Guys: do you secretly compare old relationships with new ones?

[Anonymous]

I noticed that my boyfriend sometimes compared our relationship to the one with his ex. For example; he would say things like “cuddling feels natural with you, it never felt that way with X”, “Your cooking is amazing, X didn’t even know how to cook”…things to that effect.

[Anonymous]

It’s natural for anyone to do that (in their head). But tbh it’s best to stfu about saying anything your ex to your partner. Sometimes the topic will be unavoidable but keep it at a bare minimum.

There is one girl I dated years ago who constantly told me how much better than I was then her ex. Seems like a compliment but I had a silent alarm ringing in the back of my head. This was the first time I had a girl say that to me (consistently). I didn’t realize it was a sugar coated poison pill

Sure enough when things got bad with her she compared me to her ex again and not in a good way. In fact she gave me one the worst insults I’ve ever taken from a woman in my life at the end.

[Emily_925]

What was the insult?

[Opinion Owner]

@Emily_925 its a lot of context.

[Guy13]

There no secret about it. Yes, we do quite plainly actually. Don’t act like women don’t 🙄

[Asker]

He is literally my first boyfriend so I can’t really compare 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Guy13]

Oh, I see. It is natural at one point and maybe twice in 5 years. It is not natural to be hearing constant comparisons. If I get that then I exit as I’m not competing with a Memory or Fiction. I hope this works out as you wish.

[Asker]

Thank you, you’ve been very helpful. 😊👍🏼

[razelove]

It isn't secret at all. I don't compare my marriage to any other relationships, as I don't have kids with anyone else that I'm aware of. When I date new women with my wife, or solo though, there is most certainly the expectation that it will be fun but short lived based on previous experiences.

I'm open about that, and that it would be nice to be proven wrong.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes. My ex is my fiancee's older sister. She cheated om me and emptied our joint savings accounts and kicked me out of our home to be with another man. He screwed her over and four years later I was dating her younger sister. Who's the complete opposite of my ex.

[NathanDavis]

no, not secretly and not openly...

they all happened at different times and moments of my life, different circumstances and with different people as well, of course...

[TheorionMage]

Most EVERYONE has a 'past'... subconscious comparisons are only natural. EVERYONE seeks to not repeat past relational errors and to reach a new 'best ever'.

[Stevepro68]

Well maybe but not all of them. Life is experience and our experience shapes our now. So yes people acknowledge previous mistakes because it helps us learn what we want and what we don't.

[Emily_925]

Yeah I do in my head, I try not to say it. My boyfriend used to a lot so I had to tell him to stop cause it just gets weird

[DaveJord]

I think we all compare our previous relationships to our current... its just a matter if you say it out loud or not. But you definitely think it.

[FilmGuy93]

Eh... kind of. Relationships are all unique things. I compare them in the sense that I try to identify situations that I don't want to repeat in future relationships, but I don't keep score of things.

[curiousscorpio89]

I think it's natural to do this subconsciously. Not everyone goes out of their way to point those differences out to their new mate though.

[Marianna546]

They indeed do.. When i dated one guy he said that with me he feels better than with the other girls and that i am special to him and that i have nice interests

[Kabluie]

It's not a good idea. It basically ends up in some trash talking someone and that negative energy could be better spent on other things.

[Pegases]

That's a bit odd, but within that context it seems like a good thing.

[pizzalovershouse]

Most guys do like my ex liked this but she doesn't from food to every thing even is she a better lover than ex but even girls do so its about excepting a person's flaws an liking them for personality

[Anthony20108]

perhaps he is just making referencing to his passed because he is either not over her, or at least from my experience they could trying to see how you react, or perhaps see if your similar to there ex.

[Twalli]

I think I would, but probably not out loud unless asked. Seeing as this is my first (and probably last) relationship, I don't think I will have the situation.

[Luopio27]

Its not wise to compare people, show off, brag or anything.

[Texaskid1]

No. I print my relationship comparison on a t-shirt and wear it around town.

[Iron_Man]

I’m always bringing up my former girlfriend that’s all I know on what to go on

[RandomGuy1030]

Thats not a secret. Thats how the brain works, it compares things.

[Bklynbadboy12]

No I never do that what would be the purpose of doing that