Why does my boyfriend always have to remind me how lucky I am?

[Anonymous]

He will say things to me like “one of the differences between you and your friend Kate is her guy would never do x, y, z for her”. I just feel like he does these things but then has to remind me how like lucky I am.

Then he’ll say things like “if you ever cheated that would be it you’d be out the door” and it makes me feel horrible because we’ve been together a few years now and he should know I’d never do that to him! Then on the other hand sometimes he says things like “I honestly would never ever leave you”.

What’s the deal here? I feel like he’s become a bit more cocky and I don’t know if it’s actually masking low self esteem or he’s actually become arrogant.

[spartan55]

Maybe because you never tell him you appreciate what he does for you.

[Asker]

I do though 😊 sometimes I feel like I’m over the top! I buy him little presents and cards and write him notes etc

[spartan55]

I'm not talking about presents. Appreciating what he does for you.

[spartan55]

If you do that, then I couldn't tell you why. For some reason he doesn't feel appreciated. Maybe ask him?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he’s insecure and scared that you’ll leave or hurt him, and because of that feel the need to always remind you of how lucky you are - so you won’t leave or cheat. It’s not really about you, it’s about his fears.

[boggboss]

Clearly feels under appreciated or thinks he is much better then u

[Asker]

I appreciate the heck out of him! I do so much for him and objectively speaking I am “better” than him. A lot of my friends think I have “lowered” myself to be with him and that he is a bit controlling because he’s scared I’ll leave him.

[boggboss]

So clearly he is reflecting his insecurities om you and trying to make u feel like u can't do better what u don't get is why u haven't set boundaries as its crazy he thinks he can say this and show u no respect

[Asker]

I am a bit of a pushover tbh when it comes to this stuff. I’ve just started seeing a counsellor. I tend to attract people like this

[boggboss]

Then good luck I guess if your not able to stand up for yourself I don't think u should be in relationships as your asking on here why hebis being toxic essentially whilst knowing these are then men u get in relationships with

[Asker]

I can stand up for myself but there’s moments I don’t recognise what’s going on and that’s easy to say don’t get in a relationship but once you’re in one that started out great it’s very hard to get out when things change

[boggboss]

I never said its easy but you are in a relationship where your partner is 100% fine putting u down either this will get worst or this is it because from what u say your are not standing up for yourself so he won't change is this the type of relationships u was yo be in for the rest of your life

[MrHopper]

Yeah some sort of issue with him self, i think he is seeking validation and wants to feel you appreciate him? just guessing.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he doesn’t feel appreciated or he’s a narcissist.

[Anonymous]

Oh I know people like that, I hate it. I'd dump him if I were you.