Why isn’t My son interested in dating/girls?

Question

My sons a senior in high school he graduates this spring. He’s never had a girlfriend or been on a date. I know he likes virus finds them attractive! He tells me all the time he likes that girl or this girl looks hot. I’ve totally caught him checking out girls. I laugh and say I caught you! But he doesn’t really pursue any girls. Is this normal? Aren’t boys that age usually like girl crazy?

Lawndrawn · Accepted Answer

(This is a great big wall of text with the first paragraph being actually relevant, apologies in advance lmao) It's quite possible he may already have someone he has his eye on, or has already been trying. It's also plausible he's tried to ask girls out in the past with bad experiences. You mix that in with the current dating climate and the string of negatives such as the #metoo movement and it can put you off. Go on a dating platform (any really; tinder OkCupid, POF) and pretend to be an 18 yo guy, have a scroll through and to see for yourself.

I'm 22 and never had a girlfriend or any form of relationship but I did try a few times in person between middle school and senior. "No" and "ew" were okay but being the laughing stock for a year after one girl told the entire class was enough to put me off doing that face to face again lol. Overhearing one girl talk about how gross I was and needing to wash her hands after touching me in a school play further concreted that one. I was never an attractive lad which didn't help, but was never an outcast and developed good friendships throughout school.

Fast forward a few years of on and off dating sites and I'm currently watching a relative get dragged through the mud over a false sexual assault allegation from a recent relationship. Lost his job, small town so shattered his reputation, court, lawyers, police, the whole works. You hear stories about #metoo and false allegations but seeing it happen to someone you love is something else. It's gut wrenching. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

My father passed when I was young, whether this has something to do with my difficulty finding a relationship or not I'm not sure. I've always had a lot of anxiety but I guess I'm "manly" in the sense otherwise (got the toolshed to prove it haha). My mother was incredibly supportive growing up, although I can see some of the wrongdoings she's put my stepfather through and isn't quite the angel I used to think she was but I still love her and always will.

I'm definitely not angry at all women, I love them and I still really hope to find the right person someday. I really want a family of my own which again seems to further put women off. But after seeing everything that's happened around me and how much difficulty and heartbreak I'd have to go through just for the 50/50 chance of either being loved or dragged through the mud, there comes a point where you have to ask yourself "why am I bothering, am I helping myself or hurting myself by trying?". It hurts like hell saying that but you've gotta think logically. Deleting dating apps did me wonders. Focus on yourself, your health, your job, your hobbies, things you love doing, go out and explore the place, leave your phone at home and go for a beach walk, try a new food etc (yeah yeah generic lifecoach spiel I know lol). If I stumble into the one then hey I'd love a companion, but I'm not going to hold myself against it if I don't or worse still force myself into a relationship I'll regret. A lot of guys I think are going that way, and it's gonna need to be women who prove us wrong.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think it’s because so many guys have no social skills any more because of social media and smartphones. People barely speak to one another in person anymore; we handle more and more relationships on the internet than in real life now.

Paulalove98 · Accepted Answer

Maybe dating isn't a huge priority for him right now. Checking girls out and finding them hot is one thing, but dating/finding a relationship is another step and thing so could be possible he's waiting for college maybe even after. I know guys at my job in their 20s who are barley dating and they didn't do much dating at 17 or 18 either.

melanieeeB · Accepted Answer

He is still young, why pressure him or he is seing people but not telling you 🤔

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Have you met girls? They ain't all they're cracked up to be. They're insanely stressful to be around, they cost a lot of money, and they will invariably try to destroy your reputation the instant anything goes sideways.

Anonymous · Answer

First a couple of questions, has any close family member or friend gone through a divorce? While your son has been able to watch how men are treated during a divorce? If he has, then he's probably decided that dating etc is not for him at the moment.
He is by no means alone, there are a significant number of lads his age who have decided to focus on their education/career path, and avoid any relationship entanglements, #METOO certainly will not have helped given the way men were attacked in the court of public opinion.
I'd suggest you watch these three video's they might give you some insight into his thinking, though you may not like the way the host puts thing across;

DenizLikesTennis · Answer

My best bet is that he either might have fear of intimacy or lacks social skills (social anxiety). Bringing him to a therapist is a good idea but a lengthy process.. it might take a while...

Do you have any other family members that can replace the dad role? Uncle, or your brothers? What about your new boyfriend? Does he have any connection to him?

And the case that he likes watching you both making out... and I see that you are a passionate kisser, no any big deal... that might be an indicator of his sexual phantasy... everyone has it.

Your house, your family, your own rules, you decide what you like and what crosses the line. So therefore he should be fine

The_Shadow_Dweller · Answer

Girls that age are more or less, crazy. Mixed feelings and all. He may have understood that and decided to not do anything regarding girls at the moment.

He may have plans for girls when he is in university or something. Girls around 21, 22. That range.

He stopping, just at checking girls out, means his priorites are sorted in his head, proof of self control, or just not interested in relationships altogether. But still early to say that.

There is a difference between friendship and relationship. You cannot confuse him interacting/friends with any girl, therefore.

My approach was a bit practical one. As other users said, he may just be a shy kid.

SnowedIn · Answer

It may just not be his priority. Or he's never had one "click". That's okay. My boy didn't show much interest in girls until he was 19. The other one not until he was 16. They're all different. Just love him and accept him and give him safe spaces to be him.

WindAtMyBack · Answer

I don't know the stats on how many guys have dated by that age, but I think he's not abnormal. It's very difficult for a young guy to ask girls out. I think it only comes naturally to a small percentage of guys, and the rest have to work at it. Some guys are never able to do it.

I wouldn't be too concerned about it. He's probably more normal than you think. He might be shy, but that's normal too when it comes to girls.

Anonymous · Answer

For a majority of teen boys yes women tend to be the main focus. But there are teens who would rather put their self first as far as school, maybe college especially if he’s a good athlete. It’s possible he’s seen how girls treat his friends, maybe a family member who was divorced. Maybe he feels as though they’re too much drama. I know I did when I was his age. Maybe it would just complicate his life too much. No offense but teen girls can be full of drama at that age. It’s like having a second full-time job if you have a full-time job already. The emotions, call me, text me, why didn’t you text me, etc, etc. I think you should be happy he’s not crazy over girls right now. Let him figure out his life w out adding more complications to it.

Poliker · Answer

I did not express any emotion about the opposite sex to my parents because they actively discouraged me from viewing the opposite sex since around 7 years old. If I had a friend named Carl, I would tell my parents about my friend Carla. I don't know if you had a more open relationship with your son, but maybe he just does not want to talk about that with his mom. Or maybe he does not find the girls at his school attractive like that.

Pyrofox · Answer

High school girls are worse more often than not than college ones. 🤧 When ya find out what they are packing enough bodies to fill a graveyard ya kinda quit feeling bad your children or niece or nephews ain't chasing them. 🤣 Plus high school is more like an elaborate cover-up for drama school.

abc3643 · Answer

I didn't get my first girlfriend until I was a senior in high school. She was a friend before that, but she is the one who, much to my surprise, took it to the next level by unexpectedly French kissing me.

Look, your boy doesn't play for the other team (not that there's anything wrong with that); he just needs to have a harmonic convergence of circumstances for him. It will happen. Do not worry.

Anonymous · Answer

Christian straight camp is best for you. I was a Councillor in one, it's where I met my wife. Various conversion treatments are used to help you walk on the straight and narrow path. Hours of prayer, counciling, religious study, canning, spanking, paddling, aversion therapy, Psychoanalysis, Hypnosis water boarding and marraige therapy.

jayhams · Answer

I was like that. Besides physical attraction girls at that age girls weren't appealing. I found that however you want to word it they weren't mature. Mature might not be the right word but I didn't find enough things in common at that age to justify a relationship. Also at that age I didn't see a point in starting a relationship I knew wasn't going to last. Teen girls tend to be an emotional mess and are too influenced by peers to be thereselves.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

He could just be shy, or not quite sure yet how to approach a woman. A lot of high school seniors haven't dated yet. Fairly normal.

SmasherJosh5000 · Answer

Probably not a fan of the western girls especially the party girls or not his type of women. If you want to help him, if your father and brothers are around or his fathers male family members are around then they need to help him if he is interested in girls, it's better for him to talk to a male about this because a male can help him with because they understand male nature much better than you ever will

YourFavoriteFriend · Answer

Cause they are terrible to be around. He'll start getting interested into hooking up and friends with benefits in the future. But most of us these days grow up to not have high hopes of finding a girl for a LTR.

Gaibriel · Answer

Probably just shy or nervous and doesn't know how to approach girls or feels insecure. It's normal and many HS teens do not date. It's more so in college they find their confidence.

exitseven · Answer

Maybe he is really shy. I was afraid to ask a girl out. Even when I knew they liked me I was still afraid. Maybe he needs a little nudge.

Sour-rose · Answer

Well he probably ain't me sooo maybe he's just biding his time. (Queen asexual rose here) trying to see the which one he REALLY wants.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

My cousin Vaughn he turned 16 last year, but he doesn't like girls either so who knows this year 2023 he will turn age 17 almost ready to graduate.

CharlieDMX · Answer

Nothing to worry about. He's a late bloomer. It happens (I got my first girlfriend at 22, for example). He just hasn't found anyone that interests him above the things he's doing right now he will, in time.

nawtee_me · Answer

What is his role model? I mean if he looks at you and your boyfriend as a model to start with then he will never find that in girls his age will he?

msc545 · Answer

He just might be smart enough to have realized what a total waste of time dating is for men. OR - perhaps he is attracted to men and just has not told you as yet.

bowenw · Answer

I was girl crazy a that age but also super shy and awkward.

Anonymous · Answer

Wow, smart guy. You should be more concerned whether he's discovered his life purpose...

Andres77 · Answer

Maybe he just has a low self esteem and is really shy.

User3191989 · Answer

My dad didn't have his first girlfriend, until he was in college too. He's married 35+

Likes2drive · Answer

Maybe he is shy or just doesn’t know how to approach them

Cubus · Answer

The fact that he doesn't have a girlfriend doesn't mean he doesn't want to have one.

Anonymous · Answer

Probably kinda shy or just not outgoing enough, and a lot of guys are just not into having to be the initiators

WhiteBoyChill · Answer

Well for starters, does he have guy friends he gets with regularly?

Anonymous · Answer

How many of them are really guys? And those who aren't say they are guys or non-binary?

Summeroflove · Answer

Because maybe he isn’t ready yet.

MadKez · Answer

Some are, or he might be gay

Anonymous · Answer

he's gay maybe

Why isn’t My son interested in dating/girls?

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