What do guys feel about a girl (girlfriend or best friend) crying in front of them?

[Anonymous]

I'm a very emotional person. Once I was talking to my guy friend about my loneliness & tough past, I started to cry. Once we met after 2 years & I was so happy to see him that I got a bit emotional.

[ChurchOfSteel]

My girlfriend is not an emotional person. She still cries in front of me about once per month. It's fantastic. Hear me out. Since she is very masculine in her emotions most of the time "Nothing bothers me; everything is a joke", seeing her cry and show real human emotion is very valuable to me, and me being there to comfort her bonds us much more powerfully.

Now, crying all the time at the drop of a hat, that shows too much vulnerability, to me. Like will you be able to have my back if shit goes down? Or will you just be crying in the corner, unable to focus on anything but yourself?

A moderate amount of crying is probably acceptable, from my perspective. But I think it's important for people to be able to squash their smaller emotions and handle them themselves, so that they can be a support structure to their loved ones when they are in true need of it. But that's only my view.

For me, in my partnership, I am typically the rock. I endure. But, my mom died recently, and, well, that shit is fucking hard to squash on your own. My girlfriend left for a week, so I'm by myself, but when she was here she was an amazing support to me. She didn't cry and break down, even though she loved my mom, too. She laughed and joked and helped pull me out of an abyss, while I had to put on a show of strength for the rest of my family.

All this to say is it's fine for you to cry, as long as you can still be relied upon in a crisis. Because crisis will come, and if you can't help, you're just dead weight. In my perspective.

[Asker]

She seem like a strong person. I'm not that emotionally stong, but I can hold back my emotions for a while. There are situations that reminds us about something terrible happened in the past. That's where I lose my control.

[ChurchOfSteel]

She is, but at the same time strangely vulnerable. But yes, very strong.

Mmmm. For that, I feel like that is not ideal. For you or others. They say that if you have recurrent memories of traumatic events that happened more than 6 months ago, you have to face them willingly. To go into the memory with courage and replay the memory, but do something differently, something you want or need to do to heal. Something you wished you could have done. By approaching that memory with your chin up and willfully showing courage, it triggers a different part of your brain, instead of the prey mode, you go into the "Attacking a challenge" mode. In this way, you can conquer your past.

There is also the Buddhist principle of acceptance. The pain will come. The memories will come. But the emotions are like a river. If you sit in the middle of the river, you will be swept away, which it seems is what happens to you. If you try to fight the river, well, the river will win. You can't stop a river. However, if you *observe* the river, if you can "detatch" and watch, you automatically put distance between you and the emotions. If you observe the sensations in your body--where emotions are initially expressed--you may find that you can more easily handle those intrusive thoughts, memories, and feelings.

That said, sometimes it is too painful to watch. In that case, you adjust your perception to something else. You use your focus on your breathing, a sound, a different area of your body you can focus on without hurting, etc. In this way, you can jump between focusing on "watching" your emotions, to "watching" something less painful.

Try it. It may help a lot. ^_^ Believe me when I say I've had my fair share of traumatic events.

I hope you manage to conquer your past. It's definitely one of the hardest things there is.

[Asker]

That was a great example.
But I'm not stuck in the river, I'm stuck in the middle of the ocean.

I've been suffering from depression & anxiety for 9 years. I always felt like I don't fit in a group of people. My parents were busy so granny used to take care of me. In the school, people used to make fun of me because I was the quietest girl & bookworm in the school.
In the high school, my granny (the only person who used to understand me) died.
Somehow I managed to survive college by just ignoring everyone & more focusing on my study, I felt very lonely.

When I went to senior college, I chose management course. So it was necessary to interact with other people
I never had any friends & I still don't know how to make one. Then I met this guy who can truly understand me. He is the 1st friend in my life.

After surviving for so many years in the ocean, I finally found an island. But I can't live on it, you know. He's just my best friend.

[ChurchOfSteel]

I feel you. I suffered from Major Depressive Disorder, Recurrent, Severe when I was a teenager. Drug addiction, drug-induced delusions and paranoia and delirium. Couple suicide attempts. Last October to December, I had 213 panic attacks. Talking feeling like I was 2 seconds from dying every moment of every day, haha. Life is rough, often. As the Buddhist's say, Life is Pain. But once I accepted that, it helped a lot, ironically.

Even so, another metaphor is the sky and clouds. So, say your clouds take up all of your sky--the sky is still there, behind the clouds, is it not? That is awareness. In engaging your awareness, you are automatically separated from the worst of the clouds. It can give you some freedom, and more and more as you get better at it.

Mmmmm. I'm sorry you lost your grandma. I lost my mom last week, so I get that kind of pain, now. The worst.

Friends are important. Putting yourself out there is tough, and it can hurt; but, I promise it's one of the best things you can do. I also promise there's people out there who can understand you, to some degree; but, I'd also caution that no one can ever truly understand you. People are complex, and we don't even fully know ourselves.

Have you ever gone to 12 step meetings? That's a fantastic way to meet people who know what you're going through. There's one called "Emotions Anonymous", dealing with stuff like depression and anxiety.

Do you want him to be more than a best friend?

And, perhaps this is a good moment to build a raft, so to speak, just in case you get thrown back into the ocean?

[Asker]

I'm sorry for your loss. It must be hard for you.

Sky is still there. Sometimes the Sun shines through the clouds, it makes me feel hopeful for a while. That's why I keep trying to do my best & have positive vibes.

Yeah, changes are uncomfortable. I guess this is how the mind becomes stronger.

It's almost impossible to know someone completely. But my friend somehow understands my emotions without me saying a word. It's weird that my family can't can't understand how I feel even if I try to explain it. He gave me emotional support & helped me when everyone turned their back on me.

Being friends with him was the best thing happened to me after so many years. But I can't expect more. I'm afraid that it'll ruin our friendship. I'm trying not to get emotionally involved with him.
On the other hand, he also thinks of me as his best friend. Every day we talk about each other & he trusts me enough to share his emotions. I can't leave him until I make sure that he found someone to share his crazy thoughts & feelings & to share life with.
Then I'll sail to find my own place. It'll be hard to see that island disappearing in the mist.

[Jamie1865]

It's a complete pain in the arse TBH. We never know what to do, it's uncomfortable and awkward. It doesn't look great and there's an almost inevitable 30-60 minute conversation pending about whatever it is that she's crying about, and a near guarantee that they crying will resume another 3-4 times while you're trying to look like you're not bored out of your skull and try provide an ear to listen to. This is why women have best female friends, and this is exactly what they excel at. Men are crap at dealing with emotions, and worse still with tears. It's not personal, it's hormones and societal pressure that makes us 'not able' to cry in public, so the only thing worse than a crying girlfriend/female friend is a a crying male friend. Obviously I'm speaking for myself, but a lot of my (male) friends feel the same way and it's just not something I'm emotionally equipped to deal with. It's a shortcoming I/we have but if something makes you feel uncomfortable, you can't help that...

[Asker]

Unfortunately I don't have female friends. He's the only friend I have. Before we became friends, I used to cry alone at night. I've never cried in front of anyone before. I felt bad that it made him feel uncomfortable, yet he tried his best to make me feel better & he still carries tissue papers for me whenever we hang out.

[Jamie1865]

Well you sound like you've got an awesome friend there then, a real keeper. Don't be the friend that only goes to see him for a cry, though! Go have some fun having a few beers or a meal or out for some fun, too! I'm sorry you say that you don;t have female friends, I know a few girls who have a similar issue, and they are the ones I just hope and pray don't head for me when they need a good cry. I was bought up in a military family - army brat or whatever you want to call it, so was always told to man up, be a man, men don't cry etc - and I don't, and that ain't good, the emotion has to come out somewhere and it does... when I get angry. I've not got a quick temper and I've NEVER EVER hit a woman or gotten up in their face etc, but if guys do it to try and push my buttons etc then I go off like a bomb. Like I said, the shortcoming is mine.
You can make it easier on your friend by enjoying some good times with him too, as I said and I'm SURE you will make more friends. You seem friendly on here - and I don't mean that in a creepy way - just that you're open and honest and polite when you speak to people - at least on here!!

[Archerer]

Honestly I agree with this too, which is why I just hold her I guess. I don’t know what to do usually, and the conversations SUCK but they have to be had sometimes.

[Asker]

@Jamie1865
Thank you! He is a good friend, that kind of friend is really hard to find in these days.
In this college, other classmates turned their back on us. So it's like we only have each other.
I tried to make female friends, but always felt like they're very different than me. I was always the "weird introvert" & he was trying to find his place in other's friend circle, but always left left alone.
We hang out a lot & talk about each other's emotions & family. I'm suffering from depression, he's being very caring & supportive.

Yeah he told me about how guys handle their emotions. He's very patient & sometimes sensitive. Once he almost got into a fight, ignored me all day & after the class when the situation cooled down, he talked to me about it.

[HeyMikeyLikesIt]

All of that is perfectly fine! We just want to fix whatever’s wrong for the most part, or at least support you. Now some women cry to get their way or try to save a relationship or just cry for no reason for attention and that annoys both men and women, but especially men because then the whole room looks at the guy as an asshole and that gets really old really fast. But some girls cry more often than others, and some cry a whole lot. And its whatever the guy can tolerate honestly.

some guys cry more than others and some guys cry a lot (for a guy) and even the other girls are like OMG are you on your period or something? Toughen up sally lol. So when the girl ends up having a guy as a cryer y’all feel the same way we do

[Asker]

Yeah I also felt awkward when I cried & the person standing next to us was looking at us like he did something wrong. 😅
That's was the first time I cried in public, I apologized to him about the situation I put him in. It was weird. But he's my best friend so he understood it & even now makes of me like "I'll bring lots of tissue papers for you next time" & he does bring tissue papers.

[OlderAndWiser]

When a girl cries in my presence, I take it as a sign that she trusts me. I feel honored that she feels comfortable to be herself with me.

[Asker]

That's heartwarming! 🙂

[NeedinarealLady]

Well if he has a heart and he's compassionate and he cares about you whatsoever he better be there for you and hold you and listen to you and let you have a shoulder to cry on and then and only then if he has any advice through experience and compassion and loving and caring about you should you give you his best advice and knowledge and wisdom is always stand by your side and help you through it

[waaromniet]

Honestly if we have time to think about it I agree with most of the answers above, but instinctually men are usually more result-oriented. Seeing someone we care about cry, we want to 'solve' it. Its only when the brain catches up that we realize sometimes its best to not solve but support

[DCooper]

"Once I was talking to my guy friend about my loneliness & tough past, I started to cry."

Gentlemen, this is one more example of why you don't hang around in the friend zone. Not to be a dick, but the role of emotional tampon isn't going to be a rewarding one.

[Gotcha_Writer10]

Dude, what's wrong with being a friend... guys and girls can be friends without expecting anything 🙄

[DCooper]

IME guy friends are usually kept as orbiters just in case. But for the sake of argument, lets assume men & women can be purely friends with no expectations. Flip the situation over for a sanity check. Would he expect her to let him whine about his loneliness and junk and cry all over her? Since it's purely friends, everything goes equally both ways. Friends have fun together; they don't burden one another with their emotional baggage.

[Gotcha_Writer10]

Yes... the fuck? What kinda women have you been around to make you even ask this? Of course women would he fine with their guy friends coming to them for that. Duh.

[DCooper]

The kind of women who would tell guys to have some respect for themselves when they bring that stuff... then would start complaining to me that they felt awkward but obligated to be put in that position... thus expecting me to listen to it second-hand.

[ChocoBrownieMonster]

@Gotcha_Writer10 every girl I've met gets angry and pissy at me if i act like a girl crying about things. One even just flat out cut me off 😂😂 Then a few years later had broken up with a guy and tried to friend me and i said NO.

[blutwolfe]

girls are kinda expected to cry it's a stereotype, now wait until a guy cries in front of another guy, that's besties lol

[Asker]

I don't think he'll cry in front his friends, but he does tell me about how he feels when something bad/unexpected happens to him. 😅
We're best friends, we talk about each other's emotions. But I get more emotional.

[blutwolfe]

ya guys are usually open with their female friends than other guy friends, and I think it's natural for their to be more of an emotional bond between man and woman

[ChocoBrownieMonster]

I'd comfort her and hope a tear lands on my cheek and then it slowly drips down to my lips and if i taste it i'll really feel her loneliness and live the moment!

[joenelson]

Sometimes it's understood when you can't really control your emotions but then if it becomes habit then she need to consult a professional.

And I can't see anyone crying.

[Anonymous]

it all depends on why she’s crying

if she’s sad over something legitimate then that’s unfortunate and I want to be there to support her and what not

but if she’s just being some emotional twat who’s crying over some dumb childish shit and I got no time for it. act like an adult.

[victorvolf]

Usually, we feel like we want to comfort you in some way. The only time that's not the case is when we can tell that the crying is used to manipulate us.

[Bang5luts]

I think most guys have a difficult time recognizing their own feelings. Therefore they spend a lot of time suppressing them. So, most men would probably not feel comfortable or maybe not understand why you were crying.

[Kryptix]

There is nothing wrong with crying, free expression of emotions around someone is usually a strong sign of trust

[Asker]

Yeah I don't cry in front of everyone. Just few people who're close to me. 😅

[FictionalCharacter]

It’s a vulnerability guys take advantage of or they get confused and ghost you.

Learned my lesson. Never again.

[Jamie05rhs]

I honestly wouldn't know what to do with a girl crying if we were not on a physical contact basis. Because I'm not that great with words and I'm not good with comforting people. But if we WERE on physical contact basis, then I would hug her.

[pushkar611]

I either sit there awkwardly, having no fucking clue of what to do... Or i start crying with her...

[Pete671]

I'd be flattered they trusted me to show their emotions to me and felt safe doing so, my BFF broke down a bit a while ago, so I just sideways hugged them while they let it all out,,,

[YHL6965]

It just makes me go "Awwww" and I want to hug her so bad. If the emotions are intense, crying can even become contagious as I tend to be very empathetic so I can start crying too.

[DogEatsCat1973]

A girl I might listen to and hug. A guy I will wonder when someone or something will come along and save me from an awkward situation or look for a reason to be elsewhere.

[mattl338]

I have a soft spot for girls crying as long as it’s not used as a manipulative tactic. I would try to make them feel better in any way I can. I’m a very caring and loving person when it comes to my good friends and my significant others being sad

[Aakash_Hangargi]

https://images.app.goo.gl/cdSTHngQtyw852sW6