Why do people tend to bring up their past traumatic experiences when they are being held accountable for something wrong they did?

[Anonymous]

For some context;
Recently a guy made me feel uncomfortable cause he was touchy feely even though he was aware I had a boyfriend. When he got called out he suddenly started talking about his dad's abusive nature and how he's seeing a psychiatrist cause he has serious issue.

Why couldn't he just acknowledge his wrong doing without having to bring up his past trauma?
Is this him trying to defend and justify what he did?

[Pleaznhim4me]

To lay the victim. This way they can use the sad or bad things in their life as an excuse for their bad behavior. It is not an excuse. Accountability must be had and an attempt to overcome one’s own flaws to be a better person every day. Also people must exercise empathy to realize that not only the pain and trauma they experienced is real but so are the other people involved. Those other peoples feelings are just as important and causing pain or trauma to others because you experienced it is not a healthy or acceptable behavior. It just spreads out the toxicity and hate. Healing and accountability can never take place like this.

[MoniqueTLC]

It's a way to deflect the other person from calling them out on something they're doing that's not on. Also a way to somewhat justify his actions or to manipulate you into thinking what he's doing can be 'warranted.'

If someone can't take criticism, it's just a tool to steer it away from them, and then sometimes make you feel guilty for even thinking about saying something to them to call them out on their behaviour, which can be quite manipulative.

And as @Vanidal states for the 'more responsible' person, it could be that too.

[Vanidal]

It depends on the person.
More-responsible person would say that it is their fault for 'something bad'. They may bring up explanation to their traumatic response but it's not the main point they want you to know. It's: I make mistake - is the point. They likely to feel guilty for their failure to control their traumatic response.
Less-responsible person would place their traumatic response in front of them as protection when they are at fault. Deflecting or minimizing the need to be responsible, admitting fault, to something/someone else not them.

[Anonymous]

That’s called “deflecting” and “changing the subject.” Politicians do it all the time. So do manipulative people.

[rtj1211]

If you want the psycho-analytical answer, I guess it's this: 'until someone helps me resolve my past issues, I'm never going to be ready to be a functional adult who takes responsibility for wrongdoing. So please help me!'

Sadly, those that need help usually pick the wrong people and the wrong time to ask for it. It's why they still need that help...

[Sonorous]

Maybe not defend or justify. But it sounds like he definitely wants to bring attention away from the action by appealing to the pity of others. Hoping that his unfair past situation (real or not) can act as an emotional lever to gain compliance. It's a manipulative way of attempting to avoid responsibility. He doesn't want to experience the negative consequences of the action, so he won't want to be seen as the cause.

[AngryCarl]

In his influential book "Games People Play" Eric Berne MD called this game Wooden Leg.

I'll try to post a link: https://ericberne.com/games-people-play/wooden-leg/

[slatyb]

He's trying to deflect attention away from his bad behavior. His comment about his father could be true, or he could be lying. It doesn't matter. Good for you for calling him on it. Where did this happen?

[SlothySlob]

For a lot of people, and I mean a lot, it's easier to push the blame onto others or something, than accept the blame and ramifications of their idiocy.

[Topaz1979]

Sometimes they do that as an out so that you and others can be more lenient towards them if their actions backlash.

[Smoothing]

That sounds like self blame to me. He is blaming himself for what he was called out for.

[Anonymous]

LMFAO! This is what all the oppression-hierarchy and victim culture bullshit would inevitably lead.

[EaterPeter]

Defensiveness is one of the 4 horsemen of relationship apocalypse

[Anonymous]

🤣🤣🤣