My friends with benefits went through my phone?

[WinCx3d]

Last night my sex buddy texted me and asked to come over. I was else aging on saying yes or no because of the holiday I’ve been working doubles this past month. Before i could respond to him he double texted me and said “hello? Why aren’t you texting back are you with another man”

So i finally responded and said “no but, I’m tired so if you’re coming come now” and he texted back and said “you sure there isn’t anyone in your house FaceTime me and let me see” i ignored the text a few minutes later he said he was on the way

When he got here he started questioning me. Telling me I’ve been texting back slow, inquiring about other men, asking did i have an attitude with him. That’s when he picked my phone up and went through my messages.

He saw pictures of men and texts and asked me who were they. So i was honest and told him that one was my ex but we haven’t met up or anything and he said “well i don’t care if you sleep with other men you’re grown and you’re going to do whatever you want to do” and then he said “it’ll reveal itself but i don’t care if you sleep with other guys”
And i said “well I’m not sleeping around and he said yeah but i don’t care if you do” “you’ve been acting funny so you can do whatever”


TL:DR; am i wrong for wanting to cut him off after he was acting like this. He does stuff like this every weekend but this was his first time going through my phone

[TommyMountainFigure]

The way he is acting is out of pure jealousy. Now, if it was just sex for him, you have to ask yourself why would he be jealous?
It takes a certain type of person to have a relationship like the one you describe. I don't care what he tells you, he has proven he isn't capable of a sexual relationship without emotion. It doesn't make him a terrible person, not everyone CAN be happy with a relationship like that. I know I couldn't.
I think it is best for both of you for you to break things off with him. Just tell him it is because he wants a traditional relationship and you do not. As for the phone thing? There really isn't any point in dragging that up. He knows it was wrong.

[WinCx3d]

But he said i don’t care if you date others

[TommyMountainFigure]

If it is JUST sex then why would Jealousy and mistrust come into the equation? Surely he would 'come and go' for want of a better term.

[Wgatap999]

He doesn't sound like a Friends with benefits he sounds like a guy that's catching feelings and he went through your phone which violated your trust in my opinion because a woman's phone and purse are off limits unless you're in a relationship for a long time and all the signs of her cheating are there then I would go into her phone but other than that him doing that this soon or whatever is wrong. He should have come over had the most amazing sex and giving you the best head going down on your pussy to make you really fucking come and enjoy it after working all those double shifts.

[Cherry234]

You're not wrong at all for wanting to cut him off. He went through your phone and invaded your privacy. What you do with other men is none of his business because you aren't in a relationship with him.

[FlutteringFeelings]

It’s basically a toxic situationship. If you’re involved with other guys then that means he’ll have less access to you whenever he wants to get it off.

[WinCx3d]

But he said i don’t care if you sleep with other guys

[FlutteringFeelings]

It’s a mind game. The purpose of it is to have you thinking and it’s working. He wants to feel in control and as I mentioned the less guys you interact with the more access he have to you whenever he wants to have sex. It’s a pride thing for some guys …

[Finchie40]

The fact that he isn’t your boyfriend and just a FWB’s doesn’t give him a right to be snooping around , If you were both in a committed relationship then that would be a different story , so it sounds like this guy is insecure and wants his cake and wants to eat it to , He is saying it’s ok for you to sleep with other guys but deep down he doesn’t want you sleeping with other guys o h wouldn’t be checking your phone , but it’s ok for him to sleep with other girls , FWB’s usually turns into disaster , cuz 1 partner usually gets more feelings for the other , why it’s best to not have FWB’s , it always turns into a disaster , So yes you have every right to boot this guy and move on , he only likes the convenience of you , if he really liked you he would of ended the FWB’s and made the relationship between you 2 official , Instead he thought he can control you and have his way by screwing other girls.

[donnny2367764]

That guy is wrong in so many ways I can't begin to say...
Invading your phone wether you are fucking or sucking other guys off is none of his business. That should have been the best time for you to tell him to fuck off.
Second of all, clearly he is beginning to start to have feelings for you but since he is exclusively your fuckbuddy you should tell him directly that you don't care to se him as anything else.
No healthy relationship can come of being each other's fuck toys to say the least...
And lastly, you my dear need to be more direct with that idiot. Don't text him so often, as a matter of fact you should text me instead, I'll treat you a whole lot better than that stupid dude

[donnny2367764]

Also be glad he just went through your phone, I would have gone through your panty drawer instead

[Anonymous]

I'm assuming he's either controlling, or has started to develop feelings for you (maybe doesn't realize it himself). If he truly "didn't care", then he wouldn't have even thought to do that, never mind done it. So no you're not wrong if you want to do that. But vs "cutting him off", talk to him about it and end it (don't just ghost or something like that which most people do). Say something like "Unfortunately this arrangement isn't working anymore and it's time to end this. I wish you the best." If he presses you for an explanation, simply be honest and say that the boundaries have been crossed. You can choose whether to confront him on if he has feelings or not, but the bottom line is it's not working for you anymore.

[Rob70]

He is becoming attached. If you felt like cutting him off go for it. He had no right to go through your phone. He needs to decide if your going to be just friends with benefits can he deal with that and not be intrusive in your personal life apart from him

[WinCx3d]

But he said he didn’t care if i date others

[Rob70]

He may say that but deep down he doesn't want you too

[wheist9095]

Ah Yeah nah you should end it with him. Friends with benefits is a real simple clearly defined relationship and he's being jealous and imagining slights. Like, if y'all were good friends before that it's a bummer but that's the price we pay with fwbs.

[WinCx3d]

He said he didn’t care if i date others

[wheist9095]

Yeah he said that, but he doesn't mean it. Because if you're dating someone else ya can't bang him and he's always gonna be jealous he didn't get picked

[WinCx3d]

Then why say it?

[wheist9095]

Because he's hoping you would say you don't want to date someone else and that you would want to date him. Kind of a hail Mary to get you to notice him more I would guess.

Or maybe on a very slim chance he's totally secured in his emotional state and masculinity and really doesn't care.

[WinCx3d]

I mean i don’t question him about others because that’s his business but the fact that he went through my phone

[wheist9095]

Well yeah that's him trying to find out if you have been fucking other guys, it's a real invasion of privacy. One more reason to cut him out and find better friends and better dick

[Oigit]

I don't think you are wrong for cutting him off and I'd say it's the best thing you can do. The guy does come off as pretty obsessive. Also him repeatedly saying that he is ok with you sleeping with someone else could be a attempt to convince himself that it is.

[Anonymous]

Who decided that the relationship was limited to friends with benefits?

He obviously isn't happy with that, he doesn't want you to be with other men but feels like he has to try to pretend that he is ok with it.

Going through your phone is totally unacceptable, clearly there are boundary issues there. He is insecure and made paranoid by the demons in his head.

[WinCx3d]

Neither one of us decided that

[Opinion Owner]

Well it was decided some how.

[Red_Arrow]

He is lying about not caring who you see. He is way to possesive for your relationship. You should find someone who respects your right to be yourself if it is only a friends with benefits relationship.

[WinCx3d]

Well why say it then

[OlderAndWiser]

If this is just casual fucking, why should he care at all? He is not being honest with you about what he wants and, yes, he seems pathologically jealous. You should dump his ass at the earliest opportunity.

[WinCx3d]

He said he didn’t care three times and still went through my phone

[OlderAndWiser]

Right, huge disconnect between what he says and what he does.

[kellytheman]

Okay you need to get rid of this dude. He is way to controlling and has a problem if accusing you of things your not doing. It if he went through your phone without asking that is a huge no no especially if you are just friends with benefits. That is a invasion of privacy and a rule with no strings attached sex. You need to end it with this guy and get a restraining order because I kinda feel this guy might be a little off or snap if you break it off with him.

[Mangospacho]

It depends on why he was checking your phone. If he’s reading messages between you and another person, then that’s completely unacceptable. If he’s using your phone to play Candy Crush because he ran out of lives then that’s perfectly fine because it’s ridiculous to have to wait over an hour for more lives on Candy Crush.

[RicFlair312]

That's a weird situation. Sounds very obsessed and manic. From what you've explained, he clearly got his wires crossed somewhere along the lines. Maybe his definition of friends with benefits differs from yours. A very controlling personality. But my biggest question is, if he's being doing this every weekend, why is invited back & how can anyone get intimate in that negative environment... unless it's a part of y'all 4play...

[crmoore]

If he picked your phone up and started going through your messages without your consent, that is way over the line. That along with the questioning just seems very off-putting.

You are not wrong in the slightest for wanting to cut him off after that. Especially if he does similar, albeit lesser, things every weekend.

[Savage_Wisdom]

Sounds like he's a jealous and possessive type. You should probably be careful how you approach leaving him. And best do it sooner rather than later, before he crosses a line you both will regret.

[WinCx3d]

How is he jealous when he said you can sleep around with others

[Savage_Wisdom]

He knows he can be jealous, and he's trying hard to not be.

[DJB72]

I maintain there's no such thing as sex with no emotional attachment. He's jealous that you may have someone else as well as him. No more complicated than that

[WinCx3d]

But he said he didn’t care if i slept with other people so I’m confused

[DonkeyDan]

Sounds like he's getting too clingy for a freind with benefits, the guy is clearly jealous of what is going on in his mind lol

[WinCx3d]

It he said he didn’t care if i slept with others

[DonkeyDan]

Yeah he clearly cares, otherwise he wouldn't be askibg about it and being so interested if you're sleeping with other guys.

[WinCx3d]

So why say that then

[DonkeyDan]

Because he doesn't want to seem like he's bothered.

[ohshee]

Your friends with benefits Not married. And for him to even pick your phone up is wrong. There is nothing in there that belongs to him

[humpbackjack]

Yeah he’s out of bounds he’s trying to act like you guys are more than friends with benefits and if he’s like this already he’d be worse if you were actually dating flat out it’s none of his business whose in your pad or your bed cut his ass off

[Shaggy_KW]

I personally feel like the dude seems super controlling like friends with benefits have no ties, literally just a fuck buddy. Even if you were sleeping around, that's not an excuse to go through your phone

[whirled_up_girl]

It kinda seems like he's taking this a bit more seriously then friends with benefits. I guess you have to decide if you want it to be that serious.

[WinCx3d]

I mean he did say he didn’t care if i slept with others

[whirled_up_girl]

He said that but it sounded like he over reacted to the thought of you sleeping with others in the first part of your post. Reading the way you describe it, it seems like he says he fine with it, but isn't really acting that way by the things he says, but 🤷‍♀️ maybe time will tell.

[WinCx3d]

Before he came over he was questioning me about other guys then when he came over he behaved my phone and looked through it and asked me who the guy was