Can't tell if he's emotionally unavailable or just unavailable to me?

[nojokecarmichael]

This guy seems to fit into more than one box and he has been the hardest person to ever decode. He never seemed 100% there and at times exhibited codependency.

Over time, he opened up to me about some things (he spoke of being heartbroken and having been attached to an ex's child she had after she cheated on him) and I gave him expectations for how I expect to be treated, including not being a 2nd option. We talked and came to an understanding but after that he changed completely. He pulled away- something common with emotionally unavailable people when you set boundaries and expectations of them. Then it was like he tried to keep me on a string.
I held on to the bit of who he was in the beginning, the good even though there were little things but he still showed a willingness to change.

I'm not the issue yet I can't help but think what of what I could have possibly done if anything to cause this, why the sudden change? I deserve more than what he offers and I'm not his therapist, I just wanted things to be different. Maybe I differed from the norm of what he was used to, maybe I was more stable than the people's he's dated, or maybe I was just a placeholder.

[Anonymous]

I've been there where I dated a guy who had a bad ending cus of his ex. and obv i told him i didn't wanna be second place too cus it looked like it was messy. he kept giving me small effort which makes me have faith in us then some days he just pulls away like as and when he likes. turns out he was still deciding if he's making the right choice with me and unsure of me. like i have always been supportive and gave him money and bought him food when he needs it and i dont ask for anything back. and I've never been the one to complain and was really just supportive but he's giving me bull attitude. the audacity of him. i wouldn't date a guy who just looks so shady with me. its easier to change the whole person with another guy who is a better fit for me, than spending lots of time with a guy who will string you along cause he sees u as a backup and does not make u feel secure in the relationship. anyways just my opinion of what i faced UWU

[nojokecarmichael]

thank you this helped a lot

[legalboxers]

he seems he is, but I think he is more guarded. Thats what I am arriving at.

[nojokecarmichael]

That's why I'm so conflicted. The whole change in his behavior after we talked threw me off. Then he'd take forever to reply sometimes and claim he was busy, yet I'd see he was playing the game and sometimes on messenger. So it just made me think while he distanced himself, he was talking to other girls to see if he could find someone else

[nojokecarmichael]

He's not worth the time and energy

[nojokecarmichael]

also he seems to be what? unavailable to me?

[legalboxers]

@nojokecarmichael follow your gut

[legalboxers]

ty for MH

[In_Trance]

Is there really a difference at the end of the day?

[nojokecarmichael]

yeah. One is he's just not available to me the other is he's not available at all emotionally no matter who it is

[In_Trance]

My point is, either way, you don't get the emotion from him

[nojokecarmichael]

yeah, either the way the end result is the same. But you asked if there was a difference between the two