Should men find true strength, show their vulnerability, and stop faking macho bullshit? (Page 2)
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Showing you vulnerability is showing where people should stick the knife. The sad truth is when your a man you can't be vulnerable because people will only take advantage of your weaknesses. When your a man no one cares about your wellbeing except yourself.
If a man chooses quality people in his life then they will care about his well being.
Only in so much as his wellbeing will benefit those people. For instance a wife might care for a sick husband but only so he will continue to work and bring home money
That shows your lack of trust. You should trust your wife.
Lesson one in life and it's the most important lesson. Trust no one least of all yourself
Trusting no one is just as foolish as trusting everyone.
That's not as easy as you think. Women are very good at talking about things that bother them but for literally centuries men have had it forced in their heads by most of society that we are to be strong and never show any weakness. Which makes it even harder for men, who have much less understanding of any feelings let alone their own, to open up
and it's even harder because women say they want a man in touch with his emotions but if he really talks to her about something that's really bothering him more often than not she looks at him in a different way... very VERY rarely this change in how they look at you in a good way
I find that I’ve better bonded with any man who opens up and talks about watts bothering him. I probably wouldn’t have married my husband if he refused to do that.
Ladies can get away with it to some extent, but guys should never let anyone see them acting on negative emotions. You gotta learn to carry your own water. Guaranteed any woman you start trying to use an your emotional tampon is never going to look at you the same again. Have some dignity guys.
Unfortunately I think that post is just another empty cliche. Unless you REALLY know and trust the person I think it is ill advised for a man to show vulnerability or open up about weaknesses/insecurities. Ultimately most people won't care/sympathize with you and the moment you do/say anything someone else disapproves of they won't hesitate to use the vulnerabilities you opened up about against you.
These statements now are good to listen or talk but true fact is if a man shows he is vulnerable I bet women will loose respect for the guy take advantage of him abuse him and emotionally manipulate both genders will call names they would definitely say don't be a pussy be a man.
It's not as simple as as that statement and some most men are macho it's like trait or core personality they can't change that it's just how it is I guess
I believe that balance is necessary.
Men do need to be tough, but they also need to be able to open up when they are really hurt. That will only happen when the world starts to listen to them.
German footballer Robert Enke never got over the loss of his 6 year old daughter Lara in 2006; he never talked about his problem because then they would have taken away his newly adopted daughter from him. He killed himself in 2009. German footballer Andreas Biermann was affected by Enke's death and talked publicly about his own struggle with depression, and his career suffered as a result. He killed himself in 2014.
I have pretty much whole life - I speak my mind where it's best to and don't sweat the small stuff
Other men here could stand to learn from you. ❤️
Yeah for sure.
There is absolutley nothing wrong with being emotional sometimes, and being vulnerable.
In reality we ALL are vulnerable in some way or another.
People who don't think they are vulnerable (male or female), are only pulling the wool over their own eyes, and are in for a rude awakening.
I agree with "stop faking macho bullshit", or faking anything for that matter. Everybody is vulnerable whether they hide it, or not. And I'm pretty sure that MY idea of "manning up" is not the typical one, so I'll leave that alone. :)
This is such crap. People, in general, are all different. Being masculine, or "macho" isn't bullshit, and for a lot of men that is their default- it is part of who they are. So do disregard that is to disregard all those who are like that. Others are more emotionally open and vulnerable, and while that is in itself a form of strength it is also not the only measure of it.
I wish people would live their fucking lives and just leave one another alone.
I support this too. My greatest strengths is that I'm not afraid of telling things, and I'm not afraid of people making fun of me because of this
If women were SEXUALLY attracted to and respected sensitive men this would be less of an issue. But most women don’t want that. Quit trying to say otherwise because talk is cheap.
It’s Freudian psychology on why men act this way.
Freud is bullshit pseudo-science that's been saying absurd bullshit over scientific psychology for more than a century, young girls and teens are crazy about k-pop effeminate boys, anime effeminate guys, yaoi effeminate guys, even the top, non-threatening models in a nutshell.
Is it most women? Hell no, of course it's still rare. I'm sorry for you that's less of your demographic, but in fact for being into circles of kinky very left-wing and queer women, women who share these ideas can be up to their 40s even if the younger the most, and these are the avant-gardes of where you'll be respected for what you are.
It's not saying you're wrong, but saying freud is woo and you can act yourself to look for the social circles that will allow you to be real.
Many feminists will deny all you say while it's absolutely true and we live this everyday, women
Vulnerability doesn’t sexually arouse women, I’ll give you that. But not everything a man does has to. Women aren’t required to be sexually attracted to everything you do, especially if it makes you a better person, regardless.
Funny thing is that I’m recently chatting up a younger girl on a dating app who says she wants a “ k-pop effeminate boys, anime effeminate guys” but when she dated them they were “too submissive”. I’m like “well yeah no shit what do you expect”. I swear they constantly want the best of both worlds.
@MzAsh vulnerability not only doesn’t sexually arose women but it TURNS THEM OFF. Period. The only time it’s appropriate is if a guy had a recent huge accomplishment and while talking about it he can bring up the struggles he went through. He has to end it on a positive note. He can’t just sulk and expect people to listen to his problems like women do. Women often just want men to listen to their problems and not try to fix them. Vice versa makes women want to vomit and recoil in disgust.
Men need to get more help IN PRIVATE. I get psychotherapy and I don’t tell anyone about it. If we want to get into a romantic relationship with someone on our par then that stuff has to remain hidden. Sad but true.
Well a man who won’t open up to me is not someone I want to be around. My husband knows this and my clients do too. Either we work together or go elsewhere.
But was he that way when you first started dating? And how often does he open up to you?
You are one of the more mature women on GAG. I’ve read some of your other posts and comments. But I usually see different.
If women want gender equality than it has to be a top way street. For example I sometimes get paranoid about metoo bullshit. Women say they want to be dominated in the bedroom and want a forward man. Some do this “no yes” bullshit. Thoughtful guys like myself take that as face value. I’m less aggressive especially in the beginning because I have to make sure it’s consensual or I could have my entire life destroyed.
Women need to get used to that fact that some guys are going to be less “dominate” unless they specifically tell the guy it’s okay (and develop a safe word when it isn’t). I’m chatting with a younger woman about this right now on a dating app (she’s real we video chatted too). She’s telling me that she wants to be dominate and aggressive. Well that’s great and all but at the same time I get nervous. I have had women wig out when I made a move at the wrong time before.
*two way street
Haha, I feel you^^ Yeah, most of my dating pool are bi/pansexual switches, exclusive monogamy is respectable but also gains to be made only one of the many options so people get actually freer to get the best of both worlds, not expect the same in one guy (or girl) :) Dommes who didn't started as subs or aren't switches till the start nearly don't exist, I've seen many fetlife profiles of dommes that would domme partners and switch only for main life partner, or various girls pretty attacted into both extremes I and a virile alpha can be :)
@Kittyboy the 21yr old girl I’m talking to is bi and a virgin. But she has been very communicative.
She knows my age and background. Haven’t lied anything. I will say it’s interesting. It’s been a very long time I’ve spoken to a girl like this romantically. But she is a digital arts major. She both loves her world and is depressed by it.
Hope it leads to a nice place :) Art student is typically the sociology fitting to shit on trad roles and be empathetic to emotive men^^
Just a FYI women do have sex with sensitive guys but they won’t stay attracted to them for long. These have need to have something else going for them (looks, talents, mysterious, etc). I got laid quite a bit in the past because I’m tall and athletic. But being sensitive was like having a 50lbs steel weight tied to my leg when it came to success in relationships. Sometimes I wished I was born a sociopath.
"tall and athletic", mixed with "sensitive" is another shitty issue, like black men tired to be always expected to be overdominant and overmasculine... now, you're probably fitting to be the strong knight sub in a monogamous FLR if you turn full sub eventually haha :D This is what monogamous 40-something dommes looking to settle are into from what I've seen^^ can't help mor, masculinity isn't my world but good luck to you :)
My husband didn’t open up to me at first but he did after he knew he could trust me, which is understandable. I’ve found that it helps when I open up to him first and he naturally reciprocates. He usually feels better afterwards just to get some things off his chest. But I don’t force it.
About the girls saying they want to be dominated in bed but then late pull back, I’d assume they’re young and are parroting what they think what guys want to hear. Hollywood has sold the idea that is sexy, that’s what girls are supposed to want and guys are supposed to want to hear. But really, they might just mean that they want him to be sexually initiative, not lazy and lay there like a dead fish. But all women want to reserve consent at all times. So you’re really having sex on her terms, because she’s the one saying hey I want you to do this.
This is the very place vanilla people can learn from our consent culture, without getting necessarily kinky. If sex and the D/s dynamic is clearly clarified and not just default, there's room for agency and listening on both parties, and leaves room to explore if she wants the initiative taken and a couple buttslaps or if she enjoys hyper rough sex with humiliation and slave training, or how to be brought to the second with agency and no actual fear.
@Kittyboy I’m going to tell her I want a safe word for stop. Then I’ll unleash both in texting and if we do meet up... in the bedroom. But the second she says that safe word I stop.
⚫At some moments men should learn and adopt trushing the syndrome of Manchu man. Not only because it makes you vulnerable to suicide thoughts and some shitty thoughts.
Two women do love men who tend to feel a bit weak open emotional, it really turns them on, so it is highly a turn off.
So at times we can be overly macho men, bt also live a space for emotional issues.
Sounds like. some bullshit right there. Land of pussifed men. If men become a bunch of pussy, they are better off turning the man card and get a box of maxi pads
I think they sound strong actually. A man who isn’t threatened by vulnerability is a man I respect.
Women say they want this, believe they want this but they really do not. They lose respect for him as a romantic partner when he shows weakness. Any guy will tell you that is how it works out no matter what women claim.
I had to learn the hard-way. Wish someone told me this before I wrecked the best relationship of my life. Because she asked me to "Open-up"
YES!
I don't want to date a guy who acts like a crybaby but I also don't want to date someone who hides their emotions
All this "men don't cry" etc. Bullshit needs to end.
I don’t feel any less for a man that can show his vulnerability. I don’t feel any more for them either.
They are just people expressing an emotion at any time it’s necessary.
I support it. I’ve been saying this shit for years. I’m fact the only people I ever actually see encouraging macho bullshit is other men.
You do realize lots of women won't date men who cry in front of her or are emotional. Also some women intentionally try to get men to fight eachother or defend her honor. Ps. Those women are called crazy 😂
Cherokee, you’re right.
Nathan, why would a man want a woman who wouldn’t want him to show emotion in the first place? Men need to place better standards with that kind of thing.
@nathanp97 I have literally never met a woman that won’t date a man who cries. I’m not saying they don’t exist, but I’m gonna assume they’re pretty rare and they’re pretty dumb so fuck those women. Men are human beings and human beings have emotions, and we need to be able to express those emotions. It’s literally bad for your health to bottle it all up.
Exactly. All human beings have emotional needs and need outlets for their emotions. No one should date anyone that tries to deny them the opportunity to express their emotions in a HEALTHY manner.
Stoicism IS the healthy way to handle negative emotions.
@DCooper If that’s your naturally reaction, and that’s what feels best for you then that’s perfectly fine. But a lot of dudes are conditioned to being stoic against their own feelings. A lot of dudes refuse to cry because they were taught to “Man up” or that “men don’t cry”. Clearly lots of men aren’t getting the emotional outlets and care that they need. The suicide rate speaks for itself.
I'm not saying not to process and deal with the negative emotions; just to keep them under wraps such that they don't show when it isn't appropriate to let them. Of course guys have to process that stuff. We just do it away from people who shouldn't see us like that.
@DCooper A lot of dudes don’t have a safe space to express that stuff. There’s so many dudes whose only support system is their girlfriend/wife, and when they don’t gave a partner then they have no one. Women typically are able to build large support groups. We talk about stuff with friends, family, partners, and we’re typically more open to therapy. Without a safe space a lot of people end up bottling up their emotions waiting for an “appropriate” time to express them. I’m not saying you have to pour your heart and soul out to everyone, I’m just say we should create safer environments and cultures that allow EVERYONE male and female to feel comfortable expressing themselves and building support systems.
Here’s the thing. Men are conditioned to demonstrate strength, not weakness. It’s evolutionary. We need to be on top of our A-game instead of resorting to victim mentality. That’s not how humankind survived after all.
Men can be strong without being macho.