Can experienced older men truly fall in love with younger inexperienced women?

[Anonymous]

I’m 21, he’s 29. He’s had loads of experience dating women. I’ve had NONE with men. I barely know how males tick, how they think, what they expect. I know nothing of dating.

We were seeing each other casually for a while, we had a lot in common (despite age gap) and there was a deep connexion (at least for me, maybe it’s because I’m new to this and easily impressed). Then it kind of became clear in some of my conversations that I carried idealized visions of love/relationships etc, and that I knew nothing of how men think. He made it clear that he’s very jaded when it comes to relationships, and that “his heart is kinda fucked”.

I started developing a bit of feelings for him. He felt comfortable opening up to me about some stuff. We continued talking for a while and when I made it clear that I hadn’t had sex yet and was v intimidated by it, he said he wasn’t comfortable with my age, and me being so inexperienced didn’t help him feel attraction at all. And that this had been fun for him, but that’s the reach of his intentions.

I regularly find myself drawn to older men, and I only feel capable of developing feelings for them as opposed to guys my age. But I’m starting to think I won’t be able to get into a (serious) relationship with an older guy or make one feel for me too, as my worldview is still very naive when it comes to human relationships and they’ll see me as a child, or that they mistake my enthusiasm for “easiness”. I’ve been saving my v card for someone I’d eventually fall in love with.

Is it possible at all for experienced older dudes to truly fall for younger/inexperienced women? Beyond the sex I mean. I’d appreciate honest answers. Thanks!

[MrOracle]

Yes, it's certainly possible, but honestly you need to do some work to help things along. You admit that you are naïve about men, relationships, and love, but it doesn't sound like you've done anything to change that - you're almost proud of your naivety and inexperience. in my opinion, that's hurting your chances of finding (and keeping!) a good partner.

I'm NOT suggesting you date a bunch of guys or sleep around, but I *am* suggesting that you take a much more active role in educating yourself, using this amazing resource called the Internet. GaG is actually a great resource, but another is YouTube.

I recommend you spend 30 minutes a day researching men, relationships, and love. Read diverse opinions and watch videos from every point of view, and even if you feel like you disagree, at least LISTEN to what people are saying and think about it. Yes, there is a lot of BS out there, and a lot of people pushing their political agendas, and, yes, that sucks, but if you hear both sides, you'll find that you'll be forced to THINK and draw your own conclusions - and then, those conclusions might be smashed apart by another article, post, or video. That's okay - you're starting from the beginning, and you're sure to venture down the wrong path from time to time, but you'll figure it out.

Perhaps the most important thing is that you realize that the real world is nothing like a Disney Princess fairytale - there's no "knight in shining armor" who will "ride up on his great white horse" and "slay all of your troubles" so that you'll "live happily ever after." Walt Disney, who had a pretty odd relationship with his own mother, took a bunch of dark, scary, and frankly more realistic European fairytales and turned them into massively over-optimistic stories to draw in young children, assuming that they'd naturally grow out of believing in those stories - but we now have multiple generations of women who quite literally believe that "happily ever after" is how romance is supposed to go, and when they realize that, even being married to a great partner doesn't mean that life isn't a struggle sometimes or that there will still be loss, sadness, loneliness, etc. in their lives, they get very upset and disillusioned - and invariably blame it on the husband, for failing to deliver her "happily ever after." That's why your guy was reluctant to move forward with your relationship: your expectations would be unrealistic and he would never be able to meet them, and sooner or later, you'd blame him for that failure. It would be like him expecting you to have the face and body and skin and hair of a 19-year-old forever - there would be no way for you to avoid failing that expectation.

Find out the things that women find difficult or frustrating in relationships, but also find out what MEN find difficult or frustrating, so that you can see both sides. Find out what both sides NEED from each other, and WANT from each other (what women want from men is VERY different from what men want from women). In general, we have complimentary desires and abilities, but they aren't the SAME.

The better you understand these things, the more likely you'll be to attract men, and KEEP them once you have them, and the more likely you'll be happy in the process.

[Asker]

Thank you for taking the time to write that out for me. I don’t think I believe in “knight in shining armor”, I just want someone to love me for who I am, with my flaws, and who I’ll also love unconditionally.

[MrOracle]

That's good, but it's *likely* you still have ideas about romance and relationships that aren't exactly realistic - books and movies and TV shows often depict an idealized version of reality, where everything works out in the end, but in the real world, it's not always that way, and when it does work out, it's because both people were willing to work hard and make sacrifices when things got tough - and at some point, they will get tough. As much as you love another person, they're still different, with different ideas, priorities, desires, and prejudices, and those can be tough to reconcile (but it CAN be done). And if you've chosen a good partner, there's nothing like having someone in your corner, or someone to help you when you need help, and someone to share all of the good times in your life. That's important!

[Asker]

Thank you for clearing things up! Is it like having family members you love but still argue with/have to work to maintain good relationships?

[MrOracle]

Yes, quite similar - except a lot of people have this idea that you should never have those issues with a romantic partner - which is ridiculous. You're always going to have those problems when you're dealing with another person, but HOW you handle them is what matters. Of course, it's also vitally important that you took the time and effort to talk about matters of long-term compatibility BEFORE you got into a relationship with someone. You can't change those things about the other person, so the best you can do is find out if there are red flags right away, so you can end things and move on quickly, before you're too deeply invested.

If your dream is to be a mom, and he doesn't want kids, that's a huge problem. If you want to live in a big city, and he wants to live in a rural area, that's a problem. If he's religious and you aren't, or if you don't agree on religion, etc. Morals, values, finances, family responsibilities, career paths, lifestyle - all things that can cause big problems if you aren't compatible, and you need to figure those out at the beginning. Imagine investing 5 years in someone before you learn of such a red flag? You want to avoid that.

[WindAtMyBack]

The age factor alone is not a big deal. That's not a huge difference. The difference in experience isn't really a big deal either, but I think your lack of experience and maybe some naivety, make you more vulnerable to being used. While there are plenty of guys where this can be perfectly legit and make for a good relationship, there are also sharks out there that even more experienced women get taken advantage by.

I don't want to scare you away from what you are attracted to. It's just a warning to watch out. At least you are aware of your inexperience, which helps. The age difference is just fine for both you and him. Most guys would be fine with it since it's not much difference in age.

[SueShe]

You give the reply to your question yourself.

This guy is experienced with girls and knows how to make them believe everything they say. You state it yourself that you know nothing of guys and by saying that, you really mean nothing at all, otherwise you would realize that he is playing with you and wants to get you where is needs to in order to abuse you emotionally.

Once he is done with you, you will find yourself understanding even less than nothing about guys.

It is time to wake up and realize that all that smooth talking has one single purpose. To get under your skirts and when he is done with you, you will only be remembered as a victim number on his long list of body counts and trophies.

Those guys don't fall in love, they exploit those girls that do not (yet) understand how guys tick.

[Asker]

Yes, that’s what I’ve come to realize because of him but couldn’t put it into words. I ended things with him anyway. Dodged a bullet.

[SueShe]

That was the best and right thing to do.

[TeeBar]

Anything is possible in human relationships. While looking for Mr. Right, start reading and watching programs that cover sex. marriage. and relationships. There are hordes of men who would be delighted to teach a virgin about the joys of sex. If you are really nervy. join a social group, pick out a guy who attracts you. and under appropriate circumstances (say, drunk at a party), ask him to pop your cherry. Use protection as I assume that you are not on the pill. Overall, getting a steady boyfriend is a better way to go but beggars can't be choosers.

[Kurαȷ]

Dating experience doesn't mean anything, it's an empty buzzword.
How good a relationship is comes down to what the people are like and whether they are right for each other.
Certainly, having some experience will make finding the right person easier for you, but it's still mostly a matter of sheer dumb luck in the end.

Personally, I wouldn't mind dating someone inexperienced.
In fact, I'd much prefer them over someone jaded and burned out from bad experiences.

[Asker]

Thanks for offering your perspective. Do you think you’d be put off by someone both inexperienced and younger? I feel like maybe the fact that I’d be missing some life experience would bore a partner, while I am attracted to the very fact that they would be mature/smarter and more knowledgeable than I.

[Kurαȷ]

No, not at all.
I honestly prefer younger women with less experience.

The way I see it, the less experience someone has, the more opportunities for them to gain that experience with me.
I would much rather experience the first-time excitement through someone whose life is more of a blank slate, than do things with someone who has already done most of what life has to offer and perhaps doesn't feel as much excitement about them anymore.

If anything, I'm always more concerned about the risk of the less experienced person perhaps feeling bummed about the fact that those life experiences are no longer new to me.
So if someone doesn't mind that or even finds the fact attractive and my experience somehow an asset, then that sounds great to me.

[jsincal]

Yes I dated a chick when she was 19 while I was in my early 30’s. I did love her though it didn’t work. But it’s possible. I have a friend who dated a 18 year old when he was 33 and 10 years later still in love, married, and 3 kids. So yes it’s possible.

[SirJeffers]

Of course it's possible, but not every guy will want to be with a younger woman. I don't mind myself. I'm almost 32 and I wouldn't have an issue with a woman your age. You're an adult and that's what matters. It's all about chemistry and intentions, tho. Find the right man and age won't matter in the least.

[Gedaria]

It can be difficult to t to know someone a lot younger. But it's a matter of taking it slowly.
To make sure both are on the same page.
But I find it fun doing it. The getting to know each other..

[chHaynes]

I think that makes it more exciting if you have a female that hasn't dated a whole lot and the guy knows a few things he could always suggest what to do and you just got a call from eyes little bit

[chHaynes]

I meant to say compromise a little bit at the end I would start out with something easy to make her feel more comfortable if it were me

[Anonymous]

It is possible for an older man to fall in love with a younger women. But I would caution you against dating ones that are at least more sexually experienced than you are. Virgins should date other virgins.

[crmoore]

I'm entirely certain they can, he just wasn't the right one.

[locutus9999]

totally the women i loved the most was 7 years younger than me.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

He just wants you for sex.

[Avicenna]

Happens quite often

[Avicenna]

The age gap in your case is not big

[Asker]

Thanks for your input. I think my personality is just off-putting and I’ll need to work on that.

[Avicenna]

I think you just need to be with a more patient guy who is more appreciative of you

[Anonymous]

Yes, if anything they would prefer it.

[Luckycharms12]

Of course

[Anonymous]

Tl, dr but yes.