Hey everyone, my heart is breaking and I need some advice.
My fiancé and I are both 28 years of age and have been living together for the past two years as our wedding was delayed due to COVID.
Throughout our 2.5 year relationship, my fiancé has been manipulated and controlled by his parents. Whenever they want him, he drops everything for them. He also is paying their hefty mortgage as they are in financial trouble.
Most recently, I have been going through some health issues with severe, chronic nausea and dizziness to the point where I panic and feel extremely unwell. Even though I told him to hold off on making plans, he planned to go see a movie with his parents and I. On the day of the movie, my health problem kicked in. I was in tears and had my head in a bucket feeling extremely sick to my stomach. Although he admitted that he should have, he did not cancel on his parents and left me alone, and when I get like this, my doctor told me I need someone with me until we figure out the true cause of my problem.
Today, the same issue happened. I asked him he could stay with me instead of going to see his parents before going to work. He stayed for a little while but then proceeded to tell me that due to bad traffic, he doesn’t want to be late for work. I asked him if he was going to go to his parents before work and he explicitly told me ‘NO’.
I checked iShare, and BOOM. There he is. At his parents without even telling me. He lied to my face.
I really do want to marry my fiancé, but my heart is breaking because I just feel like he’s not there for me like a husband should be.
What would you do in my situation?
My fiancé and I are both 28 years of age and have been living together for the past two years as our wedding was delayed due to COVID.
Throughout our 2.5 year relationship, my fiancé has been manipulated and controlled by his parents. Whenever they want him, he drops everything for them. He also is paying their hefty mortgage as they are in financial trouble.
Most recently, I have been going through some health issues with severe, chronic nausea and dizziness to the point where I panic and feel extremely unwell. Even though I told him to hold off on making plans, he planned to go see a movie with his parents and I. On the day of the movie, my health problem kicked in. I was in tears and had my head in a bucket feeling extremely sick to my stomach. Although he admitted that he should have, he did not cancel on his parents and left me alone, and when I get like this, my doctor told me I need someone with me until we figure out the true cause of my problem.
Today, the same issue happened. I asked him he could stay with me instead of going to see his parents before going to work. He stayed for a little while but then proceeded to tell me that due to bad traffic, he doesn’t want to be late for work. I asked him if he was going to go to his parents before work and he explicitly told me ‘NO’.
I checked iShare, and BOOM. There he is. At his parents without even telling me. He lied to my face.
I really do want to marry my fiancé, but my heart is breaking because I just feel like he’s not there for me like a husband should be.
What would you do in my situation?
Updates
1 y
I have told him numerous times that I feel like I come second to his parents. This is not news to him, yet he still continues to act like this.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
Him lying to you, is wrong. You are aware of the issue, and he doesn't appear to want to change it.
I can understand why you would feel upset, I went through a harsh period last year, where I was treated with prednisone and other medications which destroyed my immunesystem, and being in that position left me feeling a bit vulnerable, so I think it hurts even more, when people aren't there for you, when you're feeling like that, in my personal experience.
I think more importantly, you two should be able to talk about this, and be open to changing some dynamic in your relationship, so both of you can feel like your needs are met, and if you cannot, it might be a hard marriage.
I’m so sorry you went through a similar situation. I appreciate your advice. Thank you!
My guess is he can tell its getting to you and he's telling you already who he is prioritizing. By lying and the fact you haven't caught on that his parents are gonna be your in laws to me tells me he doesn't really trust you at all. From the way you speak you speak like an outsider something is going on here that you definitely aren't telling us the full story.
You have definitely received the full story. I can promise you that. He seems to be afraid of his parents’ reaction all the time. I realize they are going to be my in laws. However, in marriage, the wife and family you create together comes first. That’s just what I believe.
Ever heard the phrase "blood is thicker than water?"
Your heart should be broken. Talk to him about everything. Ask why he thinks it is okay to lie to his partner and why he isn't there for you in your time of need. It may be a blessing to have seen his true colors before you were married.
I totally agree. Thank you.