My boyfriend's guy friend is a misogynistic a hole, what can I do?

[EEllarose]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years. He just started hanging out with this guy, Octavious from his work. We give him a ride to work everyday. Everyone needs help at some point. But he's 21 and has no house or car and decides to judge me over everything.

A few examples: 1) Im teaching my boyfriend to drive so I told him to take a certain way so we'd get to his work faster and Octavious said "why didn't he just turn the other way? Why'd he have to do what you said?" With an attitude.

2) He said because I don't look Cherokee Indian that I'm not one even though my parents are both Cherokee. That's so racist and disrespectful.

3) anytime my boyfriend and I argue over something stupid in the car he puts his two sense in and causes us to argue more because my boyfriend said he's sticking up for him. That doesn't make sense! I kept telling them that tinted windows in our state is illegal past a certain point but they kept arguing saying it wasn't. I tried explaining it again using actual factual information such as the percentages that can be used, and his friend said in a snarky response, "we know, you've said it three times now. Three fucking times." I don't talk anymore during the car rides and keep my factual knowledge to myself. The past week my boyfriend has had off work and it has been incredible. No fighting, just love and happiness. The moment he has to go back to work his guy best friend, Octavious, has to always start drama. We are so early to his job because he wanted to leave early to cash his check. Because the times got mixed up, (only thirty minutes) it didn't put us back at all, but his friend was pissed that he got ready so early for nothing. Like, appreciate that I give you rides at all, please. I could revoke that. Now my boyfriend is practically turning into him because I told him to stop at stop sign. He wasn't stopping so I said "stop please." He screams, "I know you've said it so many times now!" What do I do about this?

Updates

+1 y

Sorry I had limited space. I have talked to him about his friend and all he says is, "if you have a problem with him, I'll walk to work. I like him." And I don't want him to walk so I just put up with it.

[abc3643]

Lay down the law!

Next time Octavius says something Trumpian (ie. misogynistic or racist) say while in the car with you, you say "My future ability to take you to anywhere with us is directly related to your ability to keep your mouth shut during the commute. Understand or do I have to womansplain it to you?"

HOWEVER, before that, do two things:

1. Discuss it with your boyfriend that you are going to do this.
Why?

A) It gives your boyfriend the heads-up for potential drama so that way he is not put in an awkward position when the shit actually hits the fan in the car after you say that.

B) Just as important, this is an opportunity for your boyfriend to show support for you and over his douchebag child-friend. If he argues with you considerably during this discussion, then maybe you need to consider getting a new boyfriend.

2. Show him this very question. It's probably easier for you to get your point across to him and to see our responses. At minimum, showing him this very question should illustrate to him how much of a problem Octavius is and how happy you are with your boyfriend when Octavius isn't around.

[abc3643]

if it's any consolation, one of my cats is named Octavius (*) and he's a bit of an asshole too.

(*) Octavius the cat was found in our yard a limping hurt kitten who would have died. We took him to the vet and decided to keep him. My wife named our older cat "Odessa" (which I would have been against, but she did it while I was away from home), so we needed another "O-name". Since the kitten already used up one of his 9 lives, he was left with 8 and thus "Octavius" fit the bill for a name. I named him that, but I hate that name. If only my wife didn't name Odessa as "Odessa". Instead, I just call them "Little Miss Kitty" for Odessa and "Little Grey Kitty" for Octavius who is not exactly little anymore.

[EEllarose]

Awwww!! What's a cute story and amazing advice!

[abc3643]

thanks any questions?

[worldscolide]

Sounds like he is a bad influence.. but the definition of misogyny is Hatred of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women. Arguing with you and disagreeing with you does not equal misogyny. Im not hearing any hate from that guy, he is just influencing your boyfriend in a bad way. Honestly you need to break up with him. i Don't see a way past it, Cause if you try to talk to him about it he is likely to argue with you.. What he is doing is abusive.. Not acceptable. Dont get me wrong disagreeing with you is not abusive, Screaming at you is.. Saying things like you mention #2 is abusive..

[EEllarose]

Sorry it was limited space. He's misogynistic because he's mentioned that if he has a girlfriend that she'll let him fuck her whenever he wants and she'll make him dinner and cater to him. Then said all women are men's slaves.

[worldscolide]

Again Not misogyny.. Sexism.. Not misogyny

: hatred of, aversion to, or prejudice against women
www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/misogyny

[I-C3_ME]

Just talk to em when you're not in the car, ask em to stand up for you when he's friend is being rude, make em see your perspective (how would he feel). Don't try to start a fight, just genuinely find a solution.

I'd also advice only saying it once or twice, i know i can be though but it is really annoying if people keep repeating themselves.

If that doesn't work, I'd probably advice putting the guy in he's place in a fun way. Every time he gives you shit just roast em, but pls not in a devastating way unless it's really necessary. Women tend to go a little to far when it comes to roast people, just don't target the real stuff (stuff he may be insecure about) first of all this will make you the bad guy and doesn't really help aswel

[slatyb]

Tell your boyfriend that you aren’t willing to spend time with him and therefore he needs to find his own way to work.

[spartan55]

Stop nagging your boyfriend for starters. You sound like a controlling pain in the ass.

[I-C3_ME]

Ait ok but she does have a point though, like in the way she tells it. The guy sounds pretty rude and should probably be put in he's face

[I-C3_ME]

Place*

[EEllarose]

@I-C3_ME I definitely don't nag him. Obviously we're fine when his friend isn't around. He has other friends that don't cause these problems. My boyfriend has never hit me but he's violent and punches things and breaks my things when he's mad. I don't nag him, because I never talk. He's always yelling and I'm always crying or trying to calm him down

[I-C3_ME]

I didn't say you were nagging, that's the other guy.

But i got to admit, i don't believe you don't do anything when he's yelling (could be true but i just don't know you enough so i go from experience)

[djfhsjk]

Talk to your boyfriend about it. There's a reason I don't try to make an enemy of the people my friends date

[Anonymous]

question is octavious gay? because he sounds like a womanhater which you said. he could have a thing for your boyfriend. you got two options tell your boyfriend to dump octoweirdo or you dump him.