If you had proof of your significant other cheating even if it was a few months or a year back do you have the right to be angry?

[dondoddess]

Sooooo to start this off I had went through my man’s phone after me just picking his phone up and him acting suspicious and getting overly protective over it like jumpy he snatched it so quick and I was just sending myself a link to my own Instagram lmao anyways but of course that made me curious and when I snoop I snoop so I told him you know what since your acting funny let me actually look. I downloaded to databases from all his social media (yes I know excessive but necessary I feel) and I found a bunch of text messages of him linking up with other girls and flirting just etc basically CHEATING in general. BUT it was months & a year ago we’ve been together on and off for two years but at these times we were on every single one.. and when I brought just one thing up I felt as if he was gaslighting me and making me feel like I was the problem. I don't know so yeah do I have the RIGHT to be upset or sad per say

[dynamicyandere]

Of course you can feel angry, because he didn’t tell you about it after getting back together.


You were on and off so I suppose that becomes a gray area if he was flirting with people when you broke up.


But, when you decided to get back together, he should of given you a full disclosure and reassurance that he has blocked their numbers and cut off contact because he’s committed to you.


Since he didn’t though, he could have been forgetful. But, if he was forgetful about it, why would he be jumpy about you having his phone, right?


Sounds like to me he’s just not fully committed to the relationship and doesn’t want to burn his ships. It seems like he’s expecting things to get rocky and for things to continue to be on and off. He seems to be wanting to keep his options open in case the relationship doesn’t work out. That’s doesn’t necessarily mean he’s cheating. But, he doesn’t sound like he’s completely committed to the relationship.

[dondoddess]

Omg you literally read my mind and some of this was when we actually WERE together soooo it’s kinda heartbreaking lol cause I wasn’t thinking of anybody as a rebound. I thought more of it as a break smh smh lol but your right it definitely seems like (just assuming) he’s tryna keep his options open especially if you seen the messages you’d be like OH- LMAOO🤣🤣🤣

[dynamicyandere]

Sorry to hear about that. It would definitely hurt more knowing that this happened while you were back together too.

I guess it’ll be important to set clear expectations about any potential breaks in the future, to make sure that exclusivity is still expected, you’re just giving each other some space.

And that’s good that you acknowledge that it’s just an assumption, a speculation, not an accusation. Just something to keep in mind but is yet to be confirmed. But yeah, based on his behavior it looks like he might be trying to keep his options open.

Are you two pretty serious or is it a sorta let’s just see what happens kinda thing?

[dondoddess]

Your responses are so calming lol somebody who thinks like me foreal 😭🤣 but Umm yeah ID say we are we plan our life together take care of the kids together , live together and plan our future together all the time I don’t just talk to waste my breath so I know I mean it. But sometimes I question is this just someone else playing me :/

[dynamicyandere]

Lol I’m glad my responses help.

Hmm. Okay, then it’ll be really good if you can have some deeper conversations together, make having deeper conversations a normal thing you do together.

You’ll need to have a deep conversation to set expectations for exclusivity whenever you two go through breaks.

And if he’s on the same page with you about staying together with you long term, it’s important that any doubts about the relationship gets addressed.

Like, is he able to let these other girls go and focus on you? If he’s sure he wants to be with you, why does he feel the need to keep these girls around? Is there anything about the relationship he’s feeling doubts about? Is there anything that worries him?

Those are some important things to talk about. Of course, you’ll want to always talk about these things without it sounding like an accusation (because guys will tend to wall up). But if he can hear the genuine care, concern, and sincerity in your voice, that’ll help him let his guard down, and I’m sure that will go a long way.

Now, if he doesn’t want to talk about any of this… That’s a little sus. But, hopefully he’s willing to have these much-needed heart-to-heart talks with you.

[dynamicyandere]

@dondoddess, thanks for the MHO! :)

[dondoddess]

Your welcome love

[kkc2018]

I think the answer is you have the right to feel however you want! They are your feelings and it doesn't matter what he did, or even his intention. (People can have good intentions and still really hurt you even though I dont think thats the case here. If you feel angry or upset YOU and your emotions are valid. If you belive this I think the next question would be can I move past these valid feelings or even should I? You have agency

[dondoddess]

I think I can because I do want this to work but soon as things get good it seems like we have really big arguments about the same shit and then it’s starts all over again ughhh.. we’re looking into therapy thou if that doesn’t work I don't know what the next step will be but I’m willing to try and move forward

[kkc2018]

Make sure you value yourself! You are worthy of respect, love, and listen to yourself. Therapy is a great option even if you have no issues so that is a great idea! If you need more direct help or question feel free to message me otherwise, Stay strong!

[Luckycharms12]

Yes you do maybe need to leave him and go for someone can trust.

[dondoddess]

It’s hard when you’ve poured so much into one person plus we live together and we plan our lives together. You know?

[Luckycharms12]

Clearly can't trust him tho. Especially once trust is broken very hard get it back. Most times you can't. But you do what you see fit for you

[dondoddess]

Very very true. And in most cases I’m a very very understanding and forgiving person but I can’t leave the past in the past if it’s still occurring that would make it the present. We shall seee I guess

[Luckycharms12]

Look after yourself seem a nice person

[dondoddess]

Thank you i really should more than I do

[dondoddess]

But it’s all a learning process lol

[Luckycharms12]

That's very true think everyone is pretty bad at it

[dondoddess]

Yeah especially when your naturally a people pleaser like myself lmao so it’s hard to focus on me sometimes 😭😭

[Luckycharms12]

Well people need be able to give back to you too especially your guy both look after one another. That's what it's all about.

[dondoddess]

Yup yup , teamwork makes the dream work

[Luckycharms12]

True that

[Luckycharms12]

Especially in bedroom

[dondoddess]

He brings his part there forsure lmao 🤣 one of the reasons I stay okaaaaaay PERIODT 💀💀

[Luckycharms12]

Orgasams for sure man has get his girl off

[AviatorTom]

Of course you can be angry. The more common feeling though is one of hurt, wondering why she woudl cheat on me. Am I not good enough?

[dondoddess]

Yeeessss!!! Thank you cause I don’t like to snoop but I’ve been hurt so many times In the past by him as well and I really didn’t WANT to find anything but I did :/ and now I’m basically just like what you said “am I the problem , am I as a woman not good enough for anyone “ ouchhh lol

[RuthlessAggression]

Depends on your definition of cheating. Some people think even THINKING about another person is cheating

Others, just see "having sex with another person, while in a relationship with one", is cheating

[dondoddess]

Well there was conversation of linking up with one another , how beautiful the girls were and how he wishes they were his girlfriend and yeah… smh I definitely think that’s cheating

[RuthlessAggression]

Then that's you

[dondoddess]

Then that’s me what trippen or my own perception and what do youuuu consider cheating if so

[RuthlessAggression]

well, shouldn't we be friends then, in order for me to tell you what I BELIEVE, and not have me be attacked for MY BELIEFS

[dondoddess]

I can’t attack you for your opinion when I asked for it you know I can simply agree to disagree unless it was something about race, cultural things etc somethings are just facts but as long as your not being ignorant I’m always open for different points of view follow me :)

[RuthlessAggression]

Whats your definition of ignorance

Not what dictionary. com says, I'm asking what YOU think it is

[dondoddess]

Ummm Simplified answer would be uneducated for me

[RuthlessAggression]

So, if I told you, i was a white, democratic, middle class, agnostic jew. Would you think im unedcuated

I also have a 3.2 in college, and it would be higher but i wound up in the hospital and never got to pull out of the class

[RuthlessAggression]

uneducated*

[dondoddess]

What no that’s not what I’m saying at all I’m simply saying I accept all points of you and perspective unless they’re just blatantly ignorant (uneducated) BUT yeah this isn’t relevant to my question anymore we’re getting off track , if you wanna debate on a topic I’d be glad too on another post lmao

[RuthlessAggression]

Or message me

[dondoddess]

Message me first

[RuthlessAggression]

Accept me and then follow me back

[dondoddess]

Okie doke

[SeekingVirginWife]

I let my future wife know that if they commit adultry they will be executed under Shariah Law. Inshallah ALLAH ACKBAR!

[Noodle_fan]

yes
as for me , i believe all mistakes in relationships can be tolerated , except cheating

[dondoddess]

Yeah and like I said I’m a pretty understanding and forgiving human being but for someone to know me and my past and then put me through the same thing doesn’t sit right with me

[dondoddess]

I love him Tho I’ll try to talk to him about it , we live together so it’s like kinda complicated lol

[Twalli]

So if my girlfriend cheats on me and I don't find out from her soon after, she's not my girlfriend anymore

[roy_ricky09]

I'd move on than be angry. It's self destruction

[ImJustSomeGuyLol]

Abso-fucking-lutely you do, dump that mf.

[KrakenAttackin]

Did his penis enter her?

[dondoddess]

That’s the thing I will never knoooow but I’m pretty sure knowing my man’s and knowing how females are being one myself lol and there was no mention of me at all so probably

[boobliker]

yes and dump him for it unless you have been N too

[dudeinohio]

Yes you do

[OddBeMe]

Uh yeah