Why is my previous situationship popping up periodically?

[Anonymous]

I’m a 32f and he’s a 36m. At the beginning of the situationship he was all in and then immediately backed away and later told me “he couldn’t be what I needed.” Then a month later, back on, but he was still inconsistent and hot and cold so I backed off but it was on good terms. Later matched on bumble but I never messaged him so he texted me to ask why I let it “expire.” We texted a few times after then nothing for almost two months. I legitimately wanted to be friends but he did not seem to want to be anything. Then he texted “whatever became of you?” after two months.

During the times where the situationship has not been “on” he has not tried to booty call me. I don’t know what to make of this. I assume he is bored or wants an ego boost. I would like the satisfaction of feeling like he wants me/regrets something - but realize that will likely never happen. Still want it and still really liked him and feel used.

Will he text again? I will not reach out. If he does, is it better to be nonchalant or to not respond at all?

Updates

+1 y

Also, I am dating someone else. Dk if I should or should not casually mention that - or if it makes it look like I still care. I legitimately do not want to be with him.

[nitsuj86]

I don't want to be with him... but what should I do if he calls. The second statement cancels out the first. You can say it all you want. But some part of you wants him to call even if it's just for an ego boost. If you really didn't want this guy at all you would have blocked his number, and hung up if he calls another way.

He keeps coming back because you keep letting him. I've been that guy, you know how it stops. YOU have to stop it, by not answering and moving on with your life.

He doesn't like you, he is just going through his single faze right now, going back in his head about the ladies he used to be with, stuff he liked about them, then he gets them back and realizes why he left the first time. If a guy leaves you, and pulls stuff like this, he doesn't like you. You are just another girl in his quest to find the one he actually likes. Sounds harsh, but it's the truth.

Focus on your current relationship, and cease all contact with this man, block him, and if he keeps calling tell him you will file a restraining order. If you don't like this current guy enough to respect him and not cheat on him, then break up with him and let him find someone who will.

Sounds to me like you shouldn't be with either of them.

[Asker]

I appreciate your response and absolutely would not cheat. I did figure as much as you’ve said. I really do NOT want to be with him but wish he wanted to be with me - pathetic, I know.

[nitsuj86]

You say that now, but just remember that when this guy or some other dude from your past or future slides into your DMs.

I know plenty of women that say they would never/ have never cheated, have a boyfriend, and continue to have "conversations" with exes, guys they used to fuck, or just random dudes on Instagram / other social media. Just cause you aren't fucking the guy doesn't mean you are participating in some shady behavior that you would not like if it was reversed.

Can you hand your phone over to your boyfriend and not worry about what he will find? If the answer is NO, then you need to really look at how you are behaving. I would say the same if it was a man.

Not saying you are doing this. But if you are... stop that shit too, and give 100% to the new guy. If you can't do that, then you should find someone you can feel comfortable committing to on that level.

[Asker]

The guy I am dating is not yet a boyfriend. I have never had issues with someone seeing something on my phone in a relationship - as I really do not do shady things in relationships.

[VV3ZZY]

A "situationship" just sounds awful. I would rather be single.

[SueShe]

It looks like you are not really made for each other and that you were probably nothing more than just a substitute.

Him backing up as soon as the relation started is just indicative that he probably just wanted the one thing and when he got it, he grew tired and found an excuse to drop you.

Perhaps that he is just trying to keep you warm, just in case his current fling is over and he needs somebody to lower his level of testosterone.

I would not even bother to answer next time he messages you. Just keep it casual and don't take any initiatives.

Also, if you are a female, you have used the wrong gender color on this application. You can ask GaG to change it for you by sending a request to

https://www.girlsaskguys.com/contact

[Asker]

That definitely makes sense. Thank you!

[IsoUser]

WTF IS BUMBLE? I Seriously am getting to old at 54 LMFAO

[Guy13]

It’s done. What’s the problem. You’ve moved on?

[Avicenna]

He’s probably bored

[In_Trance]

This is drama. Move on

[Jltakk]

What is a situationship? Sounds super sketchy