Why has he pulled away all of a sudden?

Question

Guys I don’t know if I’m overreacting!! There’s this guy I’ve been speaking to for 3 months now. Everything was going really well we called each other face timed he told me that he really cares about me and want to see me happy and weirdly said things like he’d take me home to his parents and trying to put a ring on it and he hasn’t met me even. He also talks about sexual stuff a lot and says how he’s really attracted to me. He talks about my personality too. So these past couple of weeks he’s been constantly texting me first with “morning and making so much effort with calling me and stuff. However this week he hasn’t texted me at all but just watching my story. So on Monday I texted him and we were talking normally and he said “make sure u call me when ur free I’m waiting.” I didn’t call him and I wrote something to him and deleted it. So he didn’t text me and I texted him again today “hey call me when you’re free.” He replied “not now babes I’m with my family x.” And I put “oh that’s fine 😊.” And he put “xx.” And I replied with “gimme a call later then 😴.” And I put “x.” Then he just ignored that and didn’t even call me. I’m I overthinking or is he playing me? Why has he stop putting in effort and what do I even do? On Monday he was like he misses me so I’m so confused.

Aethereal · Accepted Answer

The lines that stick out to me are:
- "So these past couple of weeks he’s been constantly texting me first... making so much effort with calling me and stuff"
- "he said “make sure u call me when ur free I’m waiting.” I didn’t call him and I wrote something to him and deleted it. So he didn’t text me"

From my perspective, it looks like he is the one making all the effort to talk to you while you just wait. If I were him, I'd start questioning whether you were as interested in me as I was in you; whether this isn't a bit one-sided.

It looks like he decided that he'll wait and see whether you'll make an effort if he leaves you alone for a change. You promised to call him but didn't, and then demanded he call afterwards instead of calling him yourself. Honestly, that would have pissed me off in his position. It suggests that you want him to chase you while you remain passive, and/or there are many things and people that are more important to you than him.

This looks like a guy who was already planning a future with you, prioritizing you. He is probably now worrying that you're not as interested as he thought, or unwilling to prioritize him to the level he wants. He might be getting ready to move on.

Please note that I might be completely wrong with this analysis. I'm just letting you know how it would be for me specifically if I was him. When I was online dating, I always stopped talking to girls who constantly waited for me to initiate conversation all the time (and hardly initiated). It screams "I'm not interested" to me.

Citizenkirk · Accepted Answer

One question, and it's an important one. Have you actually met this person face too face? Skype, video, and conference calls don't count.
I'm getting a lot of heavy duty emotional commitment issues from your question, and if you haven't actually been in each other's presence physically, than I don't see this person your so into actually existing.
I'm not implying that you are making any of this up or anything like that. I'm just saying that a person you have not been in the same room with is a person you don't know. There's something to be said about actually being within the same vicinity of someone before you can actually start believing that you feel all these deep emotional feelings about him and if you haven't actually met this person face to face then I'm not inclined to believe that you know each other at all.
If this is the case then mark my words, if you don't believe me now, than meet the guy somewhere. I guarantee you, that half the things you think you know about him are not the way you thought they were.
If you have met face to face before, then forget everything I just said.

luvstoned4him · Accepted Answer

Yea he is playing u. What I've learnt is actions. It's less about what he says and more about what he does and if those two dont match then. You got a problem Houston!
A guy saying he will marry u early up is a red flag either way. It's either he is tryna control you or he is feeding you b. s and I would go with the latter. In that case, everything else he told you is b. s. I would cut him off slowly. Just go without texting him for a week. Chances he remembers u end of week when the other date doesn't work out. Either way drop him.

Hannah_le · Accepted Answer

Like he seems to be putting a lot of effort and u should text him more and like be the one to make him feel special sometimes as well. Sometimes him pulling away just means he’s busy like it’s only been a week. N he said I’ll ttyl in a nice way I know cuz I’m in a long distance relationship so I understand like the text n meanings. But he’s not pulling away jus is bein normal and even if he is just ask why n if he’s woth family then yea he’s prob with family but try to make more of a effort wit him lmao

PrudentGuy · Answer

I think you two need to learn how to communicate. If I may suggest how:

1) drop all the social stigma like "he'll think I'm cheap to initial conversation /intimacy /sex".

No, girl, its 2021. You girls have proven to be equal, even better than guys in many things.

2) and stop that waiting game. So immature. Like my little nephew arguing with his little sister!

Talk and be honest. That's the key to a good relationship.

3) establish a "protocol" during this lockdown.

Is it possible for at least a meal together everyday?

What about moving in together?

Sex? Yes? No? Set the boundaries.

No difficult right? Just talk and define your relationship. Then enjoy it. (That's what living is all about. Not wondering what happens next, every day. So burdensome.)

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

Well, when someone puts efforts you should respond seems that you didn't properly.

And you should also put effort right but it seemed you played games bc you wanted him to always initiate that's not how it works it kills the attraction or love towards other person if people feel ignored you are jus observing your feelings.

What about his when you didn't respond or call you were sick understandable but should have told him right a simple message would have been suffice.

But if you want to play hard always he will pull out eventually

key_statistics · Answer

He was not playing you. He tested you and you did not follow through. Let me explain it to you.

See how fully interested he was in you. And his attraction to you was high. Well he was thinking long turm/marriage so befoore he did take the next step he wanted to see if you had the same feelings and devotion as him. So he tested you and you did not call him. After this he switched the relationship to casual dating and light. He was devoted to you but not any more. You can try amd fix the relationship but in the end it will be up to him, as you can not undo something just like you can not unsay something.

CriticalDiscourse · Answer

You're the one who didn't call him and refused to message him, I get that you had a reason, but it sounded like you didn't communicate that. It seems to me that there's an imbalance of interest; he's showing ALL OF IT, you love it and soak it up, but don't appear to be giving the same amount of interest in return.

He's either burnt out being the giver of the relationship or he's busy. Maybe start communicating better.

JKingOff · Answer

Maybe I'm just not understanding the situation but the only thing I see here is he texted me I texted him and he won't text me. you said that you guys have been going at it for 3 months. If this is a long distance relationship then that's why. You can't have kids via email. There's no point pursuing a relationship when there is absolutely zero physical aspect to it.

_no_one_ · Answer

It's simple he's just trynna show you how it feels like to feel ignored by someone you adore or he's busy for real. Talk things out quick cuz if this game goes on like that it won't end well.
Us men feel awkward when someone does something like that. We feel like that person don't loves us anymore. We feel bad and we want them to feel what we feel like so uh we do stuff like that, sometimes...

carlonpio · Answer

He's is mad at you bcz he told you to call when your free and you didn't that made him feel bad like your taking him for granted you have to appreciate him more and show that your not taking him for granted and put in the same effort has he does simple

And give him a little space he will message u more frequently again he obviously care about you

KerubysiO · Answer

In my opinion he thinks that you are not interested in having a date with him anymore. Just tel him that you are sorry if you were absent in the past few days and call him. Don't wait for him to call you, you have to do something now.

purplepoppy · Answer

Any guy who wants to put a ring on a hand he's never even held sounds a bit weird to me. It also sounds like he's a bit needy calling you all the time.

bowenw · Answer

You could tell him you were ill and couldn't call him but you're feeling much better now. Invite him to call you or ask if you can call him. A decent guy will understand. If he ignores you he's probably been playing you.

Stoner710 · Answer

He might be with family he might be loosing interest the likelihood is he’s spending time with his family and ignoring his phone but I’m not in his brain so I have no idea

LemiaOfTheCodes · Answer

Oh your back again You clearly have some issues and being on here isn't your best opition so maybe take some time from repeating yourself.

Koalamate · Answer

He's pulling away because he's making all the effort and your not making enough or any. Take the initiative and call him don't be shy he clearly likes you.

Jjpayne · Answer

I think you are thinking too much into it. Give it a day or two. Throw him a line each day and he should respond back in the next day or two

Rozaybonet69 · Answer

He got another bitch doing your job mines is doing the same I got so little time for him so I guess I nikka hate to be lonely

Chriscunning · Answer

I don't think his pulled away, it's more that relationships aren't a one-way street. His just run out of road.

nevernevernever · Answer

sounds like you haven't been putting a lot of effort into talking to him. why haven't you guys met?

chubbycrow · Answer

maybe realized something like distance got in the way of you  maybe he found someone else he values more maybe he's very busy maybe he's j an awkward person

rachel776 · Answer

it's usually nothing hang back a bit and see what he does

Gedaria · Answer

He could be having problems. If he got upset when you did reply straight away , I would move on. Give him a text explain why you didn't reply when you were supposed to reply..

Why has he pulled away all of a sudden?

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Why has he pulled away all of a sudden?

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