phone sex with them, which I never did. Each one of those guys either left or got blocked when I didn't give them what they wanted.
So my point is, anyone can claim to like you when in reality they're only looking for a good time, which is probably what he's doing.

Also I know it hurts a lot if you've actually developed feelings for him. I know I've fallen for several of the guys who actually talked with me before trying to force me into a compromising position.
You just have to let them go and forget about them.

Lu_loo · Accepted Answer

This guy clearly wants to take your booty. He is no good, keep on moving!

He probably originally ghosted you because he found interest in someone else, and perhaps got what he wanted so he came back to you. Don’t let him!

Some guys, not all, think they are players and can get girls to do what they ask. He isn’t trying to see you or get to know by asking you out in a date or calling you for an actual conversation. He’s trying to get you to go to his house for one thing. This is now your chance to ghost him!

BOY BYE!

MsShy87 · Answer

Texting you late and night and/or inviting you to his home is a bad sign. He's more than likely just looking for sex. He might've ghosted you when he found another woman to have sex with. Once he got bored of her or she moved on, he came back to you to see if he could get sex. If you want to test whether or not he just want sex from you, tell him that you want to go out on an actual date and see how he responds. If he's only looking for sex he'll make up excuses (ie. too tired, doesn't feel like going out anywhere) and try to get you to come to his house instead for Netflix and chill (code word for sex). I don't think you should waste time on this guy.

User-Jacob · Answer

100% looking to hook up. He hasn't made any effort to learn about who you are, and his desire to see you peaks late at night. He wants to have you over, rather than looking to take you out. There will be a lot of guys like this. I would walk away, and leave him be.

Vane325 · Answer

It sounds like you aren’t his priority, he might have though you where cute to begin with but probably found someone new at the time who he liked better and ghosted you because of it, he probably came back because he had no one else he was interested in. I would let him go and find some one actually cares about you

23Lotus · Answer

Sounds fishy. First off, he ghosted you then came back wanting to meet at his house at midnight.. he most likely wants a quick hookup and nothing more. I wouldn't meet up with him or give him the time of day if I were you as the situation just sounds creepy. But nonetheless, no matter what happens, do NOT meet him at his house for the first time, that's very dangerous, especially with someone you met online, demand a public setting.

ForteExe · Answer

I'm not really too sure. I've been ghosted by a few girls and I kind of hate it so I wouldn't do that to someone else. I don't like wishy-washy conversations to begin with so it's not obvious to me why he'd act that way. I can say that I would air on the side of caution if I were you.

skytatoe · Answer

Well if I flirted with someone like this and we didn't meet up and she seemed too hesitant after a while I'd assume its not going to go anywhere and cut it off.
Maybe thats what happened. But I dont think I'd just ghost someone, I'd at least say why and leave.

Why he ghosted and came back? Maybe he's just horny...

Tevon1353 · Answer

He has a lot of options. So he goes from one girl to the other, and when he’s done with them he comes back to you, and he might do it again once he meets someone that he may think is better then you. So don’t focus on this guy. Find someone that will give you attention and never ghost you.

Mr_Mystery · Answer

I think he likes you but he is working on a very imprportant mission for secret service. Some bad guys want to hurt you and he wants to save you but he doesn't know how to warn you because he is scared how you would react if he told you he is working for secret service. He is also scared of rejection and his director is a jerk obviously.

spartan55 · Answer

Isn't it obvious? Let's count the signs: he texted you at midnight, he asked you to come over to have sex, then he tried to find out if you wanted to have sex with him.
Now do you know why he reappeared?

thatbiguy · Answer

I think he wants a quick and easy hookup, but isn't willing to put much effort into it (hence the fact that he keeps disappearing and reappearing later) do not pursue

johnooo · Answer

This seems kinda tricky and i think it would be hard to trust him especially since he ghosted you. I would say let him come to you or your area for a date and see what happens, maybe bring a friend just incase it goes wrong! I never trust things like this. But if you like him then i suppose give him a small chance

SavvyShortie19 · Answer

I feel as if he's using you from an array of options. Meaning: you are one of many girls that he chooses from. From the very beginning of your story it feels to suspicious as if he has to hide your existence. Now, further into your story it seems as if he tried to ease back into your dm's through commenting once after all this time on one recent picture. Drop him. Not worth it.

masterofnobody · Answer

Maybe im saying maybe becauss he was horny because that somtimes happen i just message a girl but then if im not anymore a stop for a while

Aenetone · Answer

Are u sure he's not just trying to scam u? Like, some day soon he'll ask u to meet him, but he needs $500 for the ticket. U send it, and never hear from him again.

kenworth · Answer

Sounds like he ran out of girls to screw by him and now he's going to try for you befor he has to connect with a new girl for the very first time

Chelle15 · Answer

Tbh I think he may contact you only when its convenient for him and seeing how far he can go with you. I feel by the sounds of it he only wants to use you. Sorry, only my take

mandi308 · Answer

my instinct says he’s in a relationship with someone else

Alistayr · Answer

Either for sex or a scam. I would tread carefully if I were you, if you even tread at all.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

Others have said it. Sounds like he was possibly juggling other options. When other options dry up he came to you

nakhrewali · Answer

You're too pretty to be dealing with guys who ghost you

FaceGlitter · Answer

This kinda sounds as if he is only out to USE you! :(

skateranon123 · Answer

Maybe he had a reason for not talking sometimes I disappear on my friends in text but I still like their social media stuff. It's not like he told you to meet up and didn't show

xichuwangwai · Answer

There's plenty of other guys out there, you know, not-so-good-at-English guys.

Moezan · Answer

Most likely coz he's horny lmao. If you haven't met this guy in person, you should probs stay away since he's chatting you up in a weird and intrusive way in my opinion

Edanurus · Answer

Do you want a relationship with this guy? Because your you're not going to get it. He sounds like a guy thats just after "easy weather girls" (I assume your British whith the London comment).

BigRob420 · Answer

He's attracted to you. What other business he had just ask him on date 3 or something.

naraku · Answer

As with anyone that ghost's and comes back : the person wants something. Then we they do or don't get it they go again.

Anonymous · Answer

The same reason why all guys come back... thirst, sex, desperation. Take your pic.

maxcates · Answer

I would have been burnt out after all of that. Maybe that's why.

Clarke498 · Answer

Because he wants you? Sometimes the obvious answer is the right answer.

ltsatchmo · Answer

exactly what Anonymous said. thirst, sex, desperation, etc.

Jonny-5 · Answer

Seems a little creepy to me, I wouldn't meet him at all.

madhatters4 · Answer

he wants to hook up. do not go to his house please

Ibeji · Answer

He sounds like he just wants sex.

Just_A_Guy2018 · Answer

ask him. you became to much effort.

LegateLanius · Answer

He just wants to fuck.

monkeynutts · Answer

He could be a Russian spy.

reptocarl · Answer

Because he’s horny

Anonymous · Answer

Seems he wants sex

hot4u23082 · Answer

He's playing you

laughinglad999 · Answer

Looking for sex

Why did he ghost me then come back?

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