Why would my crush make collages of his brother’s best friend? Is it creepy? Do you think he likes her?

[Anonymous]

[SometimesASiren]

He's obsessed with her.

None of this is nornal. This whole situation is actually very creepy. Are you sure you want to redirect his attention onto you?

[Asker]

I don’t think that he is obsessed with her. I just think he looks up to her a lot because he is always saying how proud he is of her. She has been his brother’s best friend for about 10 years now so they are all super close. I do still want his attention because he is a really nice guy. The collage thing is weird though.

[SometimesASiren]

I saw your response to another answer and I'm surprised she doesn't even know about the collage. I thought it was a gift. This is on a whole other level.

If they're close and he says he's "proud of her", sounds like she's told him some shit about her life and pulled at his heartstrings while being seductive at the same time. It's very hard to redirect a guy's attention when he's deep into his hero complex. But you can do it by doing the same thing she did, but also reciprocating his feelings.

[Asker]

He hasn’t given it to her yet. He is going to give it to her on her birthday. Yeah I know that for the past like 8 years or so she has been going to him for advice and stuff like that because she say he is the best listener and full of insight or something like that. It doesn’t matter what time it is or what he is doing he drops everything and goes to her whenever she needs him. I think he might be in love with her. I’ve walked in on him holding her and running his fingers through her hair while she cried into his chest. He was whispering that it’s going to be okay and that he will always be there for her and he will make it all better. Do you think he loves her or just sees her as a little sister?

[SometimesASiren]

He loves her because she makes him feel like a man. She gives him problems to fix and he fixes them to make her happy. I'm surprised they're not already dating.

[Asker]

She makes him feel like a man because she complains to him? Is that what I need to do to get him to like me? Is there a chance that he just sees her as his little sister?

[SometimesASiren]

No, he definitely sees her in a romantic/sexual way.

I'm not saying complain to him, but get to know him and open up to him while otherwise being fun and strong.

Also thanks for the MHO! Glad I can help!

[Asker]

How can you be so sure that he does?
Your welcome. You have been so kind and patient with me. You answers are extremely helpful even if I don’t want to hear some of them.

[SometimesASiren]

Of course.

A guy wouldn't sit down and make a collage of a woman, period, if he saw her in a platonic light. In fact, the idea to do that wouldn't even cross his mind. You can ask any guy. They dont put effort into things they can't get something out of personally. 😞 Sounds bad, but they're simply utilitarian. Sorry babe.

He is a very strange, obsessed guy. She's told him shit about her life and cried to him, but tried to be strong, and he wants to swoop in and save her. He's also confused because he wants to have sex with her. It's a dilemma. His sense of masculinity is entrenched in making her happy, hence the obsession.

Chances are she's either not going to reciprocate the feelings or they'll get together and it'll be extremely toxic and codependent. I would stay far away, because at the end of the day, this guy is emotionally unavailable for you and YOU DESERVE someone who is.

[Asker]

I doubt she feels the same for him because she wears his brothers Tshirt and sleeps in his brothers bed almost every night. (His brother is her best friend) They only cuddle but I don’t think she would do that if she had feelings for him.
It hurts because I know that I could love him the way he deserves. I will try to get over him though.

[Aurora1010]

He definitely likes her, if I was in a situation as this girl I would find it kind of creepy.

[Asker]

Should I tell her he is doing it?

[Aurora1010]

I don't know, I think no unless you notice other weird or stalking behavior from him towards her

[Asker]

Okay. How do I get him to notice me and forget about her?

[Aurora1010]

Experiment with your style and act a little more flirty with him, not so flirty but flirty enough that he'll notice

[Asker]

Thanks I hope it works.

[UniquelyBasic]

So he took time out of his day to go through her pictures and put them into a collage? How did you get the pictures?

[Asker]

Yes. He got the pictures from Snapchat. Some she sent to him and some she sent to his brother but he got them from his brother. Good question. I was wondering if anyone was going to ask me that. He sends them to me. I have never asked why he does though. Do you think he might be trying to make me jealous?

[Asker]

Oh and some are ones he took of her. She knew he was taking them by the way. He is not like a creep.

[UniquelyBasic]

Maybe she asked him to make it for her? Does she or his brother know about him making these? Dont know why he would send them to you though, beats me.

[Asker]

Maybe. I hope she did. I know that his brother know that he is doing it because he teases him about it when he sends him the pictures she sent him. I actually just texted him to ask him why he sends them to me. He said it is so he has backup in case he accidentally deletes or loses the pictures. Maybe I should just ask him why he is doing these collages. I want to ask but I’m afraid of the answer.

[UniquelyBasic]

Why not just upload them to a memory card or something to ensure he doesn't lose them? You should get the answer to know if the guy you have a crush on is a creep or not but its still a little weird either way. Have fun

[Asker]

I could suggest that to him I guess. How do I ask him without it being weird?

[UniquelyBasic]

The whole situation is very awkward so there's not a sure way to not make it even weirder. Try not bringing up the girl in the pictures but ask him specifically why he made the collage itself.

[Asker]

Okay. Thank you for helping. Wish me luck. I think I might need it.

[UniquelyBasic]

Here you go 🍀🍀 Good luck

[Asker]

He told me that he is making the collage to give it to her on her birthday. Each picture was taken on a special occasion like one was taken on the first New Years that she could legally drink and another was taken before and after finding out she passed the MCAT. It’s a really thoughtful gift. He got me a gift card for my birthday.

[UniquelyBasic]

And here we thought he might be some kind of psycho stalker creep. Thanks for the update. Glad we solved this mystery and got to the bottom of this.

[Asker]

Yup. I’m glad he’s not a creep. :) Thank you again for helping me.

[TallAnon]

Obsessed, probably jerking off to it

[Asker]

I found out he is making the collage as a present to give her on her birthday. Also I don’t think he would do that. He respects her a lot.

[TallAnon]

Yeahhhhh, he's doing it.
That's a weird gift.

[Asker]

What makes you think he would be doing that? I thought it was a very thoughtful gift. It’s a collage of pictures that were taken on days that were special to her.

[TallAnon]

Guys don't put that much effort into things like that for no reason

[Asker]

He is doing it because he wants to make her happy he is not doing it for himself.

[TallAnon]

I doubt it

[Asker]

Why?

[TallAnon]

Humans never so something that is purely selfless.

[Asker]

I think they do.

[TallAnon]

I've never seen it happen at least.

[Asker]

Aren’t your friends always there for you? My friends all do things for each other. Like when I fell asleep on the couch my friend put a blanket on me before leaving the room.

[TallAnon]

So he got the "I'm being a good friend" feeling, which was his reward.

Basically, we're talking about altruism vs egoism:

'Altruism can be distinguished from feelings of loyalty or concern for the common good. The latter are predicated upon social relationships, whilst altruism does not consider relationships. Much debate exists as to whether "true" altruism is possible in human psychology. The theory of psychological egoism suggests that no act of sharing, helping or sacrificing can be described as truly altruistic, as the actor may receive an intrinsic reward in the form of personal gratification. The validity of this argument depends on whether intrinsic rewards qualify as "benefits".'

[Asker]

My friend (actually the girl in the picture) is happy when other people are happy. She put s everyone before herself and is often unhappy about it. We have talked about this in philosophy and She says she doesn’t feel rewarded by doing good things for others but she feels guilty when she puts herself first or doesn’t help someone she knew she could have. She cries when other people cry too. She says she can feel other peoples emotions. Is that altruism egoism or something else?

[TallAnon]

We'd say she has very strong empathy, but I would still call it egoism since she is helping others to escape the feeling of guilt.

[Asker]

This is too much thinking my brain hurts.

[SometimesASiren]

This empathy she has is probably one of the things that turns the guy on so much.

[TallAnon]

Let's not go that far, lol. She just has a good face and big boobs 😂

[SometimesASiren]

What I mean is she's hot and needy. Lmao.