Why are men so oblivious and unempathetic to what women experience that they refuse to listen to us and even get mad when we talk about it?

[Anonymous]

It’s really sad
We can experience many bad things in relationships, during sex, and at work. Guys have asked me out at work which isn’t really bad just kinda dumb but as far as sex and relationships I was in an abusive relationship with a man for 3 years (my first relationship) and sexually harassed by strangers several times and raped by a stranger once.

Im pretty traumatized and I can’t date guys or have boyfriends without being a little scared. It really helps though when a guy I’m with wants sex and says “it’s ok if you don’t want to” after he sees I’m not enthusiastic because my first boyfriend was never ok with me saying no he’d either get mad and bug me until I gave in or just get on top of me anyway and I’m kinda scared to tell a man no now. Being violated like that by someone you love is an awful experience that leaves you confused about how things should be.

But what bothers me is how so often when I talk about this on the internet guys will mock me and say I’m stupid and blame me. One time when I was in the hospital trying to get help I told a male nurse about my boyfriend calling me names and hitting me he said I should think about the things I do that causes him to be like that.

Then guys say that they got it so much worse and talk about dumb shit like “consent contracts” (which wouldn’t even hold up in a court because she could revoke consent at any time but he didn’t stop, duh) because they’re scared of the idea of being falsely accused of rape and pretend that men are falsely accused of rape just as much as women are actually raped.

To top it off men tend to hate or have a grudge against the opposite sex more than women do. Make it make sense.

[FilmGuy93]

I don't think it's so much that men and oblivious and unempathetic to women's struggles as it is that we're just burnt out. We hear women complain CONSTANTLY about every little thing; nothing is ever good enough, everything is us insulting you, everything is us "controlling you," everything is us being lazy. You would have a tough time seeing this because you are a woman and don't see that side of your sister, but women are so hypercritical and it's exhausting. I'm sure that you're complaints are very real and legitimate, but you have to understand that not only do we have our own problems, but we also have to listen to your fellow women chew us out about every little thing and give us constant attitude over shit that just doesn't matter. A lot of women complain to men and make their problems our problems and then we get to hear about how independent she is and doesn't need a man while she plays the victim card.

To your last point; I strongly believe that you would feel differently if you saw how badly women treat men. We aren't unempathetic to you struggle at all, we're just getting sick of hearing about things that never change.

[ohshee]

Damn I want to give you the biggest fucking hug right now you have been through a lot of shit and it's not that way I hope someday you find somebody to will show you the real where you supposed to be treated because everything you just said is fucked up and I'm so sorry that you have to go through this because it's just wrong that's not the way you treat girls that's not the way they are treated every single word I felt and I'm so sorry that you I'm sorry you had to go through it's because it's just pure bulshit it makes me angry if you ever need to talk or anything let me know just send me a message please I'll try to explain to you to the best of my ability but this is not the way you should ever be treated ever

[Asker]

Thank you that’s so sweet 🥺❤️

[ohshee]

Thank you but it wasn't meant to be sweet I was being 100% honest and I really hope you can find that guy because it's bullshit that you gone through all this. There's no reason in this world to allow this to ever happen to you the moment you feel something is not right you need to walk away because that is not love that is somebody's anger somebody's manipulation somebody's bulshit that they don't care about you that's the reason why they're doing it and if you allow them to do it once they will do it a hundred times I'm an empath and I can feel energy through your words you are a very beautiful person with a very beautiful heart and you deserve way better you need to understand that everything that you said is the wrong direction you need to go back the other way be patient what you see in a man is what you see that's who they really are from day one the moment did they raise your voice the moment that they start their bulshit you need to walk away

[Anonymous]

I’m convinced men don’t have feelings. They care more about a vagina than women themselves. As long as they have that, they don’t care. I’m a virgin and seeing the state of where men are at and what I’ve seen/read from men, I’m scared to date or commit to them.

[Neosporin]

Men on the internet are extra stupid.

[grega239]

For the same reason society doesn't have empathy for men.

I have been in abusive relationships. I've been bullied, manipulated and abandoned , etc.

Do you care? Of course not.

Men are scared of false accusations.

And as for men hating women. Have you ever considered that that hatred was caused by women from their past?

Of course you didn't. You think men just hate women for no conceivable reason.

Statements like that is why you dont get any empathy or understanding

[Asker]

I don’t get it. I’m not calling you a liar I know women can be abusive too but it can’t be as bad as being abused by someone you can’t possibly fight off and who could just make you have sex whenever. Imagine you’re hit around by a man who’s like way stronger than you and laughs when you try hitting him in self defense. Then later that same day he asks for anal and you tell him no because it fucking hurts and he just does it anyway. You’d probably think that’s worse and just because we’re women doesn’t make it less worse it’s still painful and degrading. He was the first guy who ever made me feel loved and who I loved so I thought this stuff had to be normal and it took a lot of people telling me that it wasn’t normal to realize he didn’t love me he just liked having a girl to abuse. I don’t see how woman on man abuse can be nearly that bad.

[grega239]

Guess what. I can't fight off a woman. Because if i do, im the bad guy for being aggressive towards a woman.

It is bad. Because if you're a man, no one cares if you were hurt.

[Asker]

You can defend yourself against literally anyone one thing I always say if she’s man enough to hit a man she’s man enough to get hit back. Nobody thinks hitting a woman in self defense is wrong. The difference is you’re less at her mercy, you can do something, an unarmed woman against a man is typically going to experience whatever the hell he puts her through.

[grega239]

Right , i guess i should've been more clear.
I can't fight off a woman because od be the bad guy. Especially is she unarmed. You're right , an unarmed woman that's hitting me isn't gonna do much other than annoy me.

The fact that you think that a woman deserves to get slapped if she starts shit is irrelevant. Society doesn't think that.
And self defense is not an excuse to hit a woman.

[Asker]

It’s 2021 women go to jail for attacking men and I get it you’re a man so you gotta protect the beautiful and delicate flowers that are women but self defense is an excuse to attack anyone with anything and saying otherwise is sexist

[Jackblue]

Ok neither of you are making any friends here, on the one hand many men hate women for no reason, but on the other hand the overall physical strength of a man and a woman is only one factor I had a college roommate who did not hurt me physically, but he was being very threatening, slamming the door behind me, and banging things extremely loudly when I was in the room. I was too scared to ask what was bothering him at that time. I was terrified of sleeping a few feet away from him. It wasn't about physical strength if he attacked me and I was awake I could have called for help, but asleep who knows what could happen. I had my father come get me (and he though he is a nice person overall still acted like I was worried over nothing). I found out later he was angry I was getting up so much in the night to go to the bathroom and that was what he was so angry about. Had he been a girl he could have done the same things. If men in abusive relationships could stop the abuse they would just as women would.

[disgustingweebtrash]

Even a mere whisper of a man raping a woman whether true or not is so damning that even if not hit legally he is socially torn down by people who might spread that rumour further as a "truth"

Men are stupid as well, they will not tell you where his boundaries lie or what really troubles him deep down about his relationship with you.

On a very objective level, men will feel uneasy knowing that happened in the past to you, it also makes them realise they can never develop something deeper with you because of the damage you've been through. They will also feel uneasy talking about it because they're not necessarily sure of how to talk to you about it as they don't want to say the wrong thing and shut you up forever from them.

[Anonymous]

See why should anyone listen to a stranger?
There are therapists who are trained to listen for money. I can get what you want to say but it's our society , guys get taken advantages too , may be not for sex but their time , money and attention. A lot of women friends one guys and use them as personal helper , therapist. Eventually guys get tired of this. If you can't provide anything in return , you shouldn't ask for anything. May be what happened to you was bad , but most guys also have to deal with way harsh conditions that petty relationship problems, men get emotionally abused too which they can't even tell anyone. If you are broken , seek professional help not from random guys , you will maintain your dignity too

[Browneye57]

You are the typical woman that constantly claims to be a victim. Just stew in that.
No one wants anything to do with that.
And quit blaming everything and everyone for where you're at in life. If you stayed in an abusive relationship for three whole fucking years then this is on YOU. YOU picked him, you fucked him, and you stayed with him. Quit blaming, just own your own shit.

[noohair]

I think it was horrible that you were raped. It is not sex, but violence and control. I agree that men tend to be oblivious on many levels. The male ego is very fragile, and guys just can process the idea of being raped and do not know how to respond. Men are simple, water, food, sex, shelter. Once these needs are met, they don't worry. Women think differently. I hope you find what you need to be happy.

[jgibsonian1986]

Because men's and women's brains work differently.
https://www. steadyhealth. com/articles/female-vs-male-brain-is-there-a-differenceWomen tend to fit information together that men will find unrelated.

[Honesttguy]

Why did u stay in bad abusive relationship for 3years?

[Asker]

I loved him and always tried to believe when he told me he’d never hit me again plus all my family was 500 miles away

[Honesttguy]

So to love him also includes loving how he is, thus being abusive and u love him thus supporting his bad behaviour so he keeps doing same shit cus ot works. Makes sense being financially stuck and that sucks for anyone.

[Asker]

Abusers gradually become abusive throughout the relationship

[Honesttguy]

Exactly gives even more time to get out. Signs are there. I dont even understand how people get themselves in those situations in first place they must been desperate to get together and then have to pay the price for that move. Its just sad thing. I can see how things can potentially play before i even get together with someone and i dont hope for it to get better its just bad strategy. If anything u have to imagine for it to get worse cus that will be more accurately closer to real life. im sorry for you and your situation its just bad and i wish there was goverment systems in place that allowed for quick move out of house to give at least month away from abuse or something.

[Asker]

I was a kid and I didn’t know anything about that I thought that all guys just acted like he did for the most part

[Honesttguy]

I also grow up badly prepared for real life paying for lessons i didn't know. I wish they didn't teach some nonses in schools but actually tought about real life be more useful to know there are bad selfish people out there who take advantage of others. Thats actually why many men come off cold unempathetic cus they also paid price for fuked up situations and even tho its nothing compared to being raped its not like they are not mad for the shit thats happening around.

[Asker]

I wish they taught girls how to be safer in school I needed that class

[Honesttguy]

Same

[Neosporin]

Your first boyfriend sounds bad but I mean come on you're the one who got into a relationship with him. Don't you accept any responsibility for what you went through or is it all just men's fault?

[Asker]

I was young and really excited to be with him I thought he was my soulmate and when I turned 18 I went to live with him in a different state I just wanted a man to love me and I thought it was hot that he was 26 not a teenage boy and all the teenage boys at my school were mean to me and made fun of me so I thought he was the man I was meant to be with because he was the first guy to ever treat me sweet

[Asker]

It’s so sad I said I wanted to wait until the time is right to lose my virginity and I want it to be a magical moment I can look back on and smile then less than a week later he raped me after I passed out from drinking I woke up with him already thrusting in me and I didn’t accept that he raped me until right before I left him because it hurt me so much to think losing my virginity was rape I just told myself he made a mistake and did know what he was doing but now I realize he knew. When he kept pressuring me for sex and not stopping until I gave it to him I thought he was just “being a guy” I didn’t know that’s a type rape until after I left him and then I found out that every time he shoved it in my butt and said it was an accident that guys don’t really accidentally do that I was so sad because that means he did that solely to hurt me sexually I do blame myself and feel stupid for letting him gradually hurt and abuse me more over 3 years until he was actually starting to hit me and threatened to kill me but I just wanted a man to love me and now I’m so traumatized if I wasn’t so far away from my parents I could’ve got help sooner but leaving him was hard because I was all alone in a different state and I still really did love him I thought I was going to stay with the man who took my virginity for forever I never wanted to be with another man I know I’m stupid it’s my fault for not leaving sooner or for going to the police when he took my virginity

[Neosporin]

Oh wow ok I think you just need to find different guys I’m sorry I sound cliche but vast majority of guys are not like the guy you described. Ideally there are clues about a person’s behavior before they just rape you or something. Yeah or just take a break from dating and focus on school. Make friends instead and have more wholesome relationships. I’m 31 and still haven’t dated anyone you don’t have to have a soulmate by 18.

[Anonymous]

why would random people on the internet care? I mean i dont expect random internet people to just listen to me vent and give me compliments

[Jamie05rhs]

That male nurse was extremely unprofessional. I think he should be fired.

[Asker]

I know I was already confused about why the man I loved and who said he loved me would keep hurting me and stuff like that made is part of the reason I accepted it for so long because I thought he loves me so he wouldn’t be hurting me unless I caused him to. I’m so glad I know what I know now so a man can never do that to me again I just wish I wasn’t scared of men and always so sad because I used to think guys are so sweet and the ones who like to hurt the women that love them are rare but now I don't know I have a really hard time thinking guys are sweet 😭😭😭

[Jamie05rhs]

Aww. 🥺😰🧡

[Anonymous]

You have to understand that there are other women who are horrible human beings.
They lie, cheat and use men.
You're in a situation where you're asking guys who don't trust women to care about you.

[elevenoneoneblog]

because of how you treat men. You get what you give.

[Jackblue]

A male nurse said that to you, wow!!!

[CuriousAZ]

Too much generalization here

[Anonymous]

yeah girls like ass holes thats expected