What am I to him, I know he loves his wife but does he feel anything for me or an I just continent?

[Anonymous]

I know I’m wrong, & what we are doing isn’t right, trust me no one is harder on me than me. I’m currently in the mist of what I would call a 6 year emotional affair. Nothing sexual as ever happened physically. We are both married, but have known eachother since high school. Growing up we were extremely close as friends, had attraction but nothing ever happened between us. 6 years ago we reconnected, we caught up on lots of lost time, and we was both happy to hear how well we had done for ourselves. We said our goodbyes & I didn’t think we would speak again, but that year he returned every now & then, to the point of recent years us talking has been consistent for the past 4 years, and we rarely go a day without contact. We share a connection and a sense of calm with eachother, we talk about anything and everything, there is a sexual attraction between us, but it’s so much more than that. 2 years ago things heated up, we was caught in a whirlwind of emotions,& we spoke of how we felt a really strong sexual desire for one another, photos & videos were exchanged, cutting a long story short I wanted more, but he didn’t, he’s always said he loves his wife, & he couldn’t physically cheat on her, which was one of the reasons I adore him. I decided if we was to carry on it would be as friends only, I’m glad nothing happened between us, & I’m unsure where my head was at during this time to think it would be a good idea. So here we are today, close friends, who talk daily, we meet as friends, hug, hold hands, but lately he’s started taking of feelings, when previously that would have been me. He says he values & respects me, that what we have is worth more than sex, & says that sex would scare me & I would leave the friendship, he says he trusts me, but loves his wife, but how he feels for me is different to how he feels for her. I’m confused, as I think he is. We are both happy in our marriages, and this isn’t the type of affair where we dream or intend to run off together.

[spartan55]

Dress it up any you want, it's still cheating and you are both gross. Such a waste.

[Asker]

Well I wasn’t dressing anything up, I just put it in black and white. I don’t expect people to understand who have never been through anything remotely similar. I too, like you, would have said the same 7 years ago…. That all people who have affairs are horrible heartless people. But unfortunately for me I have grown to know that isn’t the case, and if anything they have too much love, that spreads to the wrong person. Neither of us actively went out looking for an affair, what started as a platonic friendship slowly progressed into something more. It has never look love or affection from our primary relationship, and our other halves will always be our number one. I may add, I have never physically cheated in 25 years, life is complex, feeling and emotions are the one thing we have no control over, I’m not a bad person, I care for his wife and children, becus they are part of him. I don’t know her, but I would never do anything if I thought she would find out and be hurt, I’ve helped her in ways i would help my own family, through him in situations she is unaware of. I’m not trying to be a home wrecking whore. But thanks for your input.