I moved to a new city, used tinder, matched with a cute guy chatted a bit than he told me we should see each other, I agreed, suggested a day, and he never responded. Too bad. A few weeks later I get invited to a party at one of the few contacts I had in town and that same guy was at the party too. It was embarrassing but fun, we danced together and left with very good vibes. At the same party there was another guy who after a few drinks started hitting on me in an aggressive and unpleasant way, I tried to make it clear I wasn’t interested, but in a soft way as he is a good friend of this only girl I knew in town. Now, months later, both guys won’t talk to me and the dynamic isn’t completely clear for me. The second one (harassing one) insisted a lot we go on a date. I firmly said no and told him I wasn’t interested in dating him. When I saw him through this friends group, I was always polite to him. However, at a certain point, he unfollowed me from all social media without any real reason. The first guy, the tinder one, wrote to me a few times we should hang out and every time I said I’d like to and than he disappeared. When we saw each other through the friends group he was mostly shy/avoidant but always tried to come talk to me and suggest we should hang out. I noticed how he would always say bye to me as last to have the occasion to exchange a few words, or chose to sit next to me at dinners etc. At a certain point after more than 5 times he proposed to go out for drinks and than found an excuse not to go I wrote to him and gave him an “ultimatum” saying it had been long enough and we should see each other alone. He said he’d love to but than the day of the date he pussied out of it and now he only talks to me if we see each other but he never replied to my (friendly) messages afterwards and behaves weirdly even in group chats?
Two guys seemingly mad at me in the same group of friends, can someone help me understand?
Updates
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Relevant information I forgot: the harassing guy isn’t very attractive and I think he gets rejected a lot by girls, so I guess the fact he acts mad at me even if I was friendly with him is maybe due to the fact he is hating all the girls who ever rejected him through me? The other guy on revenge is the hot one of the group, girls are constantly flirting with him and he gets a lot of attention
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The Tinder guy doesn't want to commit himself to anything - even a date. He just wants attention at his own convenience - you know, exactly how a lot of women [not necessarily you] use Tinder. Clearly, he's not interested enough to date you, so forget about him and move on.
As for the other guy, who cares if he blocked you? You don't want him, so this works out in your best interest.
My advice is to delete all dating apps, focus on meeting people in person, and if you meet someone who is a flake, don't take it personally, just accept that they are a flake, forget about them, and move on.
You also mentioned "matched with a cute guy." If you're like virtually all women on Tinder, you only ever match with guys who are in the top 10% of attractiveness, because you ignore everyone else (another reason why Tinder is toxic). Those top 10% guys have tons of options with women, and it's very easy for them to not commit to a woman when they have 20 (or 50 or 100) other women readily available to them. If you keep choosing those guys, you'll keep choosing guys who have tons of options, and zero need to commit to anyone. Does that sound like a solid dating strategy to you? Me neither.
The tinder guy isn’t going go see you one on one. He’s not into you. The other guy isn’t worth your time as he doesn’t respect you. Does this help or did you wanna know more?
Uhm well I think I won’t see either of them one on one but I’m still puzzled by the behavior. It was the tinder guy who always proposed to hang out, I did it just once but otherwise it was always him. Why propose that if he doesn’t want to? And the other guy, I tried to “help” by being friendly and normal with him even if I had rejected him, so why make this huge scene and unfollow me on social media when we are still seeing each other regularly? That’s so childish
And thanks for your reply!
*what I don’t understand about the tinder guy is not why he won’t go out with me, but why he is almost not talking to me anymore/acting mad. I would understand if I had insisted to go on a date and had been annoying with it, but it was always him who proposed. That’s what I meant
You are welcome.
The tinder guy thinks that you are into him. (You are crushing him right?). That’s why he is suggesting you all go out but he thinks he’s being kind by doing that.
The other guy is playing the ‘nice guy’ role by trying to help as he is into you but he now feels rejected after you said no; thus why he unfollowed on social
The tinder guy isn’t mad. He just wants to slowly distance himself from you hoping you will not be into him anymore. As you said he gets a lot of attention from other girls and he likely is into someone else rn
Also you met the tinder guy on tinder. So you are not actually friends with him. Has he not been mutual friends you would have never seen him irl. He has to act nicely to you because you all share friends. But in his mind you are only into him romantically as that’s how you all met.
Lemme know if this helps with the mystery of why these guys are acting this way. Any anger you sense from them isn’t going to last