I feel like my boyfriend is more interested in his life than mine. I know it’s a balance but I feel like he doesn’t really show interest at all?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend will always tell me about his day & I’m really supportive etc., helping him, but as soon as I tell him about mine or anything I’m doing I feel like he just sort of blows me off or pretends to be interested. I always tell him about fun or cool things I’m doing in my life & he just doesn’t seem super interested? Like I get a “ah, cool ok!” but then he goes back right to what he’s doing.

We hang out at his house or get ice cream etc. twice a week but don’t really do much anything other than that. I ask him a lot to come places but he’s usually just too busy or can’t come. So I often go on trips or outings alone then tell him about it later. He’s a really busy guy and REALLY involved in his work (he’s at a woodwork shop) and it’s all he really does. He’s constantly working, constantly promoting his work online, constantly involved. He is 100% interested in it. All he talks about is his own work, so I try to be supportive 100% of the time. I think he’s way more interested in it than me. But I feel like when I bring up stuff he just doesn’t seem really interested?

I tell him sometimes that I can’t tell if he really loves me or not and he always says he’s confused and that we do plenty/enough and why I would say that. Why doesn’t he seem interested? Is he just an introvert? Or is really involved in his work and loves his own free time? Or am I way too much of an extrovert? Any help appreciated. Thanks!

[coldmarch]

Yeah, likely, he is not interested in what you do. Actually, a lot of men don't pay attention to what their partners do, and I think the reasons are both a general higher ego-centrism (which you can't fix), age (he might be in a sprouting age where he is all about career), and common interests and attitudes.
You can see a high number of, especially old, couples where wife and husband are opposite poles in absolutely everything: interests, attitudes, values, mentality, political position etc. And the fact they stay together doesn't mean it "works well", rather, our grandmas and mothers were most likely used to shape themselves around the man and to repress their individuality to merge with his, becoming sponges of his ventings and caprices as well just like with their kids. But now it's 2022 and chances are you are not looking for that role (as you complain about traces of it).
However, beside having not compatible interests, there is something else you both don't understand on each other (and it's visible because when you complain about this issue he doesn't understand that): you put intentional "artificial" effort in supporting him and caring about his job, but it's just because you care about him, not woodwork for real (would you care about woodwork if you weren't with him?). He, probably, thinks your attention is also genuine interest in woodwork because from his point of view woodwork is amazing and it makes sense you love it too to some degree. And it makes sense for him your other interests are less valuable for both because don't bring the same as woodwork does (willing to reach a result, learning, inventing, doing problem solving, smashing competition etc). I assume he'd feel betrayed if you tell him you don't give an actual f about woodwork, personally, if it was for you, but that you care only about him and "so" about woodwork. While on your side, you don't mention any fond passion you have with similar aspects or that you face with similar attitudes, but expect him to care "artificially" as much as you do, while probably he puts "alliance" and similarity before the actual personal care. So it all makes sense for him somehow and doesn't understand you're doing it in a constructed way, expecting the same from him. Many guys don't understand this layer comes first for women, most of the times (me neither, I've a masculine mentality and I understood this about females only some years ago).
Another less complex option is he just doesn't perceive your value that much because you're a female and he is sexist inside, or because you're not bringing on the table anything that "strong" as his passion. And his ego is too big and too involved into woodwork, that you're more like "dating woodwork" than dating a guy, lol.
Mind that anyway not all the guys have such passions, actually most of them just work in companies doing nothing really special and don't care about trying to share it to anyone, or even hate talking about job at home. So my conclusion is that this guy would be ideal with either a completely sponge old-styled woman who embraces the size of his ego, or a woman who also shares his same passion with a similar strength. And, that you are probably looking for something more regular, while he offers you an adventure in woodwork. I mean it's not like he is too busy only, but it's also a thing of different priorities and how to mean a relationship and roles in it, I guess.
You can still have a relationship but have to decide how to make it equal, if he is willing to put more "made up" effort to show care, or if he is willing to accept you'll care much less and mind more your own business with other people instead, maybe asking him to talk less about job in general. It could still last, I don't know.

[Asker]

Wow. This is the best answer ever. Thank you for going into so much detail and I think you hit the nail on the head!! I’m going to take this advice going forward. I think you 100% figured him out and a lotta guys. And yeah, he’s 100% in that career stage that’s right

And yeah, that’s all I want! Just want him to participate a little more in the relationship. I don’t think he understands. Like I feel like most girls want cuddling etc. and he does none of that. That’s why it’s so hard for me to bring up, I’m pretty shy haha. His work is his 1st love and that’s why it’s hard to interfere. Something just feels weird in this relationship & I bet I know why! This was a cool and great evaluation

[Claudia233]

Of course he will be more interested in his own life than yours! If he is not interested in yours at all and what it looks like is you two just don't have anything in common. Find someone who likes the things that you do and stop wasting his and your time!

[Asker]

This is a great answer, thanks!!!

[Staximus]

I think you need a guy who will make more time for you and actually wants to go out and do stuff with you. I know people have their own lives, but this guy sounds like a self-absorbed douche who has no time for you.

[Asker]

Thank you for this answer💛I wholeheartedly agree. I didn’t wanna hear it but I think it’s true!! It’s just pulling teeth to get him to do anything

[MissEm96]

Find someone else