Is my boyfriend losing interest or am I getting taken for granted?

[Grumpybear]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for around 8 month. We got on amazing at the start, he was excited to see me and he had cute nicknames for me. He has always done big gestures. Recently he’s been a little distant, there hasn’t been as much affection, he doesn’t call me cute nicknames anymore. I’m trained in massage and I give him the occasional back massage. He told me no other girl has treated him as special. He has now complained I don’t give him massages for long enough, even though my job is very busy (I work with children now) I cook for him whenever he is over at mine, he has only cooked for me once. He does do things around my house when we started dating, went to see a band I love but he hates. He arranged a romantic getaway in a couple of months. But he complains I don’t do enough, even though I do book activities and fun romantic activities to do he always complains about them, if feels like he doesn’t appreciate what I do for him. I’m always telling him I appreciate everything he does for me but I never get that back. He calls me every night but doesn’t say anything, I have to do all the talking. Im aware he is not much a talker but neither am I. I ask him questions and I get one word answers , why does he bother to call me if he’s not interested. What should I do? Speak with him?

Updates

8 mo

I should also say he has Asperger’s syndrome.

[sheenagwapa]

i think so i'm sorry... that's whqt my ex do after he said he will no longet wanna see me, his work place is just a walking distance on mu house but he said he will drice to his house which is arounf 1and a halh hour everyday. me and my ex see each othet everyday for the last more or less 13 years then suddenly that so i broke it up. i said how about weekly i get no answer he is acting so weird. it's like i'm talkinng to a stranger so yeah i broke up with him but essentially he is the ine who dump me. i keepcalling him and saying sorry but i honestly don't know what i'm sorry for.


he is just so mad scary mad and talkinhh shit right on my face no respect whatsoever so i count everything i have done for him and that's the only time he calms down and talk gently.


if a person is actung strange around you prepare yourself already

[Zatsuma]

I'm with Eliza's answer, communication is key. Also what are his likes, not things you do for him as he already likes those, but his hobbies or bands he likes that you may have interest in. Think of things to surprise him with that men like... In all ways 😉, that will keep him attracted instead of getting used to the same old routine.

[CloudScraper]

^^ This and you should expect investment back from him as well.

The “massages aren’t long enough” complaint is kind of weird. I hope he’s appreciating the OP!

[Grumpybear]

@CloudScraper I never said the “messages are never long enough” I probably meant when we speak on the phone he is very quiet and doesn’t talk but he always phoned me.

[Grumpybear]

I do surprise him in different ways 😉 I dress up for him, he’s said other girls have never done that but I think he expects me to do it now.

[magiusX26]

on top of the glaring advice of actually communicate with him. about this. keep in mind the truth about "honeymoon period@ms" in relationships. it could also be the newness has worn off, which often includes stepping back from the big jestures (a bit of a mistake to start things off with them due to this, instead people shpuld keep it smaller so that they can maintain consistent energy throughout a relationship and avoid alienating a partner because said partner "feels" unwanted when those bigger jestures slow and shrink)

[magiusX26]

that aspergers update adds to why you should be talking to him. i have a. ild bit of aspergers too, certain social cues do not register in my brain, so it is a good chance that plays a vig role in why this happened.

[Olivier-628]

Ok, before you go in nightmare spiral. you should just talk about this how you feel. chances are he's stressed about something. men don't like to talk about issues but do get quiet. Ask if everything is alright, let him be the tiny spoon and try to work it out first before you ruined a good thing.

Relationships are work and the first in love phase is over, now you proof that you are still an amazing girl.

[Avicenna]

Sounds like there is a communication problem

[Finchie40]

It sounds like he is stressed out about something ,, possibly depressed as well , When someone suffers from stress and anxiety they usually point fingers at the person they love and care about the most , they start finding flaws in you by pointing fingers at you instead of themselves , My advice to you is have a sit down talk with your boyfriend and find out exactly why he has been treating you that way, be honest with him on how you are feeling and tell him you do not feel appreciated by him like before , We easily assume the worst case scenario when someone we care about isn’t giving back the same , as we feel we are giving them , So put yourself in his shoes and find out why he has been treating you this way lately , if he gets angry and upset with you for expressing
Your feelings of concern then he doesn’t truly value you or appreciate you , but if he listens and hears you express your feelings of concern then that means he loves you and appreciates you and wants to work things out with you , if he isn’t willing to work on things with you then you are best to walk away

[Static_In_The_Attic]

I think it’s time for you to have a heart to heart conversation with your boyfriend & figure out what’s really going on. On the flip side ask him if he thinks you two should break up.

[CloudScraper]

Ahh … I speed read that.

The Asperger’s update seems key. I’m guessing he’s probably struggling to communicate everything he’d like.

That’s going to add a dimension of difficulty. I’d buy a book on it.

[SeaStorm1]

Sounds like a communication problem

[Grumpybear]

Do you mean he’s not communicating to me or both?

[elizamichale1]

Its always better to discuss things honey

[BigDog1989]

Little bit of both prob.

[serious_miss419]

Yes 🙌