He has a girlfriend, but flirts with me via text messages, asks me for nudes,... What does he want from me?

[Anonymous]

We are both in relationships, but somehow there’s this strong attraction to each other between us and we’re texting each other since 8 years now.
He flirts with me, ever since asks me for nudes and now I’ve sent them to him ( after we finally met together with friends 8 years later, I didn’t do that before) and we started sexting and he asked me, if I would break up with my boyfriend, if he breaks up with his girlfriend or what I would do if he didn’t have a girlfriend and always asks very interested, detailed questions about my life (my family, future plans, my health, my relationship).
He also acts as if he wanted me to leave my boyfriend, but he never says something directly to me like what he wants from me or what he would want me to do. He wanted to meet me several times and when we first started to get in contact, he was single, but unfortunately I was too shy to meet him whenever he asked, then because we didn’t stop our contact and our inappropriate texting while both in a relationship, I broke up with my last boyfriend, because of my behavior.
But now I do it again in my new relationship and he still does it too. He says he wants to meet when we’re both single, but I don’t want to wait another maybe 7 years till he ends his relationship.
What does he want from me? Does he want to check if I’m better than his girlfriend and then leave her for me and be in a relationship? Or what does he want from me- just playing games? Or does he never want to leave his girlfriend and only wants to flirt with me and wants nudes? And WHY would a guy want that?

[devilman666]

Why do you care what he wants? Let him focus on that, focus on what you want. Do you want to continuously fuck up every relationship you get into? Cause that's what you're doing... two relationships down the drain for a guy who has no comittment to you. Leave your current boyfriend, break off communication with this guy, and figure out what you want, otherwise leave your boyfriend and just become this guys side chick or something, since you will never be a good girlfriend if you still talk to this man, since you apparently can't be faithful when he is around (I say this since you knew how fucked up your actions were when you left the first guy, hen you repeat it, unless you actually left him in the hope that your side guy would leave his girl. Who knows, maybe you can be faithful for this guy or maybe once you have him you will just want someone else. Make your choice and stick to it, stop being unfaithful!

Speaking of what you want, why fo you want this guy at all? He is a cheater! He will cheat on you! You will deserve it, but I will warn you anyways, constant cheaters rarely become faithful.

As for what he wants, probably just sex. He is probably playing with you, if he really liked you then he would leave his girl for you, most men don't monkey branch like women do (monkey branching is when you look for a new relationship while in a steady one so that you have a secure relationship when you break up with your current partner), if they want someone then they typically make the effort to impress you and will do almost anything to keep you around, since men are used to approaching women and being the ones doing the "chasing".

[devilman666]

(I say this since you knew how fucked up your actions were when you left the first guy, then you repeat it... unless you actualy left the first guy in the hope that your side man would leave his girl once you were single... which somehow seems even more manipulative and shitty to me since that would mean you don't even care about these men you date, you just use them) who knows, maybe you can be faithful for this guy...

Fixing that up a bit, whoops

[devilman666]

And to add to my answer, he likely doesn't respect you since he knows you're a cheater. Guys tend to be logical about even things like dating. Even if you like a girl, you don't commit to her if she is a cheater, it's illogical and will just end in your own pain.

[Asker]

I not only knew how fucked up my actions were, I really feel like the worst person on earth every day because of my behavior and I also think that there‘s no excuse for it. I feel really sorry for his girlfriend and my boyfriend and it literally kills me every time I think about him or our partners, but I don’t want to ruin every relationship, because of a guy who does not know what or who he wants in his if’s. For me, unfortunately, he was love at the first sight , but I guess he’ll never leave his girlfriend, although he’s clearly searching for someone else. I really wish, more than anything that I could just lose interest in him. When I ended my first relationship I did that because of my bad behavior and not because I wanted him to date me and leave his girlfriend and I didn’t tell him that I broke up and just wanted to leave him alone and don’t interfere with his relationship any longer.

[Asker]

I didn’t leave him in hope that he would leave his girlfriend, I did that because I knew how bad my actions were and back then we just texted each other with no real flirting, it was just maily him back then who texted me in an inappropriate way, I didn’t do it, but had strong feelings for him and so I broke up, because my feelings for him and my thoughts weren’t ok for me at all. I didn’t tell him I was single and during that time I didn’t text him either. I wanted to stay away from him forever, but I didn’t manage to do so, because unfortunately he really is the man of my dreams and I wouldn’t cheat on him. For me he’s the ONE and I wish it weren’t that way :( I really feel sooo sorry for everyone involved in this situation, but I really tried my best during all those years to stay away from him, said no whenever he asked me out although I wanted to say yes, but it’s so painful for me to avoid him.

[devilman666]

I feel like an asshole saying it, but you probably deserve to feel like that, aa you said there is no excuse for your behaviour.

If you feel sorry for the two of them then do something about it? Saying you feel sorry for someone as you fuck them over is meaningless, and I'd consider it a lie. You're already ruining every relationship, this is your second relationship to be ruined by this guy and it's probably only a matter of time before his girlfriend figures something out.

If you want to stop ruining them then I consider cutting all ties to this man, he is a bad man to get so hung up on.

[devilman666]

You can't lose interest if you don't your cut ties with him. You need to be resolute with what you really want, instead of letting your feelings lead you around like this.

It's good that you didn't leave him to try and end another relationship, that's pretty fucked up tbh.

Get that idea out of your head. He is not the man of your dreams. If he is then you're in luck, fuck boys like him are a dime a dozen, you can get a guy just like him who will cheat on his girlfriend, use you for sex, and if you ever date him, he will cheat on you as well.

[devilman666]

You can find plenty of them at any club, or since you apparently don't want commitment (if you did want/value commitment then you wouldn't like this guy as much as you do as you would recognize how unattractive it is that he is looking for sex while supposedly in a committed relationship). That said if you know he's the one then leave your boyfriend and just be single since you won't be good for anyone then, just become this guys side chick.

You say you wouldn't cheat on him but I call bs. Once things start being less fun and lust filled/once you two start to settle down, your desire to cheat will return, you don't seem like the type of person to be happy with what they have.

You don't feel sorry for either your boyfriend or his girlfriend. You feel selfish and maybe guilty, but sorry? No, I don't think so.

[devilman666]

Bullshit you tried your best, I don't want to be rude but this is definitely a lie. If your best effort at self control is such that you can't even keep yourself from contacting this guy then you have some serious issues, in my opinion. It's painful for you to avoid him?

I don't think this has been stated enough yet, please. PLEASE! Please, leave your boyfriend. The more you say the more I feel like you are only using him, not to mention he probably deserves far better. If you really can't leave this guy at all then just become his side whore or whatever. I don't suggest you expect a loving relationship from him, but at least then you won't ever resort to cheating again.

[devilman666]

Tl;dr MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND AND STICK TO IT!!! If you decide to stay with dream man then stop dating other men, if you decide to break communication with him then STICK TO IT!

[Asker]

He already cheated on his girlfriend not with texting as in my case, but in reality on a party vacation with friends. I never cheated on any boyfriend only with texting this guy. I’m not a typical cheater as I never had something in real life with this guy, all my actions towards him started when I thought he already cheated on his girlfriend and the other woman contacted her girlfriend, so she knows that and she’s still together with him. So I feel sorry for her, but not tooooo sorry as she seems to accept that! She already had the chance to leave him if she wanted to. If there weren’t that guy who’s that hard for me to resist, I would never think about cheating. Normally I’m never interested in guys, I never go out, I never flirt with guys and I am also normally the type of girl who would NEVER send nudes. He just brings out bad behavior from me, because I desperately seem to want his attention and believe me, I hate myself for that.

[Asker]

It simply does not feel as if I would ruin this relationship. To me that is no real relationship and just a lie he does hold on to. If he „just“ cheated via texting , I would see that different, then I would stop it and accept that it’s ME ruining that relationship. But his relationship is already ruined to me, as he already cheated in real life , there is nothing to be fixed to me. AND I’ve still tried my best - I just texted him with sexting one single day in the 8 years that we already know each other. I know it was wrong and I feel really sorry that I’m a weak and such a bad person. So I really want to better myself and stop it and I am thankful for your answers. It really helps to hear your opinion and I hope I can change. I don’t want to be such a bad person :‘( ( I only want that because of OUR PARTNERS, not because of something else, I only feel that bad because of what we both do to THEM)

[boggboss]

Why are u even with you boyfriend at the end if the day your playing him for a mug and if my feelings are right being played for a mug also

[XRabbitHeartX]

You are cheating and you are more concerned about what this guy is thinking than the fact rhat you are beteaying your own boyfriend?

Please end your relationship. Then ask this guy to leave his girlfriend for you. You both deserve each other.

[sarahhcmarie]

You're both cheaters.
Cheaters deserve each other.
Nooo I take that back, cheaters deserve nobodeh

[TheBobFather]

Oh please, they should TOTALLY get together! That way it can be a race to see who cheats on who first!

[sarahhcmarie]

@TheBobFather True, i was gonna type that actually lol

[TheBobFather]

Beat you to it ;) Get on my level, pleb

[sarahhcmarie]

@TheBobFather I got too lazy :(

[TheBobFather]

Don't let it happen again, you're on probation now

[sarahhcmarie]

@TheBobFather Fackk

[TheBobFather]

Sounds like you're both kinda crappy people.

[Anonymous]

He might want to see what’s out there other than what he hasc

[Sarah_mic]

*Perv alert*