Should you confront a guy you valued (childhood friend) who led you on in he past/ made you think he liked you?

[bubbles08]

I feel hurt bc I never felt good enough for him and everyone said I wasn't his type etc. I feel bitter bc I think he is attracted to a girl who really wasn't my friend. She was just using me to get to him and tbh she was very competitive with me and I knew she didn't really like me.

I think he may actually be attracted to her bc he's a confident/(playerish) guy and he kind of acts different when she's around. He did reject her in the past but maybe he changed his mind.

I guess he does like her cause I got led on and she didn't.

I feel depressed thinking about it. I dont know why this hurts so much.. I haven't ate in 4 days and all I want is alcohol. Im also having other issues on top of this. But i just feel undervalued and made to feel that my feelings dont matter by someone I thought cared

Updates

+1 y

Thank you all so much for your help. It saved my life

[kyleelyn199723]

No offense but you can’t sit there and acted like he led you on to believe there was something more when you have been left in the friend zone for all those years. It sounds like an overall shitty situation, but you shouldn’t value yourself based on a guy just not liking you in the end. A guy not liking you doesn’t mean you aren’t a valuable person

[kyleelyn199723]

Act like*

[bubbles08]

but he did lead me on.. I don't understand what you're trying to say

[kyleelyn199723]

In what way did he lead you on? Did you both have sex?

[bubbles08]

No, he was pretending that he liked me and cared. He would ignore me and act indifferent towards me before. He would ask about me when I'm no around, he followed me on instagram and liked a whole bunch of my pics and look at my stories. I unfollowed him bc I didn't like that other girls were starting to notice. He unfollowed me and deleted his account.

But I know he wasn't really interested bc if I did try and get close he would get disinterested.. thats hurful. He can do xyz but if I return any niceness he gets repulsed.

[kyleelyn199723]

I don’t see any possibility of him pretending to like you here. I think where you fell short this entire time was you weren’t honest with your true intentions of wanting to be around him and are now upset that , that bit you in the ass. I am not saying that your friend (female friend) is a good friend, but you also have no reason to say he pretended to like you. There’s nothing here that suggests that he pretended to. Liking your pictures does not indicate him liking you.

[bubbles08]

So you're lowkey blaming me? lol It's not that I didn't want to be around him.. I just didn't try to bc I could tell that he wasn't attracted to me. When people are telling you that you're not his type and he lowkey ignored you.. do you think I would want to be around him.

It wasn't him just liking my pics but maybe I misinterpreted.

[kyleelyn199723]

Yes I am blaming you just like someone else on here said “you base your thinking based on your internal thoughts and not how you acted externally” you hid for so long that you liked him and listened to other people instead of just being productive with your feelings and it bit you in the ass.

[bubbles08]

It was more so his actions towards me. Not really what other people said. He just wasn't attracted to me and I could tell by how he treated me lol

but yeah your right

[kyleelyn199723]

So how was he leading you on if he was also showing he wasn’t attracted to you? Maybe he saw you as a great friend, maybe he liked you in the beginning but it also seems like you hid your feelings and it became unattractive to him and he just kind of moved on. It happens. I think you just need to not drive yourself crazy over this and just learn from this incident. A man not liking you back at the time you want him to is not a world ending thing. Life goes on, you will find another man

[bubbles08]

In 2020 I had sent him a drnk text on fb that said fck you. I had apologized but he didn't respond..

This past Thanksgiving he text me and we never had each others number.. He said "hey Laura! This is John. Just wanted to say happy Thanksgiving. love you!

I had actually prayed that he would reach out.. but I said happy Thanksgiving etc.. His grandmother passed away maybe a couple weeks prior.. so I had sent my condolences. I didn't expect him to reach out. I thought he was done fr.

But I didn't like that he text me 3hrs later and he didn't really respond.. he just hearted it..

[kyleelyn199723]

Who knows, he probably wants to keep things civil but at a distance, with all the drama that is currently happening, I don’t blame him. I’m sure he never had intentions of hurting you

[bubbles08]

yeah I was HORRIBLE in 2020. Mental health etc. I was posting half naked pics etc.. I am highly embarrassed and I have NEVER did anything like that before. I was honestly known as the good girl.

I was kind of upset that he didn't reach out then to make sure I was good, but I understand.

So he probably doesn't like me then.. saying love you is platonic? ig we are a bit like family

[kyleelyn199723]

@bubbles08 well this is the problem with social media. It gives perception that people can pretend to be happy, when in reality they need their friends and family’s to help them more than ever. You posting pics half naked pretending to be happy, doesn’t indicate that you need help. There’s women that do that, that are sad with life and then there’s others that do that because they are happy and are fine. Absolutely no person on this earth is a mind reader and he may have had his own reasons to not reaching out to you, BUT you should’ve reached out to him if you really were intrigued to talk to him. I just think there comes to a point where you need to self reflect and see where your faults were here, learn from them and maybe use them to receive closure about feeling bad about this situation.

[bubbles08]

do you think he lost respect for me and do you think he was being friendly in the text.

I think he only thinks of me when he's bored

[kyleelyn199723]

Well here’s the thing: I think he respects you because he has a long history with you, but your behaviors may have pushed him away from being close to you. My boyfriend has a female friend just like this. They have tons of history together but her toxic ways of being on drugs, stealing and just being a really bad person made him realize he just doesn’t really need a person like that in his life, but he respects the history they have. Not comparing you to a drug addict lol but maybe behaviors that you have show cased because of your secret like for him did indeed push him away

[bubbles08]

was the text platonic and will he ever want to try and be close with me. Even tho he is far away

[kyleelyn199723]

Who knows. My boyfriend has made up with his friend a couple of times I have heard but then went back to being distant with her as soon as he started dating me because she wronged me personally when I tried being friends with her. It all depends on his personal thinking and his mind, which we can’t read.

[bubbles08]

Wow I really let my low self esteem get the best of me. I feel awful.. maybe he will end up liking her after all.

I still think he doesn't care for me at all.. only when he's bored or when its convenient.

[kyleelyn199723]

If he didn’t care he wouldn’t have been friends with you for all those years. I think it just comes to a point where men do not like to be in the pit of drama so once a woman brings him to that point he wants no parts

[bubbles08]

but we werent really friends tho.. we never really hung out. when we were younger

what about him and the girl

[kyleelyn199723]

Sounds like to me you two were friends. What about him and the girl? I don't know what to say to that. I don’t know him or the girl to make any kind of assumptions towards their whatever. Not much you can do there regarding what they do together.

[bubbles08]

if you really loved someone you wouldn't leave them or distance yourself from them but i understand. i was mean to him.

him reaching out was confirmation that he isn't mad but he doesn't really much else to do with me in his life.

maybe he'll start falling for her

[kyleelyn199723]

I disagree with that. Someone can care for you, but also understand that you aren’t a good fit in their personal life and what they want for themselves so they move forward.

[bubbles08]

so you're saying he doesn't want me in his life

[bubbles08]

I feel like him responding late is his way of saying he's not interested or im not that important."dont get ur hopes up""

[bubbles08]

One more thing.. I think the major concern is that I think he only started to notice me when he's lonely or needs an ego boost. I really dont think he values me as a friend. I think with the girl its prob more genuine..

he reached out on Thanksgiving bc he was alone in cali. He doesn't really care. I have this urge to send another bad message and tell him that I dont need him in my life..

[bubbles08]

I reached out to him and he ignored me

[fuZzypeach]

Honestly sweetness this all sounds like a huge game and nothing u need to be involved in.
A man that likes u should be trying hard for your attention. Not just lead you on because he is bored. Sounds like drama u don't need. Let her have him and thank her. You deserve better

[bubbles08]

when you say huge game what do you mean?

He did lead me on in his early 20's but I still had hope that he was genuine. Maybe he's changed. I don't know. My heart just hurts and I feel bitter. I hate the girl tbh and him

[fuZzypeach]

Sounds like he likes to use women attention to make himself feel better. Keep the way u feel about them in back of mind ND move forward. Your only causing yourself pain

[bubbles08]

I agree totally. I know he hurt me, but do I help in some way. When he became popular playing basketball in high school/ college he just changed. He was so incredibly sweet growing up. I do think he's deeply insecure

He was my first friend when my dad moved to a different state. I remember we were playing and we got rough. Him being a boy.. he pushed me a little too hard. (we were six) I started crying and he felt so bad he started crying too. (that doesn't mean anything but he was just so sensitive. He's so different now

maybe i feel bad and maybe me not giving him attention caused him to lead me on. still wrong tho

[SenileOldMan]

I'm thinking the way you interpret the world is counter-productive. From what I can tell, you're judging how things should play out based on how you think internally and not what you expressed externally. And let us say that you expressed these things externally and it didn't play out the way you hoped. Well, at least you expressed them.

There is this saying that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. That's bullshit. The weakest people I met, and my own weaknesses, come from a trauma where we responded poorly, and most people respond poorly. The weakest people in the world are usually the people who are most hurt. What doesn't kill us usually makes us weaker *unless* you do the things that make you less afraid of being hurt this way after... unless you get back up on the horse that slammed you down on the ground and then tames it.

So before you wrap your lips around some bottle of booze I challenge you to tell your guy that you wanted him all along, even if you make a fool of himself. At least have more than a hypothetical if you wanna turn all alcoholic. There's a romance to a proper alcoholic. You fall short.

[bubbles08]

I love your answer and I will apply it to literally everything. Thank you for acknowledging my hurt/ having some understanding to how I feel bc people usually dismiss it.

I will say that I think he intentionally led me on bc he wanted my attention and I just wasn't giving him attention. I think he thought I was ignoring him. Maybe he didn't even like me at all. just being nice.. I don't know I just know that I can't stand the girl. It would hurt if they went out

[SenileOldMan]

I see -- a horrible flashy superficial girl who is only as kind as when it suits her -- if I got it remotely right. We guys have similar analogical equivalents for guys. I got one who took my girl when we were engaged to be married. He knew we were together and engaged and he got her the most expensive diamond necklace on her birthday, and I lost her. But I don't think I lost her to a greater gift. I lost her because of how I reacted. You get old enough and all you're left with is how you did, not what they did. Just what you did. Because what they did is maybe even what you should have done if you found one so exquisite, so beautiful, so amazing. Put all character flaws aside. Enough years will let you accumulate the flaws. There's just what you should have done at the end of the day. Don't turn into an alcoholic based on what you didn't do. That's even more pathetic than my alcoholism.

[bubbles08]

Yeah you're so correct man! you're great! lol

[bubbles08]

I reached out to him and he ignored me

[Tylerstarkey]

Focus on yourself. do something new and meet new people, get a new hobby


And eat

If your ever upset about a person you need to ask yourself before you cry
“Is it worth crying about?”

You sound like a warm, loving person
Direct that awesome personality to someone who will value it. Easier said then done yes
But seriously the hardest things to do in life are worth it

[Leonharted]

Why do you feel the need to confront the guy, and not the girl who used you?

[bubbles08]

I confronted her and we would have fought if I wasn't in town. But Im part to blame bc I didn't tell her that I liked him right away..

She literally came up to me one day (years ago) and said.. hi, I'm... and I like John Appleseed. It was so random and I only saw her around twice. I would feel weird about confessing my love to someone I didn't know.. especially just meeting them