Women put up a big barrier of entry in the early stages of dating. If the man is truly interested he has to be cautious and self aware of his behavior. Hence he’s often on “best” behavior.
But in reality men much more often are forced to do things that don’t come natural to us in the early stages of dating. Women are like “oh be yourself” well no shit it’s easy to say that if you are a woman (especially an attractive one) and are used to men approaching you. All you have to do is 1) dress well and look good 2) not be TOO over the top crazy.
Men will also usually tolerate a lot more crazy/unfair behavior than vice versa in the early stages. We are basically on a job interview and on the hot seat. The woman gets to decide yeh or nay in most circumstances in the first few dates. Most women have no idea how much power they have here. Many abuse it.
Anyway I am not saying it’s okay for guys to go on cruise control after they get past the woman’s initial “tests”. But again most guys know if they acted as they normally do in the early stages then most would get rejected (unless the woman was initially interested before he approached)
Hey QA I saw you “laughed” at my response. Well I am glad you found it entertaining at all. But really for once will you check your privilege here? You think men enjoy sticking their necks out and it’s “funny”. Think again.
I do apologise it wasn't supposed to be laughed It was the halo emoji... I'm using the app so there's a delay when you click the responses.
No worries. I wasn’t looking to throw you under the bus or anything. But honestly women usually have no idea how much pressure the man is under in the early stages.
It comes down to self-awareness. One thing about men that women tend not to understand is that men very much operate on the assumption that you are going to feel comfortable voicing your concerns after a relationship has been established. Women don’t think that way… the gesture of thinking to ask is important. And men struggle to understand that the vast majority of women aren’t going to feel comfortable speaking up about things on their own. In the same way that it is a man’s job to be receptive and encourage you to speak up about your feelings, it’s your job to do so.
so, the answer to your question is that it’s a little bit of a maturity thing, but mostly it’s a “that’s just how men are“ thing.
I read through some of the comments here and I see the same old pattern - they're blaming you for picking the wrong men. They just throw it back on you, because they don't like their gender being criticized.
I never dated guys who were not caring, did not treat me at least reasonably well. There were all sorts of issues, and young guys are flaky as shit, but they at least put in effort to try to be the guy they know they could/should be.
My advice is don't put up with shit, and date older. Which is no problem, because just about all guys like women younger than them.
sounds like you're talking to the wrong men! for a period of my life, i only met selfish guys. i was very depressed, and a lot of them would say “oh that sucks…” and/or try to sleep with me afterwards.
a good male friend or boyfriend DOES care, maybe you just haven't had luck finding them. but they do exist. i met them eventually, just hold onto humanity. 😮💨
Thank you for your positive response x I'm holding on x
bingo!
After my father got sick my ex increased his control and bullying tactics my best friend from age 5 disappeared. Both guys by the way.
At this point I didn't have female friends and any new ones I tried to make I found to be incredibly aggressive and very ruthless.
Modern society is cold.
I have managed to find someone I like but is he withe for the right reasons?
Yes, some guys and immature ones will run from sadness and pain and may lack training to give emotional support. Sadly, they were poorly trained as I was. That was hard for me for long time to stay in an "emotionally uncomfortable situation".
You will have to go to a church or somewhere where people are trained and find people who are empathetic and trained well for support.
sadly, you had to manage children when your father was ill. I hope you came out of it stronger. Yes modern society is cold and messed up, some of it. there are caring people. some of this may be cultural?
I don't understand the female friend response.
Women are incredibly competitive and striving to be successful In their careers so unfortunately they aren't very nice...
You only serve a purpose and that is to get them where they want.
As for guys I don't think every many think about anything when theyre growing up.
This guy is by no means perfect but I can see and hear from what he says and does that the mistakes he made was circumstantial and unfortunately due to a very poor start. But for now he is trying to turn a new leaf. I f that means I will benefit from being with a decent human then I'm all for it.
Failure and overcoming is a good sign.
I've seen supportive women, but yes, they are all competing somewhat. hoepfully you can find some good people of your calibre.
I really hope so... No man is an island
Opinion
59Opinion
Why are the men you meet so crap at caring? Probably because you aren't setting boundaries in the beginning and don't have a good picker. Maybe even look at red flags as yellow and probably think deep down this is what you deserve but still complain because the above is just simply too hard to do
I’ve been called a good person quite often. But I find I do this quite often too. For me personally I’ve wondered why I do it, I think it’s because of insecurities, after finally getting comfortable with someone I just find it’s easier to talk bout what happens in my head
Im a dude same as others and that repeated statement is true, our mental healths ignored, personally I find I’m not comfortable talking to my family about things as it’s oft ignored same with some friends. I find generally girls are happy to listen, it’s a different outlet for me and gives me someone to vent to rather then bottle it up.
It's good you're learning to open up. It's not emasculating or effeminate and doesn't make you a simp. It's better to be able to have a way to express some of the things that's going on in your head without it tearing you and others down.
For sure I just get overall anxious tho cause then I realise “oh I should ask them about them more often”, just I don't know it’s never occurred to go about doing this, I’ve had some girls get annoyed pissed off cause of how I’d handle things, makes me upset cause o do care I’m just I don't know shit at communicating, something to work on I guess 😅
I still get**
We're all learning. But it's something that I've noticed and really felt needed to be highlighted.
Depends on the guy. But if you’re sexist. You’re going to chase all the good men off. Which is why you’re stuck with the bottom of the barrel. It’s harsh. But it’s the truth.
I don’t want a sexist woman who has a problem with men. I do care. A lot of other men care. Some people are narcissistic. There are women who display these same behaviors.
I know that’s not all women and don’t hate all women.
It’s repulsive to a good man. When someone has a problem when men.
@PainusNdeeAnus you’re the guy who keeps finding my stuff and arguing
How am I a fag? I’m straight. I don’t bend that way. If anyone is the faggot. It’s you!
Hmm this sounds like a big miscommunication to me. If the woman is bothered by how the man is interacting with her, then it's important to tell him that she's bothered. Keeping quiet will only make things worse. Good communication is key to a successful relationship.
Of course if the guy still the same thing after being told what's wrong, then the issue persists.
To answer the question though, I'm sorry but I feel this is generalizing. SOME guys and some people do that. Everyone is different. Not every guy is selfish in a relationship like that.
I know it drives me nuts , I get treated horrible because I am hitting 30. They want that stupid younger woman that can't offer crap at the table. Men should ask them selfs this , This lady is sweet caring and loving yeah wife potential? She is the one? but NO. They all want stupid younger woman that dont know how to cook , clean or much
I don't know what people want
Because they're comfortable and can now show their true feelings or themselves. It happens a lot in relationships for men and women. You just get so use to each other that you feel lije you don't have to impress or go out of each other's way to feel special to each other again. That's the problem with relationships Sometimes, you gotta keep the spark going and maintain your love and intimacy for each other.
Because we´re differently wired and some of us show that in more and some in a less extreme way so to say. Meaning some guys have more problems showing empathy and compassion than others.
One of the problems is that many guys learn sublimely in life that a guy either asks for help or starts to talk if he has the need to, since we don´t communicate by body language we can´t read that if a woman tries to communicate using just that.
It’s the quality of the men you’ve been around, assuming you have treated him well and his behavior just changed from being comfortable. I’ve experience it too, but more so with men that aren’t really looking for much depth in the relationship or who are toxic.
It starts when men are made to feel worthless like their point of view or instinct is inherently wrong so they ignore the ways they can help because it’s always called out for being condescending to women when men help women. This is probably where is apathy is coming from. He is not going to naturally regain his sense of caring without being explicitly told what he should do first. As annoying as it is, you will have to have a talk with him about what you need from him. He is not going to figure this out on his own by giving him the silent treatment while you tell us, the internet, all the gory details.
Bad men don't care and Won't care. Good men however will. When I'm having a bad day or a problem I'll try to fix it myself, but he will do his best and find a way to get himself involved just to help me solve it. It's annoying sometimes, but he cares and that's what matters.
Seems like the men YOU pick are garbage. I know a bunch of guys who would never act like that with their girlfriend. Unfortunately it's the same guys you ladies are not attracted to. So I'm gonna have to stop you when you say men in general are like that. Because not all of us are.
Maybe because they are being themself and being real feeling like feeling home already.
If you don’t like it it’s better to break up because if you are looking for them to change it won’t happen.
Also you have flaws too.. but we aren’t aware of them.
I am the first to admit that I tend toward being more logical than emotional, but part of that logic includes being considerate of those whom I have chosen to love. In your situations, it sounds like you nailed it: they got too comfortable and took you for granted. The truth is that if they had truly loved you, they would have been focused upon what is best for you. Perhaps not every second of every day, but in general.
Its not our job our job is to and provide and protect kinda hard to care when your out hunting or fighting off would be harm to doers and food thieves
PS) men are expandable you can lose a lot of them and the population won't suffer women are the other are more important to the species population
Because women don't actually like it when men care. Women hate emotional men, they hate attentive men, and they hate needy men. If the guy you're on about started caring, you'd stop caring. The hilarious truth is women like be treated poorly, and men who treat women too well get stepped on by said women.
They ain’t, it’s ironical that 7 out of 10 women who claim they aren’t loved, cared for or have been cheated on treat their men as shit. How a man behaves is a reflection of a woman’s attitude towards his ego. Women, If you don't wanna to hurt a man's ego, treat him with respect, admiration and appreciation and he will treat you as a queen, unlock a man’s hurt. Otherwise be disrespectful, argumentative, equal, feminist, controlling and cease to exist.
Yep, because a woman's sole purpose in life is to make sure she strokes a man's "ego". You're 42 and think like this? Disgusting. This world will be so much better when the boomers kick the bucket
Seems to be common in men and I can't figure it out either. I know I'm attractive, but I keep getting passed up For men like that and remain single. I guess I'm just built different I would always make a woman feel loved, cared for, cherished, protected, and valued. So there are men out there that are not like that I guess we are just a rare breed
The good thing is only the ones you have been attracting are "so crap at caring". Meaning there are million men out there good at caring. Perhaps you should do better at attracting men who can provide the care you want.
Dating a caring man.
Generally I find if they have money they throw it around like that's a good replacement
Men naturally lack empathy. If their mothers don't teach them it as babies/childern they will never learn. They might be able to pretend for awhile to care just to get into the relationship but after awhile their true colors show.
Gosh makes them sound callous
It's more like they lack showing sympathy and you don't realize the empathy guys usually give it's because we give solutions instead of talking about feelings which your girls want. Our brains are hard wired differently
@Aiko_E_Lara nah its a proven thing that men lack empathy even as babies. I have 4 boys and have been slowly teaching them empathy from the time they were born.
It has nothing to do with giving solutions and all that when they're litteralltly doing it as babies that can't even speak yet.
It's obvious that nature made men this way but for our society it isn't healthy anymore for boys/men to be that way so they need extra help
Very true
Then i can also see what i said is also proven. And if you say it is proven just because you repeated what you just said, then i can just say that guys just seamless empathetic because we just show sympathy less. Nature made men the doer instead of the feeler/talker.
This is very useful advice abd if people stopped fighting it we could create positive change
Not that simple. If people never fault in the first place then we wouldn't be modernized. We would all still be living under a rock and get eaten by other predators
@Aiko_E_Lara babies don't sit there and debate their feelings and talk about them. Girls or boys. Yet girls are still showing empathy in other ways. Having empathy has nothing to do with talking about feelings...
Like what I said, it only seem like women are more empathetic it's because they show more sympathy which can easily be confused with empathy. Men just go straight to empathy which makes them seem like they're doing less effort in caring for someone. Think of it, it's men who were the providers, the responsible ones if anything happens to the family and the one who risks their life to feed the family. Empathy is not only limited to nurturing.
Cause they don't truly care, they just put effort in the beginning to reach their goal and once accomplished... well you know
Sometimes guys get stressed and they need to vent. Does this happen to you often?
I vent and sometimes rant especially around my period. The moment it comes and I resume normality I try to readdress any arguments with a clearer head.
I noticed some really do care and they can show it, some care and don't know how to show it, and others just don't
Good men have no trouble with caring... careless/selfish men do. Its not men, it's the kind of men. Unfortunately fathers aren't raising their sons like they used to..
What’s that shrill noise going off in the background Babe…you leave some water for tear boiling in the kettle…. don’t you hear that shrieking steam kettle sounds reverberating across the 🏡. Can you cut that off, Bay-Be…. . 💨 💨 💨 🫖 👩🏻
And I can say same for women. Different love languages I guess.
Oh wow but showing you care comes out in the different love languages. What I'm talking about is non of that!
What you just said is kind of true. I guess we guys also feel taken for granted. Honeymoon phase is over. It is difficult to keep love alive and one two must try.
Two must try.
What we can do is encourage them as oh I used to like the way you used to do that. Why don't you do that any more? Did I lost that much of respect in your eyes, why baby?
I hear you... I've been seeing someone for a while and he's scared of messing things up. He is a little awkward and he tries his hardest to do the right thing. Not because it doesn't come naturally but because I can see he really likes me. In the months we've spent together despite arguing he's talked to me about things and we've resolved it.
Other men those who also claim to be friends are rubbish at this... They offer kindness conditionally, once they become comfortable with you suddenly they turn into this flippant jerk, who excuses their behaviour with "well I'm a man!" why would anyone think that's acceptable even if you wish me happy birthday or renember I have a job interview. Is that really care or ah obligation? I'm
Probably feels and do as expected behavior. Some people are genuine and some are not. They just say it for sake of it of course without knowing.
Agreed. The young male ego is a terrible thing... That's all I'll say on that
All right ✅️, all the best
Thanks you too
Thanks for like!
Men aren't like that.
Assholes (male and female), are like that.
Stop dating assholes.
Also if you want that sort of stuff you also have to give it too.
I say they get a little too comfortable. Happens to the best of us. But yeah, it's mostly men problem.
Because woman in their lives were crap at explaining?
Crap people attract crap people, and it's a universal rule that women who are only capable of attracting crap men are always going to complain that all men are crap.
You need to invest in one of these...
Most women hate caring men, they want strong masculine men who will be a provider but not nurturers. Emotions and caring are seen as feminine qualities. Perhaps women in your age range do but not in my age range or lower. I haven't ever seen an actual one.
I got dumped after taking care of someone when she was sick or cooked and fed them for months only to hear that guys like me are womanly and good for later only.
You placed no value in a caring mate when selecting him, then lo and behold, he's not caring when you need him to be.
This is a question of your choices. Don't generalise men.
I’m very pleasant and caring to my wife and vice versa 🙂👍
My personal experience. If I care too much and ask a potential girlfriend too much about herself, then she will think I am a creep or desperate or not genuine. So I try to keep it to the minimal
"They just start talking, they no longer address you.
They don't ask how you are abd just talk about themselves and their needs."
Sounds like you're dating women.
everyone is crap at caring. women too. they can care for pets or babies but they don't care for men. they have no empathy for men. they just use them and are entiteled for him to give her stuff that she's not giving him back.
her back***
No such thing as "men" if it's happening to you then you need to be hanging around a better class of men
You can gender swap this for women, and it'd be just as accurate, if not way more so.
What men have you been dating? Neither me or my friends are like this.
I could ask you a similar question: Why do you women only care about money?
this is usually happen when there is another girl
You're over 30. Better get used to the fact that you have just blanketly rejected half of the population of the world.
OP, you really need to find some better men, and I hope you do. Also remember: only fools generalize. What you said sounds like those those assholes who think women are "overly emotional" or some crap.
Not every Guy is like that, But you Girls keep Dating the same type of Guy and avoiding the decent Guys so nothing's gonna change unless you change.
Trust me not all Men are the same
Men evolved to be hunters. You don't go after the mammoth in quite the same way, when it's at home and turned into steak.
In general women don't really provide any real value to men. This is an example of this. You have to take the initiative to add more value to a man if you want him to value you.
I talk about myself expecting from her to talk about herself too.
we are grown adults.
I’m not pampering a kid.
that's a blanket statement really that's human nature and for the men that really don't care it's because generally we see ya respond best when we don't
because we men know that you feelings and kind words don't do fuck all for when the work needs to get done. Bills don't pay themselves.
It’s the personality. Not all guys are like that. People say I’m a mystery so I guess I don’t show emotional.
Caring men who will listen and take care of you get stuck in the friend zone.
Men who actively ignore a girl or treat her badly often get rewarded with relationship/sex.
No it's because he's hurting and distancing himself from her so he doesn't get even more hurt by her
Oh please women are just as guilty as men in this respect, even more so.. To find your answers one need only look in the mirror.
I used to care. After 3 relationships, i can't even pretend
Because they don't care? You are not his priority, and he is not in the wrong for that. You just have way too high expectations or are around the wrong men. If he doesn't care he is simply not that into you.
Men aren't women. Stop being attention thirsty all the time
We don't have empathy, it's not natural for men to have it at all
Ohhh petty female gripes.
If you worry about nonsense, you will look like a fool.
The good ones aren’t
Why men should care for woman?
Where is woman empowerment here? 😜
Men are born with a lack of empathy.
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