Does my boyfriend prefer to spend time playing rather than being with me?

[Anonymous]

Hello. I spend an amazing weekend with my boyfriend. The problem is we didn't see each other a whole week and we basically hang out like everyday. Now I have work and college so I am pretty stressed and every moment with him is a complete heaven. Today he told me that he's going to go home. I asked why, he told me that he need to do some paper work and later he told me that he will be playing games. I don't know why but I feel sad because of this. He had a whole week for himself and he can't stay a couple of extra hours with me? Tell me what do you think about this.

Updates

1 y

Hi guys, a small update. We talked and explain everything. I hope now everything will be better. Thanks for all the feedback, have a nice day! ❤️

[JesusChristItsBorn]

Probably not. Everyone needs some alone time once in a while. My partner understands that and also understands it's how I deal with me having mental issues. She understands that I need time for myself, but it's not because I think any less of her or don't want to be around her it's that if I've had a really hard day (like for example when my uncle passed) I need to be alone. I isolate so that I don't make a fool of myself and or hurt people around me due to my mental/emotional health issues.

[hahahmm]

Woman spends 5 days doing stuff she wants to do with girlfriends/alone. The second she is finished having all of her fun she goes to her boyfriend & says, "What are you doing!!! Why aren't you spending time with me and paying attention to ME? Are you cheating? Are you gay? Are you mad at me?"

Boyfriend: Believe it or not our schedules are not the same.

[AmyHew1tt]

He might just be an introvert. Even around people I like, (as an introvert myself) I find it really hard to spend more than a few hours at a time in someone else's company unless they don't mind us doing separate things.

Girlfriends vs video games has been a struggle since they were invented and depending on your communication levels, and his priorities, it can be extremely frustrating, especially in a long-term relationship.

[Kori1236]

Some people have different social requirements. His social battery may be empty and gaming is how he recharges or even just having some alone time. I wouldn’t take it personally unless it’s a constant habit. Maybe ask him if you can play with him. He might be open to teaching you how to play

[ArrowheadSW]

Well said. Interesting that you said that his "social battery may be empty"... Some of us are like that, when we are around others 24/7.

[Kori1236]

I’m honestly like that, it’s why I mentioned it. It doesn’t have anything to do with not loving my friends and family. Just exhaustion, and not having the physical or mental capacity to spend time with people.

[ArrowheadSW]

I used to date a lady who liked to entertain out of town guests all weekend. To me, it was draining because I had to spend the whole weekend at her house helping to entertain them, and not having any time to myself. Like you say, exhaustion...

[Kori1236]

Exactly. Just need time to recharge

[coachTanthony]

Yes especially if when you are with him bitch about him playing said video games.

[Anonymous]

A lot of guys have a video game addiction. It's like a social media addiction.

I am recovering from my gaming addiction. Many people don't take gaming, porn, or social media addiction seriously.

And the companies that produce the games work with psychologists, so they know how to get you hooked on these media.

https://aeon.co/essays/if-the-internet-is-addictive-why-don-t-we-regulate-it

[Man-O-Metal]

Guys need time to themselves and time with their friends. If he has no choice but to spend all of his spare time with you, he'll get bored. You have to learn how to spend spare time away from him. It's not healthy to expect to be with him every second you're both free. You develop an obsession and then he'll actually be bored of you. You need time to miss each other. So give the guy an inch. Don't go crazy over it.

[VIVANT]

She didn’t ask him to spend all his time with her. They hadn’t seen each other for a week and she wanted a few more hours. People do need different amounts of time to themselves to decompress, and maybe they have needs that are different to a point it’s a bad match. Or maybe she’s noticing a change in his behavior. Or something else. she didn’t ask advice on how to be in a relationship, she asked opinions on if he seems her uninterested. Assuming it’s bc she wants to spend a few extra hours isn’t helpful bc in healthy relationships people should he able to ask for what they need. And he able to deal with what the other person needs. It seeks as if you’re adding things to this that are not there to satisfy a prejudice you have about women.

What if this was a guy asking about a woman? Bc this does happen in reverse. Then you can’t just say ‘guys need time to themselves’, you’d have to say different people need l different amounts of personal time. So why not just start that way 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Man-O-Metal]

Awesome. I'll keep that in mind next time.

[Ndyaaum]

Video games aren’t reality and I’m a video gamer.. but when I was playing games I still gave him attention.. so it’s definitely not a guy thing it’s more of I don’t see my girlfriend as a priority

[CallmeTheKnight]

He doesn't have to spend all his time with you. Geez, get a grip of yourself. The dude has his own life as well. He wants to handle some paperwork and play the game.
It's not good to be clingy the way you are because it can be smothering. So just relax. He'll come back, but let him enjoy time to himself sis. You can always go see if you wanna be under him so bad.

[AmyHew1tt]

She isn't asking for all his time though. As she said, they hadn't seen each other in the week.

[CallmeTheKnight]

A week isn't a long time. He needs his space.

[AmyHew1tt]

It is for her. That's the point. You don't need to agree, but some sympathy won't hurt. It can be a bit of a cut to think your boyfriend would rather spend time with a game set than you, after not even a full weekend together.

[CallmeTheKnight]

She needs to understand that people have a life of their own. She could've resolved this on her own by talking to the boy instead coming on here. She doesn't need sympathy, she needs to understand space is important for both people.
The more time he spends with her, the less time he'll spend on the things that he has to really focus on. Plus she's in school... That's a bigger priority than a boyfriend.

[AmyHew1tt]

I agree it would be a good idea for her to speak to him. And yeah, space is definitely important, and so is school. I know most guys are really into games, and they are important to them. But the fact that they matter more than the living breathing human being who wants his company is a tough thing to swallow. A weekend with her isn't going to take away much from his life.

Still, yes, I think they do need to talk and figure out each other's priorities. If nothing else, it will make clear whether he's a good investment for the future.

[CallmeTheKnight]

She can go to him. What she's saying is not really valid at all. If he enjoys playing games, she can play with him. They will grow together more they play together. This is the guy she chose as a boyfriend and knew he played video games. Let's not forget he had work to do as well, so he's responsible. He don't got to leave the comfort of his place all the time just to see her. He can do as he wishes during his free time. And no it wouldn't hurt for him to spend a weekend with her, but it wouldn't hurt for her to spend a weekend with him either. I'm just being real about it.
On the topic of video games, women have always had this issue with them. It's a hobby and it helps unwind after long days. A lot of video games are fun and have great stories within them. Why do you think so many people enjoy them? They're actually pretty fun.

[AmyHew1tt]

Yeah, playing together wouldn't hurt. Unless she doesn't like playing, which isn't always the case but often is.

I do see what you're saying, and I agree he's entitled to his free time and doing what he wants with it. And yes, I can understand the appeal of video games. But it's often the lack of balance that is upsetting. He can enjoy them and get invested in them, but often he ends up getting more invested in the games than he does in the relationship. As someone with a father who games constantly to unwind, I can attest to it being one of the main points of conflict between him and my mom, and often being overlooked, with real-life set aside for it.

But back to the conversation, I really think the best thing is for her to talk to him. Maybe figure out designated times for visits and games, so one doesn't overlap the other.

[Aaron03]

I feel like he isn’t intentionally doing it to you. Guys and girls are wired differently. He looks at spending the weekend with you and, not in a bad way, thinks “we just spent the whole weekend together and it was amazing, but I gotta spend some time to myself” or whatever, not thinking your side of it.

[CrazyGirl2]

Okay, well I was all set to give you advice, but your update seems to indicate you no longer need it. Good luck.

[Summeroflove]

I don’t know. I would speak to him about how you feel. But he has the right to choose what he does with his time.

Just talk to him about it. Maybe he had work to do and then play video games later?

[CubsterShura]

In a healthy relationship, he should be making time for both. Maybe he thinks he is giving you enough time, if you don't then talk about it with him, tell him that you would like him to give you more time and see where things go.

[Guy13]

Games/Girl is an inverse relationship. Guys/Girls of Convenience scare me.
It is one thing if a test or online meeting 8:30am meeting presentation etc.

[lightbulb27]

well, maybe he's a bit introvert and he needs "him" time, ya know. It's ok I think. But good communication is in order...

[Googlemyahoo]

Play games with him? I remember trying to get my wife into WOW. She took like two hours to select her characters hair. Once in game she didn’t want to kill any of the low lvl creatures. I gave up.

[Alwayreckles93]

Dump his ass. Get yourself matter real adult men that can actually interact with you and not play like a 8 year old.

[Mtbgirl]

Omg. That’s a guy think. My ex use to be like that too. Maybe we are just too needy? Lol.

[Asker]

Maybe lol

[Anonymous]

I told my girlfriend I was going to be busy playing my x box last year during no nut November, she started walking around topless, then she started masturbating with a vibrator.

[Mangospacho]

Sometimes playing video games has a de-stressing effect. He probably just needed a way to unwind while being alone. It’s pretty common and nothing against you.

[TheSpaceGnome]

If you don't enjoy playing video games, why are you dating a gamer?

Gamers prefer other gamers.

[User3191989]

Meanwhile. You have people who are still single and you’re complains about how much you get to see your boyfriend

[Danny_dan92]

So basically you want him to designate every minute of HIS free time to spend it with you?

[eagleboss09]

I would say give him space it's okay I don't believe he's running from you

I myself needed 2 days for video games the girl was clingy

[Anonymous]

people need their alone time... don't take it so personally...