Why does a married man keep reaching out to me?

[apple2]

Long story short. About 9 years ago, a coworker and I met and we had instant chemistry and a mutal attraction that we never ever acted on. Fast forward to last year ( I am now in my early 30s, he is 40) we ran into each other at a work meeting, hit it off again, and he asked for my number. We are not children. The problem is he is now married. I saw his ring but neither of us have ever mentioned it. We both admitted how seeing each other again after nearly a decade felt like a movie and we constantly tell each other how "I have hated you from day 1" which for me, means I love him. I just can't bring myself to say it yet.

We continued texting constantly this entire year. There would be 2-3 month breaks where he goes silent but then he always says hello again and we talk. We have never ever met up but we do flirt and sext. He doesn't really pressure me to meet up either but we do make plans as if we would and really want to. His wife is drop dead beautiful and they look extremely happy in pictures. They look like Ken and Barbie, only married for 2 years and no kids so far.

Also, this entire year, he would always use words like pretty or sexy to describe selfies I send him but I finally sent him a casual non-selfie of me at my nephew's birthday party and he said, "I only have one word for tonight. Beautiful." He has never used this word to describe me before. Could this mean he has real feelings for me? It took him a year to say it.

The painful part is I noticed he also tends to go a little cold/silent once I send him sexier pictures of myself or after a sexting session ( I am so ashamed to admit that). Is he using me or does he have actual feelings and can't stay away but does not want to actually cheat on his wife?

[bakingperfectionist]

Jesus Christ, he already is cheating on his wife. If you had any decency you would tell the poor woman. Stop sexting men you know are married. He is never going to leave his wife for you, he is just a pig who wants to have his cake and eat another one too. You're a tool to stroke his ego, that's all it is. End it for your sake and tell her for hers.

[apple2]

I don’t expect or want him to leave his wife. I’m just trying to understand his intentions.

[bakingperfectionist]

His intentions are to get an ego boost. He likes attention and he likes to feel wanted by many women. He doesn't have feelings for you.

[apple2]

Thank for for answering.

[jkm1864]

Look if He has children then end it because Your actions will end up hurting those children. If He doesn't have children then You need to consider the fact that once a cheater always a cheater so if Your thinking that Your getting a good deal realize He will do the same thing to You in the future.

[apple2]

Any insight into why he’s doing it after reading my post?

[jkm1864]

Because He wants to cheat isn't that obvious? He is either wanting a short term fling or He is looking to monkey branch to another relationship. Do You really want a man that thinks so lightly of His wedding vows? Do You really have such low self respect that You would even consider it especially since He will do the exact same thing to You?

[apple2]

I hinted at the fact I’m a virgin to him the other day. It’s never been bought up before. Do you think he will still try and pursue me? I kept him guessing about it though.

[jkm1864]

Seriously drop it because it won't end well and You will either get Yourself hurt or someone else.

[apple2]

Thank you. Do you know why he goes cold on me after sexting? Is it guilt or did he get what he wanted?

[jkm1864]

Maybe He is trying to hide it from His wife. Look the guy is a total scum bag so stop wasting Your time with Him and find someone whom wants to commit to You.

[apple2]

It’s hard because he’s been on my mind for a decade and our chemistry has somehow sustained the years. He’s also a former professional sports player (I won’t say what sport) so I can’t believe I even have his interest.

[jkm1864]

When You have tunnel vision You blind Yourself to the possibilities around You.

[apple2]

Thank you for you insight. I have one last question. He won’t even say hello the next day after staying up with him and sexting. He knows it’s not easy for me and he knows he’s the only man in the world I’ve ever shared intimate pictures with. Why doesn’t he bother to say hello, sometimes for a week? It’s always me who breaks the silence after.

[jkm1864]

Maybe because Your His back burner bitch. I don't mean to be so brutal but You really need to move on and find someone whom will put You first.

[apple2]

What does that mean? I’ve been a nun my whole life, preserving myself for when I think the time is right. So I can’t believe I’m willing to almost give all of that up for this guy but I am. There’s just something unexplainable between us. Does that mean he doesn’t care?

[Curmudgeon]

"does he have actual feelings and can't stay away but does not want to actually cheat on his wife?"

I would say this is the case, and I would politely shut him down now.

[apple2]

Wow, you think he has real feelings for me? A part of me does too but I’m confused. How would you explain going a little cold once we sext? It’s like once he comes back and gets me comfortable again, we inevitably have a night where we sext but then he never even says hello the next day. It’s quite painful he does this. Do you think it’s guilt?

[Curmudgeon]

To answer your questions:

"Wow, you think he has real feelings for me?"

Well, you might be a real stunner. Are you the feminine human equivalent of that flower?

"A part of me does too but I’m confused. How would you explain going a little cold once we sext? It’s like once he comes back and gets me comfortable again, we inevitably have a night where we sext but then he never even says hello the next day. It’s quite painful he does this. Do you think it’s guilt?"

It could be:
1. he DOES NOT want to ruin his marriage (especially if he has kids)
2. he gets busy. Texts are a diversion, but real world work and other concerns take the lead.

[apple2]

I don’t like complimenting myself but yes, I’m pretty attractive. How would he think saying hello the next day would ruin his marriage but sexting doesn’t? He doesn’t have kids yet.

[spartan55]

I didn't even have to read this. He wants to fuck. He doesn't have any feelings, he is MARRIED... which should have disqualified him to start with... but you women can't seem to understand that.

[apple2]

But he doesn’t pressure to meet?

[spartan55]

Because he is doing a soft approach and waiting for you to come to him. And it seems like it's working.

[apple2]

Hmmm, good observation. Thank you.

[spartan55]

Don't do it.

[apple2]

While talking last week, I kind of finally hinted that he would be my first (yes I’m still a virgin). He said, “Still waiting?” with a smile emoji. I didn’t confirm or deny I was, I kind of left him guessing. He took it well in the moment but we haven’t really talked since so I’m wondering if that now put him off. There’s so many reasons why we shouldn't meet and be together. The main one is he is married but the second as much as I want to give myself to him, it’s not fair for him to be my first.

[spartan55]

DON'T DO IT. I promise you that you will regret it for life...

[apple2]

I do love him. It’s really is like a movie where someone you’ve thought about for years comes back and confirms he feels the same way about you.

[spartan55]

You just don't get it. He is MARRIED... you can't love him. He is looking for a piece of ass, he doesn't love you.

[apple2]

I do get it. I just wish things were different or I think I at least want confirmation from him that he loves me even a little but can’t be with me.

[spartan55]

I'll say it again to the brick wall: He doesn't love you, he wants to fuck.

[apple2]

Ok got it:)