Am I wrong for not contacting my male friend for months sometimes?

[Anonymous]

So I have this social media friend, who I have been talking to for the past 2 years. He's awesome and we have a fantastic connection. He has been wanting to meet up for those 2 years but because I had a boyfriend, I just kept putting it off. Obviously he grew frustrated and had voiced that fustration. Problem is, as soon as i stopped speaking to him for a month or two,( I think he took that personal) he deleted all social media and I had no way of getting in touch with him.

And the reason I do stop talking to him for that period of time is because we really don't need to be talking everyday. We should be able to, as friends , go a couple months without speaking with no hard feelings, and check back in with each other and see how life is treating us.

But NO, instead he deletes all his social media permanently and is nowhere to be found! Then he makes a new account about 7/8 months later and picks up like nothing ever happens and starts trying to make plans again. So July he came back and we got to talking about meet up plans. (My boyfriend and I were not together at this point) All through August and currently this month, September , I never spoke with him or met up. So what does he do? ... Deletes his social media AGAIN once I went radio silent.

All my other friends don't make such a big deal when I stop talking to them for a couple of months and don't take drastic measures because of it. When a friend stops talking to me for a couple of months I just assume they are busy, or need space and it's not my place to really get angry at that nor do they really owe me that. I thought this was normal. I'm genuinely confused.

I've spoken to some friends about this. While some agree with me and say he's unhinged and drastic , others have not agreed, and have said I'm being cruel for not contacting him within those months. What is going on with him? Am I in the wrong?

[FilmGuy93]

The problem isn't the frequency of your communications with him, the problem is the complete lack of effort you're putting into your communications. Him deleting his social media is akin to you not talking to people for months at time; it would mean nothing if you acted like you want to be in contact with him. The problem is that you don't act like you want to be in contact with him.

You actively, VERY PROACTIVELY, seem to make an extremely intentional effort to demonstrate that you couldn't care less about being in touch.

[Anonymous]

It’s really hard for men and women to be platonic friends, and this is a great example of that. Maybe you are looking at him as a friend, and he may say he sees you as a friend as well, but it sounds like he saw more to it. Are you wrong for not contacting him while in a relationship? Not necessarily, but it does raise the question as to why. I mean you kept your female friends, so why should he have been different? Especially since you knew him before getting a boyfriend and he’s not new? Maybe you sensed that he like you on a higher level as well.

[Asker]

Well my confusion really stems from why he deletes his socials and dissapears off everytime I dont contact him or have communication with him. It's happened twice now. I don't think it's a big deal to occasionally stop talking to friends for a couple of months. But everytime I do that , he permanently deleted his socials and dissapears. And I have no way of contacting him.

I mean who does that to someone they supposedly are into? It's just weird...

[Opinion Owner]

To be fair, at least one of those times deleting everything could be a coincidence because of the timing, and I wouldn’t want to assume that he does things that drastic on my behalf. But on the off chance that it’s not a coincidence, it could just be somewhat of a temper tantrum. I agree that you don’t have to talk to him all the time, but if that’s what he wants and isn’t getting it then it may trigger something inside of him, whether it’s rejection, depression, or even just feeling hurt because you get flaky or dropped him for your boyfriend. Whatever the case may be, you don’t have to entertain that. Regardless of his motive it’s just childish and unnecessary.

[hyperben]

from the guys position, this is a pretty frustrating situation, he might have spoken about it with friends who (trying to support him) might have encouraged him to break the connection off as nothing will ever happen etc

[Iron_Man]

If you already have a boyfriend why do you need to meet another male?

[Asker]

Well, I never actually met this guy while I was with my boyfriend. Now I'm single, ever since June/July , and I still haven't met him.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you did anything wrong...

Did you leave his text on read?

[Asker]

Nope. Everytime he responded to me I always texted back.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol than he is not thinking you as a friend...

[Asker]

Well, what would explain him permanently deleting social media and dissapearing off, everytime I don't talk to him for 1-2 months.

Like, if you like someone, why do something unhinged like that?

[Opinion Owner]

Phsyco