This was wrong right?

[Anonymous]

It’s 5am and my boyfriend’s brother who is 29 years old rings his mobile and wakes us both up after he’s been on a night out asking my boyfriend to come pick him up from town and give him a ride home…

This guy still lives with his parents and is a total user.

My boyfriend’s parents also use my boyfriend for money and things and I’ve exploded over this before.

My boyfriend isn’t insured on my car right now and only has his work van which is tracked so he can’t use either of those so he starts looking for an Uber for him!! and by this point I’m wide awake and so angry.

Apparently my boyfriend’s dad is fast asleep so didn’t hear my boyfriend’s brother trying to call him…. Yeah whatever!

I told my boyfriend it was out of order and he just defended the brother.

Why won’t be put boundaries in place?

[ZXCwWRQWz]

Is he using your shit or his own to help his brother? Because if he's using his own shit like his own money, and he has his own place, then I agree with the idea that it's none of your business. But if you are providing him lots of shit then it is your business too.

[ZXCwWRQWz]

4 me if a girl is all up in a guy's shit, it often means da guy is probably not stepping up. You mention how his parents use him 4 money and how his brother use him but maybe the bigger issue is that he's not taking care of u well enuff 2 make u feel safe. Maybe he's not being real man who makes u feel safe and confident with u following his lead. So u gotta worry about how he spends money and what he does becuz he's not making u feel like he's being a man and taking responsibility 4 u 2 that well.

[Asker]

I’d say you’re totally right with what you e just said there. We live together but I feel more like the man a lot of the time

[Asker]

We’re supposed to be saving to buy a house together so the money thing is an issue

[ZXCwWRQWz]

Maybe you gotta talk to him about this more than the family. The family is probably just a symptom of a bigger problem. You try to make it about the family and u pit him against u vs. his family, and that's not the real choice. The real choice is like whether he wants to step it up and make you feel like you can trust him with your combined future and share the weight of the responsibility for you both together because the weight of your collective futures shouldn't be mostly on your shoulders. You shouldn't have to feel like you gotta take so much responsibility 4 both of u.

[ZXCwWRQWz]

This is getting into gender roles n shit but in my experience, when woman wears the pants in the house, the guy doesn't turn into the classical wife. He doesn't cook and clean and support you that well. So instead he overloads woman who feels like she has to be both man and woman of the house while he goofs around, and thats too much for anybody. So Im not trying 2 reinforce gender roles but expecting a man to woman up is hopeless most of the time; you get a lazy bum instead. You get him to man up and thats how you get him to step up and not have to worry all the time about you both.

[spartan55]

Don't interfere with family business. You won't win.

[Asker]

Putting me before family is a big no no

[spartan55]

How do you figure you aren't a priority?
You are his GIRLFRIEND, and you feel that you come before family? Are you serious?

[Asker]

We’re actually engaged but I still call him my boyfriend. We’ve been engaged for a year and made no plans because we’re supposed to be saving for a house but that’s another story

[spartan55]

If you don't have a ring and a date you aren't engaged. Beside the point of this post anyway. Are you just going to keep battling your boyfriend on this?

[Asker]

Oh I have a big diamond ring and the proposal was huge but there’s no date and right now I’m in no rush.

[spartan55]

Lol... and in five years... eh nevermind. I notice you keep ducking the real issue here, best of luck.

[Asker]

Thanks

[Asker]

You’re right I know I won’t win so I’m just letting it go

[Anonymous]

It’s non of your business. Really. What he does and doesn’t do for his brother is 0% your business or thing to decide. Only thing your boyfriend did wrong was to not go somewhere where he wouldn’t bother/wake you up.

[Asker]

But it’s waking me up at 5am so I feel like it is my business and also my car he would’ve potentially been using to pick up his drunk brother if it wasn’t for the insurance thing