Why Do They Always Come Back?

Question

Guys let’s be honest... you ALWAYS come back. No matter what terms things ended on. Whether it was a relationship or a talking stage, you ALWAYS come back a few months later. Why do you do this?

FlutteringFeelings · Accepted Answer

They want to check your temperature to see if you’re hot or cold. If you don’t respond to his message then you passed the test. If you try to play like most women who texts or calls the guy to ask what does he want then you failed the test.

It also depends on the context of the situation. If this is a guy that was genuinely interested in you and you walked away out of a misunderstanding or him not willing to meet your standards then he’ll be concerned (not abuse/cheating). If this guy played fake interest and his disrespect forced you to drop him like a hot potato then it’s only a test.

DizzyDesii · Accepted Answer

A lot of the guys i talked to came back for diff reasons…
-it either didn't workout with the sidepiece
-their sidepiece couldnt get them off
-they wanted to try “us” again
-they saw me as a rebound option to whoever they just then broke up with
-they saw me as marriage material and were now ready to settle down
-they wanted to have a baby and their partner wasn't ready to

fashionguy17 · Answer

Don't say all men. I won't be coming back. Lol. Storytime! When I was 26, I met my girlfriend (now ex) when she was 22. When we got into a relationship, I later learned she had a lot of baggage - financial issues, habitual weed smoker, later had weight issues (went from 180 to 250 due to depression), had issues with her mom stealing money from her... a lot of stuff.

Of course, even though being with her was stressful, I wanted to be with her and I loved her. Taught her how to manage her depression, taught her about finances, took her to new places, taught her how to take better care of herself. Basically, I enriched her life.

Last year in 2020, 2 weeks after I gave her the best birthday of her life (she was literally on the phone with all of her friends and family saying this was the best birthday ever)... she told me that she wanted to take a break... because between her recent car accident, working 2 full-time jobs and going to school full-time, she felt she couldn't concentrate on the relationship and it hurt her a lot. So,. I agreed and told her we can pick back up when things aren't so stressful.

When we took our "break" I still saw her regularly, we kissed, hugged and had sex as usual... but we were on break. Then as time went by... she started ghosting me and speaking less and less to me and becoming more distant. Then... I didn't see her for a month. No replies to my calls or texts... nothing.

Then in December, out of the blue, she called me and asked if I wanted to go rollerblading with her and she was paying. I agreed. We met up. I noticed she lost a LOT of weight (she went back down to 190) and she was wearing new clothes. We skated, talked, kissed, hugged... but she seemed off.

This gets long... so I'll cut to the chase. Even though she was going out with me on dates... I later learned she got distant, because she went to a party during our break, met another guy and had sex with him the same night. As time went by and I kept sticking around... she got colder towards me, more distant and kept telling me, "if you left my life today, I wouldn't mind at all" then it started getting forceful like... "If you don't like how I'm acting, get the hell out of my life"

So... I wrote her a letter explaining my feelings... left it at her doorstep. She texted me one last time, thanking me for the letter and wished me the best in healing. It has now been 6 months since I saw her and I do not intend on seeing her again. She always told me I was the best boyfriend she ever had (and if you knew her dating history, I really was). But, she had no problem leaving the 3 year relationship because she thought the grass was greener elsewhere.

Anonymous · Answer

Honestly, some guys just want sex, they just want pussy I'm being blunt. But also you have to remember, guys/men have a natural tendency to want to fix things. Look at the dad's around the house trying to fix this or that. Some guys may reflect and genuinely want to fix things again and make things right, some girls may accept it or not. Usually when a girl moves on she does not want to look back. I have apologized to girls where she read my comment and not respond at all, completely ghosted. I've had girls say, "I thought you were going to message me after 3 days, not 3 months". Some guys go back in terms of playing that cat and mouse or the doing the tango with her and like the challenge, just like girls like a challenge when a guy is "unavailable". Here is a common one that you girls go through.

A girl is going through her own shit and life, there are girls where I have let go because she is dealing with her own stuff (family, job, an ex boyfriend, other dudes in the picture, etc.). This is a girl that doesn't hate the dude, but she's not eager to talk to him at the moment, for some guy's a natural reaction is give her space and try back in a month or two. But to be clear a guy who does this should not wait hand and foot for a girl, a girl who does not have her life together for months or years is not waiting for that particular dude who is waiting for her. Because some other dude can swoop in and DM her and within a few days or few wks can woo her. As a guy, I've realized do NOT wait for girls. It's ok to have hope in people that they will better in the future, but that does not mean wait for them, a girl is not going to turn around and say "aww thanks for waiting". I'm sorry girls are usually gutless these days where if they knew a guy waited for after getting through all her stuff she will either be a) creeped out or b) ghost him. To the post you know that's not wrong, and this is why I wish people were more empathic and thoughtful towards others.

If my life was in complete disarray and some girl waited for me and didn't say anything and then messaged me one day because I fixed some stuff in my life. Even if I didn't dig her or see a future with her, I would have a heart felt convo with her. I'm not going to ghost someone who did that. That's like me calling a call centre and waiting for 40 minutes only to get a hold of a call centre agent and they hang up on me. That's how I look at it and I hope this shed some light as to why guys do it, it will be for different intentions. Lastly, I think girls have to understand, we don't get have a shit load of options and our DM's are filled with different girls the way girls get approached in life and online. But girls and women who get that attention, majority of those comments are dudes/guys who want to fuck, some guys are in the creepy category where they are not looking for sex but they seem really odd and the small percentage of guys who approach/dm girls may be normal where girls respond back to. Either way, guys don't receive that same recognition or attention.

Crazybeeguy · Answer

I have not, when I move on I litteraly "move" on. I had a friend that we had a thing going on, but didn't talk for years. I lost the phone number, she contacted me. I moved to a different state for a new job, couldn't go back if I wanted to. I am talking to someone else, I did like this lady, but I moved on. If I lost your number, its because out of sight out of mind. Can't wait on someone to figure out what they want. We talk to give her some emotional support, positive mental attitude. It is unfair to drop everything for someone who all of a sudden wants me in their life. As I progress with the new women I am going to give my friend closure. One chapter closes as a new one opens. My energy goes to the new person. Remember there is someone for you, if they leave and all of a sudden come back. No I am sorry no. I am not someone you can use and throw away. I have another friend was healthy for her, but in her mind I wasn't good enough. She always wanted my attention said she loved me, but had to call her out on it. I told her I moved on and showed her the photo and messages of the women I was talking to so she knew it was real. She wasn't happy about it, even though I still care for my friend, I moved on. That friend spent majority of her free time with me. I am pretty sure she moved on too, she was "cute" so she's not lonely. Maybe spirtually but not physically. Soooo, what is the common theme here?

rjroy3 · Answer

If we're talking about serious relationships I don't normally. If we're just talking about girls that it was just regular sex then most of the time it's for sex lol

All that aside though, I left things off on good terms with all of my ex's or girls I've hooked up with. Every girlfriend I had came back around at least once. As for regular hookups 90% of the time if we stopped it was because they got a boyfriend so I let them do their thing or our life circumstances just were no longer compatible for doing that regularly.

So why wouldn't I hit up an old regular? In most cases neither of us actually did anything wrong, like just happened. I remember one girl in particular I hadn't seen or spoken to her in six years and she added me on Instagram and DM to me out of the blue.

We stopped talking because her fiance told her to stop talking to me basically lol. They got married and divorced and I guess after a year of getting over that she decided to hit me up again. Either way I welcomed her back and we had a good time.

To me there is no sense in having an ego about it. If you both like each other, if you both get along, if you both enjoy each other's company. Why not? Assuming no one did anything wrong that has to be resolved

Because for me the few times the girl actually did do me dirty, I did not go back and when she tried to come back I did not take her back

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Never did that miss alyssa rapunzel because it's very hard for me to leave someone cause i'm very faithfull and i try my best to fix things up and remain with the person that i'm love with which means that when i'm single and alone than be sure that they are the ones who left and since they are the ones who left, i never come back to them because it's enough being hurt and feeling pain emotionally, also they are the ones who chose to leave not me, why should i come back?

I always treat the person the way i want to be treated and sadly i never found this person yet!

wtf636 · Answer

Short answer. It's easier.

I have done it many times. Mostly just to the women I was really attracted to though. You might just be hot.

They are single, trying to date, and if they aren't finding what they want out there, they go back to where they have been before. Much harder for the average man to find a date in general.

He already knows you are attracted to him, he already knows how to talk to you, what to say. It's easier than finding a new girl, going out on dates, paying, getting her to like you, etc. And even then it might be for nothing. Especially if all you want is just sex.

Dating is work for a man, I don't think women realize this sometimes. Because all they are really expected to do is show up.

He also might have realized that a lot of women out here are terrible, and he didn't have it so bad with you. Actually really had a good thing, and wants it back genuinely. His actions and words will show you which his the case.

justlookin69 · Answer

😩 Sorry, sis! I’m not sure what type of guys you deal with but I’ve never gone back to any woman. I guess it’s the asshole in me or whatever, but that’s not my motto. Yes, some exes have reached out to want to talk about it and discuss making it work but I just don’t see the point, and I tell them the same. It’s not worth it.
I’ve always had the notion that once an ex, stays an ex. There’s to many women out here to be going back to the same one. If it didn’t work out while together, then what’s the point? Keep it moving and let her be. ✌️

Bboyawall91 · Answer

I have noticed even unattractive women have a few options for a partner, men tend to have far fewer and that's the top 10% of men. Most men feel fortunate ti have a woman be interested in then so when they leave and loneliness creeps in they overlook the reasons to leave in exchange for having a partner even if it means repeating the break up to make up cycle.

Anonymous · Answer

I’ve always wondered this too. It’s happened to me every time too.

As for the dudes saying they always went back because of sex: I never had sex with any of my boyfriends (waiting til marriage) and they ALWAYS came back.

So what was the case then if they weren’t getting sex before? Genuinely curious. 👀

Dragonpurple · Answer

I've never gone back, just me though... once it ends, it ends. I've never got back together with an ex or even tried.

Guess you could say, I always felt that those guys who pursue someone who isn't interested are what I call stalkers and never wanted to be one of them.

MAAAD · Answer

Everyone is different but i will try to help you as much as i can

Most guys i know text old gfs or girls they flirted with, when they feel horny yes horny

And when i say horny i mean they have nothing to do and they think about things that aren't what they really want

And let me add this, they text girls that they know that are most likely going to reply back and they know that those girls feel lonely too (or easy)

Hope this helped.

Hermes-Paris · Answer

We don't. Why would we? I learned when I was about 4 that it is stupid to stick you finger in a light socket. I never did it again. Same with a woman who breaks up with you. Done. Invest you time in new things.

VDrago14 · Answer

Perhaps for some guys that could be the case, but as a basic generalization that's pretty incorrect. If so I would have gone crawling back to my psychotic ex long ago that was obsessed with punching me in the balls, and as a whole treating me like hot garbage. Given that it's been 13 years, I'm pretty sure I'm not going back to her.

belle_kai · Answer

this is true for most women. I have kept emails and texts from exes when they've done this. And its been years since we spoke but If I ever see it I smile 😃 😊 fond memories. They will always miss a good woman

Fireguy17 · Answer

You may want to change that to most or all but one comes back.
I have yet to go back, when a relationship is over I move onward and upward.
Why go back, it wasn't working in the first place.
Life is too short.

MysteriousDarkness · Answer

Not all guys are like that. You are basing it off your experience alone. Then you project it in a way to make it seem that it is the universal truth. I have never gone back to an ex and never will. I have been once had an urge to go. back. my most recent ex was over 8 years ago.

CringeKing8228 · Answer

I want to try to work things out because it's just the adult thing to do. Relationships and marriages ain't going to last if you drop each other just because you have hard times. Nobody taught me to do that either. I just already know sometimes we need our space. It definitely don't take months for me but it sure as hell does for them sometimes so I can't say it's a guys only thing

Andres77 · Answer

Not always...
For every gorgeous woman out there, somewhere there's a guy tired of her shit.
Whether it's valid or not is not for me to say.
Some people love you and some people detest you. It doesn't matter if it's justified. Some people are just like that.

I hope the One that does come back is of quality.

Caliguy88 · Answer

I never go back. There are 2 girls I would consider getting back with with they both live 1000 miles or more away. Probably not happening. When I’m done with someone I’m usually done. The only reason I’d date the two wAs because we both ended for life reasons. Moving, career…. Not ready to settle down. Now all 3 of us are single and probably a little lonely.

Hairylegs222 · Answer

Lol not all guys. I immediately cut off all ties whenever it's over and move on. Billion other women out there. Pointless dwelling on 1 woman still or coming back to a woman to where it didn't workout already.

Anonymous · Answer

I hop in my car with my friends and play my song.

“Riding round town with my niggas. Ridin' 'round town with my niggas
We gon' make a movie, smoke this doobie
Yeah, let's chill a while
Every single night I'm lookin' for a chick to pickup”

Iron_Man · Answer

Because they start missing the ex girlfriend and the ex girlfriend is a familiar face when the guy still remains single. They remember the good times but they can’t deal with the present troubled situation so they get kind of confused. Some go back for sex only but not all of them. Some still actually care

jeffryrobertbabb · Answer

Dear Alyssa -- Once a male forms a bond, it's hard for him to break away. However, I've learnt to let sleeping dogs lie. I would dearly love to reconnect with some of my old girlfriends, but apart from anything else, there are half a continent away. I've lived in many places in my life, I think it's best to move on.

jasco · Answer

Loneliness, closure, boredom. Most guys still have a small bit of emotional attachment to some girls. Even more if its been years. At the end of the day we want something from ya. It may be for emotional value or something physical. Who knows it may just be to pass the time.

NathanDavis · Answer

can I get my hoodie back? why you always keep my hoodies...

Sam_The_Savage · Answer

I'm sure you're dealing with looser... Here I block the girl from contact after I fucked her. New Hunt begin. Lol

Interstate · Answer

It is a known fact that people always go back to WHAT IS FAMILIAR. They are too afraid to start over again from scratch, so they return to the former because they want to stick with what they know.

BeenThereLovedIt · Answer

Maybe you are just magical, I never went back before.

AngelMegumin · Answer

Cuz many guys understand what they've lost only afterwards. Then again, the trait of appreciation of what u have is rare, so, no wonder.

Nightroads · Answer

Never have never will. All individuals are just that individual. I might just be weird, but i can't afford to look back, let alone back track. Believe what you will, might just depend on the guy.

ohshee · Answer

I have never went back or even tried when it's over it's over, so in your case I'm going to say because your hot

Robin83 · Answer

They don't know what they want. Stay away. It will only mess with your head and waste time. Focus on men who has something going for them, men who knows what they want.

hahahmm · Answer

Because all you had to offer was sex & he's addicted to that. He hasn't learned to control his addiction/mind yet. Don't worry as you get older you'll run into more and more guys who are unimpressed by you.

rcljr · Answer

I don’t know where you come up with the idea men always come back. Once a woman burns her bridges with me that’s it, never again, gone, bye, don’t let the door hit ya in the ass.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

Come back? As in we ended things or you did and they still long for you?

RealMarek · Answer

I didn’t when I was young or when I found myself dating again in my 40s, but then again I’m from an older generation.

DaveToo · Answer

I don't. If the lady didn't want me around the first time, she won't want me around the second time.

Kaneki05 · Answer

Literally never done that. I don't really deal with anyone who don't contact me so it would be them coming back to me if anything like that happened.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I have tried reuniting with three different exes. It never works and I eventually learned that lesson.

Brittanyroseee · Answer

Im waiting for my guy best friend to realize what he has and come back to me… i hope he does i love him so much

VanillaSalt · Answer

Easy access. Don’t worry if you weren’t worth devoting yourself to the first time your definitely not the second.

Uptowngirl88 · Answer

Question is, why do you allow it? If they get bored and lonely and know that they can always count on you to be available even though they don't like you.. they will contact you to kill time until something better comes along

TallAnon · Answer

Definitely not always, but generally guys do it because they get horny.

CreamySeed · Answer

We dont turn stone cold as easily as women. When a woman is “done” with a man there is no turning back for her, a man more easily forgives and being hornier and having less access to sex doesn't help the man either.

Majeston · Answer

I go back once. That's usually enough to make me not want to go back again

Anonymous · Answer

Nobody is going to be honest about crawling back only to find it end… again. It takes strength to admit weakness. I ain’t answering this one either way.

Yourfriend2021 · Answer

Some people want a second chance to make it work, but I have had girls try to come back after they cheated, so I wouldn't give them a second chance and I ghosted them.

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

Same reason why girls ALWAYS come back. No matter what terms things ended on. Whether it was a relationship or a talking stage, you ALWAYS come back a few months later.

Fuentes · Answer

I never come back once ur blocked you blocked all the homies seen the size of my block lisr with chicks

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

I have to be honest with you I'll never come back once I'm done I'm done there's no going backwards forever forwards for me

Anonymous · Answer

No the fuck I don’t! I’ve been used and abused in every single relationship except the one I’m in now. No way I would go back to that hell!

the_kisses_of_sun · Answer

"Whether it was a relationship or a talking stage, you ALWAYS come back a few months later. Why do you do this?" True. But I'd say... hell even a guy who just wants you for sex comes back. 😂

invalid1 · Answer

Speaking of myself, I do it when I am curious how is she doing.

Dog87 · Answer

That's not true. If I get cheated on or feel like the girl is talking to not just me I'm done. Fuck that I'm second to know one

SamFromFL · Answer

Ego. Guys believe they bring value and after a few months remember good times so think they can come back and it will be fun.

Anonymous · Answer

You should block them when they ghost you. That way you don’t have to deal with that shit.

Anonymous · Answer

Weakness in modern men I guess Us old timers didn't and don't buy into all this new age emotional bullshit that men insist on having, pathetic weaklings

K-I-S-S · Answer

Most men don't, especially men with options. Maybe it's a culture thing for where you live.

crazy8000 · Answer

Those that do it the same reasons females tends to do it.

KittygosMeoWW · Answer

Because they didn’t conquer you, you must be doing good.

Why Do They Always Come Back?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Do they always come back?

Why Do They Always Come Back?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Do they always come back?

We're glad to see you liked this post.