My boyfriend broke up with me because he said I was too quiet. How can I get over this and do guys like shy/quiet girls?

[Anonymous]

I'm a little reserved, and I'm bad at initiating some affection in relationships. I just wasn't used to it growing up and had some bad times, so sometimes I just stand there bc I don't know what to do and I get a little bit awkward. Def my fault but that's me sometimes.

My boyfriend broke up with me because he said I was quiet and that he was quiet too so it wasn't working. I feel like we were definitely drifting apart but couldn't he have tried?

Ever since this, I've been extremely self conscious about how reserved I am. I never noticed it before. I'm not a "shy" person; I love going out, and talking to people, and having a good time. I'm just a little quiet/reserved when it comes to meeting new people, and giving affection, and I keep to myself. I'm not "crazy" so I'm pretty conservative with touching people, being extravagant etc.

So what do guys think of girls like this? How can I improve myself so the next guy doesn't think I'm closed off or distant or whatever? I don't mean to be. I just don't know how to reach out and touch a guy, etc and I'm a little quiet. I love giving gifts, and words of affection, acts of service, talking, quality time/eye contact etc. I'm also a good texter/conversationalist. I'm just a little quiet and because I'm shy with affection means I'm closed off and not good enough?

What can I do to improve, and do any guys like personalities like mine? How can I change?

Thanks for your advice in advance!

[Starbers99]

I've noticed that shy/quiet/reserved men tend to like talkative and more extroverted women. They rely on them to make conversation and bring them out of their shell. I don't think it makes any difference to men if you're shy/quiet/reserved etc. either - people like who they like. I like quiet/reserved men and I think a lot of men might like similar women.

I wouldn't rule out a different reason but one he didn't want to share with you - if you're not great at initiating or showing affection then I think that is the reason. People like people who make them feel wanted/loved and being quiet/shy in general wouldn't necessarily stop you being warm/affectionate/forward when it's just the two of you. I think he might have been looking for someone who is more extroverted and who brings him out of his shell. If he's a little boring, awkward and reserved with conversation and affection himself, he's looking for that person who will make him feel alive, is 'fun', talkative and forward.

I know it hurts for him to say that to you but maybe you weren't a good fit and now you're free to get to know someone who makes you more talkative, someone more extroverted and attractive to you that you can't help but be more talkative and affectionate. There's nothing wrong with you, some people will be able to bring that side of you out, you just need to find him. This guy's probably done you a favour, now you can look for someone who suits you and complements your personality.

[Asker]

Thank you so much!!! This answer was so helpful and I loved this!!❤️❤️

[Starbers99]

You're welcome - glad I could be of help! X

[CubsterShura]

It sounds less like there is anything wrong with you and more like you and your ex were simply not compatible. I am quite an outspoken, bold and straightforward person with an independent mind and I never do well with men who feel the need to outdo me because otherwise, they don't feel like real men. They usually 'neg' me (negging is a type of emotional manipulation where you make someone feel bad about themselves so that they start looking up to you) and now I can smell that behavior from miles away.

Don't be apologetic about who you are. Now, communication in a relationship is important regardless of how reserved you are. There are tons of resources online where you can learn to improve that side of you for free (I like Ana Psychology and Psychology in Seattle on YouTube, the latter also has Spotify podcasts). It could help you navigate your mind and identify why you feel that way. If you want to take things further, try counseling. None of us are perfect, but we work to better ourselves.

[DaveJord]

I don't there is an old saying; "never trust the quiet ones" or " beware of the quiet ones".

The shy thing is cute at first, but it gets old fast. Guys in general tend to think when they are talking, and you say nothing that you are agreeing with them. But people like feedback, and they want honest feedback... they want to know how you really feel. The do not want to hear, what you think they want you to say... the want to really know what you're thinking.

If takes you days to find the courage to actually speak for yourself form your own perspective and give an honest opinion... LAME!

I mean you sound supper self-conscious, and men do not find that very attractive either, and your reserved about touching and showing affective on top of not talking...

Okay let me ask you this, what is it that you feel that you do offer a man?

[lightbulb27]

The greatest motivator to change is wanting something.

The honest answer is to take a genuine interest in other people and then practice. All of this is training and probably results of "trauma" from early life. So evaluate the root sources and resolve those and then set new patterns.

People only change when they put in effort.

Yes he could have made more effort.

[FilmGuy93]

The thing is; he thinks he did try. The problem was that you weren't making enough of an effort for him. You have get your self confidence issues worked out.

[Asker]

Ok..!

[FilmGuy93]

It's easier than it sounds, I promise! Just get real about your traumas and why you behave the way you do.

[Mybeachlife8888]

I’m sure it has a lot more to do with other factors than just how quiet you are. Do you ever initiate BJ’s. Do you ever send him a sexy text or pic? Do you ever open up to him about the dirty things you think about him? Being quiet is fine, I would say I think a lot of men would agree that being quiet isn’t the worst thing.

[Vikkrram]

See it's not about a question of shy girls or quiet one , but it's about returning affection and love that one is giving to you.

I know that you love someone too much but if you don't show it to them then how one would get an idea. If you are angry wid someone then you show it to them by behaviour so same goes wid love also.

[exitseven]

You need to be more open to people. It was a big problem for me.

[Asker]

Thank you!!! This was helpful, thanks

[aaron210419]

There's nothing wrong with being reserved and quiet. You shouldn't feel like you need to change your whole personality for someone so shallow, or anyone for that matter. You should always seek self improvement but don't pretend to be something or someone you're not.

[Pohjolan]

Just move to Finland and you are the extroverted one.

[Wise4myage]

You should have thanked for not wasting any more of your time.

[Wise4myage]

Nothing wrong with girls who are quiet.

[Luckycharms12]

You ever think he wanted to broke up eiyh you and made up an excuse

[Danny_dan92]

Well this makes no sense

[HugeDikEng]

I bet you moan really loud in bed.

[Anonymous]

I like quiet women.