What are the signs a guy is hiding his feelings from you?

[Anonymous]

So there's a guy who liked me at first, he said it to his friends and kinda showed it. But when I knew it I acted oblivious and tried my best at showing him that I don't like him at all that way and that I'll only reject him if he asked me out, without saying it to him tho, but it was clear. Also We're not that close. And let's say his ego is too fragile since all girls want him so he hated how I didn't like him too and I guess started to fight his feelings for me and try his best to show me that he's not intersted. But , I kinda started liking him. And I wanna know now does he not like me anymore or is he just faking it before making a move. So what are the signs a guy is fighting his feelings for you and hiding them from you?

[cohenrique]

Generally speaking there are two primary types of guys. The insecure, doubtful type, and the confident, somewhat arrogant type. Ideally, there is a third, the confident, sincere type, but they are generally speaking a rare breed.

Anyway, the guy you describe sounds like the more confident type. But I can't really determine whether he's sincere, or arrogant. Before you try to start anything with him, I would try to determine that. For your sake.

Because honestly, he could be playing you, and it could be working. You may want to figure him out a little first. If he's a player, you rejected him with good sense the first time around. But players are arrogant. They won't allow themselves to be put in that position for long. So they'll "get over you." At the same time, many of them know that if they start ignoring you, it will tempt you to feel like you're missing out on something, or feel a little wounded yourself.

This can spur you into returning or second guessing your rejection. I would be careful to figure out why you suddenly started caring for him. Was it because your assumptions about him were proven wrong? And you started to see him differently? Or is it more of an unexplained compelling attraction that has now come alive?

If it's the latter, then you're more likely falling prey to the formula.

To answer your question. No matter how you spin it, he is hiding his attraction and feelings.

The question is, what level of attraction does he have for you? Something meaningful, or purely sexual?

Now, if he's a petty person, he would reject you to reclaim his sense of security, even if he still is attracted. Which he is, because he was. And unless he's found new reason to question your attractiveness to him, that attraction doesn't just go away, it gets suppressed or forgotten, but it remains.

[Powderpuff97]

What if the keep trying to get your attention while you continue to avoid him? I unintentionally avoided him and he started to notice. But he hasn’t tried to get my attention in a sexual way at all. It feels genuine the things he’s done but guys can be great at manipulating so I don't know he could be fake caring for an ego boost. I don’t understand why he would want my attention if he can get plenty elsewhere

[cohenrique]

@Powderpuff97 regardless of their intent, if they made efforts towards you and you ignored them, their insecurity will automatically be exposed. In that vulnerable state, a guy will either "reject you," or actively seek your attention.

Again, regardless of their inention, them actively seeking your attention is an effort to settle or calm their insecurity (women do this too). They need to know they are wanted by those they want (sexually or romantically).

Once you understand insecurity (whether wounded ego or genuine feelings of vulnerability) is what's driving then you can try to discern their intentions.

Discerning their intentions requires you to be a good judge of character. You can't figure out a guys intentions unless you understand his character. And that goes for both types of men.

Some women mis-judge a good guys intentions because their own insecurities and past experiences tempt them too. But even for good guys with good inentions, a woman needs to discern their character. Are they genuinely a good person? How do they act around others? Are they jerks? Or are they kind and unassuming?

The guys with bad intentions have bad character, that simple. If you want to discover his intentions, you need to read his character. Are they kind to people they don't know? Do they know how to work hard? How do they react when others hurt them? How do they behave when no authority figure is watching them? These questions are most important.

Start learning how to read a man's character. The best way you can learn to do that is to develop your own. And women with good fathers will more naturally discern because they know what a good man (with character) looks like.

[Asker]

Yes, based on my experiences, I'm so scared to have something with anyone since I've ben played a lot. That's exactly why I rejected him, even tho I had something for him since the first time I saw him. And him being handsome and giving that player vibe didn't help, especially when all girls want him. He's the confident type yes, but now I know that he surely isn't a player. I'm kinda scared he'll reject me now if i make a move because of his ego I guess. But the priblem is that I made sure he thunks that he's. nothing and will never be anything more than a friend. I once told him and his friends that they're just like my bros and he said, I'm no one's bro. And he shows his jealousy by asking question, and tbh, it's just soo clear by his facial reaction or how he always comes between me and the guy I'm talking to. And the way he looks at me, those are the only things that still give me hope til now.

[cohenrique]

I'll take your determinations seriously. If you feel he's a decent guy, then your best bet is to be kind to him.

At this point it's simple, he either is a decent guy and he'll turn back around once you change your tune. Or, he's actually not a decent guy and bitter at heart. In which case, yeah he'll reject you. But if that were the case, why would you want to be with him anyway?

If he was sincere and a decent guy who actually valued and cared for you, he will come back around.

Again, he still cares, one way or another, subconsciously or not. The only question is how petty or insecure he is. If he's petty, he's bitter. If he's insecure, he'll doubt you actually like him.

Hope that helps.

[cohenrique]

I checked the post you linked by the way, and added an opinion there too. Check that out if you're hoping for more insight into "gazes" and discerning Sexual vs. Romantic attraction.

[Powderpuff97]

Well I’ll try to make this story short buts it’s important to tell you guys. It’s a lot of detail

Backstory: I’ve known this guy since I was 6 years old. We always played together as kids. Our dads met at a missionary college in their 30’s. My parents were getting divorced and his dad offered my dad a job to work for him at his church. My dad moved out of state but I visited him a lot so me, him and his brother all played together as kids every summer.

During adolescence I developed a crush on him. He always played basketball and he soon started to become good and was popular, athletic etc all the girls liked him but he never really payed attention to me and I was not very attractive. He was a little cocky and I could just tell he didn’t really find me attractive. But it was okay I didn’t see him often.

Fast forward to 3 years ago: I was 18 when I decided to move with my dad and step family due to depression and I dropped out of school. So I started to see him every Sunday at church. I had very bad social anxiety because the church is quite big. We usually say hi/bye and friendly hug. But I guess he felt that something was up or he felt that I was ignoring him specifically.

[Powderpuff97]

After he started taking notice I would see him looking at me more and then he started to try and get my attention. I remember I was against the wall at church daydreaming with my palm on my face and he came up to me and touched lightly wiggled/pinched my hand said “hey” in a kind of concerned look and tone.

When I wasn’t around he would ask my step sister where I am and how I am. My step sister also said he feels some type of way when I “avoid “ him.

We always hug but this particular time it felt different. Our bodies were pressed and our ears were pressed against eachothers and he lingered for a few extra seconds then looked at me with not really a smile or grin but I don't know. It felt good. It wasn’t sexual but it made me feel loved Or I would feel or see him looking at me from afar when I would talk to someone or laugh or do a silly dance in front of my friend

Then I moved back with my mom and a few months later he followed me on Instagram and liked my pictures. He doesn’t seem like a serial liker but he liked my selfies, pictures of my interest, and a pic of my favorite snake. But he had watched all my stories

[cohenrique]

@Powderpuff97 I think he sincerely cares. But I don't think your issue and concern is rooted in his actions currently so much as his actions in the past.

In other words, you cared for him years back and quietly hoped he would notice you. Over time, without his attention, you began acclimate to the expectation of him not being interested.

Around that time you also had negative experiences with other guys I imagine. Who you trusted, but betrayed your trust. You learned then to question motives, never knowing what you could trust because it felt real back then, but suddenly it wasn't.

I think this back story has framed your feelings and perception of his current behavior. I don't think your concerns are currently rooted in the reality if his current behavior and approach. But moreso rooted in your past, tied between his initial disregard, and your past hurts and disappointments.

Everything you've described about him tells me he's sincere and concerned. You're likely also dealing with depression. And he's noticed. I think that's where most of his concern for you originates. I believe he cares and is trying to do what he can to help. He has romantic feelings, of which I am in no doubt about. But any sexual tendencies are at bay in favor of genuine concern and desire to express affection. He sounds to be largely in control of his sex interest and drive. You have nothing to worry about in regard to his intentions in his efforts towards you.

You'll have to observe his character and trust he is who he acts to be. Forsaking what your inner doubt and fear tries to tell you. I feel you can trust him.

[Powderpuff97]

I’ve never had a boyfriend so I can’t really compare it to anything. But I will say it’s low self esteem. I really don’t see myself as attractive. Why would a 9 like a 6/10 lol I hate that I’m getting any attention from lol I hate it a lot because I feel uncomfortable looks wise. It’s embarrassing because I hear girls saying “ou he’s fine” etc

I honestly don’t know if he has good character. I think he’s sensitive though and I don’t think he’s bad but because he’s an college athlete and popular I don't know.

I ended up unfollowing him on Instagram a couple years ago and I haven’t seen him since. We both go to college out of state.

But I have a “friend “ who likes him. Can you believe she actually befriended me only to get closer to him! It took me until now to realize it. But she never wanted to be my friend and it hurt that it was only about him

But now he has a girlfriend but I see that he subscribed to her YouTube channel because she’s trying to be an actress. She attends his old college which I’m sure she just wanted to go to because he went there. Buts it’s like wow does he like her now. I got upset because I felt that she was fake and he probably is going to start liking her. They’re in a church film together. So I said fuck you to him over Facebook messenger after congratulating him weeks prior. I also confronted her and I feel bad because now I look like a bad person and he’ll never view me the same

[Powderpuff97]

I ruined it

[Powderpuff97]

Plus people would say that I’m not his type and so I just completely ignore him. I’m just scared I think he may care but not enough to be in a relationship with or wife. In which I don’t want to be but I just don’t want to get hurt

[Powderpuff97]

Even though he has shown me attention in public and not in private at church and my cousin noticed that he was liking my pictures etc would he post me? Would he tell his friends. Does he really even care

[cohenrique]

@Powderpuff97 Yeah, it's complicated. Especially in today's age. Even overall well meaning people can easily be thrown off and distracted by the things that are more outwardly appealing. I think overall, you have a good head on your shoulders. And your concerns are valid.

I get it. Don't put blame on yourself though. You can't have it both ways. You can't be convinced that 1. he could never commit to you and 2. you messed it up. There are a lot of unknowns there, and I think overall you made the right choice in looking out for yourself down the road. Even if he was sincere, and cared for you, it's also quite possible other jealous girls with more outward appeal could have sought his attention and beguiled him away from you.

I think you should take the time to explore yourself within. You have a relationship with God, and that is honestly the best thing you have going for you. Believe it or not, God genuinely knows what you need and desire and He wills to give it to you. The only question is whether 1. You're willing to ask for it. 2. You're willing to go through His time and process to see it happen.

I could tell you a lot more, but I don't want to completely move this thread in another direction. I don't know how messaging works on this site, I only started last week, but if you want to talk more about that process and journey message me. :)

[Powderpuff97]

I really appreciate you taking out time to read everything and respond very articulately and sincerely. I’ve asked this question a million times to find answers but yours is very comforting.

I need to just let it go. I just hope he was being sincere and not just using me for an ego boost. I want to hope that he wouldn’t do that to me.

I’m just puzzled at the fact that he subscribed to her YouTube channel. I’m trying not to overthink but I don’t know what to think

[Powderpuff97]

Can you follow back

[Powderpuff97]

Update I apologized and he didn’t reply back but he read it

[spartan55]

Ugh... you sure have a big ego thinking that guy is 'fighting feelings' over you. Guys don't do that crap... he doesn't like you anymore because you never showed him you were interested and he grew tired of the childish games. Fighting feelings and all that crap is what girls do.

[Powderpuff97]

True unfortunately. They move on quicker

[spartan55]

I didn't realize it was you until now... 🙋‍♂️

[Powderpuff97]

Lol I don't know the emoji

[Powderpuff97]

I always see your comments tho lol

[spartan55]

It was supposed to be a white guy waving at you. Nbd, I'm an emojitard anyway.

When I decide to write an opinion, I do TWO things prior to writing it in order to keep bias to a minimum:
1) I never look at the identity of the poster (if it's a pink user it's anonymous 9/10 times anyway)
2) I never read any other members opinions beforehand.
If you read my opinions frequently you will notice a few members frequently respond to the question too. I can usually predict their opinion, it's uncanny. Anyway, let me know if I can be off any help.

[HusamRocks]

He can't hide his looks at you. Eyes can speak u know

[Asker]

And how is that?

[HusamRocks]

They shine