Why do so many men here feel like it is a personal attack when women talk about the abuse they have experienced?

Question

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Reason being is that women are so heavily focused on in society as the victim. Meanwhile, women today carry most of the social power and men are sick of it. For example-- I remember I found out my ex was cheating on me when I was in the military, and I was called abusive because I yelled and called her a bitch when I found out. Leading up to those moments, I was also abusive because I suspected something and went through her phone and questioned her whereabouts. I was also abusive and controlling because I didn't want her hanging out with her "guy friend." Well, while I was suspicious and going through all that, she was actively having an affair with that guy friend. Meanwhile all of her friends said that about me. We live amongst a generation of selfish narcissistic women. It's culture and the role models for young women. They overdramatize their life circumstance to make themselves look like they're innocent victims.

Look at Will Smith and his narcissistic wife who convinced him to have an open marriage, and made an affair look so pure. It was all about poor her. She rationalized it. Look at what Johnny Depp is going through right now with his narcissistic ex wife. Literally look at 80% of female celebrities, and you'll see the same characteristics.

Women are the gate keepers to sex. Promiscuity is heavily promoted and sex is the most valued aspect of dating in todays culture. Who holds the power? Think about it.

So when men get offended by this topic, it's because they realize what I'm saying and they're bitter towards it. They know that a lot of "victims" are actually narcissistic and self absorbed. They're tired of society focus on "women's empowerment" and being taught that we need to put women first in everything. If the police show up to a domestic abuse call, how much do you want to bet they're looking at the woman as a victim? We shame men for openly talking about these issues by labeling them as weak MGTOW losers. Yet, we praise women and come to their aid blindly when they have an issue.

I'm married and I love my wife. She's not of this persuasion and women like that are hard to find. My wife agrees with everything I say on this topic. We're both tired of women taking precedence in literally every social aspect of society. We're tired of the narcissistic role models in the media. I personally believe that more men need to stop putting up with these shitty women and throw them to the curb. Stop investing in them. This has gotten ranty, but hopefully it gives you an idea of what goes through a mans head when he hears about "abuse victim". Plenty of us have been burned by these types.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Because men get ridiculed and looked at as weak and a coward. if they are a victim of abuse , when a girl says she is a victim of abuse usually she gets praised and felt sorry for, and gets a lot of attention automatically everyone agrees with her and takes her side How dare that happen to you , I feel So bad that happened to you , he was a horrible man , you deserve better that that , you don’t deserve to be treated that way , where men get looked down on and automatically assume he is a piece of shit , Look at the whole Johnny Depp trial for years everyone was saying Depp was abusive to come the find out after all the truth lays out on the table he is the one that was being abused , so if it wasn’t for all the recordings he would of been automatically labeled a piece of shit , Their are a lot of men that are being abused by their girlfriends or wives , but they keep their mouths shut because they know they will be ridiculed and look down on by others that look at him as a coward , I can honestly say I been a victim to girls that I gave my heart to , anytime I mentioned to someone that she is mean or abusive and a bitch people would just laugh like it’s no big deal cuz all girl’s are bitches all girl’s are never satisfied and happy be a man and keep her in line , but the second a girl says she is a victim everyone feels bad for her and automatically assumes she is the victim , Why most men don’t want to get married these days cuz the court systems automatically take her side in most cases and he loses everything, Most Girl’s can’t admit they are wrong , most girl’s I have met or been with throughout my life were selfish people , that only really cared about themselves , A majority of Girl’s will marry men for money cuz they were raised by parent’s that said marry a man that has a good job and can support you don’t settle for a dead beat marry a man cuz he has a good job , Most guys don’t think that way , We fall for a girl for her beauty and her personality and her morals , if she is loyal and trusting and can be a little bit of a freak in bed , But most girls go for a guy just because of his status and his wallet , she will try to mold him and change him , tell him not to do certain things cuz it makes her upset , so he will change for her cuz he loves her , once she takes that control she will turn around and start doing the things she stopped him from doing and all of a sudden it’s ok for her to do , How dare he try to control you how dare he Treat you that way , how dare that he tries to have sex with you , He isn’t a man , you need a real man , Bottom line most girls are selfish and only do what’s best for them

Aerissa_Jade · Accepted Answer

A very good question I've seen, just by talking about my rape and attack, many men go all crazy and want to shut me up, they do not want to hear about anyone being a victim of anything. They want to just shut us up.

Some of them have never done anything themselves and think it doesn't apply to them and they don't want to hear about something that they have never done.

Others have done it, and don't want to be reminded of what they've done. Some may feel guilt over it, others just want to silence us and make us just comply.

There is no one answer that applies to anyone, I will say majority do not but to beware of those who take it as a personal attack.

caitycat21 · Accepted Answer

They are probably abusers themselves or defend other male abusers that are in their life 🤷🏽‍♀️ Looking at the statistics and studies done on this unfortunately proves this.

https://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=114515

Men who engage in violent behavior justify it in their mind by thinking it is more common and saying, 'Most guys slap their women around so it is OK to engage in it.' Or it could be that misperceptions about violence cause the behavior,"

DaveJord · Answer

Honestly because men put up with a lot of things that women would other wise consider to be emotional or mental abuse from a man, but we get no sympathy or recognition of the that fact.

A women get on here and talks about her traumatic experience with a man and its automatically assumed that she is a victim, and anyone that is perceived to be discrediting or questioning a victim is immediately shamed into silence.

But men get no recognition of the fact that women often abuse them as well if not physically, definitely mentally and emotionally. And women by and large take no responsibility for that fact. They do messed up stuff to men then come on her and talk about how they were victims as if they needed some type of validation. Men are just feed up with being portraited as villains all the time, when women make all these choices along the way and never accept any responsibility to their contributions to the events and circumstances. You never see a post about how awesome men are, but the are quick to beat men down no here.

Because honestly there is no way to disprove the claims a perceived "VICTIM" is making about you. Anyone can say what ever they want to say and you can never disprove their accusation, but there is a this presumption of guilt that is placed on the man when they off no evidence to or prove what that what they claim happened actually did happen in the way they say it happened. They just talk about what happened to them and how wrong it was but they take no personal responsibility or provide no context to anything that lead up to the episode.

Apulu_Imback · Answer

I don't understand this as well. I understand that guys also went through abuses. This doesn't means that women don't have rights to speak about their experiences. Seriously people should start seeing others like individuals not as girl or boy. Yes I admit guys are also abused but it's their choice if they want to stay silent about it or not. They choose to be silent. Girls on the other hand tend to not remain silent about it as they feel more relieved and relaxed when they let out their emotions. No one stopped the guys to shut their mouth about their abuse experience. They fear to be disrespected because they won't be manly according to 'society' then. If guys choose to stay silent about it they don't have any rights to go against women saying this too. Seriously this is a really messed up thing. The society have set such high standards for men that they can't speak about it and they feel offended when women speak about it. We should change it as we are the society ourselves.

desidoll · Answer

Could be many reasons. There is a possibility that they are abusers themselves, so they get furious when they get called out for it. Secondly, a few good men feel like it is unfair for them to get painted with the same brush (even though we make it clear that we don’t generalise). The rest just triggered because they want to take on their gender side regardless.

Still-alive · Answer

there's a far right narrative going on that makes women out to be liars or overstating the amount of abuse against them. it's just another power play... an attempt to re-establish and take back the old hierarchy where white men were at the top and women were subservient to their husbands. in my opinion anyways

TheorionMage · Answer

Ideally, to let potential Suitors KNOW this is NOT their 'first rodeo' and they have no intention of the naivete of repeating their past poor judgements.

Such hubristic men forget 'EVERYONE has to sleep sometime' and in the 1970's there was that infamous case of a battered wife of taking #10 cast iron skillet to her abusive spouse as he slept and then setting their marital bed afire as he lay unconscious~

MOST of my life has been spent as an 'ex officio' guardian of battered women... teaching them self-defense, ... as a police officer prosecuting battered spouses and interceding in physical child abuse. I don't care HOW BIG your abuser fancies themself..."God created all mankind but Col. Colt made them EQUAL

Lionman95 · Answer

I think it´s a misconception of communication that results in seeing only texts combined with pics that make guys feel like we are adressed in general.
Here on general some guys including answer/comment on questions that involve certain words like "guys" for example so it´s not necessarily said that we feel attacked.
A reason could be that many of us guys feel under attack in general. It´s just a nail in the flesh why masculinity is bad, so already being hurt in their identity guys lash back uncontrollingly.
Because some guys feel like that topic is thrown at them like getting a ball thrown at them.
I think another reason could be the general tone of questions that guys feel like those questions or myTakes concern all guys on here.

Agape93 · Answer

Because they misinterpret legitimate issues we have, as if we are painting them all like that. It's like how an abusive boyfriend will cheat on you, and then suspect you're cheating and accuse you of it. It hits too close to home in their own conduct, and it makes them uncomfortable

Femphile_xoxo · Answer

I think a lot of them have the set ideals that they'll forever stick to. Including silencing survivors of abuse. I've also seen cases on this platform where guys talk about their mental health crises and that small, but loud, minority of men tell them to be quiet and man up. 🥱

Blackcupcake · Answer

my guess would be, the men that do get offended and take it personally have done similar shitty/asshole acts and feel attacked in that sense…

I don’t see why a man would take something that doesn’t have anything to do with the personally otherwise

EmbraceThePain · Answer

Well, it depends on what is said and how it is said.

It doesn’t matter what topic is talked about, as anyone can make anything into whatever they want based on how they say something, their motives, etc.

Also, there’s a lot of women who

•Mislabel their “abuse.” We should define this word carefully because many people will try to add a variety of things into it and label it “abuse.”

•Overplay or unreasonably exaggerate their victim status.

Oigit · Answer

It's a subject that can quickly lead to an indictment of a group. You might not make the indictment yourself, but another woman near you might make a statement that can be best summed up as "All men are." This can create a situation where other women in the vicinity of the conversation and their own "All men are." Best thing you can do is tell those adding their own two cents to butt out or not have said conversation around others.

TheFlak38 · Answer

As usual the woman projects herself onto all men. Every one of you has an army of thousands of white knights while at the same time any man who says the slightest negative thing about one woman gets attacked by all other women collectively and their white knights too. It is you who see it as a personal attack.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

Probably has to do with the way the question is written and phrased. It either sounds like it is generalizing or lack of information in where you are coming from. Are you actually going into deoth with the question and why you asked it in terms of details or are you leaving it open ended for others interpretation? Maybe even how you may be responding to certain comments is causing the responses.

Stoner710 · Answer

Because it’s a guys instinct to defend women, therefore when we here a women’s abuse we want to kill the guy, and show the women that guys can be kind, without trying to take advantage of the girl.
The unfortunate thing is guys typically get taken advantage of by the girl under these circumstance. So we suffer for our instinct in defending women but we will continue doing it to impress you ladies. Your welcome. (Thank you for having hot bodies)

SolitarySolace · Answer

Probably because they experience abuse too but it’s completely disregarded because they aren’t women. Just look at the Depp V Heard case that is going on currently. Heard is clearly the abuser in this case. Yet there are those out there who are still defending her even though there are mountains upon mountains of evidence that she is the abuser and manipulated Depp in a moment of pure weakness. You women wonder why your men don’t cry around you. 🤷🏻‍♂️ Pretty sure that’s why.

ohshee · Answer

Well because so many men are guilty of doing that so of course they're going to feel like they're being attacked and I say good for the girl that does that to the guy because he needs to feel something somehow somewhere in order to change
When a girl talks to me about being abused she's asking for help she is trying to figure a way out and she knows that I can help her do that more women need to speak up more women need to make changes in order to get change

Lliam · Answer

It makes me sad and angry when I hear of anyone being abused. I feel strong empathy.

I don't know why any guy would take it personally when a woman talked about being abused, other than the possibility that he is incapable of empathy, hates women, and loves portraying himself as a victim rather than facing reality.

Bluemax · Answer

I some cases I believe they are themselves abusers or borderline abusers. They don't like to reflect on themselves and talking about abuse causes them to do so.

In some cases it might be because the relationship was co-abusive, and they feel that the person is talking solely about abusive men without examining the possibility that women can be abusive.

Some take it as an attack on *all* men.

Anonymous · Answer

Well we don't know how to react to be honest. I feel sympathy for abuse victims, but at the same time, men are patronizingly sexist when they intervene to help women and complacently sexist when we don't intervene. These days it feels like everything is forgivable except bigotry by those people call privileged (men and whites). On Native American reservations native courts are allowed to try non-natives for violence against women even though non-natives are disenfranchised there and natives have made it clear how much many of them hate non-natives (voting to expel people on a number of occasions who don't meet the blood quantum 100%, the Cherokee voted to expel the blacks who are descended from their slaves and only relented when the Federal government threatened to cut off their aid).

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

It's because when people post you seem to generalise and want everyone to accept that guys are abusers like expecting an apology!

There will be toxic people in life can't do anything.

If not be very clear in situations who abused whom and context is necessary what was the abuse not gonna take people's word for it need to understand why what and where.

Sixgunsound · Answer

It doesn’t make logical sense if it isn’t directed at them personally, isn’t directed at them as a member of the group ‘all men’, or isn’t being used to seek compensation or privilege or advantage from them or men in general for something they or all men didn’t do.

20yearsolder · Answer

Speak the truth, I'll support any woman that wants to talk about their past experiences.

Snsl153 · Answer

Probably because most of the men here are guilty of having been abusive themselves at one time or another, and they still believe it was justified at the time.

Anonymous · Answer

Women don't experience abuse.
They are attracted to something called the "dark triad"

It's something biological in side you. Like your period. You can't help it. You don't become a same person til like 30 90%of you.

Also every female says the same story.

So one either all men are like this

Or 2 you guys are fucking the same few men. Which gives the theory proof

loveslongnails · Answer

I'd only be guessing, but maybe they feel like the abused person considers all men to have the same characteristics, or potential to be the same, as their abuser. That's the man's problem. And maybe they don't want to find out if the person is someone they're romantically interested in?

IsoUser · Answer

I don't think that most guys here take it personally when hearing about abusive relationships at all on the contrary I think what it is, that they take it seriously and personally because it gives guys a bad name so to speak, not all guys are bad persons and the ones that are deserve to be in jail.

Smoke-n-Growls · Answer

Knowing the male userbase on here? Because they're guilty of the exact same behaviour and hate seeing it called out.

exitseven · Answer

I do not feel like it is a personal attack unless somebody wants to make it that.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Because some women seem to have been abused by literally 10+ men while others have never been abused. It seems highly suspect. So honestly a woman who claims abuse where the main is not in jail for it i count as a red flag bullshit mental issues. Is that always the case, clearly no. However its my life i have to take a chance here and im not making a shitty bet.

anylolone · Answer

Same reason why jews get offended when any goiym talks about particular instanced of zionist supremacists and jews who pushed degeneracy.
You see, it's way easier to deal with a strawman.

So when I tell a neo-nazi "I know what you are doing, also, the french were the inventors of this degeneracy, and the nazis had no problems with the pedo feminist, simone du beauvoir." They of course, run on the defensive as well.

HawkPerception · Answer

It depends on the context. If the girl is making it out to be a generalization, then of course we feel attacked. And we'll get upset on the guy in the scenario's behalf if we believe what the girl is mentioning is just wrong.

Anonymous · Answer

Because we dont want to hear you crying about being abused especially not relizing our abuses as well. You women act so oppressed and abused. If i was to tell you all the abuse I've been through in my life as a guy , your problems would'nt amount to nothing in comparason. You all just need to stop with your'all antics and grow up.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Because "abuse" is the new buzzword much like "racism". Anyone who doesn't do what a woman wants, give her all she wants, doesn't agree with her, is "abusive". The modern use of the word "abuse" dilutes the real cases of abuse.

HighValue · Answer

It is possible that they have been falsely accused IRL or personally know someone that was falsely accused so now they don't believe anyone's stories of abuse anymore without actual evidence.

spartan55 · Answer

I have no idea. That's the last thing that would cross my mind.

JustinTheGreat · Answer

I have no idea. I feel like a lot of men are so quick to “Not ALL men are like that” like okay, they weren’t saying they were. If you’re not one of the men that’s being talked about, then there’s no need to get all defensive

DavidRaul · Answer

I truly think they are dumb to form an opinion. They don't even know what the person has gone through. I dont even get offended by all this. I know who i am and where i come from. No one can form an opinion about me

WhitneySnow · Answer

Maybe because they have abused women in the past, or at least felt feelings of intense anger which could have led to them hurting their girlfriends or wives, and felt guilty about it?

4everalone · Answer

Sounds like you’ve been hanging around the wrong men.

Pyrofox · Answer

For me I just skip those questions/comments in their entirety. Also a lot of the time relationships only fall apart cause the lack of trust.

RSav4013 · Answer

I have no idea. If someone was telling me about how they were abused I certainly wouldn't feel attacked.

Juxtapose · Answer

Maybe the women overgeneralize or the men are sensitive. If I am not accused myself idgaf usually.

ImNoOne111 · Answer

Do we? Really? I usually get badly mad at the abuser. But some women label all the men with things that single man did which is indeed a personal attack

Amur8711 · Answer

Because studies have shown women are more physical and emotionally abusive to their spouse. It just doesn't get any attention.

Andres77 · Answer

That doesn't make sense. I just find it bizarre and tragic that it would occur.

Valso · Answer

Only someone who likes physically abusing a woman would feel it as a personal attack when a woman talks about it. I can't call them "men" bc they're not.

Anonymous · Answer

We don't. A lot of us get pissed off when we're collectively blamed for it for being born wrong, though, especially if we've gone abuse ourselves.

cloud9vortex1234 · Answer

It's because many women leave out the guy's side of the story. It may not even be true since theirs no way to prove it.

maverick2022 · Answer

Women go for abusive guys and complain to non-abusive guys or they generalize men or do both.

Desiree41 · Answer

I bet the ones that get upset or mad are the ones that's doing the abuse

Hanrej · Answer

Because girls don't talk about abuse unless to invoke sympathy and to demand compensation from other men.

Mantis_Toboggan · Answer

Those who voice feelings of persecution are usually have guilt or shame and try to project innocence. "If you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, how do know which one you hit? The one that yelps."

Anonymous · Answer

You'll find a lot of the time, it's the wording they have a problem with. Some men are genuinely just stupid, though.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Not sure. It doesn't make any sense to me. If you're not guilty, there's no reason to feel guilty.

Anonymous · Answer

I haven't felt that way but based on some of your other posts and comments I can see why some might interpret it as you implying the issue is with men rather than the individual who abused you.

Echosoul · Answer

When does that happen? However when it becomes all men are x then there's an issue.

ShyGuy303 · Answer

If it’s abuse from a boyfriend I don’t take it personal but I can’t help but feel “why are you with a guy like that”

OddBeMe · Answer

Because it happens so often we’re sick of hearing about it. Gawd!

JesseJayNeak · Answer

Women are not the only ones getting abused, y’know?

Anonymous · Answer

Usually because most of those women blame ALL men for the actions of a very small few.

Why do so many men here feel like it is a personal attack when women talk about the abuse they have experienced?

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Why do so many men here feel like it is a personal attack when women talk about the abuse they have experienced?

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